She pressed her hands to his chest and turned aside. "Don't, Tommy Lee," she whispered.
His head was half bent toward the kiss. It remained that way while his eyes swam over her and he absently fingered the giraffe. Then he dropped it against her skin. "You're right. It was a stupid idea."
Her heart was thrumming crazily. Beneath his shirt she felt his doing the same. For a moment she was tempted, for old times' sake, but common sense prevailed and she withdrew to take up her pose as doorkeeper, outwardly poised, unruffled, one hundred percent a lady. He backed off politely, leaving her feeling vaguely disappointed and oddly guilty-it had been years since she'd had occasion to deny a man a kiss, and it was no less embarrassing now than it had been as a teenager. But she forced her eyes to meet his, and knew beyond a doubt that saying no was best for both of them.
"Good night, Rachel," he said, stepping out.
"Good-bye, Tommy Lee."
At her choice of farewell words he turned, gave her a last lingering look, then spun away. She watched him until he was halfway down the sidewalk, heading for his Cadillac. Then she closed the door, leaned her forehead against it, and fought the tears.
CHAPTER FOUR
During the days that followed, Rachel tried to put Tommy Lee out of her mind. Her father and Marshall helped tremendously. Everett had taken to popping in unexpectedly in the evenings, and Marshall, whose two daughters were already grown and married, found it easy to do the same. On her three days a week at Rachel's house, Callie Mae always stayed until Rachel got home in the late afternoon. She would cast a droll eye on Rachel's slim profile, remind her there was a chocolate pie-or some such calorie-filled delight-in the refrigerator, then chastise, "If you don't put some meat on them bones, you gonna quit castin' a shadow, Miss Rachel."
Rachel would smile and tease, "You won't rest until I'm wearing a size sixteen, will you, Callie Mae?"
But Rachel's appetite remained paltry, and eating alone seemed to decrease it even more. But if Rachel often passed up Callie Mae's offerings, Marshall never did. He came often, to share a meal, to check on Rachel, or to "get her out of the house," as he put it. Having shared many of the same friends for years, it seemed quite natural that together they'd round out a table at bridge, attend backyard barbecues or an occasional movie, and even go shopping for the new furnishings for the master bedroom, which Rachel had decided to have redecorated.
Owen's life insurance had come through, and Marshall solemnly delivered the check shortly after Rachel's return from St. Thomas, then, together with Everett, mapped out the investment plan they deemed most prudent.
The three of them fell into the habit of driving up to one of the nicer clubs in Florence for dinner each Friday night, and though Rachel was most often grateful for their company, there were times when she felt smothered by them. Marshall was very much like Owen in many ways-quiet, steady, sensible, but, to her dismay, a bore. She grew tired of listening to him talk about his chief pastime-taking meticulous care of his yard. And of her father talking about his chief pastime-money and its management. Often when she was with them she found herself withholding sighs: Bermuda grass, investments, azalea bushes, interest rates, annuities, pruning, IRA accounts… The two of them droned on about the same dull subjects while Rachel grew listless.
But whenever they were not there Rachel found herself wishing she had children. How different these days would be if she could return home each day to the sound of their voices in the house, perhaps the blare of a stereo from one of the bedrooms, the clatter of a tennis racket being dropped in the middle of the kitchen floor, even the sound of adolescent bickering. She could imagine one of them coming to her, complaining, "Mother, will you tell him." Or her…
Don't think about Beth. Don't think about her father.
But every time she walked into the newly decorated bedroom, she thought of Tommy Lee. The room had been repapered with an airy yellow and white bamboo design, and the furniture was pristine white wicker-fresh, bright, a breath of springtime brought inside. Colorful silk flowers adorned a miniature dressing table, above which hung a wicker-framed mirror. The bed was strewn with the whitest, ruffliest spread she could buy, and piled high with yellow and white throw pillows. She'd dappled the room with potted palms and pothos, and changed the scents in the closet and drawers to a brisk herbal that complemented the new look. It was the bedroom of a fifteen-year-old girl now, as bright and different as Rachel could make it. But when she viewed it, she often thought with silent chagrin, "Is this my `Sue Ann Higgenbotham`?"
