by Anita Hughes
“I have to go.” She placed her napkin on her plate. “I’m apartment hunting this afternoon.”
Grant put his hand over hers. “Your mother told me about your marriage. I’m sorry.”
“I’m fine, thank you.”
“You’re very pretty. I just don’t want a serious relationship right now.” He squeezed her hand harder.
“Excuse me,” Cassie spluttered.
“All this money, this freedom, it’s life-changing. I don’t feel like settling down for a while. If you want to come to my place I can show you my latest swimsuit designs. I just want to be up front.” Grant leaned forward, his chest puffing up like a peacock.
“Up front?” Cassie felt like she was choking.
“Expectations.” He put his other hand over hers. “Women your age, a failed marriage, biological clock ticking. I’m sure you’re great in bed, I just wouldn’t want to go there under false pretenses.”
Cassie felt like every nerve in her body was about to snap. She stood up slowly so Grant wouldn’t see her shaking. “I thought this was a business lunch.”
“Your mother called and told me what you’ve been through.” Grant didn’t release her hand. “And she’s right, you’re a looker. I just didn’t want to lead you on.”
“Good-bye, Grant.”
“We haven’t had dessert.” He pushed his chair back.
“I’m sure there are a few swimsuit models in the restaurant, there always are.” Cassie grabbed her purse. “I’ll tell my mother we had a delightful time.”
* * *
Cassie stormed into Diana’s office. “You sent me on a blind date with a soft porn addict and pretended it was a business lunch.”
“Cassie”—her mother stood up from her desk—“Grant is a very motivated young man.”
“Motivated to get models into the sack! How dare you!” Cassie was shaking. “I don’t want to date, and if I did, I’d like to know it was a date ahead of time.”
“I thought it would be less pressure this way.” Diana shrugged. “The men in San Francisco are either married or gay. Internet companies are producing lovely young men who are intelligent and have money.”
“Mother.” Cassie’s face was bright red. “I’m not even divorced. I don’t want a man.”
“I know I didn’t marry again,” Diana said delicately, “but I always had romantic interests. I already had a child. For you, it’s different.”
“I’m thirty-two, I have plenty of time to have a child. It’s too soon to think about dating.” Cassie suddenly felt tired. The half glass of wine she drank made her head throb. She pictured Grant sitting across the table, sniffing his wineglass, and shuddered.
“It’s never too soon to be happy,” her mother replied, inspecting her manicure. “In today’s world you have to go out and look for it. Think of all the people who do Internet dating.”
“If you sign me up for Match.com, I quit,” Cassie threatened.
“I’m sorry Grant wasn’t a gentleman.” Diana tapped her nails on the desk. “But you need to keep your eyes open. You have beautiful skin, Cassie, but it doesn’t stay soft forever.”
“I’m taking the rest of the day off.” Cassie threw open the door. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
* * *
The first apartment the real estate agent showed Cassie was a studio in the Marina. She had always loved the Marina Green. She imagined taking long walks by the bay, watching boats sail under the Golden Gate Bridge.
“It has a lovely exposure. You said sun is important to you.” The real estate agent lifted the blinds to reveal a sliver of the bay hidden behind taller apartment buildings.
“It’s a little cramped.” Cassie turned around in the living room/bedroom. “I think I’d feel more comfortable up the hill.”
“No one in the Marina worries about earthquakes anymore.” The agent shrugged dismissively. She was a small blond woman with thin ankles and muscled upper arms. “But I’ll show you a couple of places in Cow Hollow.”
Cassie trudged through a one bedroom in Cow Hollow feeling her spirits fall. After she had stormed out of her mother’s office she was more determined to get her own apartment. She pictured herself tossing salads in her kitchen, and eating them in a sun-filled garden. Maybe she would make a friend or two in the building and have potlucks like when she was in college.
The apartments she saw weren’t big enough to have people over and they had that impermanent feel of a rental. The walls were beige and the floors were chipped hardwood. The closets were bare and smelled of mothballs.
