Lauren had texted her back, asking her if everything was okay, but Riley ignored it. She’d get back to her later, when she’d had a few more drinks.
Riley kept replaying the brief conversation she’d had with her father. She knew he was grieving, but he’d just been so cold, blurting out what had happened without even giving her any kind of warning.
Riley had kept her phone beside her all evening, half-expecting him to call her back, maybe not to see how she was doing, but to at least tell her what was going on and when the service would be.
She brought her drink back into the living room and flopped onto the couch. She hadn’t cried since she’d gotten the phone call, but a tear trickled down her cheek now. Riley inhaled a shaky breath. She hadn’t spoken to her mother since just before Pride. That was almost four months ago. Well, she spoke to her after Pride, but that was more of a shouting match than actually talking.
Riley didn’t even know who she was grieving, because the mother she’d loved as a child was already gone. Once her mother found out she was gay, it was like that version of her had died. A switch had been flipped, and Riley hadn’t seen that warm, loving side of her in months.
Riley had tried not to be hopeful in the last few months. She knew how important religion was to her parents, and for them, being gay was never going to be acceptable, but she still held the tiniest bit of hope that they’d change their minds. Now, that would never happen. Not for her mother, anyway.
Riley reached for a tissue. At some point, Nicole must have left the box on the coffee table for her, knowing she’d need it. She dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose. She really didn’t want to be doing this. Her mother didn’t deserve this kind of emotion.
The doorbell rang, and Riley debated ignoring it, but she knew that their neighbor got a lot of packages that needed to be signed for. Nicole had told her that they try and take them whenever they can to save him from driving across town to pick them up.
She brought her drink with her, not caring what the delivery person would think of her, and pulled open the door. Her eyes widened when she saw Lauren standing in front of her, wearing the same clothes she’d had on at college, white pants and a long-sleeved blue top, her hair pulled back in a pony tail.
They both stood there, Lauren’s eyebrows raised, and Riley was frozen in place. She knew her cheeks were red. Riley could feel the heat. Lauren Harper was standing in her doorway, seeing her like this, in old pajamas with a glass of gin in one hand, her hair more than likely messy from the way she’d been lying down on the couch. Nevermind what her face looked like. She’d worn light makeup to college, but after crying twice, she had to look awful.
“Hey,” Lauren said softly. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, you know... When you didn’t reply to my text.” Her eyes moved beyond her. “Is it okay that I’m here?” she asked in just above a whisper.
Riley nodded. “Nicole’s at work, and Becca goes home most weekends. It’s just me here.” She took a step back. “Do you want to come in?”
“Yes, if you’re okay with me being here.” Lauren visibly swallowed. “What’s going on?”
Riley ran a hand through her hair, tousling it. She’d had enough alcohol to be just beyond tipsy. That point where words flew out of your mouth before you even realized it. “Yeah. Of course... Come in. Have a seat,” she said, holding the door open for her.
Lauren’s heels clicked against the wood floors as they entered the living room.
“Can I get you something to drink?” Riley asked.
Lauren’s hand found hers, her thumb lightly running across the back of her hand. “Riley, what’s wrong? You look...”
“Awful?” she guessed with a bit of a smirk.
“Upset.”
Riley nodded. “My mother died this morning.”
“What?” Lauren blinked. “Oh my God.”
Riley knocked back the rest of her drink. “It’s not a big deal.” She left her empty glass on the coffee table, wondering if she should switch to something else, when Lauren took a step closer, wrapping her arms around her.
“I’m so sorry,” Lauren breathed, one hand smoothing Riley’s hair.
Riley didn’t know how long she stayed there, standing in her living room with her arms around Lauren, but she felt better than she had in hours.
Lauren rubbed her hand across Riley’s back, breathing in her perfume, tears in her own eyes as she processed what Riley had just said. Lauren pulled back when Riley reached for a tissue.
“Sorry,” Riley said, wiping her eyes.
