I just wanted to get on with my life.
I wanted Eli to be a part of that, and even though I’d taken a huge chance coming here again, hell, coming here in the first place — by his warm reception and willingness to fall into bed with me, I’d been sure he wanted the same things.
Now, all he could talk about were rules?
I felt like a fool. A stupid, blubbering, needy fool.
Heading back to the compound through the pounding rain, my heart in my throat, my hands trembling with fear, I wiped the tears from my face.
“You’re an idiot, Sophia,” I scolded myself in the empty car. “A complete and utter idiot.”
CHAPTER 29
ELI
Leave it to me to say the wrong thing.
“Fucking idiot,” I muttered to myself all damned day as I sat in front of the television. I waited. And waited some more. Anxious for nightfall, I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d come back tonight. If maybe she’d find it in her heart to understand where I was coming from.
It wasn’t rejection. My god, I probably couldn’t say no to her even if I wanted to. But I desperately wanted a new life. I’d found a little redemption and it felt so fucking good, I couldn’t turn my back on it now.
Couldn’t she see that I just wanted to be a better man? Couldn’t she understand the toll living the outlaw life took on a man? She’d seen it up close and personal for a long time. I knew she wanted a better life, too.
I just wanted to do the right thing, whatever that was.
Hell, maybe I was wrong, maybe there weren’t any rules. I was just trying to be careful. I mean, all the Gods had found love this way. Grace and Ryder, Riot and Lacey, Wreck and Frankie, Bones and Daisy, Slade and Diana…
Couldn’t she see I wasn’t saying no, I was just being cautious?
Couldn’t she see that I was quickly falling for her, rules or no rules? I wanted to call her, explain everything, assure her that everything was going to work out and that we’d figure out all the logistics as soon as everything was over, but that was out of the question.
I couldn’t risk her safety.
Fuck, her safety was in jeopardy every time she came to my hotel room, I knew that, and that was risk enough for me, for now.
Minutes dragged by torturously and once the sun had set, I couldn’t take my eyes off the damned door, as I waited anxiously for her knock. She’d shown up past midnight both the previous evenings and when the clock struck midnight again, my heart was racing like crazy.
But midnight came and went. Then the next hour. And the next, until I was sure she wasn’t coming and I’d scared her away completely. I cursed myself over and over, attempting to distract myself with television. Desperately, I wanted a drink, my brain tempting me with reminding me how easy it would be to jump on my bike and head to the corner store before they stopped selling booze for the night.
Being sober was hard enough, but knowing I’d hurt her only made me hate myself more and increased the urge to dull the pain. Unfortunately, I knew all too well what kind of pain one drink would bring.
I tossed and turn for another hour, finally passing out and falling into fitful violent dreams. When a knock sounded at the door, I thought I was dreaming it.
I’d given up on ever laying a hand on Sophia again. I was sure I’d ruined any chances for a future with her before we’d even begun. She knocked again, finally ripping me from my slumber.
I answered the door with my heart beating like a drum in my chest.
When I saw the condition of her face, rage pulsed through me.
“What happened?” I shouted, eyeing the busted lip and bright red cheek that I was sure would bruise in a few hours.
“Snake happened,” she murmured. “I pissed him off.”
“I’m going to kill that motherfucker!” I seethed.
“No, you aren’t,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re not going to do anything. Not yet, at least.”
“I’m not going to let him get away with hurting you!”
“Relax, Eli. I’m alright. This isn’t the first time, it’ll heal.”
“Well, you can damn well be sure it’ll be the last. He’s never laying another hand on you.”
“You’re right about that. Because I’m not going to let him. Once we get the girls out, I never want to see him again.”
“Once we get the girls outta there, he’s a dead man walking,” I growled, pulling her into my chest. “I can’t believe this shit. Maybe you shouldn’t go back, Sophia.”
She stared up at me, her eyes wide and searching mine questioningly.
I knew what she was asking.
“If there’s a way for us to be together after this, Sophia, we will. I promise. I know I sounded reluctant last night, but that’s not what I meant —.”
“Hush,” she said, standing up on her toes and brushing her lips against mine. My body responded immediately to her touch, despite the rage ripping through me. “You didn’t say anything wrong. I understand, I do. I overreacted, that’s all.”
“Sophia, I lo—.”
“Stop,” she shook her head, placing a finger on my lips. “Not yet. Let’s just get through this first and then we’ll figure us out after.”
I leaned down, kissing her as gently as I could so I didn’t hurt her more. She wrapped her arms around me, pressing her body into mine.
“I don’t have much time tonight,” she whispered. “I need to get back very soon, but can we —.”
I growled as my body came alive. I smashed my lips to hers.
She pulled me onto the bed behind her and in seconds we were clawing at each other’s clothes until we were naked together again, our flesh pressed together in a hungry dance of lust and need and desire that could only be quelled by one another.
Our hips rocked together as I slid into her, our souls intertwining, our love blossoming silently in the darkness of a stolen, passionate, forbidden moment.
