“I need to go,” she said, as both men came to their feet.
“Mom, we need to—”
She cut him off with a shake of her head. “No, we don’t. You’ve told me what you had to. I’m glad everyone is taken care of financially. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
She walked out into the hallway. Although she’d been to the office a million times, she suddenly couldn’t remember which way to turn to find the exit. The walls seemed to be moving and the hallway got too narrow. She was trapped. Her chest tightened until breathing was impossible. Fear built up inside until the only thing left, the only possible way to escape was to scream and scream until—
“Pam?”
She turned and saw Hayley walking toward her. Instantly the hallway returned to normal and she could breathe again.
“All done with your meeting?”
“I am,” Pam admitted. “They might not be.”
“They’ll survive. Do you have time for a cup of tea?”
The alternative was to go home and be in that house. Something Pam found comforting, only she’d always liked Hayley.
“Sure.”
They went into the break room. It was big, with lots of windows that looked out onto a small walled garden. There were tables and chairs in both areas and when the weather was nice, the staff ate outside.
Hayley put a kettle on a burner of the small stove. There was also a microwave and refrigerator, along with several cupboards. Lockers lined the far wall. Pam remembered picking out the colors on the walls and all the appliances when the offices had been remodeled. Before that, she’d worked here, on and off, when she and John had first been married.
So many memories, she thought sadly. She kept expecting to see him walk in the door and smile at her. There was simply no way to escape. Not that she wanted to, she reminded herself. In the moments when the pain receded just enough that she could think, she knew that while she was devastated, she was totally connected to him. Healing wasn’t an option. Healing was too much like letting him go.
Hayley sat across from her. Pam noticed the other woman’s eyes were red, as if she, too, had been crying.
“I won’t ask how you’re feeling,” Hayley said. “People always ask me that after a miscarriage and I just want to scream at them. I can’t tell them how I really feel, which is like shit. As if my hopes and dreams have been ripped from me.” She raised one shoulder. “I can’t begin to imagine what you’re dealing with.”
Pam appreciated the understanding. “It’s hard,” she said, thinking that didn’t begin to describe what she was feeling. “I thought it would get easier, but it doesn’t. Ever.”
The kettle whistled. Lulu perked up her ears, as if not sure what strange creature was invading her space. Hayley walked to the stove and pulled it off the burner.
“It’s okay, baby girl,” Pam told Lulu quietly. “It’s okay.”
Hayley fixed two mugs of tea and returned to the table. “I’m going to be working for Steven now. Linda, his assistant, has been toying with the idea of moving somewhere exotic. She got offered a job in Dubai and is going to take it.”
“What? Dubai? Seriously?”
“I know.” Hayley gave her a sad smile. “Steven and I get along, which is great. He reminds me a lot of his dad, which is both good and bad. I think he and I can do well.”
“I know you can,” Pam told her. “He’s going to need a lot of help making the transition. He always knew he was going to take over, but not this soon.”
Steven walked into the break room. “Mom, I know this may be a bad time, but several of the people here want to come by and offer condolences. Can you stand that?”
Pam shuddered. Listening to people she knew tell her how wonderful John had been to them was both heaven and hell. She was so tired, so lonely, so sad and so broken. There was almost nothing left of her. Where was she supposed to find the strength?
But this wasn’t about her, she reminded herself. This was about John. They had loved him and while they couldn’t say that to him anymore, they could say it to her.
“Of course,” she said as she pushed away the tea and passed Lulu to Hