by Brea Viragh
“Coming into my bedroom in the middle of the night doesn’t make a good impression.”
Still, I was hesitant to make him leave. I tried to summon my feminist ire and squash the parts of my anatomy ready to do a naked crawl across his body. I was aroused despite the dinner horror show. There was a secret part of me that wanted to do more than allow him to stay. It wanted to go out to dinner with him. Get a roaring fire going and spend a cozy night at home with him. Have him stay and make me a pancake breakfast.
“I’m not sure this is the best way to get to know me, Kai. You should leave,” I said again.
“How about a tiny taste to tide me over?”
“No!”
I resisted the urge to push him. His smile packed a punch, the joke having its desired effect, and I felt his amusement with my eyes closed.
“You were too beautiful for me to resist. I didn’t mean to embarrass you in any way. You have to know I’m telling the truth.”
“You’ve got a lot of nerve. Must come from your rusty people skills, being cooped up in front of a computer all day. You don’t know how to interact in polite society.” Blood roared in my ears and I hardly heard my words, though I hoped they were calm. Sitting with Kai felt like I’d taken a tumble off a short plank into shark-infested water. Or I was holding on, barely, by the tips of my sweaty fingers.
“Come here.”
He pulled me in to him and peered down at me through long dark lashes. I’d dreamed about those lashes, thought about them during my waking hours. What was I getting myself into?
“Do you accept my apology?” He snuggled closer and I couldn’t help but twist against him. There it was again. That spicy, undeniably male smell. It hooked under my nose and drew me inexorably, until it filled my senses and took away any shred of logic. He was creating an insatiable desire in me. One I knew could be destructive if I didn’t stop it now. I would stop, soon.
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“Tell me what to do to make it up to you.” His lips fell against the nape of my neck, lingering there for a moment before releasing. Heat spread from the brand. “There must be something.”
“I’ll have to think.” As if I could.
“Has anyone ever told you that you have amazing eyes?”
The tightness in my throat, which had loosened bit by bit, now returned in full force. “Excuse me?”
“Your eyes. They’re stunning.”
“It’s pitch-black in here. Or almost pitch-black. You can’t see them,” I pointed out.
“Yes, but I remember them from all the hours I spent looking at you.”
I almost tipped off his lap, and might have lost my balance if a hand hadn’t slapped onto my rear to keep me in place. “If you keep saying nice things I’ll start to think you’re coming on to me.”
“Am I? How odd. Why would I do such a thing?”
It was a real shame. I found Kai extremely attractive, more so since getting to know him better. If he hadn’t been my brother’s roommate, and irritating to boot, then we might have enjoyed more evenings together. Instead, I was going to have to make the effort to put him in a box. A tidy box where he was nothing more than Nolan’s friend and a guest in this house. It would be better to avoid him entirely, though we both knew that wasn’t going to happen.
“I have an idea. How about you go back to your room and I won’t scream bloody murder. Okay?”
“I have a better idea. Or rather, a proposition for you. How about we stay here until dawn and I won’t tell your brother what we did the other night?”
“Ugh, that’s a typical man answer. Don’t piss me off with blackmail. I won’t respond well.”
He chuckled again. The twist of desire in my heart turned me off.
“I haven’t begun to piss you off, Nell. You won’t give me a chance. I was going to say you let me stay and we can chat like two human beings with a mutual interest in one another. Although I’m sure you don’t have the guts to talk to me without making a snide remark. Or telling me what to do. I don’t mind, either way.”
His fingertips bit into my shoulder for one quick second before releasing, tracing easy circles around the spot. It would be easy to brush him off. I wanted to, more than anything. Unfortunately, he’d hit on the one thing I couldn’t resist. A challenge.
“You think I can’t?”
“I know you can’t. We’ve spent enough time in each other’s company. I can tell you right now, before you insist I leave, you’ll say something condescending,” he said. “Or order me to get on my knees in front of you.”
