by Snow, Lucy
But while my body screamed out for such advanced planning, my mind knew that would never be the case and was already trying to talk my body off the proverbial ledge.
Ronan and I could never be together. As amazing as what we’d just done was, it had been a mistake, and not one that either of us should want repeat, despite our bodies telling us otherwise.
I could tell from the way Ronan’s cock hardened when I pressed myself back against him that even if his mind didn’t agree, his body would soon be ready for round 2.
No, no, no, Kara, you can’t do that. Think about the situation you’re in. You are literally on the run, like in some sort of movie.
There were Russian mobsters out to get me. Never before in my life had that statement been true, and within the span of 12 hours, boom, here I was.
I hadn’t been thinking straight, and when Ronan kissed me, I just went with it. I mean, I’d wanted him for years. Ever since I could remember, whenever he looked at me I could feel my body betray itself, as much as I tried not to and as much as I hated him for being able to do that to me, I wanted him.
How I wanted him. And now, an hour ago, when I’d gotten the opportunity of nowhere and he kissed me, I took it. I took it and I ran with it and I was glad I’d done so, because if I hadn’t I would have hated myself for the rest of my life.
And now I wanted to do it again, but this time, this time the smarter Kara was going to prevail. I was not going to let it happen again, and I hoped that despite his choice of career paths Ronan had the smarts and common sense to agree with me on that point, even if we didn’t agree on anything else.
It felt so good, but it was so wrong. I needed to get my head on straight and not let any temptations sidetrack me. I had to get safe, and for now that meant sticking with Ronan, but I was fooling myself if I thought he’d change his womanizing ways for me.
I saw how those girls at the club looked at him. I’d seen how every woman had looked at him since he turned 16. He had them eating out of the palm of his hand ever since and he never let them forget it. And I’d just joined the herd, the crowd of girls who’d learned first hand what it was like to have sex with Ronan.
And now I believed the hype. He’d earned it all and more.
The pulses that raced throughout my body had slowed down enough by now, and I was finally able to drift off to sleep.
Chapter 07 - Ronan
I never would have guessed in a thousand years that I’d have sex with my stepsister. Never would have guessed it, but now she lay next to me in the bed at the safe house, snoozing away like it was no big deal.
I had to get my mind right till I was on the same page, till I could say the same thing, that it wasn’t a big deal.
Who was I kidding? It was a huge fucking deal. This wasn’t like any of the many other girls who graced my bedroom, sometimes more than one per night. This was someone I knew, someone I once cared a little for, even if I was never able to figure out just how to show it.
Well, I’d shown it one way this time, and now she probably thought she was just another notch on my bedpost, never to be repeated again. She didn’t know I never let my bed guests spend the night.
Of course I didn’t even consider kicking her out. Where would she go?
What we’d just done was so wrong, but I couldn’t get it out of my head - it just felt like the right thing to do, kissing her like that, what seemed like ages ago, and then something else, something more animalistic in both of us had taken over. We’d been building up something raw, something passionate over all those years we hated each other and tonight it had all come to the fore.
We had been unable to control ourselves and each other.
But now that we’d hopefully gotten it all out of our system we wouldn’t have this problem again. The thirst had hopefully been quenched once and for all.
Keeping that hope alive in my mind was the only thing that let me get to sleep, lying in bed like that with my arm around Kara, the only woman I’d ever given a shit about.
I woke up just as the dawn was breaking into the windows of the cottage. I blinked, chasing the sleep away from behind my eyes, unfamiliar with my surroundings for a moment. That all made sense quickly, but Kara lying naked in my arms, still asleep, did not, and probably wouldn’t for a while.
I lay there for a few minutes without moving, trying not to wake her or disturb her sleep. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d woken up with someone I’d slept with the night before.
Kara turned, murmuring something I couldn’t understand, rolling over to face me, her dark hair spilling out as she readjusted. I watched her face, peaceful for the first time since she’d arrived at Pulse last night. This was the face I remembered. I wanted to run my finger across her check and kiss her awake, but I couldn’t risk it.
I looked around the room, taking in all the trappings of family life I’d never really experienced. Photos of family members and kids’ birthday parties on the wall, an old and worn rocking chair off to one side. This was a real home, unlike the sterile and ready-to-photograph place I spent most of my nights.
I wondered if having something like this, having a family and a house like this with those photos on the wall was something possible for a man in my line of work. My father had clearly tried, but either not tried hard enough or failed despite trying to create it - both with my mother and stepmother.
It just occurred to me, though, lying here like this, that this was something normal men wanted. I’d never thought of it that way before, always scoffed at the very idea of a wife and kids, a home, birthday parties, dance recitals and baseball games.
To a guy who lived his life straight out of a mobster movie, but for real, that kinda stuff seemed so far away as to be impossible. I couldn’t have both, and I’d made my decision long ago.
Which brought me back to Kara. Here was this gorgeous and amazing girl lying next to me, who needed my help, needed my protection. Even if I wanted to be a normal man with normal dreams so I could share that with her, she needed me in her life right now precisely because I was not a normal man with normal dreams; she needed a warrior, and I was a warrior.