“Please, don’t apologize.” Lauren struggled to speak with the tightness in her throat. She swallowed. “What... What happened?”
“Heart attack.”
“I’m so sorry, Riley.” Lauren didn’t know what else to say. She felt sick knowing that Riley had been here, alone, when Lauren had been in her own apartment just a few floors above her.
They sat down, and Lauren left no space between them, their legs touching as Lauren put her arm around her waist. “When are you going home?” she asked, realizing that she didn’t even know where home was.
“I’m not.”
Lauren turned to look at her. Surely, she’d misheard her. “You’re not going to the funeral?”
“No.”
Lauren took a deep breath, waiting for Riley to elaborate, but she didn’t say anything else. “Why aren’t you going?”
Riley sighed and tucked a lock of her blond hair behind her ear. “I uh... I was dating this woman. We met this time last year, and we went to the Pride parade in New York in June. My parents are...” Riley paused. “Were. They were very religious. I knew that coming out wasn’t going to go down well, so I kept putting it off. I don’t know when I was going to tell them, maybe when I’d met someone that I was really serious about. I don’t know. But there were obviously plenty of photos taken, some by us, some by other people or the media, but somehow my mother stumbled across one of them on Facebook. There I was, kissing my girlfriend, draped in a rainbow flag.”
Lauren sucked in a breath. She knew where this was going.
“My parents confronted me, basically saying that I wasn’t welcome in their home unless I ‘changed my ways,’” Riley said using air quotes. “That was never going to happen, so that was that. I hadn’t spoken to my parents since, well not until my father called me earlier today.”
“Riley...” Lauren pulled her into another hug. She knew this happened, that not everyone was accepting, but she could never understand how a parent could do that to their own child.
“It’s fine,” Riley said, wiping her fingers underneath her eye. “I’m over it. I’ve had a few months to come to terms with it. This is just... This is...” Riley looked up, trying to keep the tears from falling, blinking them back. “I don’t even know what I’m crying over now. Is it the kicking me out part or the fact that she’ll never change her mind?” Riley sighed. “I don’t know, but I know I’m not going to the funeral.”
Lauren pursed her lips. What was she supposed to say here? Could she offer any advice or should she keep her mouth shut?
Riley glanced at the clock on the wall. “You’re going to be late for the tournament.”
“I’m not going.”
“What? You always go.”
Lauren reached for her hand, giving it a squeeze. “I’d prefer to stay here with you, if that’s okay. I know you said you weren’t around this weekend.”
Riley nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t really want you to see my like this.”
Lauren bit the inside of her cheek. “Because... We’re not,” she started, motioning between them, “You know, together?”
“Yeah. This isn’t exactly sexy,” Riley said, looking down at her pajamas before finally meeting Lauren’s eyes. “The crying. The sniffling...”
Lauren took both of Riley’s hands in hers, swallowing as she tried to figure out how to say this. “Riley, I know we’ve been keeping this kind of casual, and maybe this i
sn’t the time for this conversation, but...” She cleared her throat. “I want to be here. I wish you would have told me what happened, and I hate that whatever we’re calling this... That it meant that you didn’t want to tell me.”
Lauren couldn’t believe she had to blink back her own tears. She rarely got emotional. “What I’m trying to say is, I really like you, Riley. When you answered the door... You looked so broken. I just wanted to hug you, to tell you that I was there for you. I know it probably sounds ridiculous. I’m the one who wasn’t prepared to make any kind of a commitment, but God, I feel sick... Just thinking about what you went through, what you’re going through now, and I just want to be there for you. I think that means this is more than casual.”
Riley tousled her hair. “I don’t know what to say. I mean, if you’d told me that this morning, I’d have been ecstatic, but now...” Riley exhaled. “I’m just numb. I know it’s what I want, but I can’t really comprehend what that means right now.”
“It’s okay. Look, I know this is not the time for that conversation. I just want you to know that I’m there for you. Whatever you need.”
“Thank you.” Riley’s lips slid into a brief smile. “I appreciate it. Really.”
Lauren felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She didn’t even know how long she’d been feeling like that, but when Brian had told her that something was wrong, the way her stomach had just dropped... Lauren knew she was falling for Riley, and she’d have to deal with whatever consequences there might be. They’d get in to the logistics later, but right now, Lauren just wanted to make sure that Riley was okay.
18
Riley’s eyes fluttered open, a warm hand on her stomach where her shirt had ridden up at some point during the night. She turned her head to see Lauren fast asleep beside her. She was on her back with one hand above her head, her hair splayed across the pillow.
Riley been such a mess yesterday, and if Lauren hadn’t arrived, who knows how much she would have drank. As miserable as she felt last night, having Lauren here made everything so much better. They’d spent the night talking while watching a baseball game, and it turned out they were both Yankees fans, and they’d both played softball.
They really had known so little about each other, but after a few hours together last night, Riley felt like she had a much better idea of who Lauren was. Riley was starting to see Lauren as an amazing woman, not just as her gorgeous professor.
They’d moved into Riley’s bedroom just after midnight. Riley thought Lauren would have wanted to go home, but she said she was happy to stay, and Riley offered her something to sleep in.
It was strange, being in the same bed and not doing anything but sleeping. It was terrifying really, because right now Riley’s heart was so full. Just thinking about falling asleep in her arms last night had a warmth spreading through her body, a lightness, and Riley couldn’t remember ever being this happy and her mother had died yesterday. It was surreal. All of it.
A knock on her door took Riley away from her thoughts.
“Riley?” Nicole asked through the door. “You okay? Can I come in?”
“Just a sec!”
Lauren stirred beside her, rolling onto her side and looking like she wanted to go back to sleep.
“Lauren?” she whispered, gently shaking her shoulder. “Hey.” Riley smiled when her eyes finally opened. “My roommate is home, and I’m assuming you don’t want her to know that you’re here, right?”
Lauren groaned and pulled the sheet over her head, causing Riley to chuckle. “Very mature,” Riley muttered to herself as she got out of bed and opened her door as little as possible, closing it behind her. “Hey.”
“Hi,” Nicole said on her way over to Riley. “How are you? You look a bit better.”
Riley exhaled. “Yeah. I drank quite a bit last night and fell into bed, but yeah, I do feel better.”
“Do you need help packing? I can book the train for you, if you want.”
“Oh, I’m not going.”
“What?” Nicole asked, her mouth hanging open. “You’re not... You’re not going to the funeral?”
“No. I haven’t heard from my father since, and I spent last night thinking about it. I’d only be going to keep my family happy. I wouldn’t be going for me. I’ve come to terms with the idea that the mother I knew and loved already died a few months ago, so what’s the point?”
Riley had talked to Lauren about it last night when they were in bed. Lauren had even offered to go with her, maybe not as her girlfriend, but just to be there before or after, even if Riley wasn’t comfortable with her being at the service.
If Riley was going to go, she’d have asked Lauren to come as her girlfriend. She’d done enough pretending when it came to her family, but she didn’t trust her father. She had a feeling he’d look into Lauren and find out that she was Riley’s professor.
None of that mattered though because she wasn’t going. Lauren’s offer did show Riley that she was serious, and that still hadn’t sunk in. Lauren wanted this. Riley couldn’t believe it.
“Are you sure?” Nicole asked, bringing her back to the moment.
“Positive.”
“Okay. I was going to go to the library for a few hours, but I wanted to make sure you were okay first. Do you want to go get breakfast or a coffee?”
Riley waved her off. “No. I’m fine. I’m just going to have a lazy day. I can’t think about school or anything else right now, but don’t worry about me. Thank you, though.”
