by AnonYMous
I snuggled back into Bill’s arms and fell asleep with my head on his chest and a smile on my face. THE END
A Better Man
FORGET-ME-NOT
Some loves last a lifetime—true love lasts forever!
The first time I met him, I was an eighteen-year-old high school dropout on a downhill slide. . . .
It was a cold, snowy day in January. I was sitting at one of the small, retro-topped tables in Katie’s Hangout, sipping coffee and zoning in my own little world. Katie’s isn’t much, but it’s the best the dead-end town I live in has to offer. Besides four tables, she had a line of arcade games, two pool tables, an old jukebox, soda and snack machines, and a back corner filled with racks of movie rentals. The best part was, Mrs. Kat, as everyone calls her, kept a pot of coffee going in the back room, and I practically lived on her stiff, black brew.
All was quiet, except for the annoyance of a couple of pre-teens hammering away at the games. I was feeling lucky I didn’t have to work. It seemed like I’d been waiting tables at Skeeter’s Cafe since the beginning of time. I hated the job—especially when I had to outsmart Skeeter in the kitchen so he couldn’t get me cornered. I was just biding my time until Ronnie and I got married. That was my dream—a totally foolish dream.
As usual, I was waiting, hoping Ronnie would come in. He lived in Gladstone, twenty miles from Redrock, where I live. Now and then he’d show up. He’d bring a case of beer, and we’d go for a drive. Of course we’d do more than drink and drive, but that was okay with me. I wanted Ronnie Fitzpatrick with an intensity that was sickening.
Right about then I heard the roar of a vehicle. It pulled in on the opposite side of the door from where I was sitting, so I couldn’t see who it was—but I knew it was loud enough to be Ronnie’s pickup.
I stopped breathing and waited. Then a moment later, a gust of cold air rushed inside as the door opened. Disappointed, the air sizzled out of me.
It was just Stevie.
A stranger walked in behind him. He pulled the door shut, then stood there and stared at me. His smoke-colored eyes nearly bore a hole right through me.
I’m no beauty. My dark, curly hair pretty much does what it wants, and my red, lipsticked mouth is far too large for my face . . . but my widely-spaced, dark eyes are nice. In other words, I don’t think I’m a candidate for the circus, but I’m no hottie, either.
This guy’s scrutiny made not squirming a major issue. Finally, I tossed my head and pointedly looked away from him.
“Hi, Courtney,” Stevie spoke in his gravelly voice. “What’s up?”
I pushed away my discomfort and turned toward Stevie with a great idea forming in my brain. “Hey. What ya doin’ up here?”
“Brought my brother up to shoot a little pool.”
Yeah, right, Stevie. I didn’t buy that story for a second. Several bars dot the area between his town and mine, and I’d bet there are pool tables in every one of them. Stevie was past drinking age, and his brother looked older yet.
No, my best friend, Jamie, was the reason he came all the way out from Gladstone. He and Ronnie hung out occasionally. We even doubled a few times.
“What about tonight? You and Jamie could go out with Ronnie and I,” I suggested casually.
Beneath a short growth of whiskers, Stevie had a deeply lined face—even more so when he scowled. “You know damn well Jamie dumped me.”
“Well, she and Trey split a few days ago. I bet I could hook the two of you up if you’ll hunt down Ronnie and bring him up with you.”
“Why would I want to give her another chance?”
Because you’ve still got the hots for her. I was pretty sure I was right. After all, he asked about her all the time when he delivered dairy products to the restaurant. Jamie doesn’t like being without a man in her life, so I figured I could talk her into my plan. “Because I think she misses you,” I lied.
“I don’t know. Shaun’s on leave, and I need to spend some time with him.” He motioned toward his brother.
Shaun was doing that staring thing again. Like Stevie, he’s just a few inches taller than I am, and that isn’t saying much. He’s better looking than Stevie, though.
I never did like science class, so I sure didn’t like feeling as though I were under a microscope. I pushed down the self-consciousness his staring provoked, and glared at him with what I hoped was my best put-down look.
