“Sounds good.”
“It’s delicious. I’ll make you one someday.” She frowned suddenly, as if she hadn’t meant to say that. Maybe she thought she was being too forward. Or maybe the whole thing was just awkward.
“I’d like that,” he said.
She lifted her gaze. “Would you?”
He didn’t look away. “Yes.” He wanted to kiss her. Wanted to take her coffee, set it down, and plunder her mouth. And he nearly did. But what if that wasn’t the right move? What if it was too bold? Not that being bold typically bothered him. Experience told him that being bold usually worked out quite well. Women liked it when he took charge. But what if that was the women he usually slept with and not a woman like Haylee? She was strong, independent. She might not like him taking charge.
She hadn’t seemed to mind in El Salvador, but that was a different situation. She’d almost advocated her power to him so she could let go without feeling guilty. Now? Now she was confident and vibrant and in charge of what she wanted. And he wasn’t going to cross that without more concrete signals.
She smiled tentatively. “Then I guess we’ll have to make it happen.”
“Yeah, guess so.”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment. Then she fixed him with her dark gaze. “You said you wouldn’t play games with me—so I just want to say, if you’ve got another woman out there, if you’re the kind of guy who likes to have a few women on the hook, well, maybe just let me know that now, okay? I’d rather not get involved in that kind of thing.”
His brow furrowed. “What makes you think I’d do that?”
She wouldn’t look at him. “I heard you on the phone earlier. After I went to the bedroom. It occurred to me that I have no real idea who you are deep down… or what you’d do in pursuit of a goal.”
He didn’t blame her. Not really. And yet her distrust pinched somewhere deep inside. Not to mention the numbness of what he had to deal with in his personal life. But if he was going to share it with anyone, it would be her. Haylee understood. “I was talking to my mom. The custody hearing has been moved again. Taylor and Jack are still in state custody. Cheryl is still in a facility. She’s making progress, but the state won’t let her have the kids anytime soon.”
“I’m so sorry, Dean.”
He shrugged. “They’re searching for the father right now. A waste of time since he won’t want them either—though who knows, if they come with a check for their care, he might pull himself together long enough to convince child services he’s fucking perfect for the job.”
She reached out and put her hand on top of his where he’d rested it on the counter. Squeezed. He waited a moment, but she didn’t let go. So he turned his hand into hers and squeezed back. Haylee got it. Really got it. He hated that she did, and he appreciated it too. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have hit you with that right now. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”
He squeezed her hand again. Then he set his coffee down, slid his fingers against the soft skin of her cheek. He didn’t miss her intake of breath, or the way a small flame flickered to life deep inside him. “I’m not mad, Haylee. We don’t really know each other, do we? It’s understandable that you’d have doubts. But believe me when I tell you that I don’t usually spend this much time with a woman I’m not, uh, you know…” he trailed off, unwilling to say that most of the time he spent with the opposite sex was spent in bed.
She smiled at him, and his heart hitched. What the hell?
“It’s okay. I get it. You’re saying most of the time you’re with a woman, it’s in bed.”
“Uh, yeah. Sorry.”
She didn’t draw back her hand, and he didn’t let it go. He liked holding her hand. Her skin was soft, and there was a certain kind of electricity that flowed into him as he did so. She made him want things he’d never thought possible. Companionship. Understanding. Belonging.
He had no idea why she affected him that way, but it was undeniable that she did.
He let her go and picked up his coffee again. She put both hands on her cup and drew it to her lips, lashes dropping as she took a drink. How could drinking coffee be sensual?
“How much longer does the lawyer think it will be?” she asked.
“She doesn’t know. It’s a never-ending cycle of money and hearings and nothing getting done. My parents are coming to the end of their rope. Add in the current market for farmers, and life is really hard right now. Mom’s retirement only goes so far to keep things afloat.”
“Oh, Dean.”
“It’s okay,” he said, drawing in a breath. “They’ve weathered bad markets before. I think they’ll be okay. I hope they will.”
