by Jill Kemerer
“Mind? It would make me so happy!”
“The building has an apartment. I could live there.”
“If you need your space...”
“I don’t. I just wouldn’t want to impose on you.”
“You could never impose on me.” Nan held both hands in hers. Her smile made her look young again. “Have you told Mason? He’ll be so pleased.”
“I haven’t.” She pulled her hands away.
“Why don’t you go over there and tell him? He’s been waiting for you.”
“No, he hasn’t. He’s still grieving his wife.”
Nan waved dismissively. “He hasn’t had a reason to stop. It would do him a world of good to have you around.”
Brittany’s cell phone rang. “Excuse me a minute.” She answered it and moved to the kitchen.
“Miss Green?”
“Yes, this is she.”
“Jerry Moore here. I’m pleased to tell you your line of credit has been approved...”
She’d gotten the line of credit? Mr. Moore gave her the details. She went through the motions, asked the right questions and quickly ended the call in a daze.
This meant she could open the studio in Santa Ana—it was everything she’d worked for, everything she’d wanted for years.
Except now she didn’t want it at all.
She laughed. She wanted to move here. Be part of a community. Be close to the people who mattered to her the most.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she texted Mason.
Are you busy? Can I come over?
He responded instantly.
Come over. The kids want to show you their fort.
She had one more call to make first. She dialed Babs O’Rourke.
She was moving to Rendezvous no matter what Mason had to say.
* * *
Mason stood back as Brittany squeezed between the twins and Noah in the fort they’d made. Noah had grabbed her hand the instant she arrived and dragged her to the living room. Mason had made the smart choice to stay outside the fort. Being within two feet of her put his senses on high alert.
“I love it! It’s so spacious.” Brittany made it sound like she was visiting Buckingham Palace. “I could take a nap in here.”
“We should make popcorn!” Noah yelled.
“It’s only two sleeps till Christmas!” Harper shouted.
“I hope Santa brings me a kitty,” Ivy said, her tiny voice tinkling. “It could sleep with me, and I’d pet it and hold it and—”
“Santa said no pets this year.” Ryder lifted the edge of one of the blankets. “Brittany, did Mason tell you we found Jennifer Hall?”
“No, he didn’t.” Brittany crawled out through the flaps of the overlapping blankets. As soon as she emerged, she straightened and pressed her hands behind her back to work the kinks out. “Have you talked to her?”
“She’s calling tonight,” Ryder said.
“I’m glad. You’ll finally get some answers.”
“We hope so,” Mason said. “Is something going on?”
She flashed her ocean blues his way. Something was on her mind, and he had a bad feeling about it.
“Remember how I used to help you muck stalls on Saturday mornings so we’d have the whole day together?” Something told him she wasn’t tripping down memory lane just for fun. She stretched her neck from side to side. “Can we go out there? I’d like to see the stables again.”
“I guess.” He glanced at Ryder, who raised his eyebrows like he had no clue, either. “Do you mind watching the rug rats for a little bit?”
“Not at all.”
He and Brittany put on their coats and boots and tromped outside. A steady snow was falling. The stables were just up ahead. He opened the door and waited for her to enter before him. A whinny and the low stomp of a hoof told him everything was fine in here.
“Is Nan okay?”
“Oh yeah, she’s fine. I almost talked her into coming, but she wanted to stay inside where it was warm.” She paced ahead, then turned to him. “So anyway, it’s been um...different being back here, and yesterday made me consider things I never imagined. This morning Nan and I made cinnamon buns, and it was really fun and I thought how nice it would be to do it more often. She’s getting so old, and who knows how long she’ll live?” She paused and, shivering, wrapped her arms around herself.
He had no idea where she was going with this, but at the sight of her shivering, he wanted to warm her up.
“I had an inspiration. I was getting ready to wrap Harper’s present—I hope she loves it because the girl has a lot of energy—and Nan started talking about when my mother was a teen. Mom always pounded it into my head how bad this town was and how dreams can’t come true here, but according to Nan, Mom never even tried to make her dreams come true here. She sprinted away as soon as she graduated from high school and never looked back. Then Nan said something else and...well, I won’t go into details, but I felt beaten with a truth stick.”
Beaten with a truth stick?
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m moving to Rendezvous.”
Moving to Rendezvous?
He took two steps backward and almost tripped over a bucket. Panic laced with adrenaline, and he opened his mouth to speak but had no idea what to say.
“I’m buying the computer repair store. I’m remodeling it to be a dance studio. I know I won’t be able to have a competitive dance team here, but I’ll be able to teach kids. You’re right. Teaching kids how to dance brings me joy. Plus, I’m a licensed fitness instructor, so I can offer adult classes, too.”
“Why?” It was the only word his mouth would form.
“Because this town feels like home. I want to be near Nan.” She dropped her chin, then met his eyes with an intensity he couldn’t ignore. “I want to be near you.”
It was all happening too fast. He tore off his gloves and ran his fingers over his hair. “But the line of credit...the studio in California...”
“I don’t want it.”
“When it gets approved, you’ll change your mind.”
