“No Lexi this room is sound proof. No one can hear anything, what’s wrong?” he says nervously shifting in his seat.
“You know I was staying at Alex’s for a while? Well while I was there I enrolled in homeschooling at the local high school where Alex goes. I do everything that a normal student does but I don’t go into the school, I will only go in when I write exams. I’ve been thinking a lot and I wana finish my senior year there…” I say.
“Oh no Lex , please don’t tell me you're leaving us…please don’t leave Lex.” Jax pleads and his face is full of sadness.
“No Jax, don’t get upset, just listen. I’m not leaving for good I promise, I’ve already thought about it and if I work hard from Monday to Thursday I won’t have to study Friday so what I will do is after I study on Thursday I will come over and stay here with you guys till Monday morning before you guys leave for school? I will still see you guys every week and since I’m ahead with my studies already I didn’t want to come back to the high school here and have to go over everything I’ve already done at the other school. I should have enough credits to graduate a month or two earlier than you guys do, so then I will come and stay here as soon as I’m done?” I say and notice his smile widen when I say that I will stay with him, he relaxes and sighs.
“Okay baby, if that is what makes you happy then that’s fine with me. I just don’t know how Drake is going to take it.” He says.
"I will speak to him about it today. Thanks Jax.” I say and hug him as we leave the office.
I go to breakfast with Ronny and she takes me to this little diner on the edge of town. We order stacks of pancakes with chocolate chips and syrup to share.
We finish the whole serving and I lean back rubbing my full tummy, “Ahh Ron that was so good. I'm stuffed.”
“Me too.” She says as she drops her knife and fork on the plate with a loud clank.
“I need to tell you something Ron and I hope you will understand.” I say as I lean my elbows on the table and get serious.
“Oh shit that doesn’t sound good.” Ronny says looking scared.
I explain to her just as I explained to Jax, my reason for staying with Alex and completing school there but her response surprises me.
“Ah Lex that’s great, I suppose I would also run away from this place if I had gone through all the shit that you’ve been through.” She says with only a little sadness in her voice.
“Ron, I’m not moving away for good.” Then I explain to her how I plan to come every week and stay with them and when I graduate early how I will be staying with them mostly.
“So you are coming back? You’re not leaving us?” she says in surprise, “I’m still going to get to see you?” I smile at her and nod. She smiles and lets out a deep breath.
”Thank God, I was trying to be strong for you and make you think that I’m okay with you moving away…but I’m not… you make our life so much happier and brighter. We all need you Lex.”
“I need you guys just as much.” I smile and pat her hand.
We pay and head out the café. I notice a familiar red car parked next to Ronny’s and I see Drake leaning against his car with his arms folded smiling at me.
I walk up to him and give him a long hug and kiss his lips softly. “What are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to spend time with you, everyone else got a chance. You happy I’m here babe?” he says as he tightens his hold on my hips.
“Yeah Drake… I’m happy you here, I love you.” I sigh and give him another kiss I turn and wave Ronny off as she leaves.
Drake takes me to the beach, we sit in his car and look out at the ocean, it’s raining slightly outside so I sit cuddled up to his warm side. He leans down and pulls out a small paper bag and puts it on my lap.
“I know how you love these damn things.” He says smiling down at me, I look into the packet and see it filled with caramel sweets.
I give him a big smile and kiss his cheek, “I love you Drake.”
He chuckles, “I love you to babe, you’re so fucking cute Lexi.”
We listen to the radio and enjoy each other’s company when Drake blurts out. “You seem nervous? What’s wrong?”
“Drake I gotta tell you something…” I say, he nods quietly and I tell him about living with Alex and the arrangement to visit on weekends.
“Lex, I don’t like that. You staying with people I don’t know and at the pack house no less. I don’t like it. You will be surrounded by unmated males, and even though you are not a wolf, you are beautiful, they’re going to try get with you and I’m not going to be around if they do.” He says in a gruff voice.
