by Brittle, D M
“Mr. Mackenzie, the amount of blood that your wife lost was… she lost far too much. We tried so hard to bring her back to us,” he paused for a brief moment. “But unfortunately your wife suffered a cardiac arrest while we were trying to save her.”
“No,” I replied, firmly shaking my head as I didn’t want to hear what he was about to tell me.
“Mr. Mackenzie, I am sorry but we couldn’t save your wife, I’m afraid that she died shortly after the babies were born.”
“No,” I replied again. “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The room filled with screams and cries as together we all took in the news that Jo hadn’t made it.
My wife had died.
My wife, who I had always promised to fix and to look after, my wife, who I was going to grow old with and have a long and happy life with, had died.
“I don’t believe you,” I said through gritted teeth as Diana clung to me as she cried hard for her daughter.
“I don’t believe that you couldn’t save her! I need to see her; I need to see my wife!”
“That’s not possible at the moment Mr. Mackenzie, I’m sorry. If you could just wait a while then I can take you through but right now I am afraid that I can’t do that.” I shrugged away from my parents and Diana and launched myself at the doctor taking his coat in my fist and pushing him against the wall.
“If my wife is dead then I need to see her, I need you to show me that she has gone! I don’t believe that you just allowed her to die, I don’t believe you!” The tears were streaming down my face as I released the doctor and punched the wall repeatedly. As blood began to spray from my fist, the pain that I felt was nothing compared to the pain of losing the woman who I loved more than life itself. Unable to hold myself together any longer I screamed out to Jo before falling to my knees.
“I need to see my wife,” I sobbed. “Please let me see my wife.”
The doctor nodded sympathetically, “Of course, I understand.”
“Do you?” I asked as I lifted my gaze to the doctor. “Do you understand what it is like to lose your wife? Your wife who you only married a couple of months ago and were about to experience the happiest days of your life with! You know how that feels do you!”
“No,” the doctor sighed sadly. “I don’t know how you are feeling but I am so sorry that we couldn’t save your wife, believe me when I tell you that we did everything that we could, she had lost too much blood, it was impossible to bring her back.”
“Take me to my wife,” I demanded as I stood from the ground.
“Of course,” he said quietly. I followed the doctor from the room and took the long walk down the dark corridor, the door opened and I followed the doctor into the room where Jo lay lifeless and pale in the middle of the room on the bed.
“Why?” I said simply as I approached her. “Why did you promise me forever and then leave me without putting up a fight, why? I need to know Jo, because after everything that we have been through I am struggling to understand why you have left me!” I placed my aching right hand shakily to her face; she was still warm as my fingers stroked her cheek gently.
“I love you so much Jo, you came into my life like a whirlwind and turned it upside down for all of the right reasons, I fell in love with you the second my eyes saw you. We had everything, and I wanted to continue to give you everything for the rest of your life, but you have left me, why did you have to go and leave me!” I placed my face to her cheek and kissed her repeatedly. “I need you to wake up now Jo, I need you to open your eyes and look at me. You can’t die, I can’t allow you to die, you have a son and a daughter now, you can’t just die Jo, you can’t! If you die then I can’t go on without you, I can’t bring up our children without you! So please open your eyes Jo, open them now please!”
“Blake, we need to go.”
“No!” I yelled. “I am not going anywhere without my wife!”
“Blake, we need to go, right now.”
“I can’t leave her, I can’t leave her here all alone, she is alone and this room is so cold, I can’t do that to her, look at her, she is so beautiful, she is my beautiful wife, she was my beautiful wife, I can’t leave her here, I won’t leave her here!”
“Blake please, Blake….. Blake…..Blake…….”
My eyes shot open and focused directly onto Jo who stood next to the bed looking down at me, her hand squeezing mine with force. She was fully dressed and holding her hospital bag in her other hand with a smile on her face.
“Jo?” I called out as my eyes tried desperately to focus on her.
