by D. R. Graham
Not anymore. Stay away from him.
He doesn’t write again and I’m a little worried that’s not a good sign. I walk up the path, open the front door, and throw my purse and keys on the foyer table. I head upstairs and knock on Cooper’s door.
“Yeah.”
He’s lying in bed reading. “Hi.” I step into his room and close the door behind me.
“Hi. Elizabeth and I made apple crumble when we got home from the dance. I saved you some. It’s in the fridge.”
“Thanks. How was the dance?”
He makes a face as if it’s a stupid question. “It sucked ass.”
“Did you see Gylly hanging around here or the country club at all?”
“No. Why?”
“Just wondering.”
He sits up and places his book on the bedside table. “Did you go to his birthday party?”
“I sat outside his house for like two hours, but couldn’t make myself go in. When I tried to call him, I went mute. Eventually, I went to the country club to meet up with you and ran into Leland in the parking lot. We went for a drive.”
“And that drive culminated in you needing a shower?”
“What? No.”
“Why is your hair wet?”
“Oh. We went skinny-dipping.”
“Ooh.” He pats the bed to invite me to hang out and gossip.
“We only kissed.” I move to sit on the edge of his mattress. “Speaking of kissing, do you know Sam as well as I do yet?”
“Maybe.” He smiles and rolls onto his back with his arms bent behind his head.
“Good job.” I fidget with the corner of his bedspread and stare at my feet. “Have you told Sam about Dad and everything?”
“No, but he knows Mom was in the hospital because she overdosed.”
“Leland kind of knows everything and he still wants to go on a date with me. Why do you think that is?”
“Because he likes you.”
“But, why would a guy like Leland like me?”
Cooper chuckles and pulls me in for a hug. “Because you’re awesome.”
I show him the texts from Aiden. “Should I warn Leland to run if he hears a motorcycle?”
Cooper thinks about it for a while, then shrugs. “Call Digger. He’ll make sure that Gylly doesn’t do anything stupid.”
“Good idea. I love you.” I stand and kiss his forehead. “Have sweet Sam dreams.”
He laughs and throws a pillow at my face.
“Night.” I throw the pillow back at him.
On the way to my room, I call Aiden’s dad. His real name is Randy, not that anyone calls him that. “Hey, Digger, it’s T Bear. Did I wake you?”
“Nope. What’s up?” His voice is raspy.
“Uh, I don’t know how much Aiden has told you, but he and I are kind of not together anymore.” I close the door and cross the room to sit on my bed.
Randy coughs like the two-pack-a-day smoker that he is. “Why?”
“I’ll let Aiden tell you that part.”
“I hope it’s temporary. He lives for you. You know that, right?”
I clench my eyes shut and pretend I didn’t just hear that. “The reason I’m calling is because I’ve made some new friends at Elizabeth’s country club, and I’m—”
“Are you banging someone?”
Classy. “I’m going on a date with someone and I don’t want anything to happen to him. Make sure all of your guys, including Aiden, stay away from him, or I will call the police.”
He coughs again. “If this country club fucknut hurts you in any way, it won’t be Aiden he’ll have to worry about ’cause I’ll take care of that shit myself. Got it?”
There was a time when a promise like that would have made me feel special, but it’s hard to be grateful for that kind of love now. “Yeah. Whatever. Thanks. I gotta go.”
I hang up and flop down on my pillow. Even the ceilings in this house are nicer than the ones at my house. Nice, but kind of boring. My ceiling at home has a yellowy water stain in the corner from when the roof leaked. It has glow in the dark stars that Cooper and I jumped on my bed to stick up there. It also has a pinkish splatter near the door from when I threw a Slurpee at Gylly’s back and it exploded everywhere.
I miss that shit.
Chapter Nine
On the Saturday of my date with Leland, I wake up already sick with nerves. Cooper is going to visit Mom, so he pops into my room before he leaves. He places a cup of tea on my bedside table and tilts his head with concern. “Why are you green?”
“I have a date with Leland tonight.”
“It’s not like you to get nervous.”
