by D. R. Graham
“Oh, sorry to hear that.”
She looked into my eyes for a brief second, then stared down at her purse on her lap. “I heard you lost your dad.”
“Yeah.” I shifted in the seat and hoped she would move on to the next topic.
“He died in a wreck?”
My neck muscles tightened and my heart rate sped up. I figured it was probably better to make it clear right from the start that we weren’t going to be talking about my dad, so without sugar-coating it I said, “I don’t talk about it.”
“Sorry.” She bit at her nail until she came up with a less touchy question to ask. “What do you take at university?”
“I was taking business courses mostly, but I haven’t been able to go back yet since I have other priorities right now.”
“Like your brother?”
I inhaled and tipped my hat back. Avoiding touchy questions wasn’t going to be possible if she wanted to know about my family, so I decided to get it over with. “What have you already heard about him?”
“That he’s crazy and if you don’t take care of him he gets himself into trouble.” She looked over at me again, with caution. “That’s just what I heard. I don’t know what the real story is.”
“That’s pretty much accurate.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“He has bipolar disorder.”
“Don’t they have medication for that?”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t always work. And even when it does work, he doesn’t always take it.”
The cab pulled up in front of the restaurant, thankfully. I paid the driver and we got out. There was a bit of a wait, but I had made a reservation, so the hostess took us in right away. Blake and Tyson were already there with two girls. They were sitting at a table for four across from where we got seated.
“What’s wrong?” Tawnie asked me.
“Nothing.”
She looked over her shoulder. “Would you rather go somewhere else?”
“No, this is fine.” I took my hat off and hung it on the back of my chair.
“Are you embarrassed for them to see us together?”
“No. Why would I be embarrassed to be seen with you?”
She shrugged insecurely. “I don’t know. You’re acting uncomfortable.”
“It has nothing to do with you. I just don’t like Blake all that much, and I’d rather not get into it with him here.”
“He’s nice. Why don’t you like him?”
“He messed with the wrong girl.”
Tawnie’s expression changed, and she looked as if I slapped her or something. Her cheeks turned red.
“What’s wrong?”
She shook her head and stared up at the ceiling blinking back tears. “Well, he didn’t try to mess with me, so obviously there is some other girl you care enough about to get all worked up over.”
I frowned and ran my hand through my hair. I hadn’t meant for it to sound the way it did. “It’s not like that.”
“What’s it like?”
The waiter came over to take our order, took our menus, and left. Tawnie tapped her fingers on the table as if she was still waiting on me to answer the question. I tore off some bread and offered the basket to her. She shook her head and then took a sip from her water glass. She eventually sat back in her chair and crossed her arms. “Do you have a girlfriend? Don’t lie to me.”
“No.”
“Who’s this girl you care about?”
“It doesn’t matter. I told you; it wasn’t like that.”
“Do you want it to be like that with her?”
“I’m on a date here with you. If I wanted it to be like that with her, I’d be on a date here with her, now wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know. Maybe she just wasn’t available.” She leaned her elbows on the table and rubbed her palms over her forehead. “Or, maybe she’s just not easy. Shit.” She looked up at me. “I want to go.”
“We just got here.”
“Yeah, I suddenly feel sick to my stomach.” She stood and rushed towards the door.
I got up and cancelled our order, then asked the hostess to call us a cab. I stepped out into the parking lot, but couldn’t see Tawnie. I wandered around the side of the restaurant and out to the sidewalk. Eventually, I spotted her leaning against a street light. I walked over and touched her arm, which made her flinch. “What was that all about in the restaurant?”
“I don’t want to be some girl you just hook up with.”
“I know.”
“But you like someone else.”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t deny it either. You can’t treat me like trash.”
“I’m not treating you like trash. I asked you out to get to know you better. I don’t date girls unless I like them. If I just wanted to sleep with you, I wouldn’t take you out for steaks first.”
She frowned, unconvinced, and chewed at her fingernail.
I stared at her trying to figure out what her problem was. “Did someone mess with you or something?”
After a long hesitation, she nodded.
“What happened?”
She mumbled, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I stepped in to wrap my arms around her. She relaxed into my hug. We stood that way until the cab pulled up.
“Do you want to go back inside?” I asked.
“The cab’s already here. Let’s just go to a drive-thru or something.”
That was fine with me, so I smiled and opened the door for her. My phone buzzed as she was sliding in. I read the text and mumbled, “Shit. Not again.”
“What’s wrong?”
I got in and told the driver to take us back to the hotel.
“Did you forget something?” Tawnie asked.
“Yeah, my brother.”
When the cab pulled up in front of the hotel, there were already two cop cars there. Rochelle met me on the curb. “I told the hotel management that I already got a hold of you, but they still called the police.”
“Thanks for letting me know. Where is he?”
She pointed up to the first floor roof. Cole was buck naked and dancing in a raunchy way with the flag pole.
“Jesus.” I glanced at Tawnie to gauge her reaction. She stared up at him with an expression that was a mixture of amusement and disgust. When she looked over at me, it switched to pity. I walked over to where the cops were shouting up at him. “He’s my brother. I’ll take care of it.”