“Blake, finally!” she sighed with a nervous smile. “My waters have broken and I’m pretty sure that I just had my first contraction. We need to get to the hospital; I think that the babies are coming!”
“You’re here?” Jo released my hand quickly as I scrambled from the bed, immediately my fingers were touching her face, her arms, her body, she swatted me away with each touch and looked at me with confusion but I continued to touch her, to feel her heartbeat and to know that she was here, she was alive and it had all just been yet another bad dream.
“Of course I’m here, where else would I be?” she asked confused.
“The dream,” I started to explain but realized quickly that now wasn’t the time, I shook my head to rid myself of the horrible thoughts that the dream had given me. “It was just a dream.” I breathed out a shaky breath. “Did you say your waters have broken?” Jo nodded excitedly.
“Why didn’t you wake me? Are you in a lot of pain?”
“You were dreaming, I called out to you a couple of times but you were in too deep, I may have squeezed your hand a little tight to try and wake you, sorry, you were refusing to leave somewhere without your wife.” She giggled happily. “Now get dressed will you? I don’t want you scaring the midwives.”
“You’re here,” I said feeling the relief wash over me as I grabbed my clothes with shaky hands.
“You really are here.”
“Yes, yes Blake I am here now come on, I don’t want to be giving birth in the car.” Her eyes twinkled as she spoke, my wife was about to give birth to our children yet she was calm and happy.
It had all just been a dream, the worst one that I had ever had in fact and because of how bad that dream had been, I imagined that now I should be filled with fear but instead of fear, all I felt was relief and excitement and happiness that Jo was still here, I was going to see her through this, our babies really were coming and even though in my dream I was unable to save her, I was determined that I wasn’t going to let anything happen to my wife.
I buckled her into the car safely before rushing around and climbing into the driver’s seat, starting the car immediately.
“You need to call Sam,” Jo panted. “And your parents and where is my mum? She wasn’t home when I woke up, aarrggghhhh, that one really hurt Blake.”
“You’re gonna be okay, I promise you everything will be okay,” I said firmly as I desperately tried to push any bad thought from my mind. As we raced through the streets of New York I called everyone that we needed beginning with Sam, relief washed through me when she told me that she was already at the hospital on shift so would be waiting for us when we arrived. Jo’s contractions were coming every few minutes and were getting stronger. With each contraction she would grab my hand and squeeze as tight as she could in an attempt to ease her own discomfort; she could break every bone in my body if she needed to, if it would help ease the pain.
Sam was stood waiting at the entrance with a wheelchair ready for Jo when we arrived at the hospital, I pulled the car over and got out and around to Jo as quickly as possible, opening the door and guiding her out carefully.
“Okay Jo?” Sam asked in a calm soothing voice as she smiled at her, Jo nodded quickly as she clutched her stomach just as another contraction hit.
“How close are the contractions?” Sam turned her attention to me as she began wheeling Jo into the hospital.
“Every five minutes or so, I’m not su
re but they’re coming fast and she’s in a lot of pain, please help her Sam please take her pain away and help her through this.” I begged.
As we waited for the elevator Sam tugged on my arm and pulled me just out of Jo’s sight.
“You need to be calm, calm husband equals a calm wife which then equals an easier birth okay?”
I nodded nervously in response, “I dreamt that she died Sam, she went into labor and died, I can’t help feeling like this because it felt so real.”
Sam stroked my arm calmly and smiled, “it was just a dream, Jo is going to go up there now and she is going to have a normal birth and deliver those babies just how she needs to. Now, are you with me? Can you be strong for her like I need you to be Blake?”
Again, I nodded. “Yes,” I replied confidently. “I will do anything for my wife.”
“Good,” Sam smiled.
The elevator doors opened and Sam was back with Jo wheeling her inside.
“How are you doing Jo? Are you in any pain at the moment?”
“Actually,” Jo replied calmly, “they’re not as bad as I imagined they would be.” She smiled up at Sam just as another contraction hit and she screamed out in pain, “Arrgghhhh fuck, I take that back, this one bloody hurts, aarrgghh.”