“You have a lot of nerve.” I groaned when he found a hard knot on my shoulder, kneading against the mass.
Kai nodded. “I know. It comes with the territory.”
“I don’t want a man who falls on his knees.”
“No, you’d rather kick my feet out from under me,” he corrected.
I turned on the charm, slapping a hand over my heart. Lashes fluttering, I said in my best Southern belle accent, “Good sir, Ah would nevah stoop so low.”
It occurred to me that we’d never had a problem with conversation. Funny how things worked.
“You’re a lady who doesn’t appreciate sappy romance. I can tell.” Kai shot me a smile so wide he could have been accepting his Academy Award. “It’s refreshing. Most of the time. We could have fun together if you let me take you out. We could go see a movie, or take a drive to the state park.”
Amusement turned sour in the time it took to snap a finger. We shouldn’t be on the same page. “I should tell you right now. You’re not my type.”
Instead of taking offense, he continued to smile, though when I spared a glance upward, his expression was somewhat agonized. “I’m not?” he asked.
“No. I prefer short. And muscular. And blond.” I broke his hold on me, jostling forward until we sat side by side. Respectable adults.
“Well, I like my women tall. And sweet. Not casually rude.”
I was having a physical reaction to him. The itch began in my loins and spread warmth along my skin, from the point of contact all the way through my body. My heart rate spiked before settling into a regular rhythm.
“Then I guess it’s a good thing there’s nothing going on. I would hate to shatter the image of your perfect woman.”
“Good thing it was only one night, right?”
“…Right.”
We sat in companionable silence, our shoulders jostling together, with meddling parents and intimate secrets lingering between us. I could have stayed like that forever. Suspended in limbo with Kai at my side and infinite possibilities nestled in the small spaces. I gave half a thought to opening to him, using dinner as a preview for all the delightful things we could do in the dark. When night covered up all manner of insecurities and it was just the two of us.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t.
Reason returned like a blast of cold air and my eyes popped open. “You need to go back to your room.”
“I’d rather stay here.”
I angled my head until I looked down my nose at him, our eyes level. “Not with my family around, you won’t. I told you already. What happened was a one-time deal. There aren’t going to be any repeats. Got it?”
Kai set me aside and rose slowly, his lanky frame unfolding inch by inch. He stood looking down on me. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I—”
He walked out before I had a chance to finish my sentence, leaving me fixated on his shoulders and without common sense.
When would I get a grip?
**
I managed to fall asleep finally with little fanfare, my eyelids dropping as the frigid light of the moon shone down on me. Dreams came and were filled with scattered images. Vague senses and whispered sighs. Interrupted only by the telltale creak of a door opening.
This time there was no knock.
Baffled, I turned at the sudden pressure and heat at my back. Then swore when male arms wrapped around my
midsection. “Kai, I swear to God, I told you to—”
“Nellie, it’s me.”
Nolan’s voice shocked the rest of the exhaustion from me. “Nolan? Please tell me you got up to use the bathroom and got lost.” My room was the hot place to be, I guess.
“I didn’t,” he corrected with a chuckle. “Why did you call me Kai?”
“It…must have been a dream.”
Nolan sighed, snuggling against me. “I wanted to spend time with you. The way we used to when I was little.”
I didn’t pull away from him, and absorbed the warmth. “There are better ways to do it. Like in the morning over breakfast, when I’m not half-awake and dressed in my underwear.” Despite my protests, I made no move to shove him out. There was comfort here. I hated not knowing what I was doing, where I was going, but with Nolan I understood. There was no reason to be on my guard or think about what I had to say.
“Do you remember when we were little?” He found my hand in the darkness and covered it with his own. “I had these horrible nightmares and you would let me stay in bed with you?”
“We aren’t five anymore, Nolan. Lucky you’re gay or this could be weird,” I said.
“We’re already weird. It’s better to embrace it than try to fight it. I have, at least. I live with my weirdness every day.”