I turned over, moving onto my right side, one arm moving across her body and covering her. Kara snuggle into my new embrace, a little smile peaking out from her face. I sighed into her.
So whatever this was, if it wasn’t anything, wasn’t going to last. It was clear from Kara’s story that what she’d seen last night, coupled with what I knew about the Russians and their increasing presence in the city over the last couple years, that the heat wasn’t going to blow over any time soon.
No, if Kara was going to be safe anywhere, it couldn’t be in the city. She’d have to go somewhere else, at least until the negotiations with the Russians were done. If I could somehow sneak protection and immunity for her into the deal than maybe she could come back, but that would mean telling the family, and my father, about her at some point.
I couldn’t risk that. No, Kara had to leave town with the expectation that she could never come back. This city was her home, though. She even went to college here, even stuck around when her mother had had enough of the mob wife life and packed up and left.
It could kill her to leave now, I knew it. But I also knew that staying right now would definitely kill her. The Russians were not to be trifled with, and I couldn’t go through the stress of these negotiations knowing she was in any danger.
She and I could never be together, I knew that now, no matter how much I might decide later that I wanted it. Last night she’d been vulnerable, I’d been my usual charming self, and sparks had flown as they’d been building up for years.
But it would never happen again. I couldn’t let it happen again. I couldn’t let myself feel any more attachment to Kara than was already pulsing through me.
I turned to the left so I lay on my back again, my right arm still under Kara’s neck. She moved in closer, still asleep but seeking more of my warmth. She could have all I ha
d to give and more.
I looked down at the swell of her generous breasts and fleeting memories of having my fingers and lips on her hard nipples and the moans she made when I played with them came rushing back anew.
It wouldn’t be easy never to sleep with her again, but that was the right thing to do. If I wanted to keep my head, I needed to stay away from her. And right now I couldn’t afford anything else.
Maybe some other time, after all this stuff with the Russians was behind us. Who was I kidding again? The Russians weren’t just going to leave town, no matter how well these negotiations went. They were here to stay, and even if I were to get Kara a reprieve with them, she still wouldn’t be completely safe, and I couldn’t have anything to do with her as long as I stayed in the family.
So I had to keep my distance. Already my old lifestyle was starting to ring hollow, to feel foreign to me. If last night had done as it should have, I’d have fucked Sarah senseless last night, watched her leave, had a nightcap, then fallen asleep in my palatial bed in my giant apartment. As I’d done with other beautiful girls multiple times a week for the last few years.
I liked that old system. I liked not having to think about where sex was coming from, or worry about developing feeling for the girl I was with. That kept things clean. It kept things easy. It let me enjoy myself and blow off steam from my stressful life while staying fresh and keeping me able to face whatever came my way.
But now, for the first time, a different possibility appeared, and I didn’t like it one bit. At the same time, though, I felt inexplicably drawn to Kara - I couldn’t even keep myself from kissing her last night, much less undressing her and taking her to bed with me.
I just didn’t want to feel this way anymore. I didn’t want to feel any obligations to anyone else except the family. I didn’t have any time for other complications right now, maybe ever.
But the beautiful woman I’d been over the moon attracted to since I understood the meaning of the words lying next to me in bed had a way of injecting crazy thoughts of houses like this, pictures like those on the wall, and kids running around.
Crazy thoughts I had no use for.
Not now, not ever.
I had to get rid of her. I couldn’t wake her up and kick her out now, that was out of the question. But I had to get myself out of this situation so I could think straight and get back to my work and my life.
Quietly and very very slowly and carefully so as not to disturb Kara from continuing to happily saw logs in some far off snooze-forest, I slid my arm out from under neck, bending it at the elbow and wincing at how sore and stiff it was. So far so good, she just went right back to it like nothing had changed.
Next was getting out of bed. Something I was an expert at - when you had as much to do each day as I did, it was tough to spend any more time lounging about than was necessary. I didn’t sleep much. Though I hated to admit it, I slept way better here than I did at the penthouse, but could never figure out why.
Satisfied that Kara would keep on counting sheep, I stealthily snuck out of the room, grabbing my clothes along the way. After a quick trip the kitchen to start the coffee, I used the bathroom, quickly ran some water over my face, shaved, and got dressed again, looking only slightly worse for wear than when I’d arrived at the cottage last night.
I checked on Kara, she was still gone. But I had to say, she did make the thought of getting undressed all over again and climbing back in bed mighty tempting. I knew she would be up for it, and morning sex certainly has a different feel that’s all its own.
But I couldn’t risk that. I had to stay away from her until I could get her out of town and forget about her. I figured Chelsea and Sarah and any of the other waitresses at Pulse would be only too happy to help me forget all about Kara.
