by Holly Hood
“He doesn’t have a clue about what I need to get better. He hardly was there when I went to rehab. I’m tired of feeling like I owe him something,” she said.
She was tired of trying to make it up to Pauly for screwing up that night. For choosing to party with her best friend instead of him, and he reminded her all the time how wrong she had been. That if she would have done what he wanted she wouldn’t be in the mess she was in. Maybe he didn’t say it anymore, but he had said it before.
“Pauly wasn’t around because you didn’t want him there. You didn’t want anyone there,” her mom reminded her. She lifted her book and started reading again.
Elle grabbed the newspaper on the end table. “Is this today’s” She stared at the obituary. “I can’t believe this.”
“Believe what, Elle?” Her mom raised an eyebrow her eyes stayed on her book.
“Remember Sadie from rehab. This is her obituary.” She read it over making certain she wasn’t crazy. It was hard to be wrong when the red head was staring right back at her on the paper. The same girl she had roomed with in rehab for months.
“How on earth?” Her mother said taking the paper out of her hands. She read it over, her brows furrowed. “This is just terrible.”
Chapter 14
“I don’t know why I am here,” Nick said undoing the button on his jacket. He sat down next to Elle at Sadie’s funeral service. “I didn’t even know the girl.”
“Because I’d rather have you here with me than Pauly or our mother,” Elle whispered.
She watched as more and more people slowly filled the seats all around them.
“You owe me big time. I was supposed to golf today with Dad.” Nick settled back into his seat and threw his arm around the back of the pew. He watched the mourners quietly, shaking his head every few minutes and muttering to himself.
“It’s called supporting someone. And stop acting like you’re at the movies. This is someone’s funeral,” Elle reminded him.
“What happened to her?” Nick stared at the casket. “You think it was something awful seeing its shut?” He nodded at the man in front of them that looked over his shoulder at him with a frown on his face.
“I didn’t ask. It’s not something you just ask about,” Elle snapped. “Be quiet before we are the first people ever to get thrown out of a funeral.
Elle fidgeted in her seat, her cheeks warm as more eyes gravitated in their direction. Her brother could be so oblivious sometimes.
Elle recognized Sadie’s mother as soon as she stood up to speak.
“Sadie was my only daughter. The light of my life. And even though she lived the last half of her life on the wrong side of the tracks, she still was my little girl. She just was my little girl with problems. More problems than she could handle. I always asked Sadie ‘if things could be perfect, what would you want, baby?’ And she always had the same answer. She would laugh and then look me in the eye and tell me, ‘if everything was perfect what would be the point, Mom?’ I’m going to miss hearing her laugh. I’m going to miss her phone calls. I’m going to miss her imperfections,” Sadie’s mother said. She wiped at her eyes and took her seat.
Elle stood following the line of people to pay her respect to Sadie. She stared at her feet as the line moved closer and closer to Sadie’s casket.
“Do you want to get lunch after this?” Nick whispered.
“Shut up,” Elle said. She immediately straightened up when she was finally in front of Sadie’s mom. “Ms. Harris. I’m sorry about Sadie.”
Her mom patted her shoulder and pulled her in for a tight squeeze. Elle patted her back and endured her sobs.
“She was trying hard to stay clean. Always trying.” She lifted Elle’s chin. “I’m going to miss her. Thank you for coming. Sadie always thought about you after you left. She always wished the best for you.”
Elle nodded, feeling more and more uncomfortable.
“Are you okay? Is everything going alright for you?”
Elle nodded that everything was alright. It wasn’t like she was about to get into a conversation at a funeral about how crummy her life had been lately.
She said her goodbye and headed for the door, stopping to sign her name in the book, that dreadful book that left a lasting memory for the family.
“Okay, now we can go,” she told Nick.
As they made it to their jackets and she struggled to put her own on she saw him. He was signing the book.
“You came. So I take it you heard about Sadie,” Hart said coming to stand in front of her. He was wearing a dress shirt and black tie. He looked nothing like his usual, casual and comfortable.
“Unfortunately,” Elle said.
Nick sighed, leaning against the wall while his sister once again delayed his chance to get the hell out of there. “Why does he look familiar to me?”
Elle shot her brother an annoyed look. “Because you met him before.”
Hart offered his hand. “Rehab.”
Nick shook his hand looking him over. “I was never in rehab. Besides the times I visited this one right here.”
Hart ignored her brother’s rude comment.
“Well, it was nice seeing you again. I need to get him out of here before he insults anyone else.” She waved, taking off for the door with Nick.
Hart followed after her. “I was thinking maybe we should get a bite to eat and remember Sadie for a few.” He knew it was a long stretch that she would agree, hell, she might tell him he was ridiculous.
“I rode with my brother. And I highly doubt he would go for that.” She shot a look in the direction of Nick. He was already in the car ready to leave.
“I didn’t walk. I do drive.” That was his way of asking her to tag along with him.
Elle fidgeted with the button on her jacket, she weighed the options. Going back home with Nick or out to lunch with the boy from rehab. She knew it was a bad choice to go with Hart.
“I really can’t.” She shot him down without hesitation.
“What about if I give you my number and if you ever feel like taking me up on yet another offer you can call me,” Hart said.
“I have a boyfriend,” Elle reminded him. “And this wouldn’t make him happy.”
Hart made a face. “What is this?”
Elle blushed. “You, inviting me out for food and conversation.”
“It’s wrong to want to talk to you while eating?” Hart smirked. “Hand me your phone.”
Elle gave him a weird look confused with his request. He pointed at his palm egging her on. She finally gave in and handed off her cell phone to him.
“There.” He handed it back. “Now when you feel like food and some conversation give me a call.”
She bit at her lip. It felt so wrong, but at the same time he seemed so harmless in asking her to hang out with him. “Give me one good reason why I should risk upsetting my life any more than it already is.”
Hart raised a finger. “Because you don’t want to regret not taking me up on my offer.”
Elle shrugged, tossing around his reason. “I think you have to do better than that. And you only have a few seconds because I’m pretty sure my brother is about to leave me here.”
“Because deep down we all want to do what we know we shouldn’t. Because sometimes it feels really good,” he said, giving her a smile. “Think about it. And call me.”
Chapter 15
Elle snapped her laptop shut.
“I’ve studied so long I think my eyes are going to fall out,” she said, stretching her arms above her head. She rubbed her eyes and headed for the kitchen.
Her mother was stirring spaghetti sauce and her father was mowing over legal documents.
“I studied three times as long when I was your age,” her dad said.
She unscrewed the cap to a water and took a sip. “That’s because you were studying to become a judge. I simply want to cut hair for a living, Dad.”
She knew her father detested her choice in career. And if he had it hi
s way she would be a doctor, lawyer or some sort of scientist. But not anymore, there was only so much she could be motivated to do.
She capped her water and grabbed her jacket. “I’ll see you guys later.”
Her mother fussed with her hair. “Aren’t you going to eat lunch before you head out?”
“I have class in a half hour. And today they are letting me cut a real person’s hair. Now that’s what I call exciting,” she said with a smile.
“Way to dream big, when I was your age I was already starting my lifelong career,” her dad told her, shooting her a stern glance over his paperwork.
Her mother turned on her heels. “Now Jon, that’s enough giving her a hard time. She is doing a great job, doing what she loves.”
Elle kissed her mother and ignored her dad’s silent glare and headed out to class. Maybe she wasn’t doing anything that seemed all that impressive to him, but it kept her busy and that’s all that mattered to her.
She came to enjoy hair right after rehab. It was a way to express herself. She could change something, make it different and no matter what she messed up it didn’t matter because it was just hair. It came back.
She decided to do something fun with her life. Not to take anything too serious anymore. Part of the reason for that choice was because everyone around her was so somber all the time. And she needed a way to stay together when all she wanted to do was fall apart. It was hard to function, but slowly she learned how to keep herself in control.
Everyone wanted to be sad. Everyone was mourning the loss of a life. And sure, she was too, but she also was alive and had to live her own.
Gretchen, her classmate plopped down in her chair. “Bad news. The models backed out at the last minute. Looks like we are stuck chopping up mannequin heads another day.” She fluffed her hair in the mirror and spun toward Elle.
“Too bad, I was actually looking forward to it too.” She gathered up her combs and started organizing her station trying to pass the time.
Ky, another classmate traipsed past the two of them. He was the dramatic kind and it was apparent he had something big to dish. Elle waited. One hand on her hip waiting for his story or whatever it was he was going to tell them.
“Both of you bitches can thank me later,” he said, grinning from ear to ear. “I saved the day.”
Elle stared at Ky confused. “What are you talking about?”
Ky clapped his hands. “Oh, you’ll see. I happened to hear about your little dilemma and I found some wandering strays to fill in for today. You’re welcome.”
Elle’s jaw dropped when Ky called in the guinea pigs.
Ky elbowed her in the side. “Hot right?”
She gripped Ky’s arm in shock. Hart took her seat with a grin on his face, pleased by her response to their running into each other again.
“You never called.” He stared at her from the mirror. “And look how the universe repays you.”
She reluctantly buttoned the cape around his neck. “Yes, look. I’m beginning to think you’re stalking me.”
Hart smiled. “I swear I was in the area.”
Elle picked up the spray bottle and comb.
Hart watched her closely. “Promise me you won’t butcher my hair. It happens to be one of my favorite parts of me.”
She stood in front of him her heart pounding in her chest. She didn’t know why the thought of touching him was making her so tense, but it was.
“I can’t promise anything. And you can’t sue me,” she said, staring at his dark head of hair. The kind of hair that belonged to someone famous, the kind of hair you slipped your fingers through and tugged back and forth.
She dropped her spray bottle.
“Somebody’s clumsy today,” Hart said a big grin on his face. His dark eyebrows rose in amusement, he kept his eyes on her as she tried to convince herself to touch him.
