“Come on.” I stand up, scooping her into my arms. “You need rest.”
She leans her head against my chest. “You smell good.”
“I probably smell like pepperoni.”
“I like pepperoni.” She tilts her head up and breathes against my neck. Then she presses her mouth against my neck in a soft kiss.
“What are you doing, Aria?” I ask, keeping my voice soft and not judgmental. Why is it that whenever she’s drunk, she comes on to me? Why only then? And as soon as she sobers up, she runs in the opposite direction.
“Hmm?” She nuzzles my neck.
“Never mind. Go to sleep.” I bring her into my bedroom and place her gently on my bed. Luckily, the covers are still turned down because I never made the bed this morning.
“Will you hold me?”
“You want me to sleep here, too?” I ask, wanting to be sure.
She nods and pats the bed next to her. I slide in beside her and cover us both with the sheet. She immediately snuggles up against me.
“I’m going to dream about pepperoni pizza.”
I reach behind her head and unclip her hair, placing the clip on the nightstand. Then I run my fingers through her long, blond locks. “You dream about whatever you want.”
She murmurs into my chest, and I hold her until she falls asleep. I don’t actually sleep much because I want to savor every moment with her. In a matter of days, I’ll be gone. She’ll go on with her life and probably find a new best friend. It would be ironic if it were Charlotte. She’d fill my shoes in more ways than one.
At around 4:30, Aria starts mumbling in her sleep. The only words I can make out are “I love you,” and for one brief moment I let myself pretend those words are for me. That the woman I’ve been falling for over the course of the past several years loves me back.
I drift off at some point because my alarm wakes us both up at six. Aria grabs her head, which I’m sure is throbbing, and I swat at my phone on the nightstand to silence it.
“Let’s call in sick,” Aria says. “We can pretend we caught something at The Sentinel.” She drapes her arm across her forehead, most likely blocking out the sunlight filtering in through the partially closed curtains.
“If Oliver shows up for work, he’ll foil that plan right away.” I start to sit up, but then I lay back, realizing Aria didn’t run this time. Of course, it’s probably because her head is pounding louder than a speaker at a rock concert, but still. She’s here. In my bed. And while nothing happened between us last night, this feels good. Like home. At least for a few more days.
“My head feels like it’s about to explode. Calling in sick wouldn’t be a lie.”
“Stay here. I’ll get you some aspirin.”
I get out of bed, being careful to go slow. My own head isn’t much better than Aria’s. I head for the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, grabbing four aspirin. I quickly brush my teeth and then go to the kitchen for two glasses of water. I take my aspirin immediately, chasing them with half a glass of water. Then I bring Aria’s to her. She’s sitting up and clipping her hair again.
“Thanks,” she says when I hand everything to her. After swallowing the aspirin, she swishes the water around her mouth and swallows.
“I’ll make us some coffee,” I say. “There should be an extra toothbrush in the top drawer of the vanity. Can you make it there on your own?”
“Yeah. I’ve got it.” She swings her legs out of the bed and proceeds with caution.
She’s right. We can’t go into work like this. Aria could get fired, and I’m not about to let that happen. I grab my cell and dial Mr. Monohan.
“Dixon, I got the news last night. Congrats are officially in order now.”
“Thanks. Unfortunately, Aria and I both caught something yesterday at The Sentinel. Nasty stomach bug. I woke up feeling terrible, and when I called Aria, she was no better.”
“Sorry to hear that. Take the day. You have a lot to do anyway. Tell Aria she can work from home. No need for her to come in.”
“Thank you, sir. And thank you for the job recommendation. You’ve always looked out for me.”
“Paul told me you tried to give me credit. It was all you, though, Dixon. You’ve got what it takes. I’m not letting your loyalty hold you back. I’m sure Aria feels the same way. Feel better.” He hangs up, leaving me to ponder his words.
