by D. R. Graham
“Shae,” she corrected me.
“Yeah, about that, I ain’t never going to stop calling you Shae-Lynn.”
“Why?”
“Because Shae-Lynn is the prettiest name I’ve ever heard and I like how it sounds when I say it.”
She pressed her lips together.
“Shae-Lynn, I know I’m not good enough for you, but I want to be. I’ll do right by you. Please give me a chance to prove it.”
She stared at me for a long time. It felt as if everyone was holding their breath, waiting for her to answer. She grabbed my hand and pulled me. I let her drag me out the back exit into an alley. “Are you nuts?” she hissed.
“It’s a distinct possibility.”
“That was so embarrassing.”
“Sorry.”
“Not embarrassing for me; embarrassing for you.”
I laughed, just glad it was over. “Hopefully it was worth it.”
She shook her head to indicate it wasn’t.
“Shae-Lynn, I know I screwed up when I left, but the reason I did it is because you deserve someone better than me. But the thing is: I don’t want you to be with someone better than me. It might sound selfish, but I want you to be with me because the only time I ever feel at ease is when I’m with you. Based on how terrified I am of hurting you and on how much my chest hurts when I’m not with you, I’m pretty sure that I love you.”
She blinked slowly, stunned, then her gaze locked onto mine. “You what?”
“I love you.”
She turned her head and looked somewhere off in the distance to process what I said.
I reached over and wove my fingers between hers. “Say something. Please.”
Her eyelids dropped and her lashes rested like butterflies on her cheek before she met my gaze again. “Do you remember when I told you that I was in love with someone once?”
“Yeah.”
“What I didn’t mention is that I’m still in love with him.”
I stepped back and took my hat off. I couldn’t breathe and a pressure behind my eyes made them sting. I swallowed hard. “Nate?”
She exhaled slowly, then whispered, “No.”
“Who is it?”
Her fingers tightened around mine. “You, stupid.”
I lunged forward, pushed her up against the brick wall, and kissed her. Her hands slid up and held my face as she kissed me back. Her tongue touched mine and it tasted like her cherry lipgloss. I pulled her even closer and felt her chest rise with each breath. It felt like my first kiss, only better. The same jolt I had felt when we first touched at the hospital zinged through every nerve in my body and made my skin tingle. The world around us faded away as her peaceful easiness washed over me. When she made a strange sound, I opened my eyes.
She was crying.
I leaned my head back and ran my thumbs over her cheeks. “Hey. What’s wrong?”
She blinked a couple times and inhaled. “Nothing’s wrong. I’ve been dreaming about this moment for a long time. It feels really good when a dream comes true.”
I smiled then kissed her again. Her right hand slid down my chest and she let it rest over my heart. We made out for a while before she leaned her head back and stared at me with those big green eyes. I put my hat on her head and tilted it back. “So, does this mean I get to call you my girlfriend?”
“You tell me.”
“I’d be okay calling you my girlfriend if you’re okay with it.”
She was quiet for a while before she said, “I’m okay with it. Just don’t break my heart.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
I kissed her again, but we were interrupted by the sound of a throat clearing. I turned around. Tawnie stood about six feet away with tears running down her face. She wiped her hand across her cheek before she said, “I’m honestly not surprised you would do something like this, Billy. I am shocked at you though, Shae.”
Neither one of us responded.
“I guess the perfect Shae Roberts isn’t as perfect as everyone thinks. Before you give it away to Billy you should probably know that I’m pregnant and he’s the daddy.” She turned on her heel and ran down the alley.
My brain felt like it slammed against the inside of my skull and paralyzed the rest of my body.
Shae-Lynn lunged out from behind me and rushed back to the bar, still wearing my hat. She pounded on the door until a bouncer opened it and let her in. I couldn’t move.
Before the door swung shut, Lee-Anne poked her head out, frantic. “Billy, they’re beating up Cole. Hurry.”