CHAPTER 30
SOPHIA
Sneaking in the back gate, I held my shoes in my hand so I wouldn’t make any noise as I gingerly ran across the courtyard towards the clubhouse. The sun was beginning to rise in the distance, throwing a pale pink hue across the sky. Once again, my body was buzzing from Eli’s passionate touch. I could still feel his hands on my skin, smell his hair and taste his lips.
I was falling for him hard.
I knew this, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself just yet. I was petrified of something going wrong, of somehow being forced to endure more years of abuse by Snake. He was smart, manipulative and dangerous. I knew better than to underestimate him and I knew I was taking a huge risk sneaking out these past few nights, but I was counting on the fifth of Jack he consumed before bed each night keeping him passed out.
What I wasn’t counting on was running smack dab into Tiny when I opened the door of the clubhouse.
He was alone, sitting at the bar with a shot glass and a bottle of tequila in front of him. When he turned to face me, I saw he was beyond wasted. A huge man, just a glance from him was intimidating. When he stood up and walked over to me with a sick sneer stretched across his hideous face, my stomach dropped.
“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in,” he said, slurring his words.
“Hey, Tiny,” I nodded, curtly. I moved to walk past him, but he shifted and blocked my way.
“Where’ve you been?”
“Out,” I replied, raising my chin defiantly.
He reached out, fingering my split bottom lip. “Snake do that?”
“Yeah,” I said, flinching away from his touch.
“So what did you do?”
“That’s not really any of your business, is it?” I asked.
He scoffed and shook his head.
“Maybe not,” he said. “I don’t really care, to be honest.”
“Right. See ya later,” I said, moving to walk around him again. Once more, he blocked my path.
“Snake know you’re sneaking off
in the middle of the night?”
“Who cares? I can do what I want.”
“Oh, yeah?” He asked, lifting a brow. He swayed a little, reminding me how drunk he was, just in case the stench of tequila didn’t clue me in. “Snake doesn’t operate like that. I’m sure he’d be real interested to know that his old lady is running off every night. I saw you leave last night and the night before that.”
Shit. I’d thought I was being careful, but he must have been hiding in the dark watching me.
“My Mom’s sick, she fell,” I said.
“That was days ago. Figure she’s probably sleeping at night. So, try another lie, why don’t you?”
“Look, Tiny —.”
“On your knees, bitch.”
“What?!” I cried, my eyes wide with shock as he reached down and unzipped his jeans.
“You heard me,” he said. “You want me to keep your secret, you gotta do me a favor.”
“Fuck you, Tiny!” I spat the words in anger, appalled at what he was suggesting.
“Now, now,” he said, laughing. “Snake already beat your ass. What’s he going to do when I tell him the truth?”
“Tiny, this is fucked up.”
“The whole world is fucked up, princess,” he replied. “Now, get on your fucking knees!”
He put a hand on my shoulder and forced me to the ground, my knees hitting the cold concrete painfully. I looked up at him, unable to face the flaccid, dirty vision in front of me. My stomach churned at the smell. My head spun.
I had to think fast. There was no fucking way I was going to let Tiny get away with this and I certainly wasn’t going anywhere near him. Yes, there were a lot of lives on the line and I knew my actions would effect the entire operation, but sucking off Tiny was never going to be a part of my plan.
I shook my head slowly and lifted myself back up to a standing position. I leaned in close to the drunk asshole in front of me, my eyes hardening as I spoke very slowly and clearly, so he didn’t miss a word.
“You’re fucking crazy if you think I’m touching you and that disgusting noodle between your pimply fucking thighs. You disgust me. If you ever come near me again, or try to tell Snake anything you think you might know about me, I will find you and cut your fucking balls off in your sleep with a rusty blade and feed them to the goddamned dogs, do you understand me?”
He swayed again, his eyes widening at my words. I pushed him, as hard as I could, sending him falling back on his ass. I stepped between his outstretched legs and leaned down, pressing the pointy stiletto of my heel into his naked balls, just to drive my point home.
“I said, do you fucking understand?” I was seething with anger, but the power I felt as a result of standing up for myself was intoxicating.
“Yes, fuck, alright, alright!” He cried, reaching down and attempting to push the heel from his crotch. I dug in harder.
“Don’t ever fucking come near me again, asshole!” I said, twisting my wrist.
“You crazy fucking bitch!”
“You have no idea how crazy I am,” I whispered, before standing up and stepping over him. I walked down the hallway to my room, my heart threatening to pound right out of my chest.
When I saw Snake was still sleeping, I breathed a sigh of relief. Looking down on him, I felt the hatred for him seeping through my skin. We’d fought earlier and the memory of it flashed in my mind.
I’d seen him leave the back room zipping up his pants and he saw the look I gave him from across the room. When I followed him into our bedroom, he turned to me with a defiant smile.
I shook my head slowly, my disgust evident on my face.
“You got something to say, bitch?” he’d asked.
“Do you have any respect for me at all, Snake?” I’d asked.
“Why should I respect you?” he’d sneered.
“Because I’m your fucking old lady, maybe?” I snapped. “Couldn’t you be a little more discrete, for fuck’s sake? It’s like a slap in the face every time you go in there.”