My loyalty to Aria runs much deeper than my loyalty to Priority News and Mr. Monohan. Can I really abandon our friendship? I fill the coffee pot with water and measure out the grinds. Once I hit the brew button, I head to the bedroom to check on Aria. She’s back in bed but awake.
“How do you feel?”
“Like I drank three bottles of wine last night to avoid dealing with the fact that my best friend is moving away.” Her eyes widen, which makes her cringe. “I didn’t mean to say that. I’m sorry. I’m happy for you, Nate.”
I sit down next to her. “I know you are. Believe me, Aria, I wish we could both transfer to The Sentinel. The two of us in a new state, with a new paper, starting a new life.” Together.
She fidgets with the sheet in her fists. “I think I made a good impression on Mr. Weston. Maybe one day I’ll join you there.”
“The second a position opens up, I’ll let you know and let Mr. Weston know he should hire you.”
She smiles. “You always have my back. What am I going to do without you?” Her eyes glisten with tears.
“Don’t.” I sit next to her and pull her into a hug.
“I’m sorry. This is silly. You’re moving one state away. It’s not like we won’t talk and see each other.”
It won’t be the same, though. No more late nights on each other’s couches. No more impromptu Sunday brunches. No more looking up from my cubicle to see the back of her head as she types on her computer. My life is going to change, and I’m not sure I’m happy about it.
“Tell you what, let’s spend the whole day together. I’ll call a moving company to pack up the rest of my things. We’ll go to the lake, have a picnic lunch, and come up with a plan for how often we’ll get to see each other. I’m sure there are plenty of places to meet halfway between here and The Sentinel.” I need a plan, some confirmation that I’m not going to lose her to this move.
She pulls away slightly and looks into my eyes. “Okay. We’ve got until Sunday, right?”
I nod. “Plenty of time to work this out.” But not enough time to make up for all the days I won’t get to see her.
“I should head home and shower.”
I don’t want her to leave my sight for even a second, but what can I do? She has no idea how I feel about her, and telling her days before I move away is just cruel—to both of us. I’d either ruin our friendship, which would mean I’d probably never see her again once I leave the state, or by some miracle she’ll tell me she feels the same way and then both our hearts will break because I’ll still have to move. Unable to do anything else, I watch her leave my apartment, making her promise to text me when she gets home.
I feel her absence immediately. The ache in my chest is overwhelming, so I jump into a scalding hot shower to try to numb myself against it. I never should have let my feelings get this strong. Not that there was any way to prevent it from happening. At least when she was dating Aaron, I had a reason to curb them. He hadn’t always been the dick he is now. At one point, he really seemed to care about her. Ambition ruined him. Ruined them. Hell, his ambition ruined me because now all I can think about is Aria being free to date whomever she’d like. If we’d been together when the job opportunity came along, I never would have taken it. I’d stay here for her. Or I would have encouraged her to go for it and then moved with her if she got the job. I can’t ask Aria to come with me, though. Friends don’t do that, and that’s all we are. All we can be because of the situation we’re in.
Why does love have to hurt so damn much?
Chapter Twenty-Three
Aria
An hour later, Nate and
I are at Echo Lake, a hidden gem that sits on the top of a mountain. There are “No trespassing” signs all over the place, but since no one ever comes here and we fully intend to clean up after ourselves, we ignore them.
The sun is shining brightly and the breeze is a perfect temperature to keep us cool in the eighty degree weather. It’s the perfect day. I lean back on my elbows, the blue fleece blanket providing just enough protection from the hard ground beneath. Tilting my head to the side, I catch Nate staring at me.
“What?” I ask, sitting up. “Do I have a bug on me?” I hate bugs.