“Alright. I’m starting to feel the pressure with work and everything. It doesn’t leave much time to study.” Nicole gave her a quick hug before slinging her bag over her shoulder. “I’ll see you later. Text me if you need anything.”
“I will. Thanks.” Riley padded into the kitchen and took two bottles of water out of the fridge before heading back to her room. Lauren was out of bed, already dressed in clothes from yesterday. “Hey...”
“Hi.” Lauren must have gone into the bathroom and freshened up. Her makeup from yesterday was gone, and Riley realized this was the first time she’d seen her without any mascara or lipstick. She was so beautiful, her blue eyes still bright, and Riley noticed a few freckles dotted across her nose and cheeks. “Is the coast clear?”
Riley nodded and handed her a bottle of water.
“Thanks, and sorry about earlier,” she said with a lopsided grin. “I was too tired to jump out of bed and hide in the closet or the bathroom, so...”
“You hid under the covers?” Riley asked, returning her smile.
“Yeah? I don’t know. I panicked while I was still half asleep. It’s the best I could do.” Lauren took a drink. “So, I guess I’ll get going...”
“Okay.” Riley would have loved to spend the rest of the day with her, but she wasn’t great company right now. She’d made up her mind about the funeral, but she still felt guilty.
“I have to shower and put on something that I didn’t spend yesterday walking around in,” she said, looking down at work clothes. “Do you want to come over in a while? I know you probably don’t want to do much, but you shouldn’t be alone.”
Riley folded her hands across her chest, conscious of the fact that she was still in her pajamas and Lauren was fully dressed. “Yeah. Are you sure, though? I don’t want to be-”
“Riley, I know we’re still figuring this out,” Lauren said, motioning between them as she got closer to Riley. “But I don’t generally say things that I don’t mean. If you want to come over later, just send me a text or knock, and if you want some time to yourself, that’s fine with me, too.”
Lauren’s arms were around her, and Riley sunk into her embrace, loving the feeling of being this close to her, knowing that Lauren genuinely cared about her, that all those nights they’d spend together had actually meant something to her, too.
“Yeah,” Riley said as she pulled away. “I’ll be there. I just have a few things to do around here.”
“Is two
o’clock okay?”
“Perfect. Hey, did you see who won the tournament last night?”
“No,” Lauren said, double checking that she had everything. She went back over to the nightstand to get her phone. “Who won?”
“Ms. Lloyd,” Riley said. “I mean, Taylor.”
“Really?”
Riley nodded.
“That’s great. I’m happy for her,” Lauren said, checking her phone before sliding it into her pocket. “And she didn’t even have to go through one of us to get there.”
Riley smiled. Lauren’s competitive side was one of the many things that she loved about her. Riley’s mouth went dry when she realized the thoughts that had just been running through her mind.
Did she love Lauren? No. It was way too soon for that. They’d only just started talking about dating.
Riley walked Lauren to the door and said goodbye, knowing she’d see her again in a few hours. She couldn’t wait to have a long shower. Even though she’d slept well, she was emotionally drained from yesterday, from both the highs and the lows, and Riley knew she’d look back on this weekend as a turning point in her life.
19
Lauren took a second to appreciate her surroundings, the sun shining through the branches and the water careening over the rocks in the river beside them. She’d texted Riley about an hour after she’d left her apartment, suggesting a hike, knowing that getting out in the fresh air might help her, but Lauren also knew that she wasn’t going to fall back into bed with her.
It would have been easy to do, especially after last night, when they’d spent hours talking and getting to really know one another, and Lauren had finally said that she was ready to be serious, that this was more than a fling. But yesterday had been a strange day, and Lauren didn’t want to do anything either of them might regret.
Even if Riley had said she was okay, that she didn’t want to go to her mother’s funeral, that she’d moved on, Lauren knew she needed more than a few hours for that. The reality of the situation might not hit her for a few more days, and they weren’t in any rush, especially after they’d agreed to see where this could go.
Sweet Temptation Page 10