Tawnie had made it to the end of the alley and was about to turn the corner when Lee-Anne lunged over and dug her fingers into my arm. She tugged me so violently that I stumbled and had to put my hand down on the pavement to break my fall. When I looked up, Tawnie was gone. Lee-Anne pulled me again, so I followed her back inside.
Chapter 21
I ran through the bar and burst out the front doors. There was a crowd gathered in the parking lot. Cole was on the ground getting stomped by the two guys we’d hustled. Before I could reach him, Blake and Tyson pulled up in a truck and jumped out. They took a club boy each. I rushed over and crouched down next to Cole. He was curled up in the fetal position, protecting his neck with his hands. “You okay?”
He looked up and smiled as if he found it amusing.
I shook my head, but it was my own damn fault for agreeing to come with him in the first place. Blake was getting his ass kicked, so I grabbed the club boy’s shirt and threw him against the hood of a car. When he came at me, I punched him square on the jaw and he dropped to the pavement, twitching. The guy Tyson was beating on ran away once he saw that his friend was out cold. Cole chased him, but he was wearing dress boots, so he gave up after about twenty metres. The guy got away.
I held my hand out to help Blake off the ground. He stared at my offer for a few seconds before taking it.
“Thanks, boys,” Cole said after he jogged back to where we were standing.
Blake wiped the blood from his lip with the back of his hand. “That offer is still on the table, Billy. Have you reconsidered?”
I glanced at Cole and then scanned the crowd of faces searching for Shae-Lynn. “No.”
“They’re only taking the top ten Canadian guys who throw their hat in the ring — in case you come to your senses and realize it’s your only option.” He turned his head and spit out a mouthful of blood on the pavement. “You only have until the end of the month and then Cole’s going to have to pay up in some other way. If he comes up short or takes off, they’ll pay your mom or Shae a little visit.”
I lunged at him and crushed his throat with my grip. He sucked in a gasp and fell silent as I tightened my fingers. “If your dad’s goons go anywhere near anybody I know, I’ll be coming after you. You understand?”
Blake’s fingers clawed at my hand, attempting to release the strangle hold.
I shoved him and he stumbled. “Ty, you better get your cousin out of here before I break his riding arm,” I mumbled.
Tyson pulled Blake by the collar of his shirt and pushed him towards his truck. The crowd dispersed. Shae-Lynn was standing near the front door holding my hat. She walked over and handed it to me, then turned back.
“Shae-Lynn.”
“Don’t bother,” she said and kept walking.
“Come on, Billy. We need to get out of here,” Cole shouted. He climbed into the driver’s side of the truck. Tyson and Blake were already backing out in Blake’s truck. Police sirens approached from down the street, so I ran and jumped in the truck as Cole put it in gear. “Wooeee!” he hollered and gunned it out of the parking lot.
“I’m going to guess that the guy who got away has the money.”
“Yup, but it was fun, wasn’t it?”
“No. It wasn’t fun. You lost all your money and got your ass kicked.”
“I didn’t get my ass kicked. I was turtling to conserve energy.”
“Oh, is that what that was
?”
“How did it go with Shae?”
“Awesome until Tawnie showed up and told me that I’m the father of her baby.”
“What?” His head snapped to look at me and he almost drove off the road. “She’s pregnant?”
“That’s what she said.”
“Holy shit.”
I rubbed my face with my palm. “What am I going to do? I don’t want to have a kid with Tawnie. I barely know her.”
He stared out at the road ahead of us. “She’s probably lying. Chicks say crazy things when they’re jealous.”
“I don’t know. She left a message yesterday that said she needed to talk to me about something.”
“You used protection, didn’t you?”
I winced.
“Damn it, Billy. How many times have I told you to be careful?”
I shook my head, angry at myself.
“Maybe it’s not yours. You should ask for a paternity test.”
“Pull over.”
“Why?”