“It’s not like me to go out with classy guys. I’m worried he’s not going to like me once he gets to know me better.”
Cooper walks over to open my closet. “If he doesn’t like the real you, he’s not worth getting worked up over.” He slides the hangers one at a time to sort through all the outfits Elizabeth has bought for me. I haven’t even worn most of them and the store tags are still attached.
“It’s not just about Leland; I need to figure out how to be accepted by people like Leland if I want to leave my past in the past.”
“People will judge you by who you are now. Not who you were.”
Who I am now? I don’t feel like I’ve changed. I wear nicer clothes, live in a bigger house, and drive a Mercedes. I’m still Tienne. “What if who I am now is not good enough?”
“He asked you out, didn’t he?”
I frown and tap my nail against my tooth. Why did I agree? This is not going to end well. In fact, it might not even start well if my nerves get any worse.
“Do you know where you’re going?”
“No.”
“Okay.” He pulls out a tailored black dress that tapers in at the knee and has spaghetti straps. “You can’t go wrong with this and these.” He hangs the dress on the back of my closet door and bends over to pick up a pair of black pumps. “Wear your hair in a twist and stick to pink lipstick since you don’t know where you’re going.”
“What does the destination have to do with the color of my lipstick?”
“Just trust me.” He walks over to my dresser to lay out earrings. He picks our Grandmother’s pearl necklace too, but then notices that I’m still wearing the gold chain with Gylly’s ring on it and puts the pearl necklace away. “Is it all right if I tell Mom that you got the part of Maria in the play?”
“No. I don’t want her to know.”
He runs his hand through his hair, frustrated that I haven’t forgiven her yet, or maybe just tired of dealing with her all by himself. “She’s been doing pretty good lately. She’ll want to be there.”
“Sorry, Coop. I don’t want her showing up and making a scene like last—oh, shit.” I bolt out of bed and run into my en suite bathroom. I barf three times, then stand up and wash my mouth out in the sink.
Cooper is in the doorway smiling sympathetically. “Better now?”
“Yeah.” Sort of. “Thanks for picking my outfit.” I brush my teeth and talk around the brush. “Are you doing something with Sam tonight?”
“We’re thinking of just making sushi here and downloading a movie or something.”
“Cool. If my date sucks, I might be joining you.” In other words, I will definitely be joining you. “I promise I won’t kiss Sam.”
He laughs, but then his smile fades.
“What’s wrong?”
He exhales heavily and leans his back against the wall. “Do you think it would be a bad idea to tell Mom about me?”
“Tell her that you like boys?”
“Yeah. Sometimes I feel like I’m lying because I’m keeping secrets. It’s uncomfortable when I talk about Sam and she asks whether I’m dating any nice girls. Maybe it’s time to tell her.”
“I don’t know. A couple of the members have done time for gay bashing. Mom’s so unpredictable. What if she gets super high and tells someone?”
He rubs his
forehead.
“Don’t get stressed. You’ll give yourself premature wrinkles.” I wrap my arms around his waist and lean my ear on his chest. “I’m okay with it. Sam’s okay with it. Auntie Elizabeth’s okay with it. Uncle Blaine’s okay with it. It doesn’t matter if Mom’s not.” I give him a squeeze before I walk over and sit on my bed cross-legged. After a sip of tea I point at him. “You know, the more I think about it, the more I think she better be okay with it. You’ve done more for her than she ever did for us. She needs to thank her lucky stars that she even has a son who gives a fuck and is willing to check in on her every day to make sure she’s not dead.”
“It would be nice to know that she accepts me for who I am.”
“Yeah, well, there are a lot of things that would be nice in life, but sometimes we need to just be thankful for what we do have.”
He smiles and sweeps his hands over his outfit. “Like unlimited designer clothes.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of tuition for college. The people who are going to be involved in your future accept you. Who cares what the people in your past think?”
“Mom’s going to be in my future. She’s going to get healthy and be a part of both our futures.”
“Keep dreaming, Lucky Boy.”
