by Snow, Lucy
Ronan bellowed as he came, and I felt his sweet cum inside me as I came too. He bent over me as the force of his orgasm overtook him, and he nestled his head between my neck and shoulders, whispering my name over and over again in my ear.
When we finally separated he collapsed onto the waiting chair and I sat back on his lap, using him as a cushion. We cuddled and kissed and said nothing until Ronan broke the silence.
“What’s for dinner?”
I laughed. The night wasn’t over yet, we were just taking a break before going to bed and starting afresh.
Chapter 19 - Ronan
I slept in the next morning. To be fair, not a lot of sleeping was going on. I lay awake in bed, occasionally tossing and turning in trying to get comfortable, while Kara slept soundly next to me.
Every so often I would look at her, watch her sleeping form, and marvel at all the millions of different things that had to happen in perfect sequence to result in my stepsister lying next to me in bed, incredibly gorgeous and wonderful, and oblivious to the horrors of the life I lived.
If only she knew, if only I could tell her the things that I have done, all in the name of the family. Of course, if she knew any of those things she probably wouldn’t be lying in bed with me. She would want to have nothing to do with me any longer.
I wanted to be more open with her, but I knew that this wouldn’t last. I knew that she had to get out of town, that living in the city was no longer tenable for her, that she had to get out of here, and try and build a new life somewhere else, away from all the connections she had to her former life.
I was one of those connections that she would have to sever. We couldn’t have anything to do with each other, because if my enemies, the enemies of the family, knew about us, they would find her and she wouldn’t be safe anywhere. Just because they wanted to get to me, because they wanted to have power and control over me.
Kara was quickly becoming the one weak spot in my life, but one chink in my suit of armor, and I couldn’t afford to have any of those, not right now. How did I let her affect me so? And did she even know how stronger hold over me was?
Just looking at her, lying there next to me, I felt myself starting to get hard. Even though we just had sex a few hours ago, the way my body responded to hers, I needed her again right then and there. I wanted to wake her up, kissed her all over, pull her close to me, and fuck her again like I had last night. I wanted to wake up to her every morning, and I wanted to fall asleep to her every night.
And that’s why I had to let her go. That’s why I needed her out of my life. Because I couldn’t afford to have anyone with this much control over me. I didn’t like feeling powerless, and I had never felt so weak and out of control as right now.
It was time. I couldn’t stay in bed with her any longer., Not when just having her this close and naked drove me so wild. I brushed my finger lightly across the skin of her back up and down, left and right, closing my eyes and trying to hold on to that feeling for as long as I could.
Then I got out of bed and started to get ready. I was quiet at first, so as not to wake her up, but by the time I got out of the shower and started to dress, Kara was stirring in bed.
“Hey,” she whispered, propping yourself up in bed, her hair all tussled from a night of sex and sleep. “What time is it?”
I kept tying my tie around my neck. “It’s about 930. I have to go in.” I turned around to look at her.
Kara rub the sleep from her eyes. “Already? I wanted to talk first.”
Now is as good a time as any to do this. I finish time my tie and sat down on the edge of the bed. “All right. Let’s talk.”
Kara looked nervous all of a sudden. “I think we both know that we can’t keep doing this any longer.”
“You’re right, we can’t.”
“I need to get out of town, and I can’t stay here any longer. I need to find a new place to live, a new job, new friends, all of that, far away from here…”
“That does sound like a better idea than staying in the city.”
“And you’ve helped me so much, Ronan, and I’m grateful to you for that. You’ll never know how grateful I am for all the help you’ve given me.”
“It was nothing, Kara. Please believe me, I was glad to help.”
“But, I was, uhh, wondering if, you know, you wanted…”
“What?”
“If you wanted to come with me.”
“Come with you?”
“Yeah. If you wanted to get away from all of this, and come with me. We could start fresh together, somewhere else, somewhere new, where no one knew who we were, and we could leave our past lives behind.”
I had no idea she was the suggest that. What surprised me even more than Kara’s saying she wanted me to come with her, away from the life I had built since I was a teenager, was that I felt myself wanting to say yes. I felt myself wanting to agree to anything, anything just to be around her more, to be with her and away from all of this.
“I just can’t do that. I can’t leave any of this behind. Too many people rely on me. I have too many responsibilities.”
Kara looked on the verge of tears. “Can’t? Or won’t?”
“What’s the difference? They both end up in the same place.”
“Don’t you want to be with me? Don’t you want to keep going like this?”
I turned away from her, unable to meet her steady gaze. “It doesn’t matter what I want,” I whispered back. “What matters is what I have to do.”
She fell forward on the bed. “And what is that? What do you have to do?”
I stood up, looking around for where I’d left my jacket. “ I have to help you get out of the city, and then I have to get back to my life.”