“Breathe Jo; breathing through them will help, take nice small puffs while the contraction is present and the deep soothing breaths in between okay?”
Jo’s head fell back as the contraction finished and she took a deep breath in as she continued to smile. As the doors opened up to the maternity ward Jo and I were taken straight into a delivery suite where Sam made Jo comfortable on the bed. After examining Jo she informed us that the labor was moving along quickly and Jo was already seven centimeters dilated; the babies were going to be here sooner than we had imagined.
With each contraction that hit, Jo held onto my hand and squeezed through the pain before relaxing back down as soon as the contraction finished. I was in complete awe at how well she was handling the labor, she was calm and relaxed between the pains and constantly asking me if I was okay instead of worrying about herself; that was the one thing that has never changed about Jo since the day I met her, she always thought of others before herself.
Two hours had passed since we arrived at the hospital and the space between the contractions was virtually down to nothing, Jo had tried getting into several different positions in order to stem the pain but nothing was working, even the gas and air had been thrown on the floor at least ten times because Jo said that it wasn’t working properly; I had asked Sam over and over again if there was anything else that she could have but she had gone too far on for any other pain relief to have an effect.
“Okay Jo, are you feeling an urge to push now?” Sam asked as she finished examining Jo.
“I think so,” Jo said in obvious pain. “There is so much pressure.”
“That’s good, you are fully dilated now and I can feel a head.” She smiled up at both Jo and I. “On the next contraction I want you to push down okay Jo?”
Jo nodded before turning her head towards me and giving me a tired smile. “Did you hear that Blake? We’re about to become parents, the babies really are coming.”
“I am so proud of you,” I took her hand in mine, placing my other arm around her shoulder for support, I placed my lips to her hair and inhaled a deep breath. “You can do this,” I said firmly. “You CAN do this.”
Jo screamed out in pain as the next contraction hit and she began to push down.
“Keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, come on Jo don’t stop until that contraction finishes okay? That’s a good girl, keep it going, come on Jo, come on, keep pushing.” Sam encouraged Jo with each and every push, guiding her through it in order to get the babies out as soon as they were ready.
After each contraction Jo would lay her head back down against my arm and sigh in frustration that nothing appeared to be happening, “Am I doing something wrong?” she asked. “Why aren’t the babies moving?” Jo had been pushing for almost half an hour and the first baby still hadn’t appeared.
“They’re doing just fine Jo, and so are you; you just need to keep on pushing, give it everything that you have got okay?” Jo nodded. “On the next contraction I need you to put everything into it that you can possibly give,” Sam said firmly.
“I don’t think I can do this,” Jo looked up at me with a tired, sad expression on her face. “I can’t do this Blake, I’m so sorry but I’m not strong enough to do this, I know that I can’t do it.” Tears began to fall from Jo’s eyes, I felt helpless, if I could have got on that bed and had the babies for her along with twice the amount of pain then I wouldn’t hesitate to do it. I turned her face to mine and held her gaze.
“Josephine Mackenzie, you are by far the strongest person that I have ever met, you are just a couple of pushes away from holding that baby in your arms and I know that you can do it, I KNOW that you can do this okay?” She nodded but the tears continued to fall. “I love you so much Jo, God do I love you? Now on that next contraction you push and if you need to hurt me then you go ahead and do it, kick my ass all the way to London if you need to, do whatever it takes to push as hard as you can, do you hear me?”
“I love you so much Blake.” Just as Jo finished speaking, the next contraction hit and Jo gave an almighty push, Sam looked up at me and mouthed ‘well done’, I hadn’t even done anything, I had just spoken the truth.
“That’s it Jo, the head is coming, the head is almost out, keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing!”
Jo fell back again as her contraction finished.
“The head is out Jo, well done!” Sam announced. “Just one more push and baby number one will be here okay? Blake, do you want to see?”
Keeping Jo’s hand in mine I moved down the bed and looked at what was the most wonderful thing in the world.