“It already was approved. I got the call before I came over.”
His head spun with too many emotions. Hope. Fear. Denial. And he closed his eyes for a moment, remembering her wistfulness as she’d talked about putting together a dance team. That was what she really wanted.
“Don’t do it.” He didn’t mean to sound harsh.
“What?” Her face blanched. “Why not?”
“Because you’d be giving up what you really want.”
“If I stay in California, I’d be giving up something else I want.” Her sincerity clouded his thinking.
He wasn’t ready. Couldn’t think.
A relationship with Brittany could not happen. No way.
Why can’t it?
“I told you, I’ll take care of Nan. You don’t have to worry.” He knew deliberately misreading her words would hurt her, but it had to be done.
“I wouldn’t just be giving up Nan, Mason.” She moved forward until she stood directly in front of him. Her face tipped up. Two inches, maybe one, separated them. His heart pounded. “I love you.”
Love. It ripped the breath from his lungs.
“No.” He shook his head, looking anywhere except at her. “We cared about each other a long time ago, but we both got over it. I married Mia...”
But he could finally admit he was lying to himself.
He did love Brittany.
He’d always loved her.
I’ve got to do the right thing. Mia deserves better than this.
“I know you loved Mia,” she said gently. “She’ll always have a special place in your heart. I would never expect it to be otherwise. Look, I know you’re not ready for this conversation. I’m not trying to freak y
ou out. I just wanted you to know I’m moving back.”
“I don’t think you should. I... I won’t ever be ready for this conversation, because Mia was it for me, okay? She was the love of my life. End of story.” Emotion pressed hard and hot against the backs of his eyes, but he suppressed it. His lips were saying the right words, but his heart didn’t feel them. Not anymore. “When you get back to California, you’ll snap out of wanting to live here. You’ll remember why you wanted the dance team and how hard you’ve worked to open the studio. These feelings? They’re nothing.”
“They’re not nothing.” She looked ready to shatter. “Okay. I got the message. Merry Christmas, Mason.”
And he let her walk out of the stables. Every step she took away from him felt like a knife to the chest.
He welcomed the pain. It would be best for them both if she walked out of his life for good.
* * *
Numbness overtook her as she drove away. At least she knew how Mason really felt.
Mia was the love of his life. He didn’t have room for anyone else.
Why had he assumed she’d made the decision to move here lightly? Did he think she’d honestly give up her dream on a whim? Sure, she’d only been here a short while, and the idea had come to her practically overnight. But it didn’t mean she was rushing it.
All the disappointments, struggles and closed doors of the past decade had led her to this decision.
Her throat was thick, mangled with tension. Maybe it was for the best. She was used to being alone. Had spent the past decade by herself. She’d renovate the computer repair store, advertise her new studio, spend time with Nan...
Did Rendezvous still make sense if Mason didn’t want her here?
A big part of the lure was Mason. Hanging out with him. Dating him.
Having a future with him and Noah.
She pressed on the accelerator. No more useless fantasy thinking.
Rendezvous had more to offer than Mason. It had Nan. And a building she could afford. Mason would have to deal with the fact she was moving back. He didn’t have to like it.
The snow-covered landscape rolled by, lonely and bare like her heart.
He was wrong about her changing her mind. She belonged in Wyoming. She could feel it in her bones, in her muscles, in her soul. She felt so strongly about relocating here, she’d choreograph a routine on the spot if a floor was available.
She was done with California. And it wasn’t only due to missing Nan or her feelings for Mason. She wanted to get absorbed into a community. She wanted to help Lois and Gretchen and Nan at bake sales and have Sunday brunch at Riverview Lounge.
She’d get over Mason. She had mistaken their friendship for more. She’d read his signals wrong. Attraction plus loneliness did not equal love.
He’d loved Mia. No one questioned it. Certainly not her.
But she couldn’t compete with his dead wife.
And he wouldn’t let her if she could.
Oh, Mason, if you’d give us a chance, you’d realize I’d never expect you to forget her. I wouldn’t ask that of you.
The pressure in her lungs was unbearable. She was practically choking on her battered heart.
Taking deep breaths, she tried not to cry.
She’d finally put her career in its proper place. And she’d still lost the only man who held her heart.
Rendezvous really was a middle-of-nowhere town where dreams died.
Well, so what?
Her dreams hadn’t come true anywhere else, either. She might as well accept the fact she would never have Mason. His heart had been buried with Mia long ago.
Chapter Fourteen
As the sun came up the next morning, Mason picked his way through the cemetery. Christmas Eve promised to be clear. No clouds in sight. The only storm whipping was the one in his heart.
Between Brittany’s declarations and what he and Ryder had learned from Jennifer Hall last night, he hadn’t slept a wink. When Jennifer called, Ryder had put the phone on speaker. What she’d told them was sad but not surprising.
