by Beth Rinyu
“Are you sick?” I asked.
“My throat feels like I swallowed hot lava, I can’t stop coughing, and I’m trying to track down the train I’ve been run over by, so I’m thinking…yeah.”
“Oh, no. Why aren’t you resting?”
“I’m getting there, but I had a thought and wanted to run it by you.”
“You look like death, you sound awful…surely this thought could’ve waited.” I laughed. He held up his finger for me to hold on while he disappeared, leaving me with a view of white ceiling tiles and the sound of him having a coughing fit in the background. He appeared back in the screen with red-rimmed eyes and a matching red nose. “Seriously, Theo, go make yourself a cup of tea and lie down.”
“I am. I am.” His voice was barely audible. “Kate turns thirty in two weeks, and I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what to do for her, so I was thinking what if you came here and surprised her.”
I was silent for a moment while I pondered that idea. I didn’t have anything of urgency going on at work. I could do all my consult work I had been doing remotely, and it would maybe help to get me out of the rut I was in. Then I remembered the “but” that was holding me back from agreeing. “Kate doesn’t know that I know about her being sick.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’m planning on telling her my suggestion and see what she says. I just wanted to run it by you first to see if it was even possible on your end.”
“Well, yes, I think it’s totally possible, but I want to make sure Kate is one hundred percent okay with it. She has enough to contend with right now. I don’t want my visit to cause her an unneeded stress.”
His smile broadened across his sickly looking face. “Don’t you worry. I’ll take care of that.”
“Okay, keep me posted, but in the meantime, will you please go get some rest?”
_______________
It was the end of the workday, and I was getting ready to head out to meet DeAndre for dinner. I was happy we had been true to our word that we’d stay in touch when we had gotten off the plane. I had opened up to him a lot about Evan, and so far without fail, we had made a point of meeting every other week for lunch or dinner on one of the days I was working in the city.
So many times, I had the best intentions of keeping in touch with people I had met, only to have life get in the way. Such wasn’t the case with DeAndre, Kate, or Theo. Theo had video chatted with me before I headed into work, looking much better than he had the last time we spoke. He had let me know Kate was on board with my visit. I would’ve preferred to hear it directly from Kate, but I trusted that Theo had cleared it with her. I knew he didn’t want to do anything that would upset his sister as much as I didn’t. I closed my laptop and was getting ready to place it in my bag, looking up when Norm Goldman, the vice president of the company, walked into my office.
“You got a minute?” he asked cautiously.
Actually, I didn’t. I was supposed to be meeting DeAndre in a half hour across town, and I knew with rush hour traffic the cab ride to get there would take that long—if I was lucky. “Umm…” I looked down at my watch. “Sure, what’s up?” I relented, not having much choice in the matter.
“I just wanted to see how things were going.”
“Fine,” I replied. Norm and I always had a great working rapport. He was a fair man and showed kindness to me after Evan’s death. He wasn’t like the other bigwigs in the company, he actually valued the opinions of the employees and listened when they had something to say.
He took a seat on the other side of my desk, seeming a little uneased. “I just wanted to make sure because I noticed you put in for time off when we’re just getting ready to pitch the new campaign to S&K Industries.” S&K Industries was Jonathan’s company, and the campaign I hadn’t been part of.
I shrugged. “I don’t understand what that has to do with me. I’m not part of that team.”
“Yeah, about that. Jonathan Schroeder just thought with your state at the time, that maybe someone else would’ve been better off heading up the campaign. But the team could sure use your insight on it.”
My eyes widened. “Given my state?” I asked sharply.
“Well, yeah, you know he thought that maybe you’d be a little off your game after losing…after losing your husband.”
“Oh, did he?” I snapped. “So, one of your top clients asked you to keep me off the campaign because he thinks I’m not mentally able to handle it?”
“No, that’s not what he meant by it. He just thought—”
“Oh, no, believe me, I know better than anyone what his logic was behind his decision. And I suppose all of the other mentally stable people who could use my insight will be getting a bonus if this campaign is landed?”
He steepled his fingers together and blew out a long breath. “Look, I’m not making any promises, but maybe I can ask Martin to include you in on whatever percentage the others are getting if your input is able to help us land the campaign.”
My eyes widened. Martin Landow was the president of the company and the biggest chauvinist pig there was. He had apparently sent Norm in his place to do his bidding. I opened my laptop back up and began typing as Norm continued with his plea.
“None of them seem to have the same spark of creativity as you do. I told Martin he was making a mistake by not putting you on.”
“Well, I’m sure he was only doing what his dear friend Jonathan had asked. But you don’t have to do me any favors, Norm. I don’t want a bonus for working on Jonathan Schroeder’s campaign because I don’t intend to work on it. In fact…” I typed out my last word and hit the send key with vigor before closing my laptop. “I won’t be doing any more work for this company at all. My resignation was just emailed to Martin effective immediately.”
“What?” Norm popped up from his seat. “Jillian, you can’t do this! You’re in the middle of heading up two of our major campaigns.”
“Well, there’ll always be someone else who could take my place. Pria is more than qualified.”
