He found Jack Jameson crouched behind the bar, cleaning shelves, wearing the same beat-up red leather cowboy boots he’d worn a decade ago. They’d known each other for years, but it didn’t make showing up there any easier. Like Elijah, Jack had been a nomad, moving from one bar to the next, floating through life without purpose or direction. They’d seen a lot of crazy action over the years. Now Jack had his fiancée Alley to anchor him, while Elijah continued to drift.
“Dude, what’s shaking?” Jack rose to his feet, stretching to his imposing height and took Elijah’s hand in a firm, welcoming grasp.
“Not much, man. Just back in town for a little R&R.”
“Well, it’s always good to see you.” Jack cocked his head to one side and gave him the shit-eating grin he remembered all too well. “What the fuck is up with your hair, man?”
Elijah ruffled a hand through his short hair and smiled. Then he raised an eyebrow at Jack’s glossy, collar-length hair. Jack had the kind of panty-melting good looks that had made him a major player. Even though Elijah was a star, Jack had given him a run for his money when it came to slaying the ladies. Until he’d settled down with Ally, that is.
“I’ll have you know, this is a two-hundred-dollar haircut,” Elijah said. “Maybe you should think about getting one.”
“Oh, hell no. Not if I have anything to say about it.” The feminine voice came from somewhere behind him. “It took me forever to talk him into growing it back out.” He turned to find Ally approaching from the back hall, hands raised in warning. Her mass of golden hair was swept into a clip at the back of her head. Intelligent green eyes regarded him.
“Anything you want, baby,” Jack said. He took Ally’s hand and raised it to his lips. “It’s all about you.”
“I’m so glad you figured that out,” she replied, retrieving her hand. She gave him a playful swat on the behind. Their easy banter made Elijah smile. She turned to face him with a mock glare and pointed a finger at him. “You’re a bad influence, Mr. Crowe.”
The smile slipped from his face. She was teasing, but the truth of her words stung. It wasn’t the first time he’d been accused, but it was the first time he cared.
“So it’s not every day that a world-famous drummer stops into Felony,” Jack said. “Two years and not a word.” He set his forearms on the bar counter and leaned forward to face Elijah and Ally. “Now you show up out of the blue. You must want something. A drink, maybe? What can I get you?” He set a highball glass onto the counter.
“I do want something. But not a drink.” He raised a hand to stop Jack before he could pour whiskey into the glass. “I haven’t had a drink in months. I’m sober and I’d like to stay that way.”
“Really?” Jack and Ally both spoke at the same time, with twin stares of disbelief.
“You don’t have to say it like that,” Elijah replied, rolling his eyes. “It’s not that hard to believe, is it?”
“Dude, I once saw you shove a couch out of a fifth-story hotel window,” Jack said. “And I don’t think I’ve seen you sober since.”
“Get out,” Ally exclaimed. Her eyebrows arched to her hairline.
“We did some crazy shit back in the day, baby,” Jack said. “You don’t want to know.”
“Uh, yes, I do,” she replied.
“Well, I’m done with that kind of insanity.” In some ways it seemed like so long ago, and like yesterday in other ways.
“That’s awesome, Elijah,” Ally said while Jack stared at him in disbelief. “We’ll do anything we can to help. Won’t we, Jack?”
Jack scrubbed a hand over his face. He was silent for so long Elijah wondered if he’d heard her. After a minute, he blew out a long breath and nodded, a slow smile lighting up his face. “I’m glad to hear it, man. Honestly, I figured you’d kill yourself before you hit thirty.” The sincerity and genuine happiness in Jack’s voice warmed Elijah in a way he’d never anticipated. It only made what he had to say that much more difficult. “Just tell me what you need, and I’m there for you.”
This was it. The lead-in Elijah needed. Anxiety colored his vision and the now-familiar tightness clutched his chest. He shut his eyes and inhaled once, twice, three times. When he opened his eyes, Ally and Jack were staring at him with concern.
