Alexia Eden

by Sophie Summers

  “Don’t speak about her like that! What the hell is wrong with you? Both of you! Neither of you deserve her company. Fuck you guys for treating her like shit!” Chloe says standing up shocking everyone, I see regret written all over the two boys faces but my eyes divert back to my hands before they notice me looking. Chloe isn’t the aggressive or verbal type but I guess Jax’s statement took a step too far. I watch as Drake gradually places his hand on my leg and I freeze, then he wraps his big hand over mine and gently rubs his thumb over it so softly as if apologizing.

  As if he doesn’t need words to express how sorry he is. But dammit! I need words! I want to hear how sorry he is and how he fucked up! I don’t think it will make a difference how I feel about what he did but I need to hear the words come out of his mouth.

  Chloe kneels in front of me, “Come on hun, let’s go to the bathroom.” I quickly remove my hand from Drakes as she helps me up, I groan in pain but no one says anything, the whole table is silent as she helps me walk over to the bathroom. As we enter it I lean against the counter and let out a deep breath.

  “I can’t believe them, you don’t deserve this Lex.”

  she says looking at me.

  “I do Chloe….I deserve everything. I told Jax I loved him, even though I was in love with Drake. Or well at the time I thought I was in love with Drake. Then I let someone talk me into doubting that love. I’m so stupid how could I ever doubt myself? I'm not sure if I even know what love is anymore… because if this is what love does …then I hate it...I don’t want it.” I say looking at the floor refusing to look at myself in the mirror sitting behind me.

  “I’m so sorry Lex, I wish this never happened to you. I know you don’t want to tell someone about it but just think about it, maybe someone can help. I’m going to be here if you need anything, but you need to realize you don’t deserve this."

  “Don’t you see Chlo…I did tell someone. I told you and you ARE helping me.” I say and she gives me a sad smile in return.

  “Am I crazy? I think I am, I must be because even after what he did I still love him especially when I see the old Drake come out. How is that possible? He’s a monster, what he did to me….how angry he was…he’s a monster and maybe that’s why I’m feeling like this right now. I’m so fucking scared of him Chloe, before any of this happened I was going to end things with him just until I could sort shit out in my head but now? I’m too afraid to leave…I’m such a coward. I love him more than I should.” I whisper the last part almost afraid to admit it out loud but I continue to talk as I get everything off my chest.

  “How is that even possible? I should hate him right? Yeah… that’s what one generally feels after being beaten right? He messed me up, this whole thing fucked me up Chloe, I feel weak and useless as if he’s drained all my power and strength from me and now I’m a scared shitless little girl backed into a corner. There’s so much shit going on in my head Chlo, I don’t know what to do to make it all stop? I don’t want to feel anything…” I say wiping the tears away.

  “I…I don’t even know what to say to all of that… I mean I don’t even have advice because I’ve never been in your situation but I do have something in mind that may help you clear your head or at least numb everything out for a little while?” she sighs.

  “What?” I ask confused.

  “I have a fake ID, let’s get something strong; it should take the edge off right?” Chloe suggests.

  I don’t even want to know where she got the fake ID from. I usually stay away from alcohol just because of what Georgina went through but if it numbs the pain I’m feeling right now then I’ll take it…I’ll take anything.

  She leads me out of the bathroom with my arm linked with hers as she orders a tray of shots for us. We head to the other side of the deck where our friends can't see us and sit by a tall bar table that’s in the corner. Its peaceful out here with Chloe, she places the tray down and it has a dozen different types of shots.

  “I don’t think this is actually a good idea, especially with you taking pain medicine.” Chloe says.

  “No this is a great idea, the best idea! The medicine is worn off already and I haven't taken it again after this morning.” I pick up the shot of tequila and tap it against hers as I down it. It burns all the way down but I continue onto the next five shots. After finishing the fifth one my head is tingly and I have certainly succeeded in numbing the pain.

  “Shit this totally worked! I’m all numb apart from the tingles.” I say really smiling at Chloe for the first time today.

  She laughs at me, “Guess that took the edge off for both of us. I was about to take my butter knife and stab those idiots. Jerks!” I giggle softly.

  “What are you guys doing here?” Rachel says smiling at us, she takes one look at the shot glasses on the round metal table and laughs.

  “Chloe! You got her drunk! Without me?” Rachel declares dramatically.

  “Hey! If that was Mark in there doing that, you would be here too! And I’m NOT drunk , just a lil tipsy.” I giggle using my thumb and index finger to show her my level of drunkenness.

  “Here, take my glass of water and drink that before we head back to the table. Don’t worry, Ronny already tore those two a new one for acting like dicks toward you. They seem really upset the way they handled things.” Rachel says handing me her water. “Are you okay Lexi, you’re very quiet tonight? You don’t seem like yourself?”

  Chloe speaks on my behalf, “You know how the distance thing causes strain in a relationship, and it’s just that.” I continue to down the water.

  I guess that is partly true.

  We head to the table and even though I’m a little buzzed I'm able to walk in a straight line without stumbling and right now my entire body is numb. I really don’t want to go back to the table but I don’t have a choice. At the table the mood seems to have lightened, I don’t say a word as Chloe and I get to our seat. I make sure that when I pull the chair in I scoot a little away from Drake. Chloe stumbles as she finds her way to her chair and I hold in my laugh.

  “Are you drunk Chloe?” Ronny says looking amused.

  Chloe looks at me and winks. I let out a giggle and cover my mouth with both hands. Ronny smiles at me and I'm still giggling as everyone continues to look at me.

  “You’re also dru-” Ronny stops short as she stares at my hands that cover my mouth, I look at everyone and they’re all staring at my hands, including Jax who's has a frown on his face and Drake who looks remorseful.

  I pull my hands away from my mouth and look down at them, my sweater has risen up and the bandages the Chloe wrapped around my wrists are showing, blood has stained through them now in places. My smile drops and the shock sobers me up immediately, I rapidly pull my sleeves down then make sure my scarf is in place and my hair covers any cuts near my hairline.

  “I’m sorry about what I said Ba…Lexi, you know I didn’t mean it right.” Jax says sadly almost calling me baby.

  “Me too babe, you know I’m not really going to call that chick. I’m sorry I was acting like a tool. You don’t deserve that.” Drake says looking down at me. I avoid both of their gazes as I turn my eyes to the ocean again and say numbly, “You don’t have to apologize… I deserve it.” I feel Drake tense beside me as I repeat the words he told me last night while he was “disciplining me”.

  “No you don’t deserve that! Don’t ever say that Lexi.” Ronny scolds, I look at her blankly and nod.

  Drake tries to move his hand again into my lap and he tries to lace our fingers together but I can’t touch him right now. I quickly move my hand away from his and I see from the corner of my eye him flinch at my reaction as if I just slapped him.

  “Can you take me home Ron, I’m not really hungry and I don’t want to ruin the rest of their evening.” I get up and walk away without waiting for an answer.

  I find Ronny's car and stand near it hoping she will come out sooner or later. I walk near the sidewalk that leads to the beach and look o
ut at the beautiful sea when a large hand wraps around my hand gently. I cringe and step backwards away from whoever it is.

  “I'm sorry Lexi! I'm sorry for everything I’ve done. Please forgive me.” Jax begs me. I turn my eyes back to the sea. “I already told you…you don’t have to apologize Jackson.” I say curtly using his full name.

  “No don’t say that you deserved what I said and the way I’ve been treating you because you don’t! I was being a dick…I thought it would be easier if I pushed you away.” He says.

  “Yeah well, guess you did make it easier by pushing me away. You made it easier for both of us. Forget about me, find someone that is perfect, beautiful and everything you ever wanted, someone that isn’t me Jax.” I say vacantly staring back out into the darkness.

  “Baby please…I’m sorry… what happened to you? Why do you seem…. so… empty?” he says miserably.

  “That’s because I am…” I turn and walk towards Ronny's car where I see her and Chloe.