“Jillian, come on. You know she’s not ready to take on that role,” Norm shouted as I grabbed my things and strode across my office.
I turned around as I reached the door. “She’s more than ready. She may not be ready to sleep with Martin, and maybe that’s where he’s getting confused, but she’s more than ready to do the job. You’re better than the rest of them, Norm…give her a chance.”
“Jillian, please,” he called as I headed out of the office for the last time with my head held high.
The reality of what I had done didn’t hit me until I was walking into the restaurant. I quit my job. I had actually quit. Evan had been on me for years to get out of there and just do consulting work after I had told him what a “boys’ club” that place was. I’d work myself to death trying to prove I was just as worthy as the male employees. I’d come home stressed out after working fourteen-hour days and in turn took that stress out on Evan.
In hindsight, I knew our infertility issues weren’t the only reason for the rift in our marriage. My job played a big part in it, as well as his. If only I had listened and left years ago when he had suggested it, then maybe he’d still be here, and maybe we would have had a child. My doctor did say stress played a big part in not being able to become pregnant. Then after all the tests he ran, he decided that it was more than likely my internal issues that were the hindrance.
After we had received that devastating news, we tried our best to accept it and became more lax, instead of the planned sex at certain times of the month right down to the minute. We figured it wasn’t going to happen ever, so we were more relaxed about it. In a way, it was freeing. Yes, we were upset, but it allowed us to rekindle the sense of intimacy in our marriage that we had years ago, before any talk of babies even came into the picture.
Then one day my period was late, and I decided to use up the extra pregnancy test under the bathroom sink just to get rid of it. Much to my surprise, two lines app
eared. It was so surreal. I felt as if the universe was playing some sick joke on me. My doctor had told me I had a two percent chance of ever conceiving, so that little stick I was holding in my hand was like a miracle. I remember staring at it for over an hour, thinking the second line would fade, but it only became darker.
I rushed to the pharmacy to purchase another test kit, certain the one I had just used was defective, but when I got home the new one had yielded the same results. Evan had been over the moon when I told him. We had planned to keep it between us until I was at least three months along. We didn’t want to get his parents’ hopes up of having their very first grandchild only to have them shattered if something were to happen.
Unfortunately, we didn’t have to keep our secret for too long. Nine weeks and three days after one of the happiest days of my life, I had experienced one of the worst ones. I was at work in the middle of a staff meeting when I was plagued with god-awful cramps. When I went into the bathroom, my worst fear was confirmed. My miracle was gone just as quickly as it came. After that, I got sucked into a deep depression, not wanting to see anyone or do anything. Evan only added to it when he decided to leave for his business trip right after it happened, at a time when I needed him most. The one thing that had brought us together had torn us apart. We started to drift further and further away. I spent more hours at the office and so did he. We became ships passing in the night, lucky if we had dinner together once a week. The baby we had lost had become an unspoken part of our marriage, and I resented Evan more and more each day for pretending like it had never happened.
“Jilly!” DeAndre’s voice snapped me back to the present as he called for me from the bar area.
“Hey!” I smiled, walking over to where he and Louis were sitting, each sipping on a cocktail. I had met Louis, DeAndre’s partner, a few months ago and instantly formed the same affection for him as I had for DeAndre. They were both so easy to talk to and they made me laugh, which for me was always the best medicine. DeAndre had taken the advice I’d given him in that coffee shop back in Austria and faced Louis’ dad. He had called me after he’d done it and thanked me for giving him the strength to do so. I was happy I was able to help him in some small way to find the courage to get in the last word with a man who had judged him so harshly.
“What’s doin’, girl?” DeAndre stood up and placed a kiss on my cheek as Louis followed suit. “Love those shoes!” DeAndre remarked as he eyed up my Christian Louboutin peep-toe sling-back pumps.
“Oh, thanks, these were a super duper clearance find at Neiman Marcus.”
He placed his fingers over his lips to shush me. “You’re not supposed to tell anyone that.”
Louis ordered me a pinot grigio from the bar just as the hostess came over to let us know our table was ready. We took a seat and scanned the menus, and by the time the waiter came over, I realized I hadn’t come up for air since we sat down. I had told DeAndre and Louis all about my upcoming trip and how I quit my job on a whim.
“Well, we’re lucky we’ve been to this restaurant before and know the menu because missy here has not stopped talking,” DeAndre said to the waiter.
“Sorry.” I shrugged and smiled guiltily. Since this was one of my and DeAndre’s regular meeting spots, we did have the menu down pat, so we each ordered our usual, salmon a la pesto. Salmon topped with sundried tomatoes, artichokes, and mushrooms in a pesto cream sauce. Louis, who was dining here for the first time, looked over the menu a little more carefully before settling on the filet mignon.
“Okay, back up the bus,” DeAndre said once the waiter took our order and walked away. “You quit your job?”
“I did. You know, it’s not like I hadn’t been thinking about it for a while. I guess I just finally had enough. I have more than enough money coming in with my consulting work. So I just decided I don’t need the bullshit anymore.” I took a piece of bread from the basket, broke it in half, and popped it in my mouth.
“Wow! That’s gotta feel empowering,” Louis remarked. “But at the same time are you a little nervous?”