I’d never been able to resist him. Older by several years, it had shocked me to learn I was getting a sibling. And a brother instead of the little sister I’d dreamed of once upon a time. Nolan had been the biggest pain since the moment he catapulted into the world, squalling and red-faced. I was ten years old and unwilling to entertain him, let alone watch him as my parents wanted when we got older.
But how could I turn away the boy with tears streaming down his cheeks and fears of monsters lurking outside the window? The answer: I couldn’t. Yes, I let him stay in my room, and I covered for him when he broke his curfew, kept his secret when he had a crush on a boy at school and didn’t want anyone to know his heart was broken, comforted him when he didn’t make the football team and the stronger boys told him it was because he was weak… There were times, too many to count, when I gathered him close. And brought out my sword.
“It still seems odd,” I told him. “The last time we did this you were small enough to fit on my lap.”
“I know, but I haven’t seen you in a while. I’ve been distracted with other things.”
Namely, boys.
I didn’t have the pluck to tell him no. Seemed to be my modus operandi lately—my inability to say no. Funny how simple it was for other people to say, but not for me.
“Fine, you can stay. But I get to be the big spoon.”
“That’s fine.” He moved a shoulder. “I’ve always been a fan of the little spoon.”
Nolan shifted to make room, both of us switching to our opposite sides to accommodate. It was a trip down memory lane for me and one of those blissful moments where there’s no choice but to be content. Content with yourself and your past and your present.
The contact was different from Kai in multiple ways. Not because I was comparing a non-family member to my baby brother. But in how it made me feel. Kai was excitement, sparklers and fireworks in the summer. Nolan was a warm bath after a long day at work. He was a glass of wine and a candle, a good book and a blanket.
“I’m glad you’re home,” I whispered close to his ear. “You’ve been gone too long. I missed you.”
He brought our combined hands to his heart. “Me too. I didn’t want to say anything in front of everybody, but I’ve been thinking about you.”
“Aw, sweetie, you don’t have to be ashamed of that. I think about you all the time since you moved. I worry about how you’re doing, if you’re fitting in, if you’re eating right. All the little things a big sister stresses over.”
“I had to get out, Nellie.” He shook his head and the fine hairs on the back of his head tickled my nose. “I know you can’t see it from my point of view, but Heartwood was stifling me. It’s a one-horse town in every sense of the word and I don’t know how you’ve stayed so long.”
“I’d rather not talk about it,” I muttered.
But Nolan forged ahead, his zest out of place in the dark night. His fingers tightened around mine. “You didn’t go anywhere except school. In state, no less. How can you live within an hour of them? If I were close enough to chance a random encounter on the streets, I’d go out of my mind. I can’t live in a tiny box anymore.”
“It’s not like we had a bad childhood—” I broke off, thinking about the good times we’d shared together.
“No, we didn’t,” Nolan agreed. “But we lived with two of the most unyielding people I’ve met. I mean, Mom says she has an open mind, but what would she say if I told her I’m gay?”
I pictured her reaction in my head. “She’d cry and throw a tantrum about not getting a daughter-in-law and grandchildren.”
“I got away because I couldn’t stand her pushing anymore.”
“If you’re that upset, why did you come back for Thanksgiving? And with your roommate, for heaven’s sake. You should have talked to me so we could plan a day of our own, away from this mess.”
I shoved up and swung my legs over the side of the bed nearest the wall. Hissed in a breath when the warm soles of my feet hit cold hardwood. Nolan sighed, moving to copy my posture until our backs pressed together.
“He didn’t have anywhere to go,” he told me. “I heard he was in foster care for years, and I felt bad. He doesn’t speak to a lot of people. You may not think he’s a good guy, but give him a chance.”
I scoffed. “Why wouldn’t I like him? I know nothing about the man.” Except the way he tastes. The feel of him sliding against my naked skin. “I’m sure he’s perfectly nice.”
“He is nice.” Nolan’s voice was soft and carved into my heart.