“Are you okay?” Ally went behind the bar and poured a glass of water then slid it to him.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He paused long enough to take a sip before launching straight into his speech. “I need to tell you something, Jack. Alone. Do you mind, Ally?”
“No. Of course not.” Her smile reassured him. He didn’t know her well, but his opinion of her climbed to new heights at her expression of sympathy. “I’ve got a few things to finish up in the office anyway.”
“Anything you have to say, you can say in front of her,” Jack said. He held out a hand to stop her. She looked from Jack to Elijah, uncertain. “We don’t have any secrets between us, and I think maybe she needs to hear what you’re about to say.”
It was hard enough to admit to your shortcomings to someone you’d known a lifetime, let alone an acquaintance. But this was for Jack, and if he wanted her there, then so be it. Obviously, Jack trusted Ally. Elijah would have to suck it up.
“Okay, well…” He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and began. “I banged your ex-wife, man.”
Jack’s dark eyes flicked to Ally then back to Elijah. His brow furrowed. “Come again?”
“Your ex-wife. Chelsea? I banged her.” The room seemed hot and close. He ran a finger inside his collar. “After you and Chelsea split up, I ran into her at a club. We started hanging out. One thing led to another. I invited her to go out on tour with me for a few stops, and it ended up being two years.” He glanced at Jack, whose face remained impassive. “We weren’t a couple, but we were together, if you know what I mean.” Jack’s eyes narrowed. Elijah drew in another steadying breath. “I should’ve told you, man. I was so wrapped up in myself that I lost track of what was right and wrong. I violated the bro code, and I just wanted to tell you I’m truly sorry.”
Jack continued to stare with narrowed eyes. The fingers of his right hand tapped a threatening tattoo on the bar counter. He was tall and powerful with a hint of underlying danger. Elijah had seen him lay a man out with one punch. He held his breath, hoping Jack didn’t break his nose or knock out any teeth. Ally rested a restraining hand on Jack’s arm. The silence screamed in Elijah’s ears.
“Say something. Anything.” He slid from his barstool and lifted his chin. “If you want to take a punch at me, I’m good with it.”
“Just give me a minute,” Jack said in a hoarse voice.
“Take all the time you need.” Elijah took another sip of water to quench the desert in his throat.
“Chelsea and I split up years before that. We both know she never gave a shit about me. Whatever happened between you guys isn’t my business. So what is it you need from me?” Elijah swallowed hard at the glint in Jack’s eyes. “Forgiveness? You’ve got it.”
The breath rushed from Elijah’s lungs in a whoosh. He hadn’t realized he was holding it until the relief of fresh oxygen flooded his bloodstream.
“I don’t need you to forgive me unless you want to,” Elijah said. “But I do need you to know I value your friendship more than I can put into words. And if there’s anything I can do to regain your trust, I’ll do it.”
“I respect that,” Jack said. “You’ve done more than enough for me. You bailed me out when I thought Felony would go under. We’re good, man.” He extended a hand over the counter. They shook hands, Jack’s grasp firm and unconditional. Elijah felt an unfamiliar sting in his eyes and blinked to chase it away.
“You’re taking this a lot better than I expected,” Elijah said. He didn’t deserve Jack’s forgiveness or his respect.
Jack’s general air of calm disturbed him more than his anticipated anger. He needed Jack to take a few swings at him. In fact, he welcomed it. Then he could hate himself even more. The
old Eli would’ve hurled a few insults at Jack, provoking him into violence. He could do it. It had been a few years, but he was certain he could still push Jack’s button if he tried. The insults formed in his head, but he swallowed down the words. This was the hard part. Accepting forgiveness.
Jack leaned back against the bar and crossed his arms over his chest. “To be honest, I figured it out a while ago.”
“You knew?” Ally’s incredulous voice intersected the conversation.
“I didn’t know exactly,” Jack replied with an uneasy glance at his fiancée. “But I suspected when he was here last time.”
A knot began to form in the pit of Elijah’s stomach. The couple stared at each other in wordless conversation.