He laughs and places a hand on my shoulder. “No. Relax.” His hand gently squeezes and then lingers. God, how I wish I could feel that hand touching every inch of me. Although I’m not sure what the point would be. He’s leaving. I can’t make him stay, and I’d never want him to pass up a job opportunity like this for me. He deserves this. I have to keep my distance, remain completely in the friend zone until he leaves.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
I lean back again and his hand falls. “How perfect this is.” I look out over the lake because staring into his eyes is too much. My sunglasses don’t entirely conceal my eyes, which means they won’t mask my tears either.
“It’s a beautiful day.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“I know.” This time his hand finds mine, and I can’t resist turning in his direction.
“I feel like I’m losing part of myself.”
“We’ve been best friends for a long time.”
He’s so much more than that. He’s been my world. Even when I was dating Aaron, it was Nate I ran to when I was upset or excited or wanted to talk. I know I still have Ashley, but she has her own life. Separate from mine. Nate and I have been walking this path together for twelve years. How do I go from seeing him every day to seeing him a few times a month? A tear falls from my eye.
“None of that.” Nate moves closer and wipes the tear from my cheek. “You aren’t losing me, Aria. You never could.”
I lean my head on his shoulder, and he presses a kiss to my forehead. I’m tempted to tilt my head up and find his lips with mine, but without any liquid courage, I’m paralyzed with fear. We sit like this for a while, neither saying a word, just enjoying each other’s company. Aaron and I rarely did this. We were always on the go, attending parties or work functions for his job. Even when he came over at night, it was to fool around. Then he’d fall asleep, claiming he had a long day. That was usually when I went into the living room and called Nate. We’d talk for hours, with me falling asleep with the phone in hand sometime around two in the morning. I guess we can still talk on the phone like that once he moves to Pennsylvania. But what about this? This closeness? The warmth of his body next to mine?
I press my hand to his chest.
“Are you hungry?” he asks, sitting up a bit.
I move away, forcing a smile so he can’t see I’m disappointed to not be in his arms anymore. “Starved,” I lie.
He opens the cooler and pulls out two wrapped sandwiches. “Tony said he put extra banana pepper rings on your cracked pepper turkey sandwich.”
“That’s why I love him,” I say, already unwrapping it. I focus on eating and not the feelings that are threatening to consume me.
We make small talk for a while. Nate tells me about the apartment he rented in Pennsylvania, which sounds much bigger than the one he’s living in now.
“It’s more like half a house really. There’s this really cute community, and all the houses are split into two apartments. No more elevators or parking garages. I have two parking spots right outside my front door, and there’s even a fenced in yard. It’s tiny since the backyard is divided in two, but I can get a grill and there’s enough room for a patio set.” His smile melts my heart. He’s getting everything he’s ever wanted.
“That’s great. I can’t wait to visit so I can see it in person.”
“You should come down next weekend. It will take me a while to meet people, so I’ll be bored out of my mind there by myself. Say you’ll come.”
“Of course I will.” I drink the rest of my lemonade and kick off my sandals. “It’s getting a little warm. I’m going to stick my feet in the water.”
“You?” His eyes widen. “Little Miss Only-Swims-in-Pools?”
“This is a man-made lake. Without any connection to a bigger body of water, I don’t have to worry about any sharks.” After reading the story behind the movie Jaws, about the Matawan Man-Eater, I’m terrified of large bodies of water.
“Not great whites at least.”
“The Matawan Man-Eater was a bull shark, not a great white. The movie got that wrong.”
“You read too much Weird N.J.”
“I’m a journalist who happens to have lived in New Jersey all her life. What did you expect?”
He laughs, a low laugh that makes my stomach flutter like it’s become home to a bunch of hummingbirds. “I’m a journalist living in New Jersey, and I’ve never read an issue of Weird N.J.”
“Yeah, but you’re a traitor, running off to Pennsylvania.”
He leans closer. “I don’t plan on reading Weird Pennsylvania either.”
“Can’t commit to any state, can you?”
“Apparently, I can only commit to you.”
I cock my head at him.
“I mean, I’ve stuck with you for this long.”
“But now you’re leaving me, too.” I stand up and brush off the back of my shorts.