Lisa had confided to her that both of their parents had disapproved of their marriage. Apparently, Ma and Pops had looked down on Lisa because her parents were sheep ranchers. They accused her of stealing their son away from his rightful place on the ranch. And John had felt even less welcomed in her family after being called the son of thieves on account of being a cattle rancher. Lisa and John had hoped things would be less strained as time wore on, but they hadn’t even invited their parents to the wedding, knowing it would cause too much drama.
After the private memorial service, Jennifer tried to contact their grandparents a few times, but no one replied to her letters or calls. She’d gotten choked up on the phone when she realized Mason and Ryder had been separated. Her only guess was the grandparents must have decided it would be better for everyone if they each took a twin and went their separate ways.
The theory made sense, but it didn’t make it any easier to swallow. Mason didn’t even care what their reasoning was at this point. It didn’t change the fact he’d never get those lost years with Ryder back.
Just like he wouldn’t get the lost years with Brittany back.
She hijacked his every thought.
The need to confess to Mia choked him, gripped him. He quickened his pace. Her gravestone was up ahead. Someone was stooped over it. Bill?
Mason stopped. Should he leave his father-in-law in peace? Retrace his steps and come back later? Or acknowledge his presence?
Bill looked up then and rose, straightening. Mason forged forward and was shocked when Bill pulled him into a hug, then wiped under his eyes with a handkerchief.
“I owe you an apology, son.” He kept one hand on Mason’s shoulder. His eyes glistened with tears. “The Lord’s been convicting me.”
He didn’t know what to say. He’d never seen his father-in-law like this.
“I’ve been holding on too tight.” Bill nodded, sniffing. “The last thing I meant to do was push you away, but that’s what I’ve done. Don’t say anything. We both know I’m right.” He glanced at Mia’s headstone. “She was my firstborn. Sweetest thing I’d ever seen. Those pigtails would come flying toward me every time I’d come inside after a hard day of ranching. I’d toss her in the air and her giggles filled my heart. I was glad when you married her. Real glad. I don’t think I ever told you that.”
Stunned, Mason stood there. He’d always struggled to live up to Bill’s expectations.
“I knew you were a hard worker, trustworthy and, best of all, local. You weren’t taking my daughter away to another county or worse, another state. You were keeping her on a ranch right here in Rendezvous. No man could have been so blessed as I was. I know you loved her. And I know she loved you.”
“I did.” His voice scratched. “I do.”
“And then we got a grandson, and I tell you it was the best gift I ever could have been given. I love that boy. But after Mia passed...” He dropped his head. “I didn’t know it, but I was scared. Scared of losing him, too.”
Mason put his hand on Bill’s shoulder. “He’s fine. Healthy as can be.”
“Not like that.” He looked away. “You’ll find someone else. We won’t be part of his life like we’ve been.”
“You will.” He tightened his jaw. “You don’t have to worry about that.”
“I’m not going to worry about it anymore, because it isn’t fair to you.” He sighed. “I can’t stop change, and I’m tired of trying. I’ve got to move on from losing her. I’ve got to heal. And I need to let you heal, too.”
The quickening of his heartbeat confused him. What was Bill getting at?
“Mia’s gone, Mason. You’ll see her in heaven. We all will. But until then, we need to make the most of this life we’ve been given. I talked to Joanna. We’re making some changes—no
thing set in stone, mind you—but we can’t live in the shadow of her death any longer.”
He couldn’t catch his breath. What was Bill saying? Why now?
“We had money set aside for Mia to go to college, but she chose not to. Joanna and I want you to have it—to pay her medical bills. I don’t know what kind of total you’re looking at but I hope it covers the balance. If there’s any left over, use it for your ranch.”
“I can’t—”
“You can.” Bill clapped him on the shoulder. His eyes were bright with love. “You’ll always be the son I never had. Take the money, and let Mia go. She’d want you to be happy. And we do, too.” He shifted to leave.
“Bill, wait.” His mind swam with questions, but he’d figure out the answers later. Right now he had to say what was on his mind. “You’ve been like a father to me. I will never take Noah away from you. You’re his family—you’re my family. No matter what happens, we have each other. You’ll always be his grandfather.”
A fat tear dropped onto Bill’s cheek as his face broke into a grin. He lifted his hand in a half wave, half salute. “I love you, Mason.”
“I love you, too.”
“We’ll see you tonight at the Christmas Eve service.” And Bill walked away.
As soon as he was out of sight, Mason collapsed onto his knees in front of Mia’s grave. His mind clattered with conflicting thoughts and emotions. His chest ached. And the echoes of Bill’s words ripped open the truth he’d been avoiding for too long.
“I’m sorry, Mia.” He covered his face with his gloved hands. “I didn’t mean to let you down. I retrace those years and think I could have done something to save you. What did I miss? Why couldn’t we have found out you had cancer before you were pregnant? But, Mia, our son is beautiful. He’s got your cheekbones. He’s full of spirit and energy. You’d be so proud of him.”
Tears streamed from his eyes and he didn’t care.
“We’ve all had a hard time without you. It about killed me the first year. And now it’s so hard—and I don’t even want to tell you this—but I can’t remember what your voice sounds like anymore. I strain to hear your laugh... I can’t. And it scares me.”
