by Willow Rose
But they hadn’t succeeded. They were still working on it, and therefore Bjarke and Louise had decided to move the wedding up. And now it was too late. Now, the priest was looking at Louise and waiting for her to say the most important words she would ever say in her life.
“I do.”
The priest pronounced them husband and wife, and they kissed. The church was empty, except for Bjarke’s friend, who now clapped.
It had been all over the papers that the notorious killer Bjarke Lund was getting married, and Louise had a hard time walking in the street without being attacked by journalists or people wanting to tell her how stupid she was for marrying him.
She didn’t care. It was all worth it. Now, she was a married woman, and no one, other than Bjarke, could ever tell her what to do.
No one.
31
July 2014
“I DON’T UNDERSTAND why I have to see him when you tell me he’s not even my real dad,” Maya said over breakfast.
I was exhausted and didn’t want to fight about this. It was a good sign that she was arguing; it was more like her, but I wasn’t in the mood for this right now. I had slept awfully, tossing and turning and thinking about Morten and why he hadn’t at least texted me. Didn’t he care about me at all? Or was he angry with me? Today, I had arranged for my ex-husband to come and see his daughter. He was on a trip to a city close to us anyway, so he had called and asked if he could see his children. Maya wasn’t his biological daughter, but I still wanted him in her life. He was the closest she came to having a father.
“Because he was your dad. Maybe not biologically, but for most of your years growing up, he was the only dad you had,” I said, and finished my cup of coffee. It wasn’t working today. The caffeine didn’t seem to do the trick. Victor was looking forward to seeing his father again and had run upstairs to comb his hair to look good for him.
“But I hardly remember him. What about my real dad? Shouldn’t I see him instead?” Maya argued.
A part of me enjoyed arguing with her again. I had missed that. It was good. Maybe she was, after all, improving.
“You don’t know him,” I said, and poured myself another cup in the hope that it would kick in at some point. It had to. I wasn’t going through this entire day feeling like this.
“I don’t know Michael either.”
“Don’t call him that. He’s your father.”
Maya exhaled. “I don’t remember him. All I remember is the two of you fighting and me being scared that you were going to split up, which you promised me you wouldn’t, and then you did anyway. I feel like you’re letting me leave with a stranger.”
I sat down again and closed my eyes while rubbing my forehead. “It’s just a lunch, Maya. Your dad has driven all the way from Copenhagen to take you out for a lunch. Can’t you at least give him that?”
“I guess.”
“Then go up and get dressed. He’ll be here in half an hour.”
Maya rolled her eyes and got up. I hid a smile, but it was hard. I felt like cheering and laughing.
My daughter just rolled her eyes at me! She’s back!
At least her strange emotionless stage was phasing out. I was thrilled about that. She was acting more like a teenager again. But she still only had two memories back in almost three months. At this rate, she certainly wasn’t going to remember anything from school, and there were only three weeks left until the start of school. I was frustrated and very worried about how this was going to work out. I wondered if hiring a tutor would help, or if it would end up confusing her more.
I looked towards the ceiling. “I need help here! God, please help me out. I can’t do this alone. Send help, would you?”
Michael arrived late. Fifteen minutes later than planned. He looked confused as he stepped out of the car. I was waiting with Victor in the front yard, where he had been standing with his little backpack on for at least twenty minutes. He had put his rocks in the backpack. He insisted on taking them, even if they were only going to be gone for a few hours.
“You’re late,” I grumbled.
“I know,” he said. “The traffic was crazy getting off the ferry. What’s going on downtown? The road leading behind the church was barricaded. I had to drive all the way around the city to get here.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I said. “There’s a knitting festival going on, but that’s not until next weekend. That usually draws a couple of thousand people here.”
Michael chuckled. “A knitting festival? You sure you don’t miss Copenhagen?”
“Not even a little bit.” I looked at Victor. “He’s been ready for a long time. Be good to him, will you? He’s really missed having a father in his life.”
“Well, I’m not the one who decided to move all the way out here,” Michael said. “Kind of feels like you’re trying to keep me away from my children.”
“Now, wait a minute,” I said. “You were the one who told me you couldn’t handle the two of them, and especially Victor…that Victoria couldn’t handle them. You told me you couldn’t have them visiting. That was before we moved.”
I heard a noise and turned. There was Maya. She was standing right behind me. I smiled awkwardly, afraid she had heard what I said.
“Hi, sweetie. You ready?”
I could tell by the look on her face that she had heard everything. She looked hurt. That she was showing emotions was good, but this wasn’t the kind I was looking for. Her eyes were flickering from side to side, like she was suddenly remembering something.
“Victoria,” she said.
“Yes. That’s daddy’s new wife. You remember her?” I asked.
“I lived with her,” she said. Then she looked up at her father. I could see such distrust in her eyes. “You…you…you hit her. And you hit me. That’s why I decided to run away. That’s why I stole the car. I wanted to get away. Where was I going?” Maya held a hand to her head.
I stared angrily at Michael. “What in…you hit her? You hit your wife? You hit Maya?”