“Please Drake, they all know I’m already taken and I don’t hang out with everyone, besides I’ll be focusing on my studies so I can graduate early and then at least I will be able to see you more often. Please be okay with this.” I beg him and I watch as he relaxes but he’s still contemplating everything.
“Okay babe…” he sighs, “As long as you spend every weekend with us then that’s fine I suppose, but if any of the other guys from that pack even touch you, you better tell me okay?” he says sternly and I nod.
We sit and cuddle each other for a while longer before we head back to the house. After taking a shower, I head to Ronny’s room, I notice Jax’s door is open so I pop my head in to see if he’s around. I spot him sitting by his desk running his hands through his hair, he looks deeply frustrated.
“What’s wrong Jax?” I say as I walk over to him and put my hand on his shoulder looking down at the books that cover his desk.
“Hey Lexi, just trying to go over this, I’m really battling with this one section and its causing me to be behind so I thought I should get a head start before we get back to school and maybe it will help.” He sighs.
“Shit Jax! I was supposed to help you but with everything going on I totally forgot. Here, let me help you while I’m here, shit I’m sorry Jax…” I say feeling terrible for letting him down.
“It’s okay you don’t have to help me, I know you’ve got a lot on you plate already.” He says sincerely as he looks at me.
“Jax, don’t argue with me. I’m helping you okay.” I say pulling a chair to sit next to him.
I spend two hours with Jax helping him with his work;.Drake was busy with others on border patrol so at least we weren’t interrupted. Jax really got the hang of it and fully understood what I taught him, I guess he just needed to see it from someone else's point of view. Jax sits at his desk redoing a couple of equations while I lay on his bed and page through a couple of his car magazines.
His bed is massive, just like my one at Alex’s house, It’s four poster bed, all dark wood and manly with red and black furnishings. I lie on my stomach paging through the magazine as Jax gets out his chair and makes his way over to me. He lies on his back and stretches out letting out a big yawn making me giggle.
“Sorry …think I fried my brain with all that knowledge.” He says through another yawn.
“It’s okay…do you feel better about it now?” I ask him as I look at his gorgeous face. He turns on his side, leaning against me, he leans on his elbow with his hand holding his head up. He looks at me and reaches out to twirl a piece of my hair with his finger.
He looks me in the eye, “Yeah baby you helped me so much, all the other stuff I know, it was just that section that confused the livin shit outta me, thanks so much for all your help.” He says in a slow rough voice.
“I want to ask you something Lexi, it’s about what happened on the beach.” He says as he continues to look into my eyes. “Okay…” I say nervously.
“You kinda scared me baby, I’ve never seen you so angry before and the way you spoke and raised your voice? It was…like… you...had Alpha in you. I can’t explain it. It was strange and your eyes... they were glowing. Drake doesn’t submit easily, even to me and I’m going to be his Alpha but when you yelled and your eyes started changing…he submitted. Do you know why that happened Lexi?�
�� Jax asks me as he looks down at my hair in his fingers avoiding my gaze.
I can’t tell them about the fact that I can heal or better yet that I just discovered that I can also cause harm, I don’t know why all this is happening to me and the less people that know about it... the better.
“I was so angry Jax; I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry in my life. I though Drake slept with her and I just felt so disgusted because we were intimate the evening I came back. I guess I was under the impression he hooked up with her then he was trying to get with me. I was embarrassed and shocked and you know my eyes tend to change colour but it most probably just looked extra shiny because of the huge bonfire.” I try and explain to him.
I look up to meet his eyes and see pain covering his face, I instantly know why that look was there, I just told him I was intimate with Drake.
Fuck…
“What do you mean you were intimate with him?” Jax says clearing his throat and avoiding the rest of my explanation.
“We never had sex Jax.” I say avoiding the glare his perfect emerald eyes are giving me.
