I think it’s weird that such a sweet name is really bad, it means a woman who has lots of boyfriends and that was really unfair because my mum’d only ever had one boyfriend then and that was my dad who was at university with her. She was afraid of men because of the Big Pig. My dad was very gentle and she trusted him. Now she says you can never trust men, even Pierre-Luc who was gentle too and really liked her but she got rid of him because of the respect. Since then she hasn’t had a boyfriend at all so it was really bad of Gene to call her a little tart, she’s NOT.
Anyway so she turned up in Brighton and Mum was in a state because the flat was a mess and I was in scruffy clothes and we hadn’t much to eat in the flat because Mum hadn’t been shopping and Gene asked for coffee and there wasn’t any. Mum sort of lost her head and thought giving Gene coffee was the main thing and she dashed out to the shop and left Gene with me.
I wasn’t used to strangers and I started crying (I don’t remember this but Gene told me afterwards) and Gene got nervous and said “I can’t stand this I’m afraid, I’m off and she went upstairs which is where the front door is and I heard a door shut and I thought she’d gone. I was never left alone when I was little and I was so scared that I just froze up. The minute I stopped crying Gene came back down. She walked back in and said that’s better, now that we can hear ourselves think let’s read a story. I stood looking at her and she said, Do you know who I am? I’m your grandmother, your father’s mother. My name’s Eugenie but you can call me Gene.” I said “I hate you.”
I was saying that alot just then, I didn’t really know what it ment but I knew it upset grown-ups. But she wasn’t upset she was quite cheerful. She said “Oh do you, well in that case I hate you right back.” Nobody had ever said that to me. Mostly grown-ups said something like oh dear, or no you don’t really. It gave me a shock when she said she hated me back. Then she said you’ve got some terrific books here. Which do you like best?” I picked up a book Mum had been reading to me (she read to me alot then). Grandma said, “Wow, Greek myths, those are my favourite too, which one shall we read?” And I said Jason and the golden fleece and she read it and then I said I’ve got a goldfish called Jason and she said “Show me” so we looked at Jason and she said “He needs his tank cleaning” and then she began talking to him and saying funny things for him to say back, like “Is anyone out there, I can’t see you through all this green stuff, and she made him cough and sneeze, and when Mum came back with the coffee we were larfing.
The first thing I said to Mum was “Jason says he needs his tank cleaning” and Mum looked embarased and went to make the coffee. I went into the kitchen and told Mum that Gene said she hated me. Mum staired at me as if she didn’t believe she’d heard right and Gene said from the other room well you don’t expect me to love someone who doesn’t love me but it’s too early to decide what we feel. I peeped at her and she winked at me and I thought she doesn’t really hate me. (I sort of remember that now, it’s funny how you remember things when you’re writing them, like photos.)
After she’d had coffee she said “I feel better now, let’s go out for dinner, where shall we go, and I shouted Pinocchio’s! And Mum said “sh Alice.” But we went. We walked there and on the way Gene took my hand. I said “I hate you” again because I just didn’t believe she’d say I hate you back in front of Mum, but she did, and snatched her hand away. Then I said “I love you.” I didn’t then but I was testing. And she said “I love you back” and took my hand again. We kept saying I hate you I love you all the way to Pinocchio’s and taking hands and untaking them and the last thing we said as we turned into Pinocchio’s was I love you. I never said I hate you to her again. Even since the row I don’t hate her, even now she wants to throw us out of our house. Well, it’s her house but we’re living in it. I don’t understand her and I feel angry and sad often but I don’t hate her. I think Mum does though.
Mum says if something hurts you inside you ought to look into it so I will. After the wonderful summer I had staying with Gene and Grandad and going to Spain and everything and Gene talking to me all the time like a grown-up and telling me how much she loved me I felt really close to her and I thought Grandad was beginning to love me a bit too, he didn’t tell me off so much as he usually did and gave me a really good hug when I left.