Even if he was killed in the line of duty, his Serviceman’s Group Life Insurance would only be a drop in the bucket of what they needed to keep the farm afloat and fight for the kids too. He didn’t like to think about it, but sometimes he did. If the next mission meant he didn’t come home, would the money help? It would, but only for a season.
“You look like you were thinking of something else there,” she said quietly.
“It’s nothing.”
“Is it?”
He firmed his resolve. “Yeah, nothing.”
“Okay,” she said.
That one word hurt more than it should. Not because it was the wrong word to say, but because it showed that she respected him enough not to push. Why would that hurt? He didn’t know. He reached for her hand again, lifted it to his lips and kissed it.
She set her coffee down and ran her free hand through his hair. His scalp tingled, the pleasurable sensation shooting down his spine. Into his balls. Everything within him urged him to kiss her. Yet his brain held him back. Why was he so uncertain with this woman? Why did she make him feel like he had no clue what he was doing?
“This is crazy,” she whispered, echoing what was in his head.
“Yes.”
“I want—” She broke off. Swallowed. Shook her head.
“What?” He wanted to hear her say it. So badly he thought he might die if she didn’t.
“I don’t, um…” She drew in a breath, huffed it out. “You,” she said simply, seeming to give up on any denials. “I want you.”
“It’s mutual, Haylee,” he said, his voice rough. Like the quiet joy that surged inside him at her words. “But I don’t want to do anything that’s going to make you regret it tomorrow. I don’t want you to think all I want from you is sex.”
She laughed. It was a small, uncertain sound. “I appreciate that, Wolf. But what else is there? We haven’t tried to do anything else together, have we?”
He frowned. “Not true. We’ve talked. I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else. Not even my team. I mean they know about Cheryl and the kids, but they don’t know how much it bothers me. Or how much I’m willing to sacrifice to fix it.”
“Oh, Wolf. You can’t fix it. You know that, right?”
He hated the pain in his gut. “Yeah, I know. But I have to try.”
“I know, honey,” she said softly. “If I could fix it for you, I would. But I can’t. Nobody can.”
“You understand better than anyone I’ve met. I’m glad for that—and sorry too. I’m sorry you lost your friend.”
Her smile was sad. “I know. But nothing can change that. Hopefully, your sister will have a better chance. I really hope she does. Maybe she can recover and learn to live a normal life.”
“I hope so,” he said. “But honestly, Haylee— ” He swallowed. He’d never said this to anyone else. “Honestly, I don’t think it’s possible. The temptation will always be there. Cheryl will always be an addict. One slip and she’s done.”
“All you can do is make sure she gets the help she needs. And have Narcan on hand if possible.”
“I want her to get out of there and go back to Iowa. The farm is peaceful. Winter’s coming and it’ll be colder than shit, but Mom and Dad would give her everything she needed. The kids would play in the snow the way we did
growing up. And Christmas? They’d be so happy. Mom really goes all out—cookies, hot chocolate, fresh cedar trees and pine garlands. Homemade ornaments, movies—and Dad has a Santa outfit. He used to put his work boots on and stomp around in the snow on Christmas Eve after we’d gone to bed just so we could see Santa’s footprints. And sometimes it’d snow after he’d done it and he’d have to go do it again.”
He caught himself before he kept on talking. What the fuck was he doing, rattling on about childhood Christmases anyway?
Haylee smiled. “It sounds amazing. How long did it take you to stop believing in Santa Claus anyway?”
He snorted. “A bit longer than it should have. I held on until about eleven, I think. The kids at school would tease me, but I had those footprints, you see.”
“Were you mad when you finally learned the truth?”
He remembered his mom sitting him down. Explaining. “Nope. My mom had a way of making me think I was being initiated into a secret club of adults who knew the sacred truth.”
“She sounds pretty terrific.”
