by Nicola Haken
“I need a break. I’ll watch you from here,” I said. I was expecting the whole ‘oh no, I’m not leaving you alone’ speech. Then I would say ‘go ahead, I’ll be fine,’ and she’d say ‘well if you’re really sure,’ and then she would reluctantly take off.
She didn’t hesitate.
“Great!” she beamed. “See you soon!” She was off before I could reply.
God she was good. I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she glided over the ice, whizzing past me so fast she was almost a blur. She even did his spinning thing where her legs looked like they had turned to ribbons, rippling as the speed blended them together.
I got knocked into several times. Most muttered ‘sorry’ before speeding back off but a couple cussed and looked at me like I had a penis sprouting from my forehead. After the fifth time I guessed I was probably in the way, so gripping onto the rim of the enclosure for dear life I started to pull myself towards the exit steps. Seconds later…
The ice came up to meet my face.
When I realised it wasn’t going to do as I begged and open up and swallow me I figured it was time to get up. Reaching blindly along the edge of the enclosure in search of something to grab onto I wrapped my fingers around… a hand?
“That would have so got me the ten-thousand dollar prize on AFV! Where’s a camera when you need one?”
Looking up at the hand’s owner I rolled my eyes.
“You are such a…” I couldn’t even think of a word bad enough to describe Blaine right now.
“God? Adonis? Hero?”
“Arsehole. Let’s go with arsehole.” Laughing, he pulled me to my feet. “What are you doing here?” I asked a little more acidly than I’d intended.
“Skating. Unlike you.”
“Fuck off.”
“You fuck off.”
Here we go.
“Hey, Dora,” Jason called as he glided effortlessly over to me. How in hell were none of these people falling over? “Nice trip?”
It was so easy to see why Blaine and Jason were friends. They were both complete dickheads. Although Blaine was gorgeous so it kind of made up for it. Not that Jason was ugly. He had that whole surfer look going on – dirty-blonde shaggy hair, cute baby-face…
Before I had chance to conjure up a quick witted and equally obnoxious reply, Lori skidded to a halt in front of my face.
“Oh my god are you okay?” she asked in an exaggerated panic. My spectacular fall had been at least five minutes ago so she clearly wasn’t that concerned. I expected she was too distracted with the guy I’d just seen her skating with.
“Sure. But I think I’m going to sit out for the rest of the night. I’ll wait for you by that burger stand over there,” I said, cocking my head towards Bill’s Burger Cart.
“Wimp,” Blaine muttered.
“What?” I snapped.
“Oh come on, you’re scared of a little bit of ice. You’re such a quitter!”
“I am not a quitter!”
“Prove it.”
“What?”
“Prove it. Skate with me.” I wanted to slap myself for even considering this ridiculous idea. “Unless of course, you’re quitting?”
“Fine! I’ll skate with you.”
“You will?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, man this could go on all night. Just pull her out into the middle of the rink then she’s got no fucking choice,” Jason interrupted, rolling his eyes. “Madam?” he then asked in his best French accent, holding the crook of his arm out for Lori. She giggled and took his arm before they sped off together. Lori could do so much better…
“Trust me?” Blaine asked, holding out his hand for me to take.
“No.”
He laughed.
“Well tough. ‘Cause I’m all you got right now, lish,” he teased and then flashed me a wink so hot it could melt the ice beneath our feet.
He started off slowly – just like Lori had done. But instead of skirting around the edges he pulled me out into the middle of the vast sheet of ice where there was nothing to hold on to but him. I wondered if he’d done that intentionally. I kind of hoped so.
Letting go of my hand for just a fraction of a second Blaine worked his way behind me and then snaked his arms around my waist.
“Grab onto me,” he said and I gripped his hands which were splayed firmly across my midsection with both of mine. “I’m going to push you along. I’ve got you, lish. I won’t let you fall. Trust me yet?”
“No,” I replied flatly – even though for some bizarre reason, I did.