“Um, I have a couple of questions, if I may,” Ally interjected. Her green eyes narrowed on Elijah with calculating intent.
“Sure. Fire away.”
“When—exactly—did this interlude take place?” Her gaze switched to Jack. More silent exchanges.
“Three years ago. Why?”
Ally bit her lower lip and shared another long look with Jack. “Because I think there’s someone you need to see.”
CHAPTER 10
THE CAB stopped in front of a limestone apartment building. It had taken Elijah an entire day to get the nerve to come here. He frowned and checked the address once more. Broken front steps led to a set of double entrance doors. He tugged his baseball cap low over his eyes before leaving the taxi. His hand shook as he rapped on the door of Apartment 9D. Confessing to Jack had been difficult, but after what Ally had told him, this visit might change his life forever.
The door opened, and familiar blue eyes met his. Chelsea didn’t shut the door in his face, which was a good sign, but she didn’t invite him inside either. They stood gaping at each other until the cry of a child broke the standoff. She looked over her shoulder into the apartment then back to him before turning away. She left the door open. After a few seconds, he followed her into the dark living room and shut the door behind them. Unsure what to do, he stood in the center of the tattered rug and waited.
From the looks of the apartment, her life had changed and not for the better. It was a dreary space with dingy, smoke-stained walls. The only light came from the fire escape window in the kitchen. The yellow foam of the sofa cushions burst from threadbare upholstery. Children’s toys scattered over the floor. Nothing could be further from the hedonistic party girl he remembered. But then, he never knew what to expect with Chelsea. It was part of what had drawn him to her. They’d shared a love of the extreme and a good time.
By the time she returned, the walls of his chest ached from the pressure of his hammering heart. He was downright terrified. Shit couldn’t get any more real than this. He’d taken so many wrong turns over the course of his life. If he could right even one of those injustices, it would be worth the humiliation and pain.
“You’ve got a kid.” It wasn’t a question. He’d seen her with the baby a couple of years back. His hands shook as he shoved the baseball cap back from his eyes.
“Yes, a girl.” A faint light of pride and defiance sparkled in her eyes, daring him to say more. “But you already knew that.”
“I did.” There was no use denying it. He’d been on a self-destructive downward spiral when he’d been at Ally’s dinner party, too absorbed in his obsession with Tasha and Luke to make the connection. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She snorted as if he’d said the dumbest thing in the world. “So what do you want, Elijah?” With her arms folded over her chest and chin lifted, she stood before him. “You’re the last person I expected to see here.”
“I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.” By the stone coldness of her face, she wasn’t going to make this easy for him, and he didn’t blame her.
“You’re about three years too late,” she snapped. “So now you’ve seen me and I’m fine.” Her gaze flickered toward the door. “You’re free to go.”
“Damn it, Chels. Can you give me a break here?” He shoved a hand through his hair before deciding to take a different approach. “You look good.”
“Thanks. I got my hair cut.” She ran a slender hand over the sleek black bob of hair but didn’t smile.
“You always looked good.” That was no lie. With her tall, slender frame, delicate features, and fake boobs that he’d paid for, she could’ve been a centerfold.
“Yeah, well…” Her eyes narrowed again. “So much for blowing sunshine up my ass. Now, tell me. What do you really want?”
A cold sweat covered his palms. He blew out a heavy breath to steady himself. “I came to say I’m sorry.”
She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Sure. Right.”
“No. I am.” He took the four steps across the floor to stand in front of her and gripped her by the biceps. “I am truly sorry, Chelsea. I treated you like shit. You deserved better than that, and I wanted you to hear me say it.”
To his surprise, her eyes glittered with unshed tears. She swiped a hand across her cheeks and avoided his gaze. This unexpected emotional response gutted him. He’d expected her anger—welcomed it, even—but the hurt in her eyes slayed him. One of his thoughtless acts had devastated the life of someone else, and she was still dealing with the repercussions of it years later.
“You have no idea what you put me through,” she said in a voice hoarse with pain. “You left me at a rest park in the middle of nowhere.”