The truth of the matter was, I might like Kai too much. I would never admit it. “You brought him here because you felt sorry for him?”
“Well, yes, but also to take the attention off of me.”
I felt the heat of his smile without looking up. “Oh?”
“I’ll catch much less flak if Mom is busy trying to fix you up.”
“I see, you conniving rat. This was a setup to put me in Mom’s marriage high beams.”
“Sorry, Nellie, but I have to look out for my own interests! Kai is adorable, isn’t he?” Nolan used his shoulder to bump me.
“Yeah, yeah.” I sighed, keeping my thoughts left unsaid. “Who would have guessed you’d put me in the hot seat.”
I took a minute to think things through. Instead of getting upset, I felt better. More equipped to deal and ready to handle anything else fate decided to throw my way.
Bring it on.
It took bravery to live my way, without anyone else’s input. No matter what was said or who came to visit, I had to pull myself together.
More relaxed than I could have imagined, I turned and squeezed Nolan tight.
“You were born for the hot seat,” he murmured, sleep in his voice.
“Whatever you say, sweetie.” I breathed him in and rubbed my nose against his curly hair. “Whatever you say.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Morning came too soon. The first thing I noticed when I woke was Nolan. Or rather the lack thereof, since apparently he’d left sometime before dawn.
I cracked open an eye to see the sun illuminating the room with shafts of dusty light. Groaning, I rolled over and tugged the blankets higher. If I were in my own house, I would’ve had the blinds shut and the fan blasting away to block out the town noises. Make no mistake, in the country there were also vehicles on the road during all hours of the day and night. Farmers hauling their hay and livestock from one plot of land to the other. The rabble rousers taking their pickups for a spin to see who had the most horsepower. Or the night owls who came alive when the sun set and the moon rose.
At my parents’ house, however, the closest road was down t
he mile-long driveway. Forests and woods surrounded us on all sides and made the perfect buffer from the outside world. Now, that buffer had turned into a wall, a fortress keeping me stuck in the house. At least until Thanksgiving was over. Then I’d be in the car and back home again.
Alone. Woo-hoo!
My tummy rumbled, reminding me it needed its usual morning sustenance. No such luck here, though. Instead, Thessaly’s favorite dandelion coffee mixture and bran muffins awaited me downstairs. It was not an incentive to get out of bed.
I threw a robe over my pajamas, heading down to the kitchen with a yawn stuck in my throat. One hand held my robe closed and the other hand scratched at the mass of hair piled on top of my head.
Instantly the smell of coffee hooked me and made each step on the freezing cold wooden floor easier to bear. Real coffee. Not the kind hand-pressed from hand-picked weeds. I groaned again, pushing through the double doors into the kitchen with its soapstone countertops and warm oak wood. Though Thessaly preferred to eat in the dining room, there was a small banquette built near the back door, with emerald-green cotton cushions. Here, herbs lined the window sills in cheery terracotta and copper pots.
I closed my eyes, using the wall to keep myself upright. “Please tell me there’s a sip left for me.”
Kai spun from the stove, light dancing off his earring. He looked at home here in the space. More masculine than ever among the antique furniture and fussy glassware on open shelves. “There is. I made enough for everyone.”
“Coffee beans?”
“Is there any other way to make coffee?”
“Spare me and get on with the pouring.” I drew the edges of my robe closer. “What are you doing up? I’d have figured you for the type to stay in bed until the last possible minute.”
“I’m an early riser,” he answered. “Probably destroys your idea about me, but it’s true. Sit and I’ll get you set up.” He wiped his hands on a dishtowel, narrowing his eyes as he searched my face. “How do you usually take your coffee?”
“By myself.” Wearily, I sat. I hated to be irritable. In fact, in the sleepless wee hours of the morning I had told myself I would greet the new day unbiased and accepting, even if I had to fake it. Now my good intentions slithered into hiding the longer I stared at Kai.