I don’t know why I was mad. I didn’t care what he did, I didn’t care what he thought of me anymore anyway.
His slap whipped my head around violently, busting open my lip as white-hot pain flashed over my cheek.
“There, bitch, now you know what getting slapped in the face really feels like,” he said, growling over me like an angry dog. The urge to kill him right then and there overwhelmed me. He had a knife strapped to his hip and it would be so easy to just rush him and grab it and plunge it right into his cold, dark heart.
Instead, I restrained myself, letting him walk out of the room without doing what every cell in my body screamed for me to do. I just wanted this over and done with.
I spent the rest of the night waiting for him to get drunk and return to the bedroom and then I’d rushed out to fall into Eli’s arms again.
I never thought for a second that Tiny had seen me.
I’d been stupid to think I could get away with that. I couldn’t risk it again. I had to lay low until this was all over or we were all going to get killed.
CHAPTER 31
ELI
Watching her walk out the door was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Who knew how far Snake would go before this whole thing was over? I already hated the guy but now I seriously wanted to wipe him from the face of the Earth.
I’d fallen for Sophia. Hard and fast. Too fast, yeah, I know. Faster than I’d ever fallen for anyone before. Maybe it was foolish. Maybe it was dangerous. Maybe everything would come falling down around me but there was no way in hell I could stop this avalanche of emotion, even if I wanted to.
I loved her.
How that was possible with my old, shriveled up, dead heart, I wasn’t sure. But somehow, she’d snuck in and there she was. Taking up space, filling my heart with love and lust and desire and I was drunk on her.
Morning came and I couldn’t stand being alone in the hotel room any longer. I headed over to the restaurant again and ate breakfast, then I took a walk, leaving my bike behind.
I needed to move. I found a park and began jogging around it, stopping every few minutes to knock out a set of push-ups before jogging again. An hour later, I was panting and sweaty and exhausted and walked back to the hotel just as the rain started pouring again.
Clear skies never last very long in Oregon.
Opening the curtains in the hotel, I sat there for hours, watching the clouds roll in and the rain drench the city. Rain was an every day existence here, and I’d grown to love it, to enjoy the cleansing feeling I had after a good, long downpour. Watching the cars drive by, kicking up the rain puddled in potholes and leaf-clogged sewers, they sprayed the sidewalks and the people on them.
Christmas was a week away and everyone was out shopping and living their lives merrily buying trees and decorating and cooking. If Dad wasn’t in prison, we’d be at the clubhouse right now in Salem, the air filled with the delectable scent of Dad’s famous Christmas ham. Nate and I would exchange gifts, usually something motorcycle related. I’d watch as Nate and Dad got drunk on whiskey, laughing at them stumbling around and singing Christmas carols with all the wrong words.
That would never happen again, at least not for a very long time.
It’s funny how everything can change in an instant.
How one can lose everything in the blink of an eye…
I felt terrible for my Dad. Locked up in prison like that, enduring shit I could only imagine. Shit I didn’t want to imagine…
My phone rang and I was happy to see it was my brother. If anyone would understand what I was going through, it would be him.
“Hey, bro,” I answered.
“Eli, how’s it going out there?”
“Honestly, I’m riding a rollercoaster of emotion right now. I was just thinking about Dad. I feel so bad for him.”
“Yeah, me too. I talked to him yesterday, doesn’t sound like he’s doing too well. Got in a fight, broke a rib…”
�
��Shit.”
“Yeah, I know,” he said. “What are you so broken up about?”
“If I tell you, you can’t tell Grace and Ryder, or anyone else either.”
“Dude, when I have ever betrayed your trust?”
“Never,” I replied. “But still…”
“What did you do?”
“It’s crazy, really. I don’t know how it happened.”
“Tell me.”
“It’s Sophia, man…”
“Ah, fuck, dude. I told you not to get mixed up with her.”
“I didn’t really have a choice.”
“Spill it,” he said.
“She showed up at the hotel late the other night…”
“You fucked her?” he asked, his voice turning to a furious whisper.
“Don’t be so fucking crude.”
“Eli, this is a really bad idea.”
“I know, I know. She showed up again the next night. And the last night, too…”
“Jesus, Eli!”
“I know, I know,” I said, pausing. “Listen, man, I think I’m falling for her.”
“She’s going to get you killed!”
“You don’t know that,” I protested.
“You think Snake is going to take this news lightly?”
“No, but he’s not going to find out and soon he’ll be out of the picture anyway.”
“You’re going to fuck everything up, Eli! The job, getting those girls out of there, the Gods will string us up by our fucking balls!”
“Stop being so fucking dramatic, for fuck’s sake, Nate!”
“Look, man, I was there. I met Snake. I saw the power he’s working with, all those men, those fucking dogs! Jesus, my ass still hurts just thinking about them.”
“Everything’s going to be fine. Forget I told you.”
“Yeah, right,” he said. I could feel the disapproval through the phone. I never should have said anything.
“Look, man, I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Keep your shit together.”
SAVING GRACE: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK SIX) Page 14
