Jerden had heard enough. “That does it,” he growled. “I’m not leaving you alone again.”
“Don’t be silly. You can’t be with me all the time.”
“I could if we were married,” Jerden said bluntly. “I’d never leave your side.”
This proposal was too blatant for even Sara to ignore. However, the only indication that she grasped his meaning was a tiny little choke, from which she recovered quickly. “Nonsense. Even married people aren’t together all the time. They’d drive each other crazy.”
He summoned up his best lady-killer smile and aimed it right at her. “Prove it.”
“What?”
“Marry me and try to drive me crazy.”
She glanced at him with a derisive arch to her brow. “That doesn’t sound too hard. You’re halfway there already—maybe even closer than that, come to think of it.”
Jerden wasn’t sure where the idea had come from—a moment before, he’d have counted himself lucky to be able to hold her hand—but like most of his better notions, this one had come to him straight out of the blue. “Trust me, I’m not insane—and I’ve been there, so I know what I’m talking about. If you’ll just take a minute to consider the idea without whatever it is about men that you can’t stand getting in the way, you’ll see that it’s the perfect solution to your problem.”
“Which problem? How to drive you crazy?”
“No, how to keep Nate from harassing you anymore—and you can do that by marrying me.” Jerden took full advantage of her speechless state and continued to blast away her resistance. “You can think of it as a marriage of convenience if you like. If your complaint about men is that you have to have sex with them, you won’t have to worry because my dick doesn’t work, and with your scent stuck in neutral, it never will. You’ll get a full-time bodyguard and Bonnie won’t try to fix you up with every new guy that comes along.”
Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What’s in it for you?”
“I won’t have every Zetithian-hungry girl in the quadrant chasing after my hot little ass, and you and I won’t have to fight over who gets to keep this horse.” He grinned. “And I’d have the perfect excuse to mop up the floor with Nate if he ever bothers you again.”
She stared at him for the space of about ten heartbeats and then let out a shaky laugh. “You really are crazy, aren’t you?”
At least she’s laughing. Jerden had never been quite so blunt with a woman before and couldn’t have predicted how well it would work. Sara was different, though. There was a good chance it had been the right tactic. “Outrageous perhaps, but not crazy.”
“Sounds like a match made in heaven.”
It wasn’t a definite yes, and her dry tone held a dash of sarcasm. Wait for it…
She frowned, biting her lower lip in a manner that was both innocent and sensuous. Jerden held his breath. “No sex?”
“Not unless you want it, and believe me, I’ll be able to tell if you do.”
She nodded slowly, staring straight ahead. “You’re right about that being part of the problem. There are other things, though. Things that still hurt.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Things I don’t even like to think about.”
“I won’t hurt you, Sara. I’ve told you that before. And if I ever do, whether it’s intentional or not, you can slap the shit out of me. In fact, I insist on it.”
She turned to face him then, only the barest hint of a smile indicating that she’d heard him. In another instant, it was gone. “Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying. I’m perfectly serious.”
“I know. I mean ever.”
So, trust is the issue. “I won’t lie.” Starting right now… “But I do have two requests. Physical contact is not only natural for Zetithians, it’s essential to our well-being. I need to be able to touch you, hold you, even kiss you. Yesterday, when I picked you up and carried you into the house, I realized that, along with something else.” Pausing for a deep breath, he took the plunge. “I’ve never loved anyone and no one has ever loved me. I want to experience that before I die. Don’t refuse to let it happen between us.”
She chewed her lip thoughtfully, then shook her head. “That doesn’t sound like a marriage of convenience.”
“Actually, it’s the most convenient marriage of all. If and when we do fall in love—or even make love—we’ll already be married.”
“But what if only one of us falls in love? That would be worse than never loving each other at all.”
Jerden knew he was the only one who would suffer in that event. But if he told her now, she’d never believe him. “That’s the chance we have to take.”
She nodded. “True. We could be making a terrible mistake, though.”
“It doesn’t have to be permanent, Sara. If it becomes unbearable, we can end it.” He nudged Danuban and the stallion obligingly stepped sideways, moving close enough to Sara that their knees touched. Reaching out, he placed his hand over hers, surprised at how cold it felt. “But I don’t think that’s how this will turn out. Promise me you’ll at least think about it.”
Sara snorted a laugh. “How could I not think about it? It’s not like I get proposed to every day of the week.”
He couldn’t help smiling at her jest, although, in his opinion, it ought to have been the truth. “Is that what it’ll take? Proposing to you every day? If so, I think I can handle that.”
She shot him an exasperated look. “No need for that. I do appreciate the offer, and I have to admit, I thought pretending to be interested in each other was a good idea—at least until I talked to Bonnie this morning. She didn’t believe a word of it.”
“I wondered about that. She never admitted it, but I had my suspicions.”
“She said she wanted to hear my side of the story before she said anything to you, especially since I was the one who was acting so out of character.” She shook her head. “I don’t know about getting married, though. Seems kinda drastic.”
“It might take something drastic to eliminate both of our problems, especially yours. I doubt if Salan would be as persistent as Nate, but if you like, we could just keep on saying we were dating.”
“Which means we’d actually have to go on a date.” She paused chewing on the thumb of her riding glove. “Somewhere public…”
Jerden chuckled as he thought of all the women who’d begged to go out to dinner with him, and here Sara was acting as though it was some kind of penance. “You don’t have to make it sound like such a chore.”
This time she actually seemed amused when she laughed. “It’s not a chore. I’m just trying to decide what sort of date it should be. I…” She broke off there, her expression one of confusion mixed with a trace of embarrassment. She drew in a deep breath as though about to make a confession—and a painful one, at that. “I’ve never been on a date, Jerden—except one that I’d prefer to forget—and it was a very long time ago. I wouldn’t know what to do—how to act… where to go… or anything.”
“How about we go to dinner at Tarq and Lucy’s restaurant? That’s public enough, and they’re bound to see it for what it is and spread the word.”
“As long as Nate gets wind of it, we’ll have accomplished our goal.”
Jerden had an idea that his friend Tarq would be so glad to see him out with a woman, he’d probably alert the media. “I don’t believe that’ll be a problem.”
She gave him a rueful smile. “You’re right about that. Don’t know what I was thinking, especially since everybody seems to know everything about everybody around here. It’s more of an accomplishment to keep something quiet.”
“True. And the more I’m seen out in public behaving like a rational person, the better. I’d like to put those ‘insane wildcat’ rumors to rest once and for all.”
“Okay then,” she said with a decisive nod. “I’ll do it.”
Jerden rolled his eyes. “Thank the gods above.” He’d never had to work so hard to get a woman to agree to a date in his life.
First time for everything…
***
Sara hadn’t been kidding about not knowing what to do on a date. Should they hold hands? Gaze longingly into each other’s eyes? Sit in a dark corner and kiss every time they thought no one was looking? The whole idea was as foreign to her as ballet dancing or flying a starship. She’d have to rely on him to take the lead.
She almost laughed out loud. Allowing a man to take the lead? The last time she’d done that had turned out to be the worst mistake she’d ever made. She doubted this date would turn out to be anything like that one, but as always, the fear that it might haunted her.
But this is Jerden. She had to remind herself of that. He wasn’t like the others. She was slowly realizing that he was a man she could actually trust—trust not to hurt her, belittle her, or try to dominate her…
She glanced at Danuban. Walking placidly alongside Akira, he displayed no trace of the wild, vicious stallion that the spaceport officials had described to her. If only you’d been a good boy and waited for me, none of this would’ve happened. Yet it had. She could see the chain of events clearly now. The stallion’s escape, Nate’s renewed insistence that she breed her mares to his stallion, Jerden’s entry into her life astride that missing horse, and the horse somehow determined to remain with Jerden, inadvertently bringing them together.
Or had it been intentional? A matchmaking stallion? Highly unlikely. He only appeared that way in retrospect. Thinking of him as anything other than an animal and therefore completely lacking in the devious nature required for such a plan was ridiculous. Only people and other so-called intelligent life forms were capable of that level of manipulation, which was yet another reason why Sara preferred horses over people. They were nothing if not honest.
These thoughts had been rattling around in her head for some time when she finally realized that Jerden was watching her, an amused half smile on his lips. “Planning on sharing any of those thoughts? They look mighty deep.”
Sara shook her head. “Not that deep.” A ragged sigh escaped her. “Still want to come over after dinner?”
“Sure.” His gaze swept the entire length of her body, triggering a tingling warmth as if he’d actually touched her. “Unless you want me there sooner.”
His inflection made it sound like a challenge—and a suggestive one at that. Did she want him sooner, or did she want him at all? Might be best to ease into it when they wouldn’t be alone together. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that. “Why don’t you have dinner with me and the gang? If nothing else, you’d get the chance to sample more of my cooking. And if you don’t like it, you can still back out of that… other offer.”
“Trying to get rid of me already?” he said with a mocking smile. “I doubt if your cooking ability would change my mind. Besides, I’m not such a bad cook myself. I could take over if you like.”
“It would be nice to have a break now and then.” She frowned, recalling the kitchen disasters that had occurred when Drania volunteered—though they were nothing compared with Reutal’s fiascoes. Zatlen had never even made the attempt. “The others can’t cook at all.”
“I think you have them spoiled. They’d figure it out if they got hungry enough.”
“Maybe. I like cooking for them, though. They… appreciate it.”
“What, you mean there are people who don’t appreciate having someone to cook for them?” He paused as the possibilities sank in. “Unless it was really terrible.”
She tried not to let it show, but the hurt came through anyway. “There are some people who don’t appreciate anything you do for them.” She glanced at her watch. “Speaking of which, we’d better get a move on or lunch is going to be late.”
Leaving Jerden to make whatever he wanted of that, she urged Akira into a canter, focusing her eyes on the road ahead to avoid his questioning gaze. That wound was an old one, but it was still too deep, too raw to discuss with Jerden or anyone else. At least, not yet.