  I don’t look back as we drive away and Ronny doesn’t say a word to me until it’s time to say goodbye. We say our goodbyes and Chloe is reluctant to leave me alone but I reassure her that I need to be alone.

  I walk into the house and walk straight into the bathroom. I strip out of my clothes and unwrap the bandages on my wrists. I feel disgusting and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror so I place a towel over it.

  I put the shower on above me but don’t put the plug in as I sit in the tub with the boiling water splashing on my battered skin the burning of the hot water against my cuts hurts but it’s the only way I can feel clean. I rest my cheek on my folded arms over the side of the tub as I stare at the bloodied bandages on the floor, I lift my one hand and stare at the wound that Drake's belt caused …it wraps around my entire wrist like a perfect pink ribbon, I continue to repeat over and over…I love him. I deserved everything I got for betraying him.

  I don’t notice Drake leaning against the doorway because I’ve been so focused on my wrist, I turn and look at his red sneakers then turn back to look at my wrist ignoring his presence even though on the inside I’m terrified there may be a repeat of last night.

  CHAPTER 36:

  JAX POV

  I haven’t been myself since that night when Lexi saw that girl walk out of my room, she looked heartbroken and it killed me. It looked bad but I never slept with her, I tried, really hard…but I couldn’t get Lexi’s beautiful face out of my head and I felt disgusting when the girl started touching me.

  When I saw Lexi crying on the floor in the dark kitchen, it broke my heart. Then she told me that she loved me and inside I was so happy that I just wanted to take her right there and mark her but I could never do that.

  Lexi is so small and weak, I know deep down that I would never be able to mark her because she would never survive the turn, especially if an Alpha marked her; she is just not strong enough. I thought that there was some chance that she was a wolf and that she was just weak that’s why she didn’t smell like a wolf but when we found out that Georgina wasn’t her mother, I knew that Lexi was human after all. I thought I would be okay with it and I still wanted to be with her but after she mentioned her being intimate with Drake I lost it.

  She had such a miserable look in her eyes as I just stood there after she just admitted to loving me and how guilty she felt when she was intimate with Drake. I knew I should have said something to her but I knew I couldn’t tell her how much I truly love her. I couldn’t betray Drake like that if she decided to leave him for me but after seeing her tonight I know I made the biggest mistake of my life by not telling her how much I love her when I had the chance.

  These two weeks that I haven’t had contact with her have been horrible. I miss her terribly and I battle to sleep because she is the only thing on my mind….I thought I was doing what was best for us.

  I was so excited to see her tonight at the restaurant although I was nervous that she wouldn’t want to see me and even if she ignored me the entire evening at least I would be able to see her and be around her.

  I saw Drake coming up as I was chatting to Mark, I noticed he wasn’t holding Lexi close like he usually does. From behind him Lexi appeared, she walked straight past me and sat on the other end of the table near Chloe and Ron.

  She seemed different, not her usual happy self, she didn’t give everyone her tight hugs or even that beautiful smile and the rest of the group also noticed this. She sat on the other side of the table stiffly as if she didn’t want to be here in the first place, I noticed her jagged movements and how jumpy she was too.

  Did we cause this? Malek asked me and I really wasn’t sure. I hope not…

  I watched as Rachel spoke to her and Lexi gave her a straight blank answer with a soft voice, her face was void of emotion even the smile she gave Rachel was fake.

  “Why is she acting strange?” Rachel asked through the mind link.

  I watched as Drake tensed next to me as he replied, “Not sure, just ignore her.” He says ignorantly and it immediately pisses me off that he doesn't care.

  I chat with the boys a while as I observe Lexi and how she moved away from Drake when he put his arm around her, he pushes her roughly against his shoulder making her wince. I can feel my wolf becoming agitated at Drakes attitude towards our girl.

  Those two haven't been their usual selves. They haven't said one word to each other the entire time and they're not all touchy feely like usual. Lexi sits there blankly as if she doesn’t hear a word everyone says and she continues to stare off into the ocean. I observed Chloe’s worried expression and I’ve seen her sad expression when she looks at Lexi and the death glare she’s been giving Drake since he got here.