“What’s he high on?”
“He isn’t high. He has a mental illness.” I climbed up on a trashcan, so I was closer to the roof. “Hey, Cole.” He stopped grinding on the pole. “Let’s go to the dance. Tawnie and one of her friends are going to come with us.”
“Is she as good looking as Tawnie?”
“Yeah.”
He looked around the crowd of people who had gathered in the parking lot. Then he spotted the cop cars. “Why are the police here?”
“There was a burglary or something. You should go on inside and get dressed so we can go.”
“Where?”
“To the dance with Tawnie and her friend. How did you get up there anyway?”
He looked around and frowned, disoriented. “I don’t know. What are you all staring at?” he shouted.
“Hey, Rochelle,” I said over my shoulder. “Can you get everybody to move inside, please?”
She nodded and herded people into the lobby. Tawnie must have paid the cab driver because he drove away and she followed Rochelle under the awning where Cole couldn’t see them.
“Tell those cops to leave,” Cole shouted.
“They can’t leave until you come on down.” I hopped off the trashcan and walked underneath where he was.
“Are they going to arrest me?”
“For what? Just come down so you can get dressed and go to the dance with us.”
After about a minute of staring up at the sky, he turned around and mooned us as he bent over to gra
b the downspout. He dropped his legs over the edge of the roof and hung for a second before jumping barefoot onto the pavement. One of the cops tensed up and hovered his hand over his holster, which made Cole back away. “Why’s he going for his gun?”
“He’s not. You just look a little crazy right now since you’re not wearing any clothes.”
He glanced down at his nudeness and chuckled as if he was surprised. “Are they going to take me to the hospital?”
“Not unless you want to go.”
“I can’t. I have to ride in the finals tomorrow. We need the money.”
“No. We’ll be okay. You don’t need to ride tomorrow if you don’t feel like it.”
He crouched in a fighting stance and spread his arms out like he was acting out a scene from a ninja movie. He made weird yelping sounds.
“Settle down, Cole.”
“Tell the cops to leave or I’ll take them out with my mad black belt skills. Whaaaa.”
“You don’t have a black belt. If you don’t settle down, I’m going to call Mom.”
“No. Don’t call her.” He stood up straight and relaxed his arms at his side.
The cop beside me suddenly rushed Cole and tackled him to the ground.
“What the hell?” I shouted.
Cole fought really hard and punched the cop in the face a couple times before launching him against the cruiser. The other cop had no choice but to try to restrain him. Even with two cops beating on him, Cole was not surrendering. Eventually, he broke free, scrambled to his feet, and backed away. The cops both stood. The twitchy one pulled out his taser.
“Don’t tase him. Just back off,” I said and stepped between them and Cole. “Hey, look at me.” Cole’s eyes were wide and he wasn’t focused on me. Blood from his nose was smeared all over his chest. “Cole. Look at me.” He blinked, then frowned when he saw me standing in front of him. The tendons in his neck stretched tight and his chest heaved. “Cole, you need to calm down.”
“They attacked me. I’ll kill them if they come near me.”
“No, you won’t. You can’t say that to a cop.”
“I can say whatever I want.” His voice got louder and he pointed at them with jabbing motions. “This is a free country. These fascist pigs can’t tell me what to do. Who gave them the authority to take away my freedom? Last time I checked, I didn’t live in a police state. I don’t have to acknowledge a repressive totalitarian authority. As far as I’m concerned, they’re just a bunch of Nazis who can go fuck themselves.”
I looked over my shoulder at the twitchy cop. “Can you put that taser away? You’re agitating him.”
“I’m going to kill you, fucking Nazis,” Cole shouted and moved in their direction.
The cop raised the taser gun and fired. The electrodes flew by my cheek and the darts insert into Cole’s shoulder. He collapsed and convulsed grotesquely. His back arched and his face grimaced with each bolt. “He’s down, God damn it. Stop it. He’s down.”
The cop released the trigger and Cole contorted one more time before writhing around in pain. He groaned, then tried to get up.
“Stay down.” I knelt beside him and dug my fingers into his arm. He tried to get up again, so I pulled his ear. “Stay down or I will beat you myself.”
He rolled over and groaned again. “Fucking pigs.”
“Shut up.” I looked up at the cop who was more level-headed and said, “He needs to go to a psychiatric hospital, not jail.”
He nodded and spoke into the radio that was hooked to his shoulder. He called an ambulance, then crouched beside me. “Hey, Cole. I need to put some restraints on your wrists. If you cooperate, I’ll make sure they’re nice and loose. You’re not going to jail. We’re just going to take you to the hospital and make sure you’re all right. Your brother can stay with you the whole time.”
“Fuck you, pig.” Cole spit in the cop’s direction.
I leaned my elbow on Cole’s cheek, ground his head into the cement, and spoke right up against his face, “Shut your God damn mouth and be cooperative or I’m leaving you here by yourself. You understand?”
His face contorted as if I’d stabbed him, and he stopped fighting.