Pressing his body against mine I started gliding over the ice. Slowly at first, but soon enough I was going almost as fast as everyone around me. It felt… amazing. Like I was flying. I was moving so quickly the breeze tossed the rogue escapees of my ponytail across my face and I felt wonderfully dizzy as the scene around me morphed into a colourful blur.
I could hear my blades scratching at the ice as they glided smoothly over it. For a brief moment I looked down at my feet and it almost looked as if they knew what they were doing. Then, without warning, Blaine yanked me around to face him and amazingly my body twirled gracefully into his arms without so much as a stumble.
Blaine’s fringe had been swept across his face, hiding one of his blazing blue eyes. He had a slight pink tinge to his cheeks and nose and as I grabbed his arms I noticed how his biceps stretched the thin material of his tight-fitting t-shirt.
“I know,” he said. I frowned, confused. “I’m hot right?”
Playfully, but also as hard as I could manage, I punched his arm.
“Christ, you’re-”
“Amazing?”
“Full of yourself.”
Just as we were getting into the swing of one our playful little arguments Lori and Jason approached.
“Time to go,” Lori said. “They’re closing the rink in ten minutes.”
Looking at my watch I was amazed to see I’d been skating with Blaine for just over an hour. How the hell did that happen? It felt like I’d only just stepped onto the ice.
Blaine led – or dragged – me to the edge of the rink and held my hand as I stepped off onto the red carpet. Then he held my hand as we walked over to the counter, which actually proved to be pretty helpful when I almost head-butted the same bloody bench as before. I swear that bench had some kind of vendetta against me.
“Guess I’ll see you in the morning?” Blaine said, almost sorrowfully. After tugging my pumps back on I stood up to his level.
“Sure will. Thanks for tonight, Blaine. I had a great time.” And then I did the most stupid thing of my life – I leaned over and kissed him. Only on the cheek, and in a total ‘friends’ way, but it was enough to make his entire body go rigid and pull away from me.
Shit.
Should I apologise? Smile? Pretend that whole weirdness never happened?
“I, um, I gotta go,” he muttered so faintly I barely heard him. “Come on, Jase,” he ordered. And then… he was gone. I felt like shit.
What the hell just happened?
Chapter Four
Blaine
I knew I shouldn’t have gone tonight. I knew I needed to leave Maddie the fuck alone the minute I got an eyeful of her mom’s bra and panties. I supposed I’d convinced myself I could do the ‘friends’ thing. The minute she kissed me however I knew straightaway that was a fucking impossibility.
It wasn’t so much the kiss. I mean, it was only on the cheek for crying out loud. It wasn’t how warm her lips were against my ice-cold cheek. It wasn’t even how soft they were as they grazed the stubble along my cheekbone. It was me. It was how I felt when she was that close to me. And I don’t just mean the near-permanent hard on I seem to have whenever I’m with her… I mean inside.
My chest hurt – ached like something deep inside was being pulled from my body. My pulse quickened. For a while I genuinely worried I was having a heart attack or something. I felt hot – even though I’d just been skating around a room that must have b
een fifty degrees tops. Worst of all – I didn’t want her to let go. It almost felt like when she did she would take away some integral part of me with her and I would never be able to function normally again.
All in all – it scared the living shit out of me.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t put myself or Maddie through it. I’d never been close to anyone before – I’d never allowed it. I wasn’t about to start now. One or both of us would inevitably end up getting hurt. Me? I probably deserved to, but Maddie… No. I wouldn’t let her get hurt.
The decision was made. I had to keep away from her before I either hurt her or sent myself clinically insane. After reaching my bedroom and flopping back onto my king-sized bed, I pulled my cell from my jeans pocket and texted my distraction.
Hey Keeya. U fancy meeting up? Blaine.
Maddie
I waited outside for Blaine for twenty-five minutes but he never showed. I replayed the last conversation we’d had at the ice rink and realised he hadn’t actually said he’d pick me up again – I’d just assumed. But then he’d never given me a reason to assume otherwise. He didn’t seem to mind picking me up. He knew I was new to the area so surely he would have assumed that I’d assume he would pick me up again, otherwise he’d have told me what alternative arrangements to make – such as which bus route to take.