Shaun’s jaw set, then he said, “Come on, bro.” He stalked off toward the pool tables.
“Well, I wouldn’t mind seein’ Jamie,” Stevie admitted. He edged away from me. “Let me think about it.”
I watched him trail after his brother. Damn you, Shaun, I thought. You’re messing up my plans!
They were at the pool table farthest from me, talking so quietly I couldn’t hear what they were saying. One, then the other, would glance over at me. I just knew they were talking about me, and I didn’t like it, not one little bit. What is this Shaun’s problem, anyway? Does he have something against small-town losers?
I picked up my cup and walked ever so casually toward their pool table. Just as Shaun was set to take a shot, I plunked my cup on the edge of the table. I timed it to irritate him, and was rewarded when he tensed and missed his shot.
I smiled ever so sweetly. He smiled right back—not a tense, little “damn-you” smile, but an “okay-I-can-take-a-joke” smile.
I felt an odd quiver go down to my toes. Breathless, and not understanding or liking my reaction, I turned away from Shaun and spoke to Stevie. “The only reason you would come up here to shoot pool is that you heard about Jamie and Trey.”
Stevie did the stroking thing with his beard. “Yeah, I heard, but I didn’t know if it was true.”
“Now you know it is, and I know you want to do something about it.”
His expression was guarded. Pride, I figured. I waited while Stevie wrestled with it. Finally, he nodded.
“Okay. Bring Ronnie. Jamie and I will be here at seven.” With that parting shot, I strode away from him, grabbed my coat off the chair where I’d tossed it earlier, and charged out the front door.
As I plodded through the snow toward my parents’ house, I told myself that my departure had nothing to do with Shaun Mercer. After all, I had to get on the phone and track down Jamie. I glanced at my watch for what must have been the hundredth time. Seven-thirty. Damn!
Jamie swiveled toward me from her perch on the window ledge. “Think we should wait any longer, Court?”
“Sure. Stevie might have trouble locating Ronnie. Besides, we don’t have anything else to do.” I scraped my chair back from the table, tossed my Styrofoam in the basket by the door, and joined Jamie on the ledge.
But not for long. I couldn’t sit still. I jumped up and paced to the storefront window on the other side of the door. It was still snowing; humongous flakes drifted slowly to the ground.
Then an older model pickup pulled in, and my heart soared.
“That’s Stevie’s truck, Jamie. Come on.” I zipped my coat and was out the door before the guys had time to get out of the vehicle.
Then my gaze slammed into the man in the passenger’s seat. Katie’s florescent, continuously blinking sign, coupled with the street lamps, gave me just enough light to see it wasn’t my Ronnie in that truck.
I stopped dead.
Jamie tugged my arm. “What’s up, Court?”
Boy, was I mad! Instead of Ronnie, Stevie brought his brother, Shaun!
I turned around and marched right back into Katie’s.
Behind me, Jamie whined, “Court!”
Once inside, I wasn’t sure what to do. I wanted to rant and rave and scream, but making a scene isn’t my style. Though I tried hard to hide it, I’m really shy and uncertain of myself.
Stevie followed me inside. “Come on, Court. We thought we’d go see a movie, then grab something to eat.”
“Are you forgetting I asked you to bring Ronnie?”
“Couldn’t find him.”
>
“Well, I sure didn’t say you could bring a substitute.”
“Shaun’s leavin’ in a few days for Afghanistan.”
“So?”
“So! Remember nine-eleven? Hell, you probably don’t even know about the terrorist attacks.”
“I didn’t blow up those planes. I don’t have a damn thing to do with your brother going over there.”
“No, you don’t. But it wouldn’t hurt you to go out with us.”
“I’m not screwing your brother.”
“Nobody’s asking you to. We’re just talking about a movie and food. Jeez, it’s not like you have anything better to do.”
He had me there. But still, if the guy was taking me out and spending money on me, he’d sure expect something in return.
“Come on, I’ll be there. If Shaun gives you any trouble, just holler.”