“She is. So’s Dad. That’s why it’s so hard to sit by and be unable to do a damned thing about this. What I do—well, I fix things. I make things right again. And I can’t make this right, no matter how much money I throw at it.”
Haylee set her cup down and straightened. Then she stepped into his space and his breath hitched in. She didn’t meet his gaze for the longest moment. She put her hand on his forearm, traced it up his biceps to his shoulder, her eyes following her progress. Then she lifted her gaze to his and what he saw there made his gut clench. Her eyes were dark, shiny, and filled with emotion.
“I’m beginning to think we aren’t conventional in any sense,” she said. “That a few weeks of chaste dating and getting to know each other isn’t going to work for us.”
He turned his cheek into her palm as she skimmed her fingers along his jaw. “Then what will?”
“This,” she whispered. And then she stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips to his.
Chapter Nineteen
It was useless to deny it. She was crazy over this man, a man she’d only met a few weeks ago and slept with for one night. But what was the point in taking it slow and getting to know each other? How much more could she know about him beyond the fact he was deeply emotional about his family? He loved his parents, his sister, his niece and nephew. He wanted what was best for them and it tore him up inside that he couldn’t get it.
And then there was the way he’d treated her. He’d saved her from a sexual assault before he even knew her name. Then he’d spent hours getting her to safety, protecting her, talking with her. As if that wasn’t enough, he’d worshipped her body and gave her the best sex of her life in a thoughtful, tender, sexy way.
No, he hadn’t gotten in touch with her after that night like he’d said he would. But when she’d needed him today, he’d been there. He’d come to get her after John Payne threatened her, and he’d been working to find answers.
So she’d made a decision based on gut feelings. And she knew it was right. Knew it down to her soul. It was this: she wasn’t taking it slow, no matter what she’d said earlier.
What a stupid idea anyway.
That’s right, girlfriend. Take what you want. Grab happiness with both hands, for however long it lasts. That’s what I’d do if I could.
Nicole’s voice in her head was sweet and sad at the same time. Not that it was really Nicole. But it’s what Nicole would say if she were here. If Nicole had another chance, would she waste time taking it slowly?
Hell no.
Wolf was still for a second, and then his arms came around her body, his big hands crushing her to him as he opened his mouth and took what she offered. She felt him hardening against her and she knew where this was going. Where she wanted it to go.
He was here and she was here and nothing was holding her back now. Life was too short. He ached for his sister and she ached for Nicole, and by God they both understood how important life and happiness—and just living—were.
Wolf grabbed her ass, lifted her as she wrapped her legs around his hips. It put his hardness right where she wanted it and she gasped as he flexed and sent sparks flying behind her eyes. She reached for the hem of his shirt, shoved her hands beneath it until she could touch hot, naked skin. She spread her hands over his pecs, gloried in all that hard, smooth muscle as it flexed and jumped beneath her fingers.
He set her on the counter, leaned into her, kissing her as if he were starved for her. And maybe he was, because she was starved for him. He tasted like coffee and determination, and liquid heat flooded her, making her molten, ready to go up in flames.
She dropped her hands to the waistband of the athletic shorts he wore, intending to dive beneath and find the good stuff. But he gripped her wrists gently, tore his mouth from hers.
“Wait,” he said, his gaze searching hers as her eyes popped open to meet his.
“What?”
A line appeared on his forehead. “Why? Earlier, you wanted to go slow—what’s this about, Haylee? Because I don’t want to do anything you’ll end up regretting later.”
“Do you want to go slow, Wolf?”
He frowned. “Is this a pop quiz? Because I want what you want. I want what’s going make you happy.”
Her heart skipped around in her chest. “Why?”
He looked surprised. “Why? Because I don’t want you to feel any doubts.”
Oh, he was adorable. “Yes, but why? Why don’t you want me to feel doubts or regrets?”
“Because I don’t want to fuck this up. I want to see you again, and I can wait for sex if it means we get to know each other better.”