  The waitress came and took our orders, when it got to Drake's turn I watch as he checks the girl out whose flirting with him. How can he disrespect Lexi like that right in front of her?

  He orders food for Lexi without asking what she wants and passes a comment about him paying so he chooses, I look over to Lexi and she has the same blank look on her face again not saying one word. When Drake passes a comment about wanting the waitress later, everyone at the table lets out a growl. I look over to Lexi as Ronny asks them what's happened between them and why Drake's acting like a dick.

  I watch as Lexi looks back at the ocean trying to avoid our eyes. She quickly wipes a few tears away before anyone can see…but I see. I turn to Drake to see him taking the girls number she handed him. I remember what he said when Ron asked him at lunch if he had a long night last night…they slept together.

  Anger consumes me and I blurt out without thinking, “Dude she couldn’t have been that bad in bed?” I hear the gasps and I instantly feel regret, even if they did sleep together I shouldn’t of said something so callous.

  Lexi seems shocked and sad by what I said and I can't look at her eyes, the beautiful blue eyes she once had are empty and vacant. She looks back down at her hands playing with her scarf as she swiftly wipes a few more tears away.

  How could I be so harsh…? Chloe surprises us by yelling at Drake and I for our behavior and we deserve it. I was about to apologize when Chloe took Lexi away. Lexi battles to get out of the chair as Chloe helps her up then she leans against Chloe as she limps away out of sight. My wolf wants to run after her and beg for her forgiveness so he can look after her and make sure she's alright.

  “Why is she limping? What happened to her?” I ask Ronny and Drake.

  Ronny just shakes her head glaring at me. Drake looks sad as he answers, “She tripped down the patio stairs.”

  “What the fuck is wrong with you two? How can you treat her like that!” Ronny yells at both of us finally letting loose.

  “I know Ron, I'm going to apologize to her as soon as she comes back. Dude how could you blatantly flirt with that slut in front of her?” I ask Drake getting mad.

  I notice he looks regretful for how he’s been acting, he wipes his hands through his hair as he looks down at the table, he sadly says. “I
don’t know what I was thinking, I shouldn’t have done that. I guess I tried to get back at her and I thought that if I made her jealous she would see it from my point of view.” I notice he’s not telling me the full truth and he seems hesitant as he thinks of what to say.

  “Why would you want to get back at her?” Rachel asks giving him a dirty look.

  “She’s been hanging out with two guys from the other pack. I was jealous, that’s why I haven’t been myself today and that’s why I flirted with the waitress, I thought if she was at least a little bit jealous she would see my point.” Drake says. “Shit ...I shouldn’t have done that man, I feel like a complete asshole.” He says running his hands through his hair once again.

  “I’m going to go look for them.” Rachel says getting up and heading into the restaurant.

  “She just got back here and this is how you guys treat her? You two are going to chase her away! What are you going to do when she decides she’s not going to come down every weekend and that she doesn’t want to come back?” Ronny says angrily making me feel even more awful.

  “She will come back! She is mine and she’s not leaving me!” Drake growls possessively. I can't help but feel jealous.

  The girls come back and they seem a little odd, both of their cheeks are rosy and the two of them can’t stop snickering. I've never seen Lexi drunk before and it’s the cutest thing.

  As soon as she covers her mouth to hide the giggles I notice the red stained bandages wrapped around her wrists as her shirt rises up. We all notice it as we stare, I look over at Chloe who has that sad look on her face as if this doesn’t surprise her.

  Was Lexi hurting herself?

  Look what we’ve done! We caused her this pain! I tell my wolf.

  I instantly apologize and so does Drake, he looks ashamed and miserable. The words that come out of her mouth next shock me.

  “You don’t have to apologize… I deserved it.” She says this as she looks out into the ocean placing the emotionless mask back on, the one that she’s been wearing throughout the evening.