And at night, when she lay with the new woven wood shades lifted clear of the sliding glass door, she studied the reflection of the moon on the surface of the pool and took stock of her life, the void, the boredom that was becoming oppressive. She wondered if she would simply drift into her fifties, then her sixties, accepting Marshall's and her father's company as her social mainstay, because the town was small and offered little more.
But it offered one other whom she could not erase from her mind.
She pictured him as he'd looked the night he'd come to the house, wearing the new glasses that made him seem half a stranger, knowing in her heart that he was scarcely a stranger. She remembered the pain in his eyes as he'd told of his failed marriages and his lasting feelings for her. She recalled his lips, as familiar as they'd been years ago, and found herself wishing she had kissed him again, then felt guilty for making such a wish when Owen had been gone such a short time. But Owen's illness had depleted him so rapidly during the last half-year that their sexual relationship had been nonexistent. While he was alive, she'd been too preoccupied with concern for him to rue the lack, but now, alone in bed at night, memories of Tommy Lee and the past came crowding back, leaving her restless and unsatisfied.
Thank heavens she had the store to fill her days. She loved it and was tremendously proud of its success. It had taken ten years to endow the business with its current йclat-a Dun and Bradstreet rating of over $100,000 a year -and almost as long to acquire the eclectic fittings that made the setting at once genteel and warmly welcoming. Oddly enough, Panache was the antithesis of Rachel's house, where each item had its place and where neatness reigned.
The front door boasted a stained-glass window she had found at an auction. Apple-green carpeting created a soothing backdrop for well-chosen touches of pink in the accoutrements.
An elegant French provincial sofa of shell-pink velvet sat before the front bay window, surrounded by hanging ferns. At the rear of the store a tall French armoire spread mirrored doors wide, its illuminated interior highlighting the current display of Giorgio Sant'Angelos and Gloria Betkers draped artistically over the gaping doors and tilting from willow hangers.
At one rear corner was the fitting room: nothing more than a length of fringed French moirй, again in pink, shirred on a circular brass rod. Inside was a delicate wicker chair that matched the chest just outside, where a mountainous burst of spruce-green eucalyptus exploded from a fat-bellied pot in bleeding shades of rose. The spicy fragrance blended with that of herbal soaps, bath salts, and sachets displayed in an open curved-glass curio cabinet and the central display of Flora Danica fragrances.
The opposite rear corner housed Rachel's prized Louis XIV kneehole desk and matching chair with its gilded legs and rose damask seat. There was only one rectangular showcase in sight, and that housed jewelry and scarves in the center of the store. Otherwise, clothing was displayed hither and thither: on an antique butterfly table, hanging from the doe-foot supports of an oval shaving mirror, strewn with an artful eye on the graduated shelves of a whatnot, and slipping from the drawers of a provincial lowboy with graceful acanthus-leaf pulls. Around the walls, dresses hung on charming brass extenders, alternating with the array of wall decor that brought the green-and-white trellised paper to life: miniature Renoir prints, framed cross-stitch embroidery, sprigs of feathergrass bound with green and pink ribbons, toadstools and unicorns on knickknack shelves, decoupage fancies and gold-beade
d neck ropes. The handmade crafts interspersed with couturier labels lent Panache that look of artful clutter only the most talented can successfully achieve. And the store managed to reflect its owner: cool, elegant, tasteful, and always, always fragrant.
Rachel's workdays followed a routine: up at seven, open at nine, paperwork at her corner desk in between helping customers, post office at eleven, lunch at twelve-thirty-usually a piece of fruit or a carton of yogurt at her desk while perusing Women's Wear Daily. The afternoons were slightly more varied: dust the furniture, water the ferns, steam the wrinkles from any newly arrived garments, tag incoming merchandise, straighten the stacks, rehang the tried-ons, then, at exactly quarter to four, walk down to the bank with the day's deposit before returning to the shop to help Verda close up for the day.