He jumps to his feet and grabs my arm before I can make my way to the lake’s edge. “Hey. I’d never leave you, Aria. You’ll be my best friend until the day I die. I wish I could take you with me.”
I force a laugh. “Shrink me and pack me in your suitcase?”
He sighs and his hand lowers from my elbow, his fingers lacing through mine. “I don’t know how to live without you by my side. Hell, we lived in the same dorm all throughout college. Now we live in the same town and work for the same paper. You’ve always been with me. The second another position opens up at The Sentinel, I’m lobbying for you to fill it.”
My chest fills with love for this man. I know if I had any shot at that job, he would have dropped out of the running and sacrificed it to me. Not that I would have wanted him to. That’s just Nate. “And leave New Jersey behind? Sounds like you don’t want to be the only traitor.”
“I want to be...” His sentence is left unfinished.
“What, Nate?”
He lets go of me and moves toward the water. I follow, studying his profile, trying to understand what’s going on inside his head. He’s too difficult to read at times like this. It’s like he’s hiding his feelings from me. Pushing me away.
“I don’t want things to change.”
He means he doesn’t want us to change. Does he sense my true feelings? Am I being too obvious?
“They won’t. Everything will be fine. We’ll talk on the phone and visit on weekends, like you said. Same old Nate and Aria.” I force a shrug when he looks my way.
“You promise?”
I swallow my heart and tell the biggest lie of my life. “I promise. Nothing between us will change.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Nate
My send-off party is in full swing on Friday night. I’m keeping a brave face, pretending I’m thrilled to be moving up in the world, but I’m not sure that’s what I’d call this. Moving away from Aria seems like anything but moving up. It’s a definite downgrade.
I scan the back room of Last Call, finding her near the back talking to David. Maybe he’ll fill my shoes while I’m gone. He’s a good guy, and I know he’s into Emily, so I don’t have to worry about him hitting on Aria in my absence. Not that I have any right to worry about who she dates anyway.
She turns her head as she sips her Corona Light, and our eyes meet. She raises the bottle to me in cheers. I mimic the gesture with my own bottle, though right about now I’m wishing I ha
d chosen a much stronger drink.
A heavy hand slams down on my free arm, and I turn to see Caleb. “Shame you never got the balls to tell her how you feel.”
“Shut up.” I slug down the rest of my beer.
“You don’t get many chances with a woman like Aria. Someone else will come along and snatch her up in no time. Mark my words.”
Even though I know he’s operating under the assumption tough love is the only way to get through to me, I’ve never wanted to take a swing at him more. I take a deep breath and remind myself he’s my best friend. My male best friend at least. “You’ll keep an eye on her, right?”
“Sure, although I’m not sure how often she’ll come in here without you.”
He’s right. Aria isn’t the type to hang out at a bar on her own. Sure, the crew at Priority News goes out on occasion, but other than that, she’ll probably spend most of her time at Ashley’s and at work.
God, I’m pathetic. As if I’m Aria’s entire life. She’s going to move on fine without me. Like Caleb said, she’ll find another guy to date. They’ll probably wind up getting married, and I’ll hear from her once a year on Facebook when it notifies her it’s my birthday.
“I need another drink,” I say, walking toward a server with a tray.
Caleb follows me. “What is this, pity party for one?”
I grab what I assume is a Rum and Coke and face him head-on. “Look, I get it. You think I’m being a pussy. Maybe I am, but my entire life is about to change. I’m losing out on...” My eyes scan the crowd for Aria, but she’s nowhere in sight.
“On what?”
I turn around at the sound of her voice. “Hey,” I say, running my free hand through my hair. “Didn’t see you there.”
“Because you don’t have eyes in the back of your head.” Her brow furrows, and she cocks her head. “What’s wrong? I can tell something’s bothering you.”
It Was Always You (Love Chronicles Book 1) Page 14