“I’m fine. Let’s get this over with.” She came a bit closer, he smelled amazing. And the way he was staring at her with those eyes, those brilliant eyes of blue, rimmed with dark lashes.
She ran her fingers through the front of his hair, brushing it back on his head. “What do you want?”
Hart was silent.
Elle tilted her head to the side. “Hello?”
“Sorry.” He blinked. “Do whatever you want to me. I’m sure you’ll make me look great.”
Elle bit her lip, spraying him with the spray bottle. She started to work, combing and cutting. Trying to remember everything that she had learned in hopes she didn’t butcher him.
“Got any plans tonight?” Hart asked. He stayed still, letting her try her best.
“I plan on going home and eating some of my mom’s famous spaghetti and meatballs and then probably going to bed,” she told him. She spun the chair.
“Sounds like a blast,” he said. “You’re never going to give in are you?”
“Probably not.” She looked over his hair, taking him by the chin to turn him the way she needed to get a better look. The scruff on his chin tickled her finger tips, his teeth grazed his bottom lip drawing her eyes to his mouth. He had an amazing set of lips.
“For once just be honest. Am I not the kind of person you want to be associated with? Is it the rehab thing?” he asked.
Elle quickly shook her head. “No. Hart, it has nothing to do with that, it’s just me. I can’t hang out with you. It’s not a good idea.”
She was with Pauly and in a bad place in her life. She wasn’t the girl to be anyone’s friend. She had a hard time being friends with the ones in her life already.
He wasn’t saying anything. And now she felt even worse.
“Alright, I’ll be honest. I’m not doing okay. I've never been okay and all I want to do is make it through without another emotional breakdown. I can’t add anything to my life because I’m afraid it will crumble. And the idea of going back to that place I was in scares the shit out of me,” she said.
She dropped her scissors and comb on her station. “Anyways, I think you’re good to go.”
Hart took the mirror she was offering, but didn’t look in it. “Looks great.”
“You didn’t even look,” she said.
“I don’t care about my hair.”
She rolled her eyes undoing the collar of the cape. “Don’t do that, don’t worry about me. You did the same thing a long time ago.”
“Someone needs to worry about you. One time, just hang out with me. And after that I’ll leave you alone,” he said. “If I make your life worse than it already is I‘ll never bother you again.”
“Why are you so insistent on doing this?” She shook her head. “I’m a mess; you know this better than anyone.”
“So am I,” he insisted. “One time, come be a mess with me.”
“Fine,” she tossed the cape on her station. “One time. You’ll see how much of a mess I am and you’ll quickly go running for the hills.”
She hoped she didn’t regret the choice she made. Because making choices was the hardest thing anymore.
Chapter 16
As Elle paced the floor of her bedroom she found herself trying to come up with an excuse, one that got her out of meeting up with Hart.
She wished she had it in her to just do what she felt was right.
But what was right? That she didn’t know.
She checked her phone one final time. She thought maybe if Pauly called that would give her enough guilt to not meet up with Hart.
She ran the brush through her hair a few more times and let out a sigh as she located the perfect shoes to go with her sweater.
She headed down her parent’s wooden staircase and waited in the kitchen long enough to get the third degree from anyone. But there was nobody there to give her one. She wondered if this was all signs that she was meant to get out of the house.
All the way to her car she told herself it was nothing. That everything was fine, she wasn’t going to fall apart or screw up. Hart was an old friend and instead of messing her life up
she tried to see it as positive.
She buckled her seat belt. There had to be one positive thing that could come from spending time with the boy from rehab, if she could come up with just one.
“He’s doing well. He can show you how easy it is.” She put the car into reverse backing down the driveway. “This could help me.”
As Elle headed through the parking lot of the bowling alley a breeze from the winter’s air snagged her hair sending it off her shoulders. She hurried inside searching for Hart in the crowded bowling alley.
It wasn’t exactly the place she would have picked to meet up, but she decided it would do and she would deal with it. The crash of pins startled her senses, she bit down on her lip until she picked him out in the crowd.
“You made it,” Hart said helping her out of her jacket. He led her to the lane he reserved for the two of them.
“Yeah, I made it.” She brushed her hair off her shoulders and took a seat. Hart handed over bowling shoes for her to wear. “How do you know these will fit?”
He shrugged, a grin appearing on his face. “I took a guess. I can get a different size if they don’t.”
She sighed. She was starting to regret coming as she looked around at everyone.
Hart grabbed her by the ankle tugging her shoe off in one quick jerk. He caught her foot in between his legs not giving her a chance to object. The next thing she knew his hands had a hold of her foot.
“I know how to put my shoes on.” She watched him lace her shoe up as if she was a toddler incapable of doing so herself.
“I can see it in your eyes,” Hart explained grabbing her other foot. “You’re ready to run right out of here. And I will be damned if we don’t have a good time.”
“I’ve never been that great at bowling,” she said. “I can’t remember the last time I even went.”
Hart nodded. “That’s great. Makes this next part even better.”
Elle raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean?” She was afraid to hear his answer.
“A bet. Every strike I get you do whatever I tell you to do.”