Given this regimentation, the biyearly clothing markets presented an inviting change of routine for Rachel. It was on a Wednesday in early April, when she and Verda were discussing the upcoming market in Dallas, that the phone rang on Rachel's desk. Verda, who happened to be standing right beside the desk, automatically picked it up. A moment later, wide-eyed, she covered the mouthpiece with her palm and announced in a stage whisper, "It's for you! It's him!"
Rachel's head snapped up. "Who?"
Verda's eyebrows nearly touched her hairline. "It's the one who kept calling you while you were gone to St. Thomas. The one who'd never give his name."
Rachel's stomach did a somersault, but she gave away none of the trepidation she felt as Verda handed over the phone, then stood listening, making no effort to appear as if she weren't.
"Hello?"
He needn't have given his name; this time she recognized the voice. There followed a long pause, and then Tommy Lee's voice came again. "I've been thinking about you."
With Verda right there, Rachel measured her reply carefully. "Is there something you wanted?"
"Yes. I wanted to know if you'd like to come out and see the lake rise. The dam's been opened for two months, and the water level's finally coming up at my end of the lake."
"I'm really sorry, but I won't have time."
"How do you know? I haven't told you when yet."
Verda now had her ear cocked like a robin listening for a worm. Unable to dream up an evasive reply, Rachel was forced to ask, "When?"
"Friday afternoon. I thought we could drive out together after we're both finished with work."
It sounded so much more appealing than dinner with her father and Marshall, but she quelled the urge to accept. "I'm sorry. I have plans for that night."
"I don't believe you, but that's okay. I'll try another time."
"That won't be necessary, T.." She caught herself just short of pronouncing his name.
"I know. But I'll try just the same." Then he ended softly, "Bye, Rachel."
"Good-bye."
Verda followed every motion as Rachel hung up the phone and slipped her large, squarish reading glasses back on her nose.
"Well, who was it?" the clerk asked point-blank.
Rachel managed to exude an air of total indifference as she relaxed against the chair with one slim wrist draped over its rim. "Oh, just someone I knew years ago who heard of Owen's death and wanted to express his sympathies."
"That's not what it sounded like to me. It sounded like somebody asking you out on a date."
"A date?" Rachel pushed her glasses low and peered at Verda over their rims, hoping she didn't look as shaken as she was by the sound of his voice. "A date? With a widow of less than two months? Don't be silly, Verda." Then she returned to her study of the calendar and the market announcement. "I'll make my flight reservations this afternoon." The subject of the phone call was set aside while they discussed the upcoming trip.
But that afternoon when Rachel made her three forty-five walk to the bank, Tommy Lee was standing in the doorway of his office building as she passed on the opposite side of the street. When she saw him, her navy-blue high heels came to an abrupt halt and she clutched the zippered bank pouch more tightly against her ribs. She'd been passing his office for ten years, and the few times he'd happened to come out while she was directly across the street he'd moved to his car with no indication of having seen her.
He raised a palm now, silently. While she acknowledged it with a silent nod, she mentally calculated how many people up and down Jackson Avenue might have witnessed the exchange. Then she hurried on, breathing freely only when she reached the comparative safety of the bank lobby. From inside, she turned to see if he was still there. He was, studying the bank steps, his expression unreadable from this distance. He found a cigarette, lit it, tossed his head back in that masculine way she sometimes pictured when she thought of him- late at night when she couldn't sleep-and turned, then disappeared into his office.
Rachel spun around, her eyes zeroing in on her father's glass-walled office. He was sitting behind his desk, watching her with a disapproving look on his face. Had he seen Tommy Lee? A disquieting memory came back to her at that moment. She'd heard it said that when Tommy Lee graduated from college and returned to Russellville to set up his business, he had come to the bank to apply for a small-business loan, and her father had personally seen to it that Tommy Lee's application was turned down. Odd that the recollection had come back after all these years.