“I want something with a little more character.” Cassie sighed. “With a fireplace or a garden.”
“June is a difficult time of year for rentals.” The agent consulted her book. “I have one that will be available in about a week. It has very nice bay windows, not a lot of closet space.”
“I need a view more than clothes.” Cassie smiled. “I’d like to take a look.”
* * *
The apartment was on the second floor of a duplex on Steiner Street. The lobby had velvet wallpaper and big potted palms and there was a gilt mirror on the wall. Cassie climbed the wooden staircase and smelled lasagna and garlic.
“The back apartment is leased by an old couple, but the front apartment is a sublet. If you don’t mind the smell of Italian cooking, it might work. It gets nice light, especially in the evenings.” The real estate agent sorted through her keys and opened the door.
“What beautiful floors!” Cassie exclaimed. The floors were polished maple and the walls were painted pale blue. There was a fireplace in one corner and tall bay windows covered by sheer curtains.
“I think the rugs belong to the tenant.” The agent opened the curtains. “But you could ask him if they can stay with the apartment. The bedroom also gets lovely light and the closet has been converted into an office.” She showed Cassie the next room. “If you stand by the window you can see Coit Tower. There’s a bakery on the corner that bakes delicious croissants.”
“It’s quite spacious.” Cassie surveyed the bedroom. A queen-sized bed stood in the middle of the room flanked by two wood bedside tables. A sketch of the Bay Bridge hung on the wall and a chest of drawers stood in the corner. Cassie peeked in on a windowless bathroom and a small closet with a built-in desk and folding chair.
“The lease has another six months.” The agent trailed Cassie. “But I could probably negotiate something longer.”
Cassie returned to the living room and stood by the window. The street was full of trees and there was a boy zipping up and down the sidewalk on a scooter.
“I like the feel of the neighborhood.” Cassie hesitated. “I’d definitely want a longer lease.”
“I have a meeting.” The agent glanced at her watch. “But I can draw up a lease and present it to the landlord in the morning.”
Cassie sat on the window seat and looked down on the street. The afternoon sun streamed in, creating spidery shafts of light. “Do you mind if I sit here for a few minutes? I’m going to live here alone and I just want to see how it feels.”
“The divorce apartment.” The agent nodded knowingly. “You want to know if the four walls are going to close in on you. I really have to run but you look pretty safe. I’ll leave the key and you can slip it in the mailbox on your way out.” She fiddled with her key chain and handed the key to Cassie.
“Thank you.” Cassie blushed. “I won’t stay long.”
“Don’t worry.” The agent opened the door. “Eventually you’ll love living alone. You can eat whatever you want and leave your makeup on the bathroom sink.”
* * *
Cassie reclined on the window seat looking out at the bay. She saw boats rocking in the distance and the outline of the Marin hills. Two women pushed strollers across the street and an old lady carried a sack of groceries.
The apartment was brutally quiet. She missed the sound of vegetables being sliced on the kitchen counter. She missed hearing the shower runnin
g and the dryer tossing Aidan’s socks.
Cassie wondered if she should move to her mother’s Nob Hill penthouse for a while. It was convenient to Fenton’s and she’d never be lonely with Diana to spar with in the evenings. She imagined the parade of suitors that might arrive at the door, picked by Diana for their breeding and prospects, and shuddered.
“Cassie, what are you doing here?”
“James!” She turned to the front door. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here.” He closed the front door. He was carrying two bags of Chinese takeout and a pile of magazines. “At least until the end of next week. Did you come to say good-bye?”
“My real estate agent showed me the apartment and I just wanted to sit and admire the view.” Cassie jumped up from the window seat. “I had no idea it was yours!”
James put his bags down and walked over to Cassie. “Please stay and have dinner.”
“I can’t.” Cassie blushed. “I have to be…”
“Nowhere.” James put his hand on her wrist. “I have too much for one person to eat. You’re doing me a favor. Without you, I’ll be eating Kung Pao chicken for a week.”