Gene drove me back to London and we were singing to the tape and we got stopped for speeding. The policeman was really snotty to her and after he’d gone she felt so bad she sat in the car and cried and I had to comfort her and tell her it was all right. She asked me not to tell Mum but Mum always says no secrets and I knew I would so in the end Gene told her. I’d never seen Gene ashamed before and it made me love her more because everyone makes mistakes and I stood there with my arms around her while she confessed to Mum and said she was sorry.
Mum said “You could have killed Alice, and Gene said, yes, it was terrible of me, we were rollicking along and I didn’t notice, and Mum said if I never let her go in the car with you again would you blame me, and Gene said no, you’d be well within your rights. And then I said “it was only once and if I can’t go in the car how can I go to stay in the country” and Mum and Gene looked at each other and I felt something. Something bad between them that I’d felt once or twice but only when Mum and I were talking about Gene, not when she was there. It was, like, Mum really needed Gene but she didn’t like her and she was glad to have something to put her down with. But in the end Mum just said well promise not to speed ever again.
She’d got this good job while I’d been in the country. It was with a private solicitors that had clients that were mainly criminles. I was frightened when she told me because I thought she’d be with horrible vilent people like lawyers on TV but she said she wouldn’t, she’d be working in the office and only have to go to court sometimes, she said criminles aren’t dangerous when they’re in court. She was so pleased to have found a good job, she took me out for an Indian meal to celebrate and I had chicken tikka masala.
But it took two hours to get to her office from Brighton and two hours back and I had to stay in school from 7.30 in the morning to 7.30 in the evening which was horribly boring and Mum was getting exorstid.
So that was when Gene said we could live in this house. It was hers and Grandad’s then. She said we could use it because she’d made alot of money from acting a big part in a film and bought another place in London, a flat. She said we could stay in this house for a bit and she cleaned it all up for us, she really worked hard and she made the garden nice too. She even bought Mum a big desk and a long mirror so Mum could make sure she looked nice for going to work.
Mum complained quite alot about the house which I didn’t understand. She said the bathroom wasn’t as nice as ours which it wasn’t. We had a very big one in Brighton. And there were some places where it needed decorating but no worse than ours. And she was cross when Gene asked her to keep the lawn mode. She said “I’m not a jobbing gardener.” I thought that was bad and I told her off later. I said why aren’t you more greatful to Gene for letting us live here?” and she said, Gene isn’t doing it just to be kind. She’s doing it because she wants me to keep this job. I said why, and she said, because she doesn’t want me to give your dad’s name to the DSS.
The DSS is the place that gives you money if you’re poor or haven’t got a job. But I didn’t understand the rest. I said what if you did, and she said, “They’d get after him to give us some money. I said, “Why should he,” and she said, “Because he’s your father and fathers are supposed to pay for their children.” I said so why doesn’t he, and she said, “Because he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t think it’s his responsibility. I said why not. At first she didn’t want to answer, but I said “Tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” So then she said “Because he didn’t agree that I should have you.” I said, “You mean he didn’t want me,” and she said “No he didn’t.” I felt funny about that, not sad or angry, just funny. I asked her what she thoug
ht, if he should pay mentenance, and she said what counted was that we needed money and that the law was on our side.
Something really bad happened today. It’s just the sort of secret Mum said I should never keep from her but I’ll have to. I’ll write it in here and then I’ll hide this. I’d die if she saw it it would ruin everything, I might have to leave my school.
I haven’t told about Sharon. She’s my child minder Mum pays to pick me up every day after school. School ends at 3.30 and Mum can’t come for me until at least 6 sometimes later. Mum says if she doesn’t agree to work late sometimes she will be fired because all the men lawyers do and that’s why it’s hard for single mothers in a law practiss.
Sharon looks after some preschool kids while their parents work. At home time she brings them all to my school for a walk and then we go back to her flat and she gives me my tea and I’m supposed to play until Mum comes. This would be very boring exept for Peony. She’s the one who wears the crazy clothes, Sharon’s daughter. She goes to a local school, not private, and she’s allowed to walk to school by herself which Mum thinks is terrible because she’s only 8 and it’s a rough part of London. Peony is fun and good at thinking up games specially dress-up ones but she’s crazy and maybe even bad. I found that out today for certain.