“Put your hands behind your back,” I said. He did it, so I took the pressure off his face.
By the time the ambulance arrived he had calmed down a little and he said, “Sorry, Billy. I don’t feel good. Something’s wrong with me. Don’t tell Mom. Sorry.”
I exhaled stress, and helped him sit up. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything. It’s going to be okay.”
Chapter 9
Three days after the incident in Victoria, I was driving home from my shift at the bar when my phone rang. I checked the message once I was parked in the driveway at my mom’s house. “Hey, Billy. It’s Shae. Um, I guess you’re still at work, or maybe you’re sleeping. I heard about what happened with Cole in Victoria. Um, yeah, so I’m just calling to see how you’re doing. I know we kind of left things weird, but I want you to know that you can always call me if you need someone to talk to. Always. Okay, so call if you want to. Or not. Yeah. Okay, bye.”
I went inside and showered. After making myself a sandwich, I lay on my bed and called her back.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey, I got your message. Did I wake you?”
“No, I just turned my light off.”
“Do you want me to call you back in the morning?”
“No, it’s okay.” Something about her voice was as soothing as someone singing a lullaby. It instantly relaxed me. “Were you working?”
“Yeah. I just got home. I was surprised to hear from you. I thought you weren’t going to talk to me ever again after the whole Blake thing.”
She hesitated before she responded, “That was the plan, but then I figured you were probably upset over what happened with Cole. I owe you an all night phone call.”
“I’m not upset.”
“You should be. It sounded terrible.” Her tone was both apologetic and appalled.
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“How’s he doing?”
“A little better. My mom flew out to Victoria to be with him so I could come home and work.”
“So, you’re all alone in the house?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty quiet.”
“You mean scary,” she teased.
I laughed. “Nah, I don’t get scared.” I fluffed up my pillow and propped my head against the headboard before taking a bite of sandwich.
“Liar. You were scared on that midway ride.”
“I was sick, not scared.”
“Oh, really? So, nothing scares you?” she challenged.
“Not that I know of.”
“That’s not normal.”
“What scares you?” I asked.
“Rattlesnakes, tsunamis, algebra, cancer, the entire concept of childbirth, getting struck by lightning, staying home alone — as you know — and fog. Just to name a few.”
I laughed, both at the items on the list and how quickly she was able to rifle them off. “Tsunamis? You live in the Prairies.”
“Some of my fears might be slightly irrational.”
“Slightly,” I teased.
She chuckled, then after a comfortable silence she changed the subject. “Stella won, eh?”
“Did she? I haven’t talked to Tawnie since Saturday night.” I took another bite of the sandwich.
“How did your date go with her?”
Rodeo gossip was unbelievable. When was I going to remember that everything I did was public knowledge? “Uh, it was probably the worst date she’s ever been on. Is there anything you girls don’t gossip about?”
“No, not really. Is the gossip why you don’t normally date girls on the circuit?”
“It has more to do with not living in the same towns. I don’t do the long distance thing that well.”
“So, you plan on meeting the girl of your dreams in Saskatoon?”
I laughed beca
use that was kind of unlikely. “I don’t know. I don’t really see myself getting married anyway.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to be like my dad.” I popped the last bit of sandwich in my mouth and got out of bed to take the plate back to the kitchen.
“I liked your dad. Why don’t you want to be like him?”
“He was a shitty husband. He cheated on my mom pretty much every time he went out of town.”
“Really?” she sounded genuinely shocked. Obviously she was too young to remember that rodeo gossip, or maybe only Cole and I knew about it.
“Don’t tell your mom. My mom doesn’t know.” I washed the plate, then poured myself a glass of milk.
After she spent some time processing that my dad wasn’t who she thought he was, she said, “Technically that’s something you’re scared of — becoming like him.”
“It’s not a fear. He just wasn’t someone I admired.”
“Does my dad cheat on my mom?” she gasped as if it just occurred to her that it might be possible.
I’d never heard any rumours about Trent, but maybe he was just better at hiding it. Or, maybe he was a stand-up guy. “Not that I know of, but maybe that’s why your mom travels with him so much.” I finished the milk and walked down the hall. “Can you hold on one second?” I placed the phone on the bathroom counter and quickly brushed my teeth. “Sorry about that,” I said after I picked the phone back up and crossed the hall to my room.
“I wonder how a person knows for sure if they’re with the right person.” Her voice lowered a little. “Have you ever been in love?”
“No.” I climbed back into bed and propped the pillows behind my back. “Have you?”
“Um, yeah.”
“What’s it feel like?”
She took a deep breath and was quiet for a while. “Well, when you can’t be together, it feels like getting kicked by a horse in the chest.”
I laughed because I knew firsthand how bad that hurt. “Then why would anyone want to fall in love?”
It sounded as if she rolled over under her sheets. “They can’t help it. It just happens.”
“When you are together, does being in love feel better than having sex? Because if it doesn’t, I’ll just stick to what I’ve been doing.”
“Um, actually, I wouldn’t know.”