* * *
“Now you see the exciting life of a bachelor.” James ladled wontons into a soup bowl. “I did go a little crazy tonight. I got fortune cookies and ice cream for dessert.”
“I thought you were a foodie.” Cassie ate a forkful of Chinese coleslaw. They sat at a round table in the kitchen. James had covered it with a blue tablecloth and dragged an extra folding chair from the closet.
“I love everything about food,” James admitted, “except cooking it. I have two left thumbs in the kitchen.”
“That explains the McDonald’s addiction,” Cassie joked. She had felt nervous about staying for dinner, but James was so easy to talk to. She felt like a kid hanging out at a friend’s house after school.
“Luckily this neighborhood has some wonderful take-out places. There’s a Russian restaurant on the corner that makes the best borscht with sour cream.” James sprinkled seasoning on his teriyaki noodles. “Are you going to take the apartment?”
“Carter is coming home soon. Alexis will have enough problems without me being around.”
“He still doesn’t want Alexis working at Fenton’s?” James frowned. “Alexis is the department store queen. She has her own fan page on Facebook.”
“He doesn’t know she’s working at Fenton’s.” Cassie laughed. “He’s been on a kangaroo farm for weeks. My mother suggested I move in with her but we’d claw each other’s eyes out.”
“Diana can be a challenge,” James agreed diplomatically. “She’s thrilled with the success of the emporium.”
“I’m happy it’s doing well,” Cassie replied hesitantly. She put her fork down and fiddled with her napkin.
“Does Fenton’s make you happy?” James heaped noodles on Cassie’s plate.
“I feel like a child who begged for a puppy and then wanted to return it,” Cassie admitted. “I love talking with the suppliers and I enjoy being around food, but there’s just something about the clientele.”
“They dress like movie queens and behave like spoiled children at a birthday party?” James grinned.
“I feel so guilty.” Cassie breathed. “In a way Aidan was right. I’m not cut out for San Francisco society. I’m more comfortable around vegetables.”
“You could try something different.”
“I don’t think I’m up for different right now. Maybe I just need to settle in.” Cassie shrugged. She picked at a forkful of chicken.
“You need to do what you love, Cassie.”
“I haven’t been very successful in the love department.” Cassie put her napkin on the table and pushed back her chair. “Dinner was delicious, but I better go.”
“You can’t go before we open our fortune cookies.” James stood up. “You’ll never know what you missed.”
“I don’t have much luck with fortune cookies.” Cassie grimaced. “Mine usually say things like ‘Beware man carrying sticks. He will break your back.’ That’s why I eat Japanese food.”
“I’ll open your fortune and you open mine. If it’s terrible, I’ll throw it away and you’ll never know. Why don’t we eat them in the living room? You carry the cookies and I’ll grab the ice cream,” James suggested, clearing away plates and containers of noodles.
Cassie sat on the window seat and tucked her feet underneath her. She looked down on the street. The streetlights were on and the sidewalk was bathed in a yellow light. She saw a couple walking arm in arm, leaning into each other and laughing.
James carried a TV dinner tray with a carton of vanilla ice cream.
“The TV dinner tray is one of my favorite inventions.” James handed Cassie a bowl and spoon. “You can eat alone and never get lonely. Jon Stewart is always there to keep you company. You go first; what does my fortune cookie say?”
“‘You can never be too kind,’” Cassie read the thin white paper. “‘Your kindness will be returned in gold.’”
“Very wise.” James sat on the window seat next to her. “My turn. ‘Plant happiness like a small seed. Soon it will flower.’”
James put his glasses on the TV tray and leaned toward Cassie. He tucked her hair behind her ears and kissed her softly on the mouth. He leaned against the window and kissed her harder, his lips wet and sweet.
Cassie felt the pressure of his mouth on hers, of his hand on the small of her back. She kissed him back. His body was thin and hard and smelled like peppermint soap. She leaned against the window and the bowl of ice cream turned over in her lap and clattered to the floor.