I found my jacket and put it on, purposely avoiding looking back at Kara on the bed. I didn’t think she’d moved. I realized right then and there that if I spent anymore time around are my results would crack even further, and I might find myself running away with her, abandoning all of my responsibilities here to the family.
No, I shook my head as I went to the kitchen. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t even take that chance. Kara and I could not see each other anymore. I went to the safe, hidden behind one of the bookshelves and opened it, taking out $5000 in assorted bills. I wrapped them up an envelope, and walked back into the bedroom with it.
“This is $5000. It should be enough to get you out of town and get you started somewhere. If you need more after that you can get in touch with me, and I’ll send more.”
Kara looked up from the bed, her eyes moist with tears. She looked at the money and they widened, then she focused back on me. “That’s it? Just money?”
My heart sank in my chest, but I needed to show strength. “I’m sorry Kara, I can’t help you anymore than this right now.” If only she knew how much I wanted to hold her right then, to brush away the tears, to pull her in close to me, and make sure she knew that I would keep her safe forever.
None of these things were things that I could say at the moment. Or maybe ever. Knowing that didn’t make it any easier.
She lifted her head up. “Can’t we talk about this?”
“What’s there to talk about? This is my life, this is the path I’ve chosen. I can’t turn away from it now.”
“Even if it’s not what you really want?”
I felt my resolve start to shake, and I had to concentrate for a moment to reign it back in. “It is what I want, Kara. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”
“I know you don’t believe that. Deep down, I know that you been looking for something else.”
I turned away. “You don’t know anything about me or my life.”
“I know you better than you think, Ronan. I know that you feel trapped by the path you’ve chosen, and feel like you can’t do anything different without letting people down.”
Kara sounded did like she had all the answers, but I couldn’t listen. I had responsibilities, people who relied on me, ob
ligations to the family. Any of those were more important than what I wanted.
“This conversation is over. I appreciate that you need to leave town, and this money will help you get there. I just can’t come with you.”
I left the room as soon as I could, heading toward the kitchen and the front door. I needed to get out of there. All of a sudden that little cottage felt even smaller than my office to. The walls getting closer and closer, handing me in, teasing me with potential futures and white picket fences and children and the happiness I have never known before.
I didn’t want to see Kara anymore. I didn’t want to take that chance and slide all the way back into bed with her. Because I knew that if I did, if I took that one step toward her, I would never be free of her.
I gathered my things and was about to open the door and headed out into the cold morning when Kara came running out of the bedroom, wearing just her bra and panties and jumped into my arms. She kissed me with a fury, a longing, a need that stopped me in my tracks.I kissed her back, pulling her in close to me, lifting her off the ground.
“Thank you for all your help,” she whispered, in between kisses. “Without you I’d be dead.”
“You’re stronger than you think,” I whispered back as I kissed her hard.
“Only because of you.”
“Whatever works.”
She pushed herself away from the, and looked deep into my eyes. “I wish that you would change your mind, Ronan. We could be so happy together.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t really know what happiness meant anymore. Happiness used to be a well-planned life, power and strength over others, and enough women to keep things from getting boring.
Now I had no idea what happiness was. “I’ve chosen my path. It’s here in the city, with the family.”
Karen nodded, the tears flowing back, and I wanted to pull her in close again and wipe them away and say that I would never leave her side. But I couldn’t do that.
So instead, I turned and opened the door and walked out into the dreary morning. I didn’t turn around, I could feel Kara’s eyes on my back, watching me leave her life.
And all the while, all I could think about was whether this was truly the freedom I was looking for.
What had seemed so perfect efficient before now felt like relentless monotony. But it was all that I knew, and that would have to do for now.
Chapter 20 - Kara
I had tried and failed. I had tried to get blown into escape this life with me, and start fresh somewhere new, somewhere will be to be happy together somewhere where there was no violence, no death, and no need to control others.
But that was not what Ronan wanted. He preferred this life, and the power over others that it brought him. In a strange way, maybe, being a member of a violent mob family actually felt safe to. What would turn anyone else’s stomach was just what he was used to. Even if I wanted to save him, I didn’t think he would listen anymore.
And now he’d given me all this money and told me to help myself leave town. I could do this. Even without anymore of his help. All I had to do was pack my stuff up, get to a bus station, and take the first bus out of here. Didn’t matter where it went, just as long as it wasn’t in this city anymore. I could figure things out and get my feet on the ground then. The only thing that mattered now was getting out of the city.
And I was all on my own. Fine. Good. I knew how that worked. I could do this.
After I watched Ronan leave from the cottage doorway, I’d run back to bed and cried my eyes out, but now, still lying in bed, as I tried to get it all out, I found there was none left. I’d made up my mind and now the die was cast.
I would escape on my own. Ronan had helped me climb out of the frying pan, but this cottage was becoming the fire, and I would have to get myself the rest of the way.