I didn’t want to give in, but wasting the night away as usual would be dismal. Then I glanced back at the door and saw Jamie’s pleading look. I guess she was keener to spend time with Stevie than I thought she’d be. How come I didn’t know that? Jamie and I were close, but she never said a word about wanting to get back with him.
Hedging, I asked, “You really couldn’t find Ronnie?”
“Forget Ronnie.”
“Why?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“Tell me, damn it.”
“He had other plans.”
“With who?”
“How should I know?”
“I think you know more than you’re saying.”
“Are you coming with us or not?”
I glared at him for several heartbeats. My heart was breaking because deep inside I knew what Stevie wasn’t telling me: Ronnie was with another woman. Damn you, Ronnie Fitzpatrick, I thought. I’ll fix you this time!
With a toss of my head, I said, “Okay, count me in.”
“Then let’s roll.” Stevie gave Jamie a victory signal, and she smiled.
I felt betrayed by everyone—not only by Ronnie and Stevie, but by Jamie and Shaun as well. I fought back tears and prepared myself for a long night—because no matter what Stevie promised, I expected to spend a good deal of time fending off advances from this stranger.
Finally, with my tears in check, I lead the way out to the truck.
Shaun hopped out, and held the seat back forward so I could scramble into the cramped backseat. I scrunched over to the other side as far as I could get.
“I’m Shaun.” He held out his hand.
I ignored his hand and said, “I know.”
“And you are?”
“Courtney . . . like you didn’t know that already.” I hoped he was sorry he agreed to be my date.
He shrugged and sat back on his side. The others had climbed in, and Stevie backed out of the parking space.
I huddled into my coat, even though the truck’s heater had already taken the chill from the cab, and I immediately began to sweat. Too hot or not, I wore my coat like a protective armor. Country music from the radio filled the silence. Since it was my parents’ music of choice, I usually pretended to hate the stuff. I don’t really mind it, though—especially then, because the noise was louder than the sound of my nervous heartbeat.
“So, what do you usually do for fun?”
I glanced at Shaun. He had a lot of nerve, trying to make small talk. “Not much fun going on around here.”
He actually laughed. “Yeah, it gets pretty boring in the old USA.”
That sucked me in—that and the deep, contagious rumble of his laughter.
“Is that why you joined the military?”
“That and the chance for an education without spending twenty years paying off loans.”
“You saying you aren’t smart enough for scholarships?”
“Borderline, I guess. The one I did get wasn’t going to help much.”
I tried to stay angry and sarcastic, but dang, here was a guy who could actually laugh at himself. More questions just popped into my brain and out my mouth. “How long you been in?”
“I re-upped once. Will be out in six months if I don’t sign up again.”
“Are you going to?”
“Haven’t decided yet.”
“Is this your first trip overseas?”
“No, I’ve been to Germany.”
“I don’t suppose that was anything like what you’ll see this time.”
“I don’t guess so.” There was fear in his voice . . . and determination.
“Will you be hunting for Bin Laden?”
“Not exactly. I’m a mechanic. I’ll keep the airplanes and helicopters repaired.”
I sure couldn’t explain the relief that flowed through me when he said that. “You won’t have to fight then.”
“Well, you never know. It’s not like you can foresee what any given situation might be.”
That sounded to me like a fancy way of saying he might get shot. I shivered, even though I was still perspiring in my heavy coat. “It might get scary, huh?”
“Hey, I really don’t want to talk about this right now, Courtney. I just want to enjoy what time I have left here. So far, I’ve had a lot of fun hanging out with my family. It’s funny how much more I appreciate them than I did before I joined the Army.”
I sure didn’t mind changing the subject. Talking or even just thinking about the war always made me feel agitated, but now that I was getting to know Shaun, I was starting to feel really scared inside. So taking his cue for a topic, I said, “Tell me about your family.”
“I’ve got two older sisters, both married, Stevie, and four nephews. What about you?”
“Four brothers—all older. Two live in Wisconsin, and two in the Lower Peninsula.”