“I’m going to puke. Pull over.”
He drove onto the gravel shoulder and stopped. I jumped out and stumbled into the grass ditch. I puked liquid for three heaves. Once my stomach was empty, I dry heaved a bunch of times. Eventually, the contractions stopped and I rolled onto the grass to stare up at the stars. Cole hopped the ditch and sat down beside me. I heard him light a cigarette, then I smelled the smoke. “Do you remember that Lisa girl from Regina that I dated for a while?”
“Yeah, sort of.”
“I got her pregnant.”
I sat up and looked at him. “What happened?”
“She was only seventeen and she said she wasn’t ready to have a kid. She decided to have an abortion and I didn’t try to stop her.”
“Does Mom know?”
“No. Nobody does.” He took a long drag from his cigarette. “If I could go back in time, I would try to stop her. I know it was her body and her choice and everything, but there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about that little baby.”
I exhaled and leaned my elbows on my knees. “I don’t want Tawnie to have an abortion.”
“You better tell her that you’re willing to cowboy up before she makes up her mind.”
I pulled out my phone and dialled Tawnie’s number. She didn’t answer, so I left a message, “We need to talk. Call me back.” I hung up and glanced at Cole. He wasn’t looking at me. He was staring at the cars driving by. “Let’s go get drunk,” I suggested.
Cole laughed. “I think you’ve got enough problems without another of my nude rooftop flagpole shows to deal with.”
We both stood and got back in the truck. “Fine. I’ll get wasted. You can take care of me for once.”
“For once? Who do you think took care of you on the circuit all those years when Dad was off getting drunk and sleeping with whores?” He shoulder checked and pulled out onto the road.
I glanced at him, then stared out the windshield, completely depressed. “I’m going to be a shitty father.”
A Carrie Underwood song came on the radio and I got too choked up to talk, so I just leaned against the window and stared at the buildings flashing past.
When we arrived back at the hotel, Cole got out and headed towards the lobby bar. “I changed my mind,” I called after him.
“About what?”
“Getting drunk. I’m just going to go to bed.”
He frowned, trying to work out what to do. Obviously he determined that I needed to be alone because he said, “I’m going to try to pick up.” He glanced over his shoulder towards the bar where a crowd of girls loitered near the door. “Looks like I shouldn’t have any trouble finding somewhere to crash.”
“Yeah, all right. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I shuffled towards the elevator and pushed the button. The hall seemed a mile long. Once I was in the room, I didn’t bother to turn on the lights or even take off my boots. I brushed my teeth and splashed water on my face, but I still felt rank. My phone was in my pocket, so I took it out and flopped down on the bed to call Shae-Lynn.
The call connected and I could hear music and people in the background, but she didn’t say anything. I listened to her breathing. It was calming. Eventually she spoke in a very quiet voice, “Billy, I don’t want you to call me anymore.”
“I know you hate me right now, but I’m freaking out and I could really use a friend to talk to.”
“Talk to Tawnie.”
“You’re the only person who knows how to make me feel better.”
I could hear the air exiting her lungs as she exhaled. “Hold on a second.” The sound muffled as she spoke to someone away from the phone. Then the noise of the music and people faded as if she went through a door to somewhere quieter. “Maybe once you talk to Tawnie, you’ll feel better.”
“I don’t see how.”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to keep the baby.”
I rubbed my face with my palm hoping it would somehow erase reality. “I don’t want her to have an abortion, but I don’t want to have a baby either. I don’t know what to do.” My voice cracked and I had to inhale to prevent myself from losing it. “I’m going to end up just like my dad.”
She mumbled something to herself, then said, “It’s going to be okay, Billy.”
“How is it going to be okay? I don’t know how to be a dad.”
“Nobody does the first time. I think it will be cute to have a little Billy Ray running around. You can take him fishing and on trail rides. I can picture him wearing a little black cowboy hat to match yours and he’ll probably have a skinny little butt like you.”