Mum says I am not to move from the school yard ever until I’m picked up. Sharon knows I’m not allowed out in the streets alone. Well, today I waited and waited and Mrs Devereau (our headmistress) came out and asked me if I wanted her to phone my Mum at work but I said no. I mustn’t ring Mum at work exept in a dier emerjency. So she left, and I waited more till everyone else had gone home. I felt very lonely and then I saw Peony coming dordling up the street.
I was releeved but mad too. I said “Where’s your mum?” and she said “One of the little kids fell down so she sent me to fetch you.” I didn’t know what to say so I said I’ve been waiting and waiting, where have you been and she said “I went on the rob” and I said what’s that and she said “look.” She took a box out of her pocket. It had sent in it in a pretty bottle. I staired at it and looked at Peony and she had a sort of cocky smile and suddenly I knew what on the rob ment.
I said “you never stole it, Peony!” and she said “course I did, it was easy. It’s for my mum’s birthday and I nicked a card too, look.” I was so shocked. I remembered Gene saying she hated thieves. She said stealing’s such a mean nasty crime. Peony said “Mum said I was to take you to the shops and buy stuff for tea so come on” and I said I can’t till your mum comes and she said, “Then you’ll wait for ever” and she walked off!!!
What could I do, I had to go with her but my heart was pounding all the time because if Mum knew me and Peony were alone in the street she would go right up the wall. It got worse because when we went to buy the stuff for tea she stole two Penguins and a Yorkie bar and pushed them up her sweater AND she kept 50p for herself out of her mum’s change. AND THEN she wouldn’t take me back to Sharon’s strait away. We went window shopping and she kept teasing me showing things she’d like to rob and we didn’t get back till nearly 5.
I was so scared all the time that something really bad would happen like some man would kidnap us or that a policeman would arrest us for stealing. I thought Sharon would kill us for staying out, but she wasn’t even angry with Peony when we got back but she said, “Better not tell Mum you were out alone.”
That’s just the kind of secret I knew not to keep but this time I had to, and when Mum came Sharon was winking at me and I had to pretend nothing special had happened. I’ve never lied to her properly before. But if I’d told I bet she would stop Sharon being my minder and I don’t know what would happen then. It took Mum ages to find anyone to child-mind me. I might have to leave my school and go to a local one like Peony with boys and fights and bullies. And maybe drugs. I went to a local school in Brighton until Gene sent me to a private one. I hated it, I was bullied alot and there were too many of us in the class and it was always noisy and I didn’t learn much.
I hated not telling Mum what happened with Peony and keeping that secret has made me withdraw a bit – that’s what Mum calls it when she sort of gets all quiet, like she’s somewhere else. And I’m worried because I don’t know what’s going to happen. Mum won’t talk to me about it but I know we’re going to have to move from Gene’s house, I mean my dad’s, and I might have to leave my school anyway and all my friends because maybe we’ll have to go back to Brighton and Mum won’t be able to commute so she’ll lose her job and go back on benefit and then she’ll sit at home alot and think about how my dad isn’t paying mentenance.
SCHOOL NOTEBOOK
THE SECRET
by Alice Williamson-Stone
A girl’s mother told her not to have secrets. She said secrets were bad because if something wasn’t bad, why have a secret about it? By the way the girl’s name was Carmen.
Carmen said, “What if it’s a nice secret like a surprise party?” Her mum said “That’s different, that’s the exeption. But if someone tells you to keep a secret from me, you mustn’t.”
One day at school Carmen’s best friend Laura wanted to tell her a big secret about one of the other girls. Carmen said “I will have to tell my mum” so Laura larfed at her and wouldn’t tell her the secret. She told everybody else though exept the girl of course. By the way the girl’s name was Sophie. Nobody liked Sophie much because she was different from them she came from some other country and didn’t speak much English.