“Do you think Dad would have been okay with it?”
The answer to his question is unequivocally “no,” but I say, “Yes. You were his son. He loved you no matter what.” I desperately want him to feel like he can be proud of who he is and, if she weren’t stoned, I know Mom would want that for him, too. “Mom will love you no matter what. I was just worried about the guys in the club hassling you, but I guess you don’t need to worry about that anymore.”
Cooper seems relieved and hugs me before he leaves. His footsteps are soft as he makes his way down the stairs and out the front door. A few seconds later, Elizabeth appears at my open bedroom door. “It was nice of you to tell him that.”
I smile. “Do you eavesdrop on all our conversations?”
“Just the juicy ones. Do you want to go for a run with me?”
“Yes, that is exactly what I need right now.” I change into shorts and a running top, then sit back on the bed to put on socks and running shoes. She’s leaning on the doorframe waiting, so I walk over and hug her. “Thanks for everything—the clothes, the place to live, the car, the job, and the normal life. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you enough.”
She squeezes me tightly and whispers, “Just be happy. If you and Cooper are safe, and happy, and healthy, that will be thanks enough.” I soak it up until she shoves off and says, “First one to drop has to make lunch.”
“You’re on.” We take off running through the house and down the stairs. Blaine is washing his SUV in the driveway and waves at us as we run down the path onto the sidewalk. It looks as if we’re in a commercial for something. I don’t know what the commercial is for, but it seems like something that other people might want to buy.
Chapter Ten
It’s ten to seven. I’m sitting in the front living room trying to remember how to breathe. I’ve never been on a real date. Gylly has picked me up on his bike or walked over to my house, but it wasn’t ever like a formal date. Breathe. Oh, shit. What if Leland stands me up? I’ll feel like a complete idiot since Blaine, Elizabeth, Cooper, and Sam are all here and know that I’m waiting.
My hands are sweaty and my legs are shaking. Okay, forget it. I’m not going. I stand and head toward the staircase. I’ll just change into comfortable clothes that suit me so I can fifth-wheel with everyone.
The doorbell rings and I freeze. This really shouldn’t be that difficult. Why is my body malfunctioning? My mouth feels like I licked up a bottle of white glue and it’s solidifying into a thick paste.
Elizabeth comes flying out of the kitchen. “Oh my God, he’s here. Okay, don’t freak out.”
“Too late.”
Sam, Cooper, and Blaine all stick their heads around the corner, looking like a grinning totem pole. I flap my hands at them to make them disappear, but they don’t. Elizabeth opens the door and I can hear her greet Leland, so I turn around slowly. He’s checking me out in a way that Uncle Blaine is definitely not going to like. He has a bouquet of sunflowers and, for some reason, the sight of him makes me want to cry—a happy kind of cry like Miss Universe as they pin on her crown. The rollercoaster of emotions is making me dizzy.
One side of Leland’s mouth turns up in a sexy way as he says, “You look beautiful.”
I glance over at Cooper. He encourages me with a smile, so I take a deep breath and face Leland. “Thanks.”
He hands me the flowers and offers his arm to escort me. I give Elizabeth the bouquet and she grins at me like the crazy lady who used to do story time with scary puppets at the public library where I took Cooper when we were kids. “Have fun,” she sings as we walk down the path toward Leland’s car.
After opening the door for me, he jogs around the back. I steal a glance at him as he slides behind the wheel. He’s wearing a black suit and black tie with a white dress shirt. He looks dressy enough to get married. “Are you okay?” he asks as he turns the key in the ignition.
I open my mouth to answer, but no sound comes out, so I just nod.
He looks like he wants to laugh at me, but when he realizes that I’m actually struggling, he tries to ease the mood with an easy question. “Are you hungry?”
An easy question. Yes or no. Unfortunately, my brain still won’t form words. He runs his finger across his eyebrow and takes a deep breath. I knew this was going to suck. He already regrets it. Shit. Calm down. Stop being ridiculous. It’s a date. “I’m really nervous,” I finally blurt out.
“I see that. Why?”