All of a sudden I couldn’t remain in bed any longer, and I jumped up, full of newfound, or rather reawakened, purpose. I didn’t have much to pack up, but I ran around the cottage like a whirlwind gathering up the clothing and the other stuff I’d need and stuffing them into a backpack. That and the money. It felt weird taking it from Ronan, but he had offered, and I really did need it. I resolved then and there to pay him back for it as soon as I was able to, once I got myself situated.
I made some coffee and ate some of the leftover food I’d made, dropping some snacks into my bag for later. I looked around the house, slowly walking through it and tidying up - if Ronan didn’t want me around anymore, I’d get as close to making it look like I’d never even been there as I could.
That would show him.
Just before I left, I stood in the doorway and looked back at the house, shocked at how much this little shack felt like home after just a few days. Oh well, time for bigger and better things. If I could make a new home for myself in such a short amount of time while on the run from almost certain death, I could do it again without that kind of pressure somewhere else.
After one last look, I opened the door and stepped out. I locked it behind me and hid the key underneath the doormat. I didn’t want to turn back and look at it as I walked away, but I couldn’t help it.
It looked like a home.
“Onward to bigger and better things,” I muttered to myself under my breath, and started toward the bus station.
I was still scared, of course. It still felt like everyone I passed by might end up being Arkady, or at least working for him, but today I found myself empowered by a new resolve that I hadn’t felt before.
Maybe this was what was like to be at the end of your rope? To have no one else you could rely on but yourself? Maybe this was what people felt when they dug deep and got what they needed to get done done. It felt wonderful, even if I wasn’t exactly thrilled to need to feel this way.
I didn’t exactly stare down all the people I walked by this time, wondering if they would jump out and accost me, but at the same time I still felt a little twinge of fear when I turned a corner or someone looked at me for what felt like just a second too long.
I’d mapped out the best path to the bus station and made it directly there, stopping in a coffee shop to get a drink first. I hadn’t bothered to look up the timetable - I figured I’d just get on the first long haul bus out of town and pick things up there.
The weather was cold and the sky was cloudy, and people pulled their jackets around them as they trudged along through their day, probably paying me no attention.
The city bus station had been renovated a few years earlier. Before it had been a haven of the homeless and destitute, and now it was marginally better. The city had actually been really good about tackling the causes of homelessness, and these days there were fewer and fewer of them on the street, but they still congregated around the bus station.
I’d never been inside before, but the new station was bright and easy to navigate. First thing I went up to the ticket counter, and while I stood in line I looked up at the big board scrolling through all the different destinations and timings.
The farthest one I could see was…San Francisco! I’d always wanted to go there again after a post high school summer trip that I fondly remembered. And it was leaving in less than an hour. That was perfect. When I got to the front of the line, I bought a ticket to SF, rolling off a little cash from the $500 I’d split off from the envelope Ronan had given me that morning.
It wouldn’t look good for a random woman to be flashing that much cash around. I wanted to keep a low profile.
After I got my ticket I sat in the terminal and waited till it was time to board. I tried not to be super conspicuous but it was tough not to do a little people watching. Long distance bus riders are different than people who travel by plane - this is the cheap option for people who’ve got time and not a lot of money.
After a few minutes they called my bus to SF, and I got up and gathered my things and went outside to the gate. The bus was parked there, and a few people were starting to get on. I didn’t get the impr
ession from the crowd that it would be a full ride, which was nice; that way I could stretch out a bit.
I climbed onto the bus when it was my turn and found an empty row near the back. The seats were high up, and I couldn’t really see anything except out the window. I imagined I’d be looking out at this view a lot for the next few days while we traveled across the country. I put my bag in the chair next to me, trying to ward off anyone who would potentially want to sit in my row. Given how few people were on the bus I didn’t think I’d have a problem.
I felt light as a feather for the first time since I could remember. I’d managed to escape, to get out of town without getting myself caught by the Russians. I might just be safe after all.
“Mind join?” A voice out of nowhere said in my direction.
Oh. SHIT.
After yesterday I’d know that voice anywhere. My heart sank in my chest, and sweat covered me faster than I imagined it could.
Arkady’s smiling face looked down at me from the aisle. “Mind join?” he repeated, his blond hair falling in front of his eyes before he swept it back.
“How,” I gasped, looking around for any way I could get myself out of this and not finding one, “how did you find me?!”
“Bus station logical choice.” He picked up my bag on the chair next to me before I could stop him and lifted it in to the overhead bin. “I sit.”
He sat down next to me, and I pressed myself against the window, as much as I could to keep myself away from him. My skin crawled and I had trouble breathing.
“San Francisco?” He looked at me, that smile still there. “Long way. I hear nice there.”
“Y-Yes,” I stammered, not sure what else to say.
“Why leave so soon?”
“You told me!” I lashed out, hissing at him. “You said leaving the city was the right idea.”
