by Chris Cheek
“Oh, okay. My turn to be a bit surprised. Did you not mention kids earlier? I assumed…”
David gave a small chuckle. “Yeah, so did I. That’s the problem.” He’d intended to continue, but his own words brought him up short. He’d never thought of it like that before. He had assumed. And that had been his problem. He couldn’t explain why that made him feel slightly better, but it did. By mutual consent, they moved from the cafeteria back towards Gavin’s car. Neither spoke, but somehow it was a comfortable silence.
“Care to elaborate?” Gavin’s gentle question brought David out of his thoughts.
“Six years ago, I … er ... hooked up with my oldest friend on his last night at home before he moved to London. I panicked, got married and was resolutely straight.” He paused. Put like that it all sounded very bald – a logical sequence of events that had not been logical at all. Or, strictly speaking, a sequence. “As I told you, Mona – that’s my wife – and I had the two boys. Everything was fine. Until it wasn’t. I was bored, fed-up and – I now realise – lonely.”
“Yeah, been there. Done that. Got the T-shirt.”
David let out another short laugh. “Anyway, in February, up pops my old school friend again. Long story short, we went out for a drink and I kissed him. Suddenly I understood.”
“Oh, David,” said Gavin sadly. “I’m afraid I know what’s coming.”
“Yeah. I started driving coaches to London instead of buses to Leeds, staying with him on the overnight duties. Best of both worlds, you know? Trying to work out what the fuck I was going to do.”
“I can imagine. How to find the words to tell her?”
“Got it in one. Not only her, of course, but parents, parents-in-law, people at work … the whole bloody world. And terrified of course.”
“At what people would say. Yeah, I know. And?”
“Anyway, fate took a hand. Alan and I were in the West End last night.” David paused again as images of the previous evening flashed before his eyes. Christ, was it only last night? “We were spotted, by a work colleague – the union chairman, actually. Not one of my fans.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah, so I’ve been outed at work, thrown out by my wife and rejected by my dad – all in one shit-fest of a day.”
“Fuuuuck, David. And you’re still in one piece?”
Another short laugh escaped him. “Yeah, just about holding it together, thanks.”
Except that became the moment he wasn’t. It was as if the recital of this abbreviated version of the story opened a sluice gate, allowing all the pent-up feelings of the day to flood out. Tears started to flow down David’s face, silently at first as he struggled to control his feelings, but soon accompanied by deep sobs.
Gavin reached across the central console with his spare hand to offer comfort, patting David’s thigh. David was grateful for the warmth of that small amount of human contact.
“Do you want to stop again?” Gavin asked gently.
This prompted David to recover himself a little. “No, no. I’ll be okay. It’s very late and you want to get home.”
They were silent for a few moments before David spoke again. “I’m sorry about all that. Telling you the story brought it all back.”
“Yeah, made it seem real again. I get that. What now though? You’re heading for Alan’s place, I assume?”
“Yeah. I just wanted to be with him, after … y’know.”
“Does he know you’re coming?”
David shook his head in the dark. “No, my battery died before I could ring him. Haven’t had the chance since.”
Gavin laughed. “Do you mean to say that you’ve been in this car for nearly two hours and you haven’t asked to borrow the phone? Or used the public booths at the services?”
David looked at Gavin across the car in horror. Gavin, glancing momentarily to his left, caught the expression on David’s face in the light of a streetlamp and laughed. “Dear me, the mobile-phone generation. What have we come to?”
Gavin reached across and placed his mobile phone in David’s hand. “Go on, ring him. Can’t offer you any privacy, I’m afraid. But at least you can put him out of his misery. The poor guy will be frantic, I expect. We should be in London around three-thirty. Where does he live?”
“Clapham.”
“Oh, fine. We’re in Balham. So tell him I’ll drop you off.”
David laughed. “Do you actually exist or were you sent from heaven?”
Chapter 38
Alan
Alan was half asleep when his phone rang. Simon and Peter had stayed with him for a couple of hours, trying to keep him calm and distracting him by talking about pretty much everything under the sun. Eventually, though, the conversation dried up. Simon, in particular, looked exhausted because he had been working all day. Alan had packed them off downstairs, promising faithfully to let them both know when there was any news.
Alone again, he spent some time thinking deliberately happy thoughts – how this crisis betokened a major shift in the life that he and David hoped to build together. It ended the period of limbo while David hesitated about what to do and tried to pluck up the courage to tell Mona what was going on. Well, she sure as hell knew now.