“I don’t know.” Actually, I do know. It’s because you’re way out of my league and when you figure that out, you won’t be able to get away fast enough. “It’s just that I’ve never been on a fancy date before. I don’t want to embarrass you or anything.”
“It’s only a restaurant. Order, eat, pay. It’s pretty straightforward.”
He’s right. It’s not that complicated. Why am I trying to make it harder than it is? “Okay.” Let’s do this.
As we drive through downtown, he asks how rehearsals are going for the play. I try to respond with more than one word answers, but the conversation is not flowing well. I’m totally off my game, and I think he knows it.
“Why are your hands shaking? Are you afraid of bridges?”
“No.”
“Are you afraid of me?” His tone is teasing and I like that he’s trying to lighten my mood, but it’s not working for some reason.
“I don’t know what my problem is.”
He moves his hand to rest it on my knee. “Maybe you like me.”
Yeah right. That’s a good one. “Or maybe I caught the hantavirus.”
He laughs and relaxes, relieved that I’ve finally loosened up. “Now, that’s more like the Tienne I know.”
He takes the turnoff to Mount Scott, which makes my apprehension flare up again because I didn’t know there was a restaurant out this way. I went to Mount Scott once on a school ski trip, but we were on a bus and I wasn’t really paying attention. My friends and I didn’t have proper ski clothes, so we got borderline hypothermic and spent most of the day in the cafeteria.
We park at the base of the mountain and he holds my hand as we walk to the gondola station. Two other formally dressed couples get on the fancy, streamlined silver gondola with us. They’re older and smile at us as if they think it’s cute to see two young people playing grown-up. The operator gives us a few safety instructions before the car lurches and rises up the side of the mountain on suspended cables. As we ascend, I catch peeks of the scenery through the trees. The view of the city’s twinkling lights is mesmerizing. Once we’re gliding over the treetops, it’s quiet except for the hum of the gondola. The air temperature drops as we get closer to the top. When I shiver, Leland takes off
his suit jacket and turns me around to face him before he drapes it over my shoulders.
“Thanks.”
The gondola bobs as we pass by a tower and the movement throws me against his chest. He holds me in close. We eventually glide into the station at the top of the mountain, swaying for a few seconds after we stop. Leland holds my hand as we exit and walk with the other couples along the path to the restaurant. The air is fresh and scented like Christmas. Well, not at our house. Our parents never bothered with a Christmas tree, but Randy did and that’s why Cooper and I always spent Christmas at the Gyllenhalls’. Every inhalation I take makes me miss Aiden, so I hold my breath as we walk. When we reach the steps, Leland lets the other couples go ahead. It’s incredibly silent, and I swear I can hear my heart beating.
“Thanks for agreeing to this,” he whispers. His hands move to my face. They feel cold on my skin. Then he presses his lips to mine. The surge of warmth makes my knees a little bit weak and I find myself pulling his body closer. He kisses me for a while and runs his finger along the curve of my cheek. “You probably almost turned Sam straight when you kissed him.”
“You should see what I can do when I’m not nervous.”
“Mmm.” He raises his eyebrow seductively. “I can’t wait.”
We climb the steps and he holds open the door to the lodge-type restaurant. The maître d’, who is dressed in a tuxedo, seats us at a reserved candlelit table next to the timber-framed window. There is a harp player in the corner strumming tranquil notes. The restaurant hangs off the side of the cliff with the entire city sprawled below us. The different perspective is fascinating. Leland points out the bridge, the airport, and the football stadium. We look for our houses, but the twinkles are too small to make out. My eyes shift one street over and my hand reaches for the ring hanging from my necklace. I wonder if Aiden’s home. I wonder who’s there with him.
“What are you thinking about?” Leland asks softly.
“Nothing.” I drop the ring and it nestles against my skin. “It’s beautiful here. Thank you for bringing me.”
He reaches over to hold my hand. “I’m glad you like it.”
His eyes sparkle in the candlelight and he smiles in the shy-guy way that I like. “Have you been here before?”