Michael looked confused. “I…I’m sorry. I was stressed out that morning. The baby had been keeping me up all night. Victoria was on my case…nagging me about Maya, so I lost it…I know it’s bad…Maya came in and started yelling at me that I couldn’t treat my wife like that, so I…I’m sorry. It was just a slap.”
Maya touched her cheek. Then she shook her head. “No, it wasn’t. It was more than that. You used your fist. You hit both Victoria and me with a clenched fist,” Maya said, and took a step backwards.
I felt awful. Michael had more than once slapped me across the face, but he had never touched the children, and he had never done more than slap me…never with a clenched fist.
I grabbed Victor and pulled him back. Michael looked angry all of a sudden. I didn’t feel comfortable.
“I think you should go, Michael,” I said.
“Not without my children,” he hissed. “I’m allowed to see my children. Come, Victor. Come with me. We’re going to have fun today.”
“Not today, Victor. Your dad is about to leave.”
“For Christ sake, Emma. It’s just a lunch. I’ve driven a long way to get here. Now, let me have my children before I get really mad.”
“Not today, Michael. I’m sorry, kids, but I think we all need a break to think our arrangement over.”
Michael walked closer. His face was turning red.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I need to know that you have your anger issues under control before I let you be alone with your children again. That’s what it means.”
Michael growled, then reached out his hand and slapped me across the face. It hurt like crazy.
“Run, kids! Run into the house,” I yelled.
Maya grabbed her brother and tried to drag him towards the house. I had no idea how much Victor understood of the situation, but he wasn’t moving. He stared at his sister’s hands on his arm. Michael moved fast. Before I could r
eact, he pushed Maya hard and caused her to fall backward with a scream, then he grabbed Victor’s arm and dragged him towards the car.
“This one is mine, so I’m taking him,” Michael said. “You’ll never see him again. I promise you that much. I’ll fight for my rights to him.”
“Michael, don’t do this. You have no idea how to handle him!” I yelled after them.
Victor started screaming.
“You know he doesn’t like to be touched!” I said.
Michael forced the screaming Victor inside his car, and then slammed the door. “That’s another thing,” he said, walking angrily towards me with his fist in the air. I was afraid he would hit me again.
“You put all these ideas into his head that he is sick and can’t be touched and all that. But it’s nothing but nonsense. You’re smothering him, making him sick with all your fussing. Now, I’m going to make my son into a man. I’ll touch him if I want to, and I’ll teach him to be a man.”
“Michael. You don’t know what you’re doing. He was doing so well. You’ll set him back with this. Please, don’t take him from me!”
I was yelling at the top of my lungs, while pulling on the handle of the car. But it was locked. Michael smiled.
“You’re never getting him back. I’ll get the best lawyer in the world, and who do you think they’ll give him to? The deranged lone mother who is a loose cannon and in a very loose relationship, or the stable married couple with stable income and a stable life?”
I pushed Michael in anger. “Give him back to me. Now!”
Michael pushed me back. I fell to the ground and hurt my back. I was crying heavily now.
Please don’t let this happen. Dear God. Please don’t!
I felt desperate. Michael walked closer and bent over me, his clenched fist lifted into the air ready to hit me. I could hear Maya screaming behind me and raised my hands to protect my face. I closed my eyes and screamed, when suddenly, a voice cut through the air.
“Step away from the woman.”
“What the hell…?” Michael said, then turned.
I looked up and saw Sophia. She was holding a gun in her hands. She was shaking like crazy. Behind her stood Jack.
“Y…you heard her. G…g…get away from Emma.”
Michael scoffed and put his hands in the air. “I don’t know who you think you are, but I’m the victim here. I just came here to be with my kids, and she’s trying to keep me away from my own children.”
“It’s funny how she’s on the ground with bruises on her face when you’re the victim,” Sophia said. “I know your type. I used to date them. Save your smart remarks for court. Release the kid,” Sophia said, and pointed at the car. “Let Victor out.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Michael said, chuckling. “Are these your friends? Are these the kind of people you’re hanging out with? Scarecrow and Tin Man here? Two village idiots?”
“She told you to release the kid.” Jack was remarkably clear when he spoke. His voice didn’t even shake. “Do it!”
Sophia moved towards him like she was going to actually shoot him. She was really angry. I had never seen her quite like this. Michael was taken aback. He looked scared.
“Okay. Okay. Easy with the gun,” he said. He found the car key and opened the door. Victor jumped out and ran towards me. He threw himself in my arms. I cried inconsolably and held him tight. My little boy, who never wanted me to touch him…suddenly, he wouldn’t let go of me.
“This is not over, Emma,” Michael yelled, as he got back into his car. “Believe me!”
I held Victor close while Michael spun the wheels down the street and disappeared. Maya ran to me and hugged us, and soon Jack and Sophia joined in. I was sobbing heavily and thanking them.
“And you always said that me having a gun in the house was a bad idea, huh?” Sophia said, with tears in her eyes. “Guess you won’t say that again.”
“Guess not,” I said, and held all of my little family tight.
32
July 2014
I SERVED COFFEE and freshly baked buns for everyone as soon as we came inside. I made hot chocolate for Victor and Maya, who both were shaken badly by this incident. Neither of them spoke a word. Victor seemed to shake it first. He ate his bun, then got up and said he would go play in the yard. Then he grabbed his bag of stones that he had collected at the beach and left us. My mind was spinning with all of this, and I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
I should have seen it coming. I should have known somehow.
I couldn’t believe I didn’t realize what Michael was capable of. I had been married to the guy for ten years. I knew he had anger issues. He could sometimes yell at me for hours. He was a perfectionistic, and could never accept the fact that people had flaws. Especially not me. He thought I was lazy and sloppy and that I needed to get my act together.
“So, did he also hit you when you were married?” Sophia asked, like had she read my thoughts.
“He would push me, or maybe slap me now and then. But it wasn’t anything like this.” I removed the icepack and showed Sophia the bruise Michael had left on my cheek.
“That’s how it begins,” Sophia said. “No guy ever starts out beating the crap out of you. He needs to know that you’re not going to run anywhere first. Once he gets comfortable with you, that’s when he shows his true colors. And if you don’t leave him when the first slaps fall, then he’ll continue, and it will get worse and worse. That’s my experience, anyway.”
I looked at Maya, who was listening in on the conversation. Usually, I wouldn’t want her to listen to stuff like this, but I had a feeling it would be good for her to hear. She was old enough to know. She had to have so many questions, the poor thing…so much confusion in her life. Was she ever going to come out of this as a whole person? Or was she damaged for life?
Sophia looked at her and smiled. “You hear me, honey. If he treats you bad…if he hits you, or even abuses you mentally, you know…tells you you’re no good, that you’re wrong and need to change. That’s when you leave him. You run and never look back. No matter how much you love him. You understand?”
Maya nodded while biting her lip.
“You don’t just stay and take it because you think you have to or that he’s right to do so. You run, alright?” Sophia continued.
“Alright,” Maya said, and sipped her hot chocolate.
“Otherwise, he’ll peel you like an onion. He’ll remove every layer of you till there’s nothing left.”
I felt terrible. That was exactly what Michael had done to me. He had started by criticizing me. Criticizing my every move. Everything I did or said. If we had guests, he would correct me afterwards, telling me I was stupid for saying something that I had no idea what I was talking about. He would criticize everything I wore, tell me I looked chubby, and that I was lucky that he loved me because no one else would. And he hadn’t done it all at once. No, it had come little by little over the years. It had been sneaking up on me, slowly diminishing my self-confidence, making me feel bad about myself, and making me think I was worthless.
How had I been so blind?
Now, he was doing the same to Victoria, and Maya had seen it. She had seen him beat her with his fist. That was why she had been angry. That was why she decided to run away.
I smiled at her and stroked her hair gently. My beautiful smart girl. She knew she had to get away and not just take the abuse.
“What?” she asked.
“That has to have been the hardest decision in your life to make,” I said. “To leave your dad. You had just moved there. You were angry with me for not telling you about your real dad. You wanted to move to be with the person who had been your father for all of your childhood, and then that happened. He turned out to be a bastard, treating your stepmother awfully, and then doing the same to you. So, you left. But where were you going? Do you remember?”
Maya shook her head. I could tell her brain was working overtime to try and figure
it out. “I…I was going to see someone, when I hit…”
“You hit the man with your car. Do you remember it, or is it just because I’ve told you about it?”
Maya looked pensive. “I think…I think I do remember some of it. I remember the road, then flashes of light and…something hitting the car. But that’s all.”
“At least it’s something,” I said. “But you still don’t remember where you were going, do you?”
Maya shook her head. She had tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, honey,” I said. “It’ll come back to you. Maybe it isn’t even important.”
“No, I’m sorry for causing all this,” she said.
“Are you kidding me? This is not your fault. You hear me? Nothing of this is your fault. Never ever think that it is!”
Maya didn’t look like she was convinced. Her eyes hit the table and she seemed burdened by guilt. “What if I hadn’t run out on dad like that? Maybe if I hadn’t tried to stop him from hurting Victoria…what if I had never moved there? None of this would have happened.”
“Still, not your fault,” I said.
“Honey, there are bastards everywhere,” Sophia said. “And they will always be bastards, no matter what you do and what you think you could’ve done different. You didn’t make him a bastard. You didn’t make him beat his wife…or you. That was his choice. It’s his choice to be a freaking bastard.”
Sophia’s words seemed to do the job in Maya. She smiled and nodded. “Thanks,” she said.
“Any time, sweetheart,” Sophia continued. “But, remember, not all men are pigs. Take Jack here. He’s a find. You find yourself a man like him, and you’ve lucked out. They don’t grow on trees, but they’re out there if you look carefully.”
Jack blushed while Sophia put her arm around him. I noticed something between them I hadn’t seen before…a look in their eyes when they looked at each other.
My phone vibrated on the table and I checked the display. It was Morten. He had called several times the past half hour, but I hadn’t picked up. I didn’t feel like fighting, and I was angry with him for not calling or anything at all yesterday.