“Married?”
“Eric and Brian are, with a kid each. Owen has a live in, and Jake is unattached, as far as I know. Most years they only come home for Thanksgiving.”
“That bothers you?”
Jeez, he was perceptive. “Yes, it does. More for my parents than for myself, though.”
“If your parents are anything like mine, I think that would hurt them a lot.”
Even though I doubted his parents were much like mine, I believed my brothers’ absence did hurt them.
Throughout the night, Shaun’s interest in what I had to say pulled all sorts of information from me—like my dad’s battle with depression, and like how I quit school because I couldn’t concentrate on the work. I always felt self-conscious in a room full of other kids, terrified of being called on by the teachers.
Later, I was furious with myself for opening up to Shaun like that. About the only thing I kept sacred was Ronnie. I never told anyone about the hurt Ronnie caused me. I simply drew the pain inside each time and held it there.
But in those days that followed until Shaun left for Afghanistan, Ronnie became a passing thought—or a guilt weighing me down—because each and every day, I spent time with Shaun Mercer.
I insisted Shaun always pick me up at Katie’s. He always insisted on dropping me off at home after each outing. He was just a friend, I told myself over and over. It couldn’t hurt to go bowling with a friend, or to a movie, or to meet his parents and sisters. Besides, every time we went out, Jamie and Stevie doubled with us.
Now and then Shaun would hold my hand, but that was all. I decided he wasn’t attracted to me in that way, and to be honest, that bothered me, but I couldn’t admit that to myself then. Lying in bed at night, though, I’d wonder what it would feel like being kissed by him. Then I’d get mad at myself for thinking such things.
We had so much fun that week. I couldn’t remember ever having a guy take me to so many places, and I think I laughed more that week than I did in my whole life up until then.
Two nights before he was leaving, Shaun walked me to my door, just like every other night—but this time, before I could thank him for the movie, he pressed his lips to mine. I could taste the peppermint he’d been sucking, and the scent of the musky
cologne he always wore swirled around me.
Oh, God, I thought. Don’t do this. Think about Ronnie! I jerked back, but not before Shaun’s lips burned into my memory. Soft, warm—and oh, so sexy.
Shaun let me go without a word, but standing beneath the porch light, the desire darkening his eyes and softening his features was plain to see.
I’m not sure what frightened me more—his desire or my reaction to his kiss. I would have canceled our next outing, but the next night was his last, and it seemed wrong to turn away from him when he was heading off to war.
I was relieved when Shaun acted as though nothing happened the next day. We went to a going-away party at a house of some of his friends. There was a lot of booze, and it got pretty rowdy. It was the first time I saw Shaun drink, but I don’t think he overdid it. I didn’t, either. Mainly because I tend to loosen up—if you know what I mean—and I was afraid of what might happen on the way home.
Since Stevie was driving, he didn’t drink, but instead of taking us girls straight home, he found a dark spot on a gravel road outside of Gladstone.
Edgy, I slid all the way over to my side of the seat. Shaun slid over next to me. He put his arm around me, and nuzzled my neck.
Filled with guilt over Ronnie, I wouldn’t allow myself to enjoy the feelings his touch provoked. I pushed him away, and huddled as far as I could into the corner.
“Come on, Court, this is my last night.” The slur in his voice told me he drank more than I thought he did.
Tears clogged my throat. Confusion raged my mind, but I swallowed the tears and the confusion and whispered, “I’m sorry for where you’re going, but you’re my friend, Shaun. That’s all.”
“We could be more. I want—”
“No, we can’t. I love Ronnie Fitzpatrick.”
He pulled back and looked at me long and hard. The surrounding brightness from the snow cover and dash lights didn’t offer enough illumination to read his expression, but I could see his square-cut jaw go rigid. Finally, he eased back to his side of the seat. “Stevie, let’s go. Stop at the mini-mart; I need coffee.”
Stevie, breathing heavily, straightened up in his seat and muttered something about sucky timing, but he did as told.