At break everyone was wispering and looking at Sophie. Sophie and Carmen were the only ones not in on the secret. Sophie started to cry and Carmen felt sorry for her she went up to her and said “Let’s play scissors paper and stone.” Sophie looked like she’d never heard of it but Carmen showed her and they played all through break and Carmen began to like Sophie a bit even though she was strange.
After break Laura said “you wouldn’t play with her and be her friend if you knew the secret.” Carmen said “I don’t care about your old secret.” Laura said “OK I’ll tell it to you then. Carmen walked away but Laura followed her and made her listen.
“She’s not supposed to be in Britain she’s a refugee and her parents are locked up for sneaking in in a big truck. She lives with a council foster mother.” Carmen said “How do you know?” Laura said, “it was in the papers and my mum showed me. There was a picture of her and her parents and what’s worse is they’re gipsys.”
Carmen said “So what” and Laura said “My mum said they are fludding in and we have to pay for them because they don’t want to work.” Carmen said that’s not Sophie’s fault and Laura got annoyed and said “Anyway gipsys are dirty and lazy and we don’t want her in our school. And they steal so look out if you’re going to be her friend.”
Carmen didn’t know what to say so she just walked away.
Is this based on a true story, Alice? It certainly reads like it. But I don’t like the end. Did Carmen just abandon Sophie? Your paragraphing is still not right: new paragraph when people speak. Spellings: exception, except, flooding, gypsy, gypsies. And, Alice, I beg you not to write “like” instead of “as if”. I’ve underlined the place.
Bt. Spelling much improved!
It was a true story it happened in my old school in Brighton. The names were true except Carmen who was me. The story ended the way it did. I didn’t exactly abandon Sophie, she left because her parents were sent back where they came from. When I told Mum about it she said Laura’s secret was the sort of nasty secret that hurts people. She said “I wish you’d stayed friends with her poor little thing it’s terrible they were sent back to Romania.” I asked Mum if gypsies are dirty and lazy and she said just about like everyone else, some are some aren’t, but gypsies are usually poor and dispised and that makes it hard for them to live like other people.
Today I had a letter from Gene. It started as just a nice friendly letter about the play she’s touring in (she sent a postcard from Leeds) but then she tried to explain wh
y she’s throwing us out of the house. I’ll stick that bit in here.
* * *
I don’t know what your mother has told you about why I want you to leave the house. I’d like to explain our side. I invited Mummy to stay in it for a short time while she found somewhere in London to live, so she wouldn’t have to commute from Brighton. I did everything I could to make sure you’d be happy and comfortable there. But I never dreamt that you would still be living there nine months later. Grandad is very cross with me because we’ve given the house to our son and his wife as a wedding present. But we’ve given them a white elephant – that means, something expensive and useless.
So now it is up to me to get Mummy to move out so it can be rented properly and be useful to our son, and not a burden. I expect Mummy thinks he owes her and should let her go on living there free, but that’s not fair. Daddy doesn’t owe her anything, and if he did, everything we’ve given you in the past five years would have paid the debt. Not that I begrudge you any of it. You know I love you to distraction. Nothing has changed that. I miss you every single day.
* * *
I must think about this, but I can’t because there’s bad news too. I can’t believe it but Gene has sent Mum a lawyer’s letter to make her get out of this house.
I said to Mum “You really really made her mad at us.” Mum said “Stop it Alice, it’s not all my fault. She made me lose control. And as for the house, mainly she wants it for him.” I asked if we had to leave right away and Mum said “we’ll leave when I’m good and ready.” I said can she make us leave and Mum said “she can try to evict us but that takes time. I could take your father to court and say we should stay in this house because it’s his and he owes us mentenance.” I said “But he’s in Holland” and she said “Yes, that’s a problem. But if he ever comes back to England I’ll take him to court.”
Alice by Accident Page 3