His thoughts shifted and he felt slightly guilty for feeling even the tiniest bit glad about the crisis. What horror David must have gone through tonight – outed at work, the row with Mona and finally his dad’s rejection. Goodness knows what this would have done to his self-confidence; it was never his strong suit at the best of times.
It dawned on Alan once more that his concerns, and hopes for the future, were all very fine and nice but were not a lot of good as long as he had no idea where the fuck David was. And so he began a whole new cycle of worry and fear: worry about David’s safety, and fear that he, Alan, would lose him again from his life. That would be the ultimate cruelty after missing him for all those years.
The whole process left him exhausted and drained the last of his energy; his eyelids started to droop. At that point, his phone rang. The number on his screen was an unknown one but nonetheless he took the call … and it was then that he heard a familiar voice asking if that was Al.
***
Of necessity their call was brief, since they could say little more in such circumstances once they’d established the central fact that David was okay and would be at the Clapham flat in around ninety minutes.
Though Alan was pissed with him for taking the risk of hitching a lift, David seemed to have fallen on his feet and his imminent arrival was a terrific bonus. He stayed looking at his phone for several minutes after the call ended, a slow smile spreading across his face and a warm glow spreading through his body.
He realised that he had things to do. Despite the lateness of the hour, he needed to reassure Jennifer that her brother was safe and sound, as well as letting Simon and Peter know. He rang the former and texted the latter, reasoning that if they were already asleep they would at least get to know as soon as they woke up.
Jennifer was mightily relieved to get Alan’s call, and was even more horrified at the idea of David hitching a lift. They discussed the fallout of the night’s events and agreed to keep in close touch. Like Alan, she was nervous about the effect that the day’s events would have on her baby brother, but she said more than once that she was sure Alan would look after him properly. “You always took such care of each other when you were boys. I often think of that, and how jealous I was as a teenager. I so wanted to have somebody like that in my life.”
“But you met Mark eventually. He came along in the end.”
By the time he had finished his call to Jen, there was less than an hour to go before David was due to arrive. He had time for a quick shower if he got a shift on, which would freshen him up after a sweaty and unsatisfactory evening, rinsing away the worries and stomach-wrenching fear that he had been experiencing all day.
Chapter 39
David
The phone call out of the w
ay, David felt more relaxed than he had done for weeks. He glanced across at his companion. He could see enough of his face in the streetlights as they drove south to see a faint smile on his lips.
“Thanks very much for letting me make the call, Gavin. That was great.”
“He was relieved?”
“You could say that.”
“It sounds as if you’re very close. That’s good.”
“We’ve known each other since we were nine. I don’t suppose there are many surprises now.”
Gavin laughed. “No, I suppose you’re right. Does that worry you?”
“A lack of surprises? God, no. It was always us against the world. The only time life felt wrong for me was during the six years when we were apart. I realised that as soon as I caught sight of him getting on my bus in Leeds last February.”
“You’re very lucky, you know. To have that sort of connection with anybody.”
“I know. It’s going to help a lot over the coming months.”
“So how do you see the future?”
“To be honest, I don’t think either of us has got that far. We’ve talked about me moving to London, getting a driving job – maybe even going to college. But we’ve no definite plans. It all seemed like an impossible dream.”
“Sure. Dreaming about a future is important, but it doesn’t always help with the steering.”
“I’m not with you.”
“Sorry, I get a bit cryptic sometimes. Ben gets cross with me when I do it. My brain gets ahead of me.”
“Right, I understand. So what’s this about steering?”
“I meant that it’s good to have dreams, to have an object to work towards. We all need that. But in the end, most of our energies are taken up with simply steering the ship – keeping everything on course with our lives, despite the shit that happens. To survive, we have to navigate our way round everything that threatens to impede us.”
David laughed. “I understand you now. Yes, I think you’re right. And being a driver, I know a bit about the need to steer straight.”
It was Gavin’s turn to laugh. “I should hope you do.”
“Still, I like the words. Navigating our way through life. Must remember to tell Al about that.”
They were quiet for a while. Looking across quickly, Gavin realised that David had drifted off again. The light from an overhead gantry caught his face; much of the pain he had seen at the service area earlier had been erased.
He smiled. Ben would be proud of him.
***
By the time David woke again, they were leaving the motorway and moving in to London’s northern suburbs. At this time of night, there was nothing to be gained by using the North Circular, so Gavin headed straight through the centre of the city. David watched in awe as they traversed streets still unfamiliar to him, crossing Blackfriars Bridge with its spectacular views and then turning to run alongside the river towards Vauxhall and on to Clapham. Gavin pointed out St Thomas’s Hospital to their right and Lambeth Palace to their left, before directing David’s gaze back to the right, to the famous view across the river to the Houses of Parliament.