She ran her hands up his chest, behind his neck, into his hair. She felt remarkably free to do so. It was kinda crazy, really. He didn’t move. His eyes speared intensely into hers.
“I know all I need to know about you, Wolf. I mean I want to know more, but I know enough to tell me that being with you like this is exactly what I want. What do you want to know about me?”
He hesitated. “What’s your favorite color?”
She laughed in confusion. “Color? I don’t know. It changes, but I think I like pink more than the rest. I definitely like pink nail polish on my toes. Pink roses are lovely. And a pink sky at dawn or dusk—love that, though maybe it’s more salmon sometimes…” She shook her head and laughed again. “You didn’t really want to know all that.”
“Yes. I did.”
Her heart fluttered.
“I want to know what you like and what you don’t,” he said. “I want to know the little things and the big things. Gotta start somewhere, right?”
“You want to know what else I like?”
“Yeah, hit me with it.”
“I like the way you kiss me. Not too much tongue, nor too little. Just enough. I like that you seem to know what to do with it. You’d be surprised how many guys don’t have a clue. But not you. You know.”
He grinned. “I can do a lot with this tongue.”
“I know you can.”
“You know, I’m thinking about giving you a demonstration. But it’s gonna be shorter than I’d like since I have to be to work in about three hours.”
Her belly tightened. Her pussy ached. She needed. “Three hours? Isn’t that enough time?”
“No, but looks like we’ll have to work with what we’ve got.” He grinned then and she smiled back. He was too adorable. And sexy as hell. Confidently sexy. She knew he could deliver on everything he’d promised.
“So no more talking about colors and stuff like that?”
“Not right now. So long as you’re sure you’re ready for this step.”
She took his hand in hers, pulled it between her legs and placed it over her center. “You feel that heat?”
His eyes sparked. His expression filled with such promise that she nearly moaned. “Fuck yeah, I feel it.”
“That’s for you, Wolf. I’m hot and wet
and ready. For you. You make me crazy.”
He gripped her hips and tugged her forward, lifting her up. “Honey, the feeling is mutual. I’m crazy to get in there again. Nothing feels as good as you do.”
He loved women and sex and all the pleasurable feelings that went with getting naked with a willing woman. But there was something about Haylee that was more exciting—more profound—than anything he’d ever experienced. He desperately wanted to be inside her body again. And he desperately wanted to make her feel the most intense pleasure she’d ever known.
He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him. She smelled so good. Like flowers and sunshine and other sweet stuff. He put his nose to her skin, inhaled. Then he licked her neck while she held on to him and gasped.
“Bed or couch?” he asked, soul deep hunger rolling through him in a wave.
“Don’t care,” she gasped. “Counter, floor, table. Fuck me, Wolf. I don’t care where.”
Jesus. He put a hand to the back of her head, fused his mouth to hers. They kissed hungrily, deeply. He walked them toward the bedroom—or he thought he did—but he only made it as far as the couch. He tumbled her backward, falling with her, coming down on top of her on the soft cushions. Their mouths didn’t cease taking from each other, sucking and kissing and licking, until the heat was so intense he lifted himself off her and tugged at her shirt. It came off easily. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and he groaned as he dropped down to suck her nipples. She arched into him, and his urgency increased exponentially. He dragged her leggings down, her panties, and then she was spread beneath him, pretty legs falling open, enticing him into heaven.
He lifted his eyes to hers even as his fingers fell to her wet seam. Slipped against her clit while she gasped, her eyes rolling back in her head.
“Wolf,” she gasped.
“Yeah, baby. Come for me.”
“Not without you,” she moaned.
“Just the first time,” he soothed. “I want to see it.” He dropped down between her legs, pushed them wider, and licked his way around her juicy center. Her moans were an aphrodisiac. He kept his eyes on her face, watching as she started to come apart beneath his tongue. He licked her hard and soft, fast and slow, until she stiffened and cried out, her entire body shaking apart beneath him.
HOT Justice: A Hostile Operations Team - Book 14 Page 17