“And that’s okay?” his tone changes and his voice deepens. “You wana know how many girls I’ve been with since I’ve met you? NONE! I know we aren’t together but seriously Lexi, do you honestly think I’m going to stick around while you shack up with him? Is it that hard for you to fucking keep your legs closed?” he runs his hands through his hair as he sits on the side of the bed looking away from me, I don’t know what to say or do while he goes on with his mean rant.
“I’m done waiting for you Lexi while you act like a slut with him.” Jax says harshly, sitting up with his legs over the side of the bed.
I can’t believe he just said that, he’s never been that mean to me, ever. I close the magazine, sit up and wipe the tears from my face, his eyes widen when he see’s my face. His angry face instantly looks regretful as he frowns.
“Lexi…fuck…wait…” he says looking back to me running his hands through his hair.
I don’t say anything as I make my way out of his room ignoring him as he calls my name.
Even though what he said hurt me deeply…it was all true. I was acting like a slut, getting intimate with Drake sexually and getting intimate with Jax in a completely other way. This is not me, I’m not this person who strings guys along as if it’s some sick game and I sure as hell never acted this way before. What the fuck is wrong with me! I know I want Jax but I need Drake too.
I’m just not sure who I need more…
CHAPTER 29:
It’s my last day in Point Bright, tomorrow I move back to Alex and Johnny’s. Avoiding Jax these last couple of days has been horrible and I’ve also been avoiding Drakes sexual attempts, I know he's probably horny as hell because he’s constantly touching me and passing sexy comments. He’s also become more possessive, wanting to rip apart any of the guys that look at me wrong.
The others obviously see the tension between Jax and I because we don’t talk to each other and we don’t spend as much time with each other like we used to, but no one has mentioned anything to me about it and I’m thankful because I’m not sure what could even be said. What he said to me was horrible but true and I’ve just been too ashamed to face him.
These past few days that I haven’t had contact with him have been driving me insane, I’m miserable and constantly sad, Drake hasn’t noticed because I’m good at hiding it but Ronny asked me about it a couple of days ago and I just said that I was going to miss them. I guess that was true, I haven’t seen Jax around so I guess he was probably making good on his word about not waiting around for me anymore.
Guess I can’t really blame him…
It’s killing me knowing that Jax is probably sleeping with other girls because of my stupidity and because I was such a coward not telling him how I felt about him and not letting Drake know about how strongly I felt for Jax. I know I have no right to be jealous and I definitely don’t have the right to be selfish and expect him not to be with other girls when I have a boyfriend. Even though I know I have no right, I am jealous and I want to be selfish.
I roll in bed at night with these thoughts consuming me, the more I think about it…the more I want to leave Point Bright and get as far away from him as possible. Maybe the further away I get…the less I will think about him.
Doubt it...
Tonight Drake took me out for a romantic dinner so we could spend time alone on my last night here. The date was perfect and I had a great time with him. We arrived back at house after midnight and I was so exhausted, the house was dark and everyone was asleep so I got dressed and made my way to my bed where Drake was already tucked in.
I climb in bed not facing him hoping tonight he won’t bug me about getting some action like he’s done every night since the argument with Jax.
He shifts and pulls me closer into him and I can feel his warm bare chest against my back as well as his evident arousal poking at my lower back, his hand travels under my shirt toward my chest. I inwardly sigh and roll my eyes.
I can’t help but think that all these wolves and their hearing would probably be able to hear if something was too happen tonight within these sheets, meaning Jax would hear since he’s in the room opposite mine.
“Drake I’m too tired, please let’s just go to sleep.” I say as I hold his hand against my breast forcing him to stop playing.
“Okay Lex what’s going on? We haven’t done anything since that night on the beach. Is this because of the whole Chelsea thing? I told you nothing happened. Why don’t you want me to touch you Lex?” Drake says sadly sitting up looking down at me.
I feel terrible for neglecting him and being distant, I still have Drake and I should be focused on him, he is my boyfriend after all… not Jax. I turn and cuddle into his chest wrapping my arms around him tight.