Her father watched her like an eagle as she turned toward the teller's window to make her daily deposit. She felt his eyes auguring into her shoulderblades and became angry that he should still have a modicum of control over her where Tommy Lee was concerned.
But when her business was completed, she squared her shoulders, put on a false bright smile, and clicked into his glass office, seeking to confirm their Friday night date so she wouldn't feel tempted to take Tommy Lee up on his invitation after all.
"Hi, Daddy. Are we still on for Friday night?"
"Of course. Just as usual."
But Friday night sounded more lackluster than ever. Stepping back onto the sidewalk to make her return walk to Panache, Rachel glanced immediately to the red-brick building half a block away. But Tommy Lee had not come back. His car was parked out front, though, and she had the disturbing feeling he was watching her through the window.
The following day Rachel was folding some silk scarves at the jewelry display case when she absently glanced up to see the tail end of a white Cadillac cruising by at a sloth's speed. Her heart seemed to slam into her throat and she snapped a glance at Verda. But Verda was busy with a customer and hadn't noticed.
Tommy Lee Gentry, don't you dare!
If only he drove some mundane mid-size car in everybody's blue! But everyone in town could count the times he cruised past in that Cadillac. And if he started making a habit of it, what would she do?
Before two days were up she understood… he'd started to make a habit of it. How many times had she glanced up to see the car easing along the street at far less than the thirty-mile-an- hour speed limit? Adolescent tactics! Yet each time she saw it her heart fluttered and she felt hot and weak.
On Friday when she stepped out of the bank with the empty pouch in her hand, she again came up short. There he was, on her side of the street, visiting casually with three other businessmen as if they'd just happened to meet on the sidewalk. The quartet broke up just as Rachel stepped abreast of them. Tommy Lee turned and fell into step beside her quite naturally.
"Well, hello, Mrs. Hollis."
"Hello, Tommy Lee."
"You're looking exceptionally pretty today."
She walked a little faster and kept her voice low. "Tommy Lee, what on earth are you trying to prove, waiting to ambush me on the street? And who do you think you're fooling, calling me Mrs. Hollis when everyone in town knows we grew up on Cotako Street side by side!"
He grinned down charmingly. "Sorry, then. Hello, Rachel, you're looking exceptionally pretty today."
Good Lord, how long had it been since she'd blushed? But it was impossible to be unaffected by his nearness, his compliments. "
Tommy Lee, stop it! And stop driving past my store at five miles an hour ten times a day!"
"Today I only drove past six times. Can I see you sometime this weekend?"
"No, I have plans."
"I don't believe you, Rachel. And if you don't want me to grab your elbow and drag you to a stop you'd better do it yourself and act as if you're giving me a civil time-of-day." They were directly across the street from his office now, and Rachel obediently halted, then lifted her flustered eyes to his. "Who are you going to see tonight?" Tommy Lee demanded, standing before her with both hands in his trouser pockets, shirtsleeves rolled to mid-forearm and tie loosened over an open top button. Looking up at him gave her that strange familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach, just like years ago when he'd stop her this way in the halls at school. It struck her that he was handsomer than either Owen or Marshall, though the thought appeared out of nowhere to rankle her.
"My daddy. He's taking me to dinner in Florence."
"Oh." He scowled, glanced toward the bank and thrust his lips out in a peculiarly attractive fashion.
"Yes. Oh. I can hardly tell him I'm sorry but I'm breaking our date to go out with Tommy Lee Gentry, can I?"
"What about tomorrow? The water's up enough that we could go out on the boat."
It sounded absolutely wonderful. "Tomorrow I'm working. I gave Verda the day off."
"Sunday, then."
"Sunday I'm going to church. You remember church, don't you, Tommy Lee? That big red-brick building down there on the corner where you used to go?" It was as close to snide as Rachel had ever come as she pointed to the First Baptist, several blocks away. But the more she was exposed to him, the harder she had to fight to remind herself that he wasn't exactly parlor fare anymore.
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