“Surprisingly, I’m not. It was something I should’ve done a while ago, and if my consulting jobs dry up, I’m pretty sure I can find a job with another company.”
“Don’t you hate the way she lacks self-confidence?” DeAndre teased. I laughed because normally I didn’t have that much confidence in myself, but when it came to my work, I knew what I was capable of as well as my worth. I had competing companies contacting me all the time, and I foolishly chose to be loyal to Martin Landow. “Seriously though, Jillian, I think it’s great that you did it. Not to mention…maybe you’ll be able to extend your little trip and get to know Mr. Handsome a little better.”
I shook my head. “I’m going to England to visit Kate, not start some torrid love affair with her brother.”
Louis laughed. “DeAndre loves playing matchmaker!”
“I try.” DeAndre shrugged.
“Well, thanks for trying, but I’m not ready to get involved with anyone, especially not Theo,” I said.
“Okay, in all seriousness, I get that you’re not ready, but if you were ready, why not Theo?” DeAndre’s playful demeanor from moments ago turned more serious.
Why not Theo? That was a question that wasn’t as easy to answer as I thought. He was handsome, easy to talk to, and the perfect guy as far as friendship went. But I was fairly certain those perfections shifted once he crossed over to that next level of a relationship, and I wasn’t willing to take that chance. What was I even doing, toying around with such an idea? It wasn’t like he was interested in me in any way beyond a friend either. “I don’t know. He’s a good friend. His sister is a good friend and being in a relationship complicates things. I guess I wouldn’t want to ruin that friendship we have…not to mention, he lives too far away.”
“She’s right, DeAndre, the moment that next step is taken and sex is involved everything changes,” Louis added. “Plus, long-distance relationships are nearly impossible.”
“Thank you.” I patted Louis on the hand. “And, DeAndre, if and when I’m ever ready, I’ll make sure to get your input.”
“Deal,” he relented.
CHAPTER 13
THEO WAS WAITING for me as I made my way out of the baggage area. He had that same boyish look that was so hard to explain. On the outside he was a handsome man, but something about him still reminded me of an adorable mischievous little boy. He was dressed casually in jeans and a chambray oxford-type shirt that looked as if it could use a little ironing. His sunglasses were resting on top of his head, and for the first time I noticed the slight graying at his temples. Why was it that men always appeared more debonair with a smidge of gray, while women just looked old? It was such a double standard.
“Hey!” I greeted, wrapping him into a hug and inhaling his woodsy cologne.
He took my suitcase and wheeled it along until we reached a black BMW in the parking area. He popped the trunk and placed my bags inside, laughing and redirecting me when I started walking over to what would be the passenger side at home.
“Oops, forgot about that.” I grinned.
Kate lived in a town called Maidstone, about an hour or so away from the airport, and a half hour away from Theo’s house. Theo maneuvered effortlessly around the traffic surrounding the airport until we were past it and were moving along smoothly. The plan was I’d be staying with Kate during my visit. I didn’t want to be a burden and offered to stay at a hotel, but Kate had insisted that I stay at her place.
She hadn’t really said much to me in the time leading up to the trip about her cancer other than she looked a lot different than the last time I saw her. I didn’t press. I figured she would tell me everything or as much as she wanted to when she was ready. The hour-plus drive was mainly highway and not much to see. Theo and I talked the entire time like two people who hadn’t spoken in years instead of twice a week or more, but something I found with him was there was never any shortage of conversation. It was
always so easy, never forced small talk.
“So, well done to you for standing up to your company. Not many people would have the balls to do that, you know? That’s quite admirable,” Theo remarked as he glanced in his rearview mirror and switched lanes.
“Yeah, either that or quite crazy.” Now that I had a few days to think about what I had done, I was beginning to have doubts. Norm had emailed me several times, asking me to get in touch when I got back so we could talk, so I knew I could go back if I wanted. But the question remained, did I really want to? Especially like a puppy dog with its tail between its legs. I’m sure they’d all get a good laugh at it over one of their many golf outings. Jillian had a bad case of PMS and stormed out. I cringed just thinking about it.
“I don’t know, sometimes you’ve got to do what you think is right in your heart, even if it does take you off your intended path. The problem is most people aren’t able to do that.”
I was never one to veer off track. I was so regimented about how life should be that the moment something did go off-kilter, I’d panic, so this was a huge step for me to be taking. The music lowered as Theo’s ringer on his phone began to play through his car speakers with the name Phoebe on his radio display.
“Oh damn!” he exclaimed when he glanced at the radio. I wondered if he’d answer it for a split second, and he didn’t keep me guessing for too long as he rolled his eyes and hit a button on his steering wheel. “Yeah, Phoebe,” he greeted.
“Hello to you too. What kind of greeting is that?” A woman’s voice came through his speakers.
“I’m driving.”
“Oh...well, I was just wondering if you wanted to meet up for drinks tonight with me, Jo, and David.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t tonight.”
I pulled out my phone and checked my email, in an attempt to look busy, feeling like an intruder into a personal conversation.
“Well, why not?” The annoyance in her voice was obvious.