The coffee was ready. I stepped outside in bare feet and grabbed the paper - I only had weekend delivery here, since I was never around, and pulled it inside. Everyone and their mothers read the news on the internet now or just watched video clips online, but I’d always liked the feel of a morning paper in my hand. When I was done reading the Times each morning I could be relatively assured that I was up on the things I needed to know from yesterday, and that was enough for me.
Things happening today could wait till tomorrow. If not, someone would call me, text me, or tell me to my face. No need for me to go seek out news. Just a source of aggravation.
I drank a steaming mug of coffee, black as I liked it, and got through the first few pages of the A section. Almost nothing good, almost everything bad. That was the way of things these days.
I checked back in on Kara, and looked at my watch, deciding it was time to get started with the day. There were clothes in the closet she could wear, but I was pretty sure she wouldn’t like that. I pulled a credit card out of my wallet, left it on the table, and wrote a quick note, telling her not to use her credit cards anymore, and to order some clothes from one of those newfangled internet delivery services with mine. Amazon or some shit like that, weren’t they doing same day delivery now? That would work.
Finally, I grabbed my keys, locked up the door on my way out, got back in the beast and headed back to my real life, with all the trials and tribulations it would bring today.
Chapter 08 - Kara
By the time I woke up Ronan was gone. The bed was still warm, lingering heat from him and I stuck together kept me there a little longer than I would have otherwise stayed. The sun was bright when I finally stirred, lighting up the small cottage and making me feel right at home.
That Ronan had a place like this within city limits still made me giggle, but at the same it also gave him a depth that I wouldn’t have otherwise afforded my stepbrother. The apartment downtown hadn’t surprised me; that was more his speed, antiseptic and sterile, but despite rarely being here this felt like his true home to me. It felt lived in.
I got out of bed, looking around for my clothes, deciding not to put my too-small dress from last night back on. Slipping on my panties and strapless bra, I got the sudden idea to look in the closets, and found some sweatpants and a few T-shirts Ronan had left behind. Not quite my usual style, but a girl had to make do in a pinch. I’d certainly had to deal with worse in the past.
All the light coming into the large windows of the cottage kept the place just warm enough, and I walked around the small place, taking stock of all Ronan had here. There was no television set, but then again I hadn’t noticed one at his other place either. How strange a time when not having a piece of technology made someone different!
There was a newspaper on the front table, and brewed coffee still hot in the machine. Jackpot! I poured myself a cup and sat down to read, first discovering a box of cookies in the pantry. Also on the counter I found a note from Ronan about getting clothing delivered, and a credit card.
I got about two bites into my cookie and halfway through an article on the upcoming elections when everything that had happened last night hit me all at once. Not so much the stuff before I’d arrived at Pulse. That I had made a little bit of peace with, and would be able to figure out later.
The stuff after that, though. The Ronan-kissing-me-and-then-us-having-hot-sex thing. That was a whole other kettle of fish. Even now I felt my body hunger for his touch, for him to take me like he had just hours ago. I wished right then that he’d woken me up in the middle of the night or the morning for another round. Feeling his massive body above me, just the thought of which turned me on to no end.
I knew he had to work; Ronan had to have been a busy man, even though I barely knew what he did, beyond that it was probably violent, but I couldn’t help but wish he was here now. Spending the night with him made me feel so safe, and I wanted him back. I didn’t know if the two of us could get along without tearing each other’s heads off, but I wanted to try and find that out.
I couldn’t believe he’d helped me out in the first place. This was the longest we’d been around each other without fighting in years, maybe ever. He
certainly didn’t have to look out for me; we were so estranged and disconnected by now that I’d been ready to leave his office before he changed his mind. Still, I was grateful for the help.
I wasn’t thrilled that I needed it, though. Obviously, I was out of my depth when it came to dealing with mobster on the warpath tracking me down and tying up loose ends with Greg, but I always prided myself on being an independent person. More than one guy I’d dated in the past had ended things with me saying something like, “it just doesn’t seem like you need me in your life.”
That kinda stuff didn’t convince me to change - I just really liked the idea of not having to rely on anyone else, because it was just too easy for people to look out for number and let you down, not through any real fault of their own, but just because that’s what most people did all the time.
Which is why asking Ronan for help was so difficult. If I could have figured out a plan myself that didn’t involve him, I would have. I just got so scared, and I must have been in shock after seeing what happened to Greg.
I finished my coffee and sat down at the desk in the main room in front of an old computer. After turning it on, I set about finding some clothing, but couldn’t find any of those services willing to deliver that day. I looked down at myself - I could go out and get something, right? There must be a store that sold basics around here. I did some search and found a place just a few blocks away.
Ronan had helped me out of a tight jam, but I already knew I was getting in the way of how he liked to live. I didn’t want to be any more of a burden than I could. I couldn’t stay here for very long - this was his place, not mine, and I needed to figure out what I would do for a little while.
The Russians wouldn’t really come after me, would they? It was entirely possible they didn’t even know I existed and I was just worrying, going out of my head for nothing. Nah, I was getting ahead of myself. I’m sure my place was clear, I’m sure Greg would never have put my in any danger even if he was up to some shady stuff.