Jerden didn’t ask Sara to explain her comment, merely promising to see her at dinner when they parted ways at the turnoff to her farm. Thankful for this reprieve, she rode into the stable yard alone and dismounted, still trying to figure out how she would feel once the news that she and Jerden were an item became common knowledge. Salan wasn’t the type to nurse a broken heart in silence, which meant that Nate had surely heard about it by now. Sara had a feeling the previous night’s visit from him wouldn’t be the last.
Sara didn’t share Jerden’s optimism that her sentiments might change, even though her feelings toward him were already different than they’d been for any other man. Like his proposal, Jerden’s revelation had taken her by surprise. The idea that such a man had never been loved or been in love was ludicrous, though it did make sense in some ways. A man in love wouldn’t sell his body to any woman with a thousand credits to spare, just as a man who’d never been loved wouldn’t see any point in saving himself for the one woman who did.
These thoughts were still in her mind as led Akira into the barn just as Reutal came dancing down the aisle.
“You look awfully happy,” she remarked.
“Oh, I am,” he said with a big, lopsided grin. “Happier than I’ve been in ages!” He sighed with what she could only assume was ecstatic bliss. “So tell me, Sara. When’s the big cat moving in?”
Chapter 13
Jerden’s only misgivings were that while a relationship with him might save Sara from being hassled by Nate, it could put her in danger in other ways. Seeing that Davordian woman in Nimbaza had served as a reminder that jealousy wasn’t exclusive to Rhylos. Even though nothing of the sort had ever happened on Terra Minor, a repeat of what happened to Audrey wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility. He reminded himself that the type of insanity Audrey’s murderer suffered from wasn’t common, and the fact that he was no longer available to any woman willing to pay for his services made the risk negligible. Since being designated as the Zetithian homeworld, more single women had immigrated to Terra Minor than ever before, but the odds that any of them were crazy enough to kill a Zetithian man’s mate were slim—the screening process was very strict. So strict, in fact, that if Jerden hadn’t been a Zetithian, the authorities might not have allowed him to remain on the planet.
There were exceptions to every rule—case in point, Bonnie’s first husband, who’d been a criminal with forged identity documents—but fortunately, those were rare. And even though she clearly wanted a Zetithian husband rather badly, Jerden didn’t see Salan as a potential murderess.
He looked down at Cria walking alongside the stallion. “What about you? Do you think there’s any danger?”
Cria replied with a sidelong glance that clearly said Not with me around.
“You’re probably right about that. I forgot to mention that I came with a built-in bodyguard myself. I’ll have to remember to tell her tonight.”
Tonight.
They had a lot to talk about and it might be quite late before he headed for home. After his wild, nocturnal rides through the mountains, crossing the fields from Sara’s house after dark posed no problems. However, if she were to insist that he stay the night, he wouldn’t say no.
He hadn’t been joking when he’d said he’d never leave her side. Parting with her for the few hours until dinner had taken a tremendous amount of resolve, and right now, the need to turn the horse around and gallop back to her was so strong he could barely withstand it. He hoped she wouldn’t mind if he got there a little early, because he intended to arrive before she’d even started fixing dinner.
The reason was simple.
I’ve asked Sara to be my mate, and I’m not with her.
Zetithians didn’t need a ceremony; the bond between mates was physical as well
as mental and incredibly strong. Sara might not have accepted him yet, but she had acknowledged the advantages. Given the way she seemed to feel about men, the fact that she’d agreed to dinner that night and a date at some unspecified time in the future was nothing short of miraculous. He knew exactly what he was doing and welcomed the consequences. Unfortunately, it might take a while before Sara felt the same way.
She wasn’t heartless. There was plenty of love in her; she simply spread it around in other areas—horses, dogs, cats, roses, Bonnie’s children. He even suspected she was fond of Reutal, though in a completely asexual manner. Something had happened to her—whether one single, horrific episode or many—and that something had shut off her desire for men entirely. He could understand how it might happen—a series of events compelling her to form a pattern of behavior that was reinforced until it became self-perpetuating. His task would be to break that pattern and establish a new one.
He knew what he was up against. Incidents of rape, abuse—both physical and mental—domination, and cruelty were scattered throughout human history. So much so that a fear of men had become ingrained in the women and very little was required to bring it to the surface. As a member of a species whose females were among the most independent and difficult to entice in the galaxy, a Zetithian man simply couldn’t afford to do any of those things if he ever expected to find a mate. And because the scent of a woman’s desire was necessary for a Zetithian man to get an erection, rape was impossible.
It didn’t take a specialist in mental disorders to figure out that Sara was probably a rape victim, but she’d mentioned that there were other things she didn’t even like to think about.
Jerden knew he wasn’t perfect. He had flaws—arrogance being chief among them—and had been known to do some pretty stupid things in his time. He’d learned the hard way not to take a woman’s affection for granted or to assume that his sexual ability could solve any problems that might arise between them.
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