Christ, I was giving myself a headache.
Just when I’d told myself to stop obsessing over it a realisation struck me like a bolt of lightning, causing me to throw my hand over my suddenly flushed face. I’d scared him away. Now he probably couldn’t bear to face me in case I pounced on him or something. As much as I wanted to think ‘fuck him’, the thought made my treacherous heart sink a little lower.
“What are you still doing here?” My mum’s impatient voice startled me. “There’s a young girl on the phone for you.” I ignored her question and headed inside, resigning myself to a duvet day with crap movies and ice cream.
“Hello?” I said, picking up the corded receiver from the splintered wooden shelf in the living room.
“It’s Lori. Where are you? Your cell’s going straight to voicemail.”
“Hey, Lori. Sorry, transport trouble.” I pulled my phone from my pocket. The battery was flat. “And my phone died.”
“I thought Blaine brought you to school?”
So did I.
“Yeah, he couldn’t make it today. By the time I realised I didn’t know which bus to take I’d have been late anyway. Don’t worry I’ll figure something out for tomorrow.”
“Gimme your address. I’ll come and get you now.” I appreciated the gesture but wasn’t sure how I felt about Lori seeing where I lived. Like everyone else in school, she came from money – and lots of it.
“No you won’t. You’ll be late if you do.”
“Late shmate,” she said I could imagine her waving me off with her hand. “Address?” Reluctantly, I gave in and after a good five minutes waiting for her to find a pen, I reeled off my address. I had only known Lori for a few days and I had already learnt she was somebody it was impossible to say no to. I kind of liked that about her.
When Lori pulled up in her metallic azure Mini Cooper I was sure I caught a ‘duh’ look sweep across her face. I assumed this was the moment she realised how ridiculous she had been assuming I was the same breed as her at the phone shop. Still, by the time she looked at me her sweet, un-judgemental smile was fixed firmly back in place.
She asked me what lessons I had today and after snatching my screwed up schedule from my pocket and glancing over it, she said we had first, second and fourth period together. I instantly relaxed in my chair. Until I remembered I was also in Blaine’s history class today…
“So, did you sleep with him?” Lori asked. I almost choked on my own spit.
“What?”
“Blaine. Did you sleep with him?”
“Of course I didn’t! What the hell kind of question is that?” I snapped incredulously – a little more abrupt than I was aiming for.
“Sorry. I just thought- well that would explain why he didn’t bring you to school today. That’s what he does. Screw ‘em ‘n’ lose ‘em and all that.” Said the girl who openly admitted she would love nothing more than to ‘ride him till it burned like sandpaper’. Ouch. I squeezed my legs together at the thought.
“Maybe it’s because I haven’t screwed him.” The words fell out before my brain had even thought of them, and it felt like an invisible band was squeezing around my chest.
“Huh?” Lori asked, confused and shaking her head as if she’s never heard something so ridiculous.
“Maybe he knows he won’t be getting anything from me and so doesn’t see the point in pretending to like me anymore.” What a dick Blaine was. In that moment I hated him. Or at least I wanted to.
“Hmm, maybe,” she shrugged and then thankfully dropped the subject before sitting her iPod in a little dock on her dash. One Direction flooded the air and although I can’t say I’m an actual fan, I found the music sort of comforting. It reminded me of home – of the UK.
The rest of the fifteen-minute drive was spent talking about hot boy bands and even hotter film stars – or rather Lori talked, I listened. My eyes met Blaine’s the moment she pulled into the school car park. He quickly pulled his gaze away and then continued to slobber all over the redhead he had scooped in his arms. The sight physically churned my stomach. Waves of bile clawed at my throat and I had to breathe through my nose for fear I might actually throw up.
Why did I even give a shit?