As they neared Alan’s flat, David felt his stomach muscles tighten. Whether it was from nerves or anticipation, he wasn’t sure.
After a longish silence, Gavin spoke. “Thanks for the company tonight, David, mate. It was great to meet you.”
“It’s me who should do the thanking. I’m so grateful for the ride – and everything else. You’ve been great. I’d like to stay in touch and to meet Ben some time.”
“Yeah, I’d like that too. You can never have too many friends in this bloody city. Especially gay ones.”
David laughed. “I don’t know yet – I suppose I’m about to find out.”
“Yeah, well, take it from one who knows.”
They exchanged numbers. Suddenly they were there, at the end of Alan’s road.
“You can drop me here, if you like. Save turning round.”
“Sure, thanks. Don’t be a stranger, David. Keep in touch.”
It was awkward. David felt he couldn’t simply get out of the car. He held out his hand for a shake but found himself being pulled gently across the central console into an awkward sideways hug. It felt good, especially when he got a kiss as well. It was on the lips but somehow very chaste.
Gavin winked at him as they pulled apart. “Don’t forget the navigation, mate. Keeping the steering true.”
“Will do.”
David left the car, stretching himself as he stood on the pavement. Gavin accelerated away and was gone. David turned and walked up the road towards the flat.
Chapter 40
Alan
Showered and refreshed, Alan returned to his front room and stood at the window once again. He looked out along the street recalling his earlier vigil, dreaming of a time when he’d see David walking along, heading for the flat.
Now, with a speed that almost took his breath away, events meant that the dream was about to be fulfilled. The chances were that the very next person he saw walking up the street would be him. His Davy, his friend, and soulmate. The love of his life.
He closed his eyes, overwhelmed by the thought. Now they could plan their life together. He knew there’d be a lot to face over the next few months, especially for David with a divorce and possible custody battle, not to mention the challenges of a new job and a new city. But he was absolutely sure that it would, in the end, be worth it.
As he opened his eyes again, he caught movement through the leaves of a tree. A figure moved into clear sight. It was him.
Oblivious to the fact that it was gone three in the morning, Alan raced down the stairs and threw open the front door of the building as David came through the gate and turned onto the path.
David grinned. “Hey.”
They came together in a bone-crushing hug.
“Welcome home, Davy.”
“Thanks, Al. Good to be here.”
To be continued.
Acknowledgements
My grateful thanks to my editor Karen Holmes, beta reader Kirsten Waite and cover designer Hilary Pitts for their hard work in helping to bring this book to market. Grateful thanks also to David Burrell for permission to use his picture of the Neoplan Skyliner on the cover.
My deepest thanks also to my husband Michael Anderson and to all my friends for their help and encouragement over the last few months.
About the Author
Chris Cheek was born and brought up in South London. He has strong family ties with northern England and is a graduate of Lancaster University. He and his husband, Michael, have been together for forty years and have lived in the Yorkshire Dales since 1994.
This is Chris’s third novel. His first book, The Stamp of Nature, was published in June 2018. The second, A Year of Awakening, followed in October 2018.
He writes a regular blog which can be found at
www.chrischeek.me.
Growing up gay in 1960s Britain, facing prejudice and discrimination as students and later as teachers - against the background of a battle over reforms at an old-fashioned school. Who will win and how will it affect everybody’s lives?
Reviewers’ verdicts on Chris Cheek’s first novel, published in June 2018.
“A fascinating, intriguing, bittersweet, poignant, honest, blunt, emotionally charged, and interesting story that caught my attention from beginning to end.”
“A well-crafted tale of homophobia, the fear it creates, and the long lasting effects from it”
“A beautiful glimpse of a bygone era”.
“A fascinating insight on some of the immense struggles that took place”
Available in print and ebook format
See www.chrischeek.me for more details.
Working for the same small consultancy business, Steve and Josh overcome initial dislike to build a working relationship. They are attracted to each other, but is a relationship possible? Past events still hang over both – can they face up to
them and build a future together?
Reviewers’ verdicts on Chris Cheek’s second novel, published in October 2018.
“A fascinating, fantastic, intense, poignant, bittersweet, emotionally charged, smouldering, heartbreaking yet ultimately hopeful, grab-you-by-the-feels, and beautiful story”
“There are quite a few twists and turns ... It has all the feels and genuine issues that many gay couples have to deal with.”
“Essentially an emotional rollercoaster.”
“started like enemies to lovers, finish like hot chocolate in cold day”
Available in print and ebook format
See www.chrischeek.me for more details.
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Veering Off Course-EBook