“I’m sorry.” She pulled away and hunched down on the rug. “I’ve ruined your rug. I’ll get a paper towel.” She ran to the kitchen and returned with a roll of paper towels. She mopped up the ice cream, keeping her eyes on the floor so James wouldn’t see her blush. “I really should go,” she said when the puddle of ice cream had disappeared.
“You can’t go.” James sat on the rug next to her. “Your skirt is wet, it’s see-through.”
“James, I don’t think…” She stumbled.
“Don’t think.” He pulled her up and led her to the bedroom. “I’ll think for both of us.”
James closed the curtains and put his arms around Cassie. He kissed her tentatively, like a boy on a prom date, until she started to kiss him back. Cassie waited while he unzipped her dress, feeling his cold fingers on her naked back.
He pulled the dress over her head and unsnapped her bra. He touched her breasts, drawing circles around her nipples, and then he pulled off her panties and let them drop to the floor.
“I knew you were beautiful.” James unzipped his pants, took off his shirt, and pulled her onto the bed. His body was thin and hard like a cross-country runner. He ran his fingers over her stomach, kissing her mouth, her neck, her breasts. He pushed her back and studied her face, tracing her nose and mouth with her finger.
Cassie’s legs opened by themselves, her body straining to reach him. James turned away and fumbled in the bedside drawer. Then he turned back, found her hands, and held them tightly. He covered her body with his and pushed deep inside her.
Cassie came first, a long orgasm that crept up on her, not allowing her to back away. James waited till she stopped shaking and then he pushed harder, gasping, falling on her breasts, and shattered against her.
James turned on his side and pulled her close to him. Cassie lay with her eyes open, hearing his breathing rise and fall. She felt the pieces of her heart rearrange themselves like a Rubik’s cube. She tucked herself against his chest, closed her eyes, and slept.
18.
Cassie lay on her stomach and opened her eyes. The sun streamed in the bay window, making a pattern on the rug. Her body felt thick and sleepy, like she had spent the night in a warm bath. She turned over and leaned against the pillows, listening to sounds in the kitchen.
She heard the fridge open and close, and the toas
ter pop. She heard glasses clinking and a drawer opening. She closed her eyes and pictured James on top of her, his body hard and narrow. She remembered the way he held her hands when he entered her, as if he was afraid she would leap off the bed, and felt a tiny flicker of desire.
“I don’t have a lot of breakfast foods.” James put a TV dinner tray on the bed. It held a glass of orange juice, a slice of wheat toast, and a bowl of Froot Loops.
“You eat Froot Loops?” Cassie giggled.
“My grandmother used to feed them to the cows as a treat.” James poured milk in the bowl. “Smart cows, they’re delicious. And they make the milk turn colors.”
“All these years I’ve been missing out.” Cassie ate a spoonful of Froot Loops.
“I’m the one who’s been missing out.” James sat on the bed and kissed her softly on the mouth.
“I should go.” Cassie pulled away. “I’ll be late for work.”
“Take the day off.” James put the tray on the floor. “Let’s pull a Ferris Bueller.”
“A what?”
“When I was a kid we watched that movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off a hundred times. It was filmed in Chicago. Ferris calls in sick to the principal’s office and spends the day with his girlfriend and his best friend exploring the city. The movie was the director’s love letter to Chicago.”
“Alexis was brilliant at finding excuses for us to leave school early. She had four straight years of orthodontist appointments. We used to sit at Fisherman’s Wharf and eat ice cream with the tourists.”
“Please, Cassie. I want to spend the day with you.” He lay down and ran his hands up and down her back.
“Last night was wonderful.” She felt his fingers play on her spine. “But you’re leaving in a week.”
“Think of it as my good-bye present.” James pulled himself on his elbow. “We’ll ride the cable cars and climb to the top of Coit Tower. We’ll stuff ourselves with sourdough bread and Ghirardelli chocolate.”