I threw myself into study mode for the rest of the day, making extensive and probably irrelevant notes in the new spiralled notebook Lori gave me during first period. It was bright pink with clouds on the cover and I was grateful that could be easily hidden by keeping it tucked underneath the open pages. I intentionally absorbed so much information I barely had time to notice Blaine ignoring me. Or the fact every time his gaze caught mine he would start eating the redhead alive. Hardly any time at all… at least, that’s what I told myself. For a brief second I allowed myself to think he was doing it on purpose – somehow that helped the sickening knots in my stomach unravel a little.
But then I realised, I just wasn’t that important.
I followed Lori around like a lost puppy. Taking over from Blaine she walked me to all of my classes, even though I told her it was unnecessary. She insisted I joined her and her friends at lunch and I got the distinct impression from the table full of Barbie clones that I wasn’t welcome. Lori introduced them as Jessica, Bonnie and (who I decided was the ringleader of the bitchfest) Sky. Ignorantly they huddled and whispered at every available opportunity, sneaking peeks at me while they giggled as if I was one of Coney Island’s circus freaks. Lori sat uncomfortably silent, flashing me the odd look of either pity or guilt which in turn made me feel sorry for her.
Why the hell did she hang around with these vile creatures? She could do so much better.
“Hey, Mrs Sinclair’s kid is sick or something so she’s had to go home,” Lori said excitedly as I jabbed my fork into what she told me was a ‘tater tot’. “So that means no last period. We could hit the shops. Maybe get you some summer clothes.”
“Sure,” I said eagerly when I remembered Mum and I were supposed to be visiting Treacle this evening. I’d lap up any excuse not to go to her house – to Blaine’s house.
“Not that there’s anything wrong with your clothes. I mean… that sweater is… nice? Yellow is just your colour. I just thought- well maybe…” she stuttered, clearly thinking she’d offended me by suggesting I need new clothes – which I did. Desperately. Not only because I was sweating my tits off in these jumpers, but because I wanted to do something, anything to make it easier for Lori to be my friend without her bitch ‘friends’ giving her grief for it. I doubted new, more weather appropriate clothes would actually change anything – especially seeing as they wouldn’t have been slutty and designer - but I had to try.
“Honest, Lori. Sounds great. Sorry, my head is just a bit all over the place today,” I lied. My head was in fact focused solely in one place – on Blaine Elwood; the boy who I was starting to think had a split-personality disorder.
In that moment, as if by magic, Blaine paused at the head of our table on his way out of the cafeteria. The redhead, who in my head I’d not-so-affectionately named ‘FUBS’ – or FuckUglyBitchSlut, wrapped her anorexic body around him like a predatory snake. Like a car crash which you know you shouldn’t watch but you can’t seem to peel your eyes away, I gaped as she prized open his mouth with her tongue and lapped it up like an arid dog.
They were so close I could hear every disgusting squelch as their carnivorous lips smacked against each other – the sound diving unwanted into my ears and cascading straight down into my suddenly queasy stomach and making me want to heave. Then I caught a glimpse of FUBS’ fingertips sneaking up Blaine’s back, the hem of his fitted black tee puckering as it began to ride up, teasing my eyes with a peek of his toned, pasty flesh. His back stiffened and he immediately batted her hand away, startling both FUBS and me with equal measure.
Then his eyes caught mine.
For a fleeting moment his eyebrows knitted together and I thought I saw a flash of sorrow, or maybe even… guilt, swamp his impossibly perfect face. It was only after Lori nudged my shoulder I realised I had been gawping pathetically and I quickly snatched my eyes away. Then I heard Blaine’s voice – a voice smoother and richer than the world’s finest dark chocolate, so distinct (to me anyway) that it was discernable even over the mass of raucous students flooding the cafeteria – mumble something about his back getting ‘thrashed’ in football practice.
My thoughts were saturated with images of Blaine throughout the ride to the shopping plaza. Despite telling myself not to I couldn’t stop wondering why his beautiful expression morphed into what could only be described as angst when he saw me. Or why the ephemeral rise of his tee exposed a spot of ashen skin, almost as pale as mine, when the rest of him – his bulging arms, his strong neck, his flawless chiselled face – was such a delicious shade of bronze; like the Californian sun had swooped from the sky just to kiss every inch of him.