“It might be a girl.”
“Yeah, that would be sweet. She’ll be so beautiful. I can picture her calling you daddy and climbing up on your lap so you’ll read her a story. That would be nice, right?”
“I’m not ready for it — at least not now, and definitely not with Tawnie.”
Shae-Lynn was silent for a while. “You can’t plan out everything in life. Sometimes things just happen. Whether you’re ready or not, you have to make the best of it. When you look back later, you’ll be grateful for how things worked out.”
“Having a kid with Tawnie is going to screw things up with you and me, and I really don’t want that.”
“I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Everything happens for a reason even if we don’t know what that reason is at first.”
“Do you really believe that?”
She didn’t say anything for a long time, then she whispered, “We can always be friends.”
“Promise?” There was a knock at the door of the hotel room. “Hold on. Cole must have lost his key.” I got off the bed and stumbled in the dark to open the door.
Shae-Lynn was standing in the hall. “I promise,” she said as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around my neck. I hugged her back tightly and dropped my head down to rest my chin on her shoulder. Her body relaxed against mine and the rise and fall of her breathing made me feel like everything was going to be okay. We stood for a long time, then she reached down and held my hand. She led me back into the room and let the door close behind us. She climbed onto the bed and tugged my hand so I would lie down next to her. “Everything will seem better in the morning,” she whispered.
I squeezed her hand and moved closer to kiss her forehead. “Thanks for being here.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Chapter 22
In the morning, there was a knock at the hotel room door that woke me up. Shae-Lynn was still next to me holding my hand. Her eyes opened when I moved. The sun was already up and angling through the crack in the drapes. There was another knock, then I heard a key card slide. “Are you two decent?” Cole asked as he opened the door.
“Yeah.” I rubbed my face to try to wake up.
Shae-Lynn sat up and looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was eight o’clock.
Cole stepped into the room. His eye was black and his lip was swoll
en. He stood, grinning at us. “Fully clothed and sleeping on top of the covers. Disappointing, but since your dad’s here looking for you, that’s probably a good thing.”
“What?” she shrieked and hopped off the bed. “Lee-Anne promised she would cover for me.”
Cole shrugged, loving the drama. “All I know is that he’s down in the restaurant asking everyone if they’ve seen you.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I avoided him, but I made Tyson tell him that he saw you leave with Lee-Anne around midnight. Rochelle told him you were with Nate, so he’s probably going to get a Trent Roberts whupping.”
I chuckled at the thought of Nate catching shit from Trent, and Shae-Lynn threw a pillow at my head. Her phone rang and when she checked the call display her expression turned to panic. “It’s my dad. What should I say?”
“Tell him the truth. You’re an adult,” I said.
“I can’t. He’ll stop respecting you.”
“I don’t care.”
“I do.”
I smiled, glad that she cared. “So, lie.”
She answered, “Hi, Dad.” She turned around to face the window and Cole went into the bathroom. “I’m sitting at the lake, why?” She glanced over her shoulder at me. It looked like it was killing her to lie. “I did sleep in my bed. I just woke up early and went for a walk to watch the sunrise. I’ll head back to the house now. Do you want me to make breakfast?” She closed her eyes and tilted her face towards the ceiling as if she was praying for him to believe her. “Oh, when are you going to be back?” She smiled. “Okay, I’ll see you when you get home. Love you.” She hung up and pointed at me in a threat. “You have to get me back to the ranch before he gets there.”
“No problem. How does it feel to be a grown up?”
“Lying to my dad doesn’t make me a grown up. It makes me a liar.”
“It makes you a bad girl. Exciting, right?”
“No. Let’s go.” She knocked on the bathroom door. “Hurry up, Cole. My dad will whup your ass too if I don’t make it home before him.”
Cole opened the door with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. “All right. Let’s go then.”
She grabbed his toothbrush. “Do you mind if I borrow this?”