“I’m so sorry Drake, I didn’t mean to be distant it’s just that the more intimate we are... the harder it will be for me to leave tomorrow. I know this first week is going to be the hardest but I promise when I see you on the weekend I will be back to my normal self. This whole moving thing is stressing me out even though I know it’s for the best.” I say as I give him a soft kiss.
He reciprocates and squeezes me tighter, kissing me back with such force I can only presume that Sebastian has taken over control. I’ve missed Drake and being close like this with him. We make out for a few more minutes before we finally separate and let out heavy breaths.
“I understand Lexi, it’s going to be hard here without you. We love you so much, don’t ever forget that.” Drake says as he speaks for both Sebastian and himself.
We both get comfortable, Drake falls asleep quickly with me cuddling into his chest, I used to be able to fall asleep so easily in his arms but now I can’t because once again my thoughts are consumed by none other than…Jax.
A few hours go by and I’m exhausted but I just can’t fall asleep, I slowly get out of bed and agree that maybe if I have a nice warm glass of milk it may help me fall sleep. The floor is cold so I pull on a pair of socks. I’m wearing short pajama pants with a large t- shirt over. I tip toe out of the room even though I know Drake is a heavy sleeper. As I turn into the passage and close my door, behind me Jax’s door from across mine opens.
A tall gorgeous blond girl comes out wearing Jax’s shirt and holding her heels in her hand, she gives me a sheepish smile and through the light that comes from inside his room I see her blush. Jax comes out of his room wearing only boxers, he spots me there and suddenly he looks shocked as if I caught him doing something he shouldn’t. I’m not stupid and I can put two and two together, I look down at my shaking hands.
This isn't happening...this isn’t happening.
I quickly turn and walk faster down the passage. I know this shouldn’t hurt that he’s sleeping with other girls, he’s not mine to have but it really REALLY does hurt. I make my way to the kitchen and slide onto the floor near the cabinets in the corner and sob into my ha
nds silently in the dark.
It took him to have sex with another more attractive girl…someone more fitted for him, for me to realize….I am so deeply in love with him.
I knew my feelings toward him were stronger than a normal friendship, we have something special…well…we had something special. Now I just feel betrayed, even though I don’t have the right to be but it still feels like I was cheated.
I hear footsteps near me and I immediately know its Jax by his minty smell. I look up to see his sad face through the darkness, I lift myself up and try get away from him but he grabs my hand.
“Just wait baby…let me explain please…” he says in a sad rough voice.
“Don’t touch me and DON’T call me baby…You don’t have to explain either...” I say through sniffles as I pull my hand away from him and attempt to get as far away from him as possible.
He growls, roughly pulls my armso my body clashes with his , then he picks me up and sits me on the cold counter. He places his large body between my legs and holds my hips so I can’t move. I try to get away but he growls louder and I quickly succumb. I avoid looking into his eyes and even his bare chest so I look down at my hands that are trembling as the tears fall onto them from my chin.
He tries to wipe the tears away but I slap his hand away. “Don’t…just don’t Jax…what’s done is done. I get it okay.…just don’t touch me.” I pull my hand up to my face to cover the sobs that take over my body.
I don’t want him to touch me after he’s been with her.
He pulls me into his chest and holds me tight against his body ignoring my objections as I shove and push at his chest, he rubs his hands down my hair and back trying to calm me and it works and the fact that he still has this effect over me makes me cry harder.
“Shhhh…baby it’s okay…I’m here, I love you Lexi.” He whispers into my ear.
“No Jax…you don’t love me enough for this to ever work. Do you know how shit I feel every time I even give Drake a peck? You can imagine how bad I felt when things got more serious. But I never slept with him Jax….never. I’ve been avoiding him all week because I don't want to hurt you. I can’t even sleep because you’re all I can think about and everything you said that night was true, I am a slut, I’m so selfish because I want both of you!“
Alexia Eden Page 23