The memory came back in snippets, blurred by drugs and fogged by time. The tour buses had stopped at a roadside park in Idaho for a break. They’d been partying with several dozen other people. No one thought to take a head count before they left. He’d been passed out in the back of the bus, oblivious to everyone when she’d left to use the restroom and stretch her legs. They were two hours down the interstate before anyone even missed her. He’d sent someone back to get her, but she was already gone.
“Do you have any idea how humiliating that was? You made me feel like I was worthless.”
The raw emotion in her words cut him to the quick. Unused to feeling, he swallowed hard. Always before, he’d numbed himself to the world with sex, drugs, and alcohol. Guilt. Remorse. Two unwelcome and unfamiliar emotions. Until this moment he never truly knew what they meant. How did people cope? The muscles in his thighs twitched with the urge to hit the door and leave this fucked-up mess behind him.
Don’t run from this, Elijah. Be a man. He cleared his throat and forced himself to look her in the eyes. “I don’t have any excuses.” The words cut his throat like shards of glass.
“You threw me away,” she whispered.
God, what have I done?
“I’m the one who’s worthless.” Pushing aside his reservations, he pulled her into his embrace and stroked a hand through her hair. She stiffened at first then clung to him and buried her face in his neck. The familiarity of her embrace struck a note in his body. He waited for the lust, but he only felt pity and remorse. “You’re not a piece of shit. I was out of my mind most of the time. Hell, you were there. You know how crazy things got. I’m not using that as an excuse. I’m just saying that I was a douche and I know it.”
Sobs wracked her body. He tugged her closer, trying to absorb some of her pain, feeling the prick of tears in his eyes. She cried for a good ten minutes while he held her then got hold of herself and pushed away. When her eyes met his, they overflowed with a sadness that went beyond words, splitting him in two.
“I would’ve come sooner, but I wasn’t in the right place yet,” he said. “But I’m here now, and I want to make it right.”
“What do you want me to say? Thanks? Because I won’t. Do you want me to forgive you? Well, I don’t.” Her words lashed across him like a whip. What had he expected? Jack had let him off easy. Chelsea intended to make him work for it, and he respected her for it. He deserved nothing less.
In an instinctive move, he reached for his wallet in the back pocket of his jeans, relying on old habits to get
him out of a predicament, searching for an easy fix to a complicated problem. It was the only thing he had to offer. “Let me help you, Chelsea. It’s the least I can do.” He thumbed through a roll of hundreds and handed her a dozen. “Please, take it.”
She stared at the money in her hand. Money talked to the old Chelsea in a way words never could. It was the only reason she’d ever hung out with him in the first place. Contempt and anger flared in her exotic eyes. He frowned, confused, and ruffled his hair with one hand.
“I don’t want your money, Elijah. Not anymore. You can’t buy your way out of this.” She opened the door and nodded to the exterior hall. “Now, get the fuck out.”
He walked to the door but stopped at the threshold. Their eyes met. Hurt and pride deepened the blue of her eyes. They’d never had any kind of understanding. She’d flitted in and out of his life without explanation, and he’d never asked for any. Their irresponsibility had brought them to this point. She didn’t need to deal with it alone. He wouldn’t let her.
“Is that my kid?” he asked, a world of agony choking his throat.
The color slipped from her face, and she looked away. “Don’t worry about it, rock star.” With one hand on his chest, she pushed him over the threshold. The money rained down around his feet as the door slammed in his face.
CHAPTER 11
FOR AS long as she could remember, children had delighted Lauren. She enjoyed her nieces and nephews. Katherine, her sister, was pregnant with a second child. Her brother, Carey, had two boys. Someday, she hoped to have a few of her own. In the meantime, she focused all her time and energy into bringing new lives into the world for other people as an obstetrics nurse.
She made her rounds and caught up on the deliveries scheduled for the day. C-sections for the Bergan and Brown families were on the board for afternoon. An inducement had already started for the young Miller couple. With so much going on, the shift would pass quickly.
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