“Oh my God,” I gasped. “I can see the baby Jo, I can see the baby!”
“Jo do you want to touch your babies’ head?” Sam asked just as Jo sat up again suddenly and pulled me back to her.
“No time,” she said painfully. “Another one is coming.”
“This is it Jo,” Sam said enthusiastically. “This is where we get to meet your baby, are you ready?” Jo nodded as she put everything that she had into the next push.
“Keep going, keep going, keep going that’s it Jo baby is coming! Baby is coming!” Jo once again fell back onto the bed just as the sound of our baby crying filled the room. Sam immediately placed the baby onto Jo’s chest, our daughter was here first.
“Well done Jo!” Sam said happily. “Congratulations Mommy and Daddy, here is your daughter!”
“Oh my god!” Jo squealed as she took in the sight of our tiny little baby. She was so beautiful, her head was already covered in dark curls and she looked the double of Jo. “Hey there little girl,” Jo said emotionally. “We’re your mommy and daddy, yes we are.” The baby immediately wrapped her tiny fingers around Jo’s thumb and held onto her as if she knew that this was her mommy, her safe place. Her eyes were wide open as she saw the world around her for the first time and she didn’t waste a single second taking in her surroundings.
I placed my lips to Jo’s head before then kissing my daughter. Her skin was soft and smooth and warm, she was perfect, the most perfect baby that I had ever seen.
“Hey there beautiful girl,” I choked out. “You are just like your mommy aren’t you? So, so beautiful.” Jo looked up at me with unshed tears in her eyes.
“I love you Blake,” she said as the tears began to fall.
“God, I love you too.” I kissed my wife just as one of the midwives stepped over to the bed and took our baby from where she lay on Jo’s chest.
“Are you ready to do that again Jo?” Sam smiled.
“Yes, I think I can feel another contraction coming, is he ready to come out now, so soon?” Jo asked in shock.
“Yes he is ready now,” Sam confir
med. “Here we go!”
I kissed Jo firmly on the head and once again she began to push. Her hand shook in mine and she used every ounce of her remaining strength to deliver our son, after the first contraction she fell back and sighed, “He is going to make this tough for me isn’t he?” she panted.
“He will be here in just a few more pushes Jo, keep going, you are doing brilliant, absolutely brilliant.”
Jo was up again as the next contraction hit; again she pushed with everything that she had.
“The head is out! Well done you!” Just as I was about to take a look at my son, Jo pulled me back and began to push again, before Sam even had time to say anything and before Jo had finished pushing, our son was screaming, Johnny was here.
Again Sam placed our baby onto Jo’s chest where he lay screaming his head off but he was fine and he was healthy, with a great set of lungs.
Our family was now complete, Jo had given me the two most precious gifts in the world and I could not have been any prouder of her.
As Johnny lay screaming on Jo’s chest, Jo instinctively reached towards him and began stroking his face gently which appeared to soothe him. As his cries quietened down, they turned more into a cooing sound, his eyes fluttered slowly as Jo’s touch calmed him, I watched with amazement as I took in his features, he looked just like his sister; he too was perfection.
“My son,” I sniffed as I placed my hand gently to his face and felt his warmth. “Hey little fella, I’m your daddy.” Saying that aloud was overwhelming; I was now a father to two beautiful, perfect children. “We are gonna have so much fun you and I, and we need to stick together, we are going to be living with two women so I’ll make you a promise if you do the same; I’ll make sure I have your back when you get a beating from your sister, after all she is the eldest and, being a woman, she will hold that against you for the rest of your life. The only promise I want from you is that you will try your hardest to be better at sport than me; that would make me so happy.” Jo laughed too through her happy tears.
“Blake, Jo?” I looked up to see Sam standing next to me with our baby girl wrapped in a blanket with a tiny pink hat covering her head. I held out my arms nervously as Sam placed her carefully into my arms. I was petrified, she was so tiny and precious and I was finally holding her in my arms, my beautiful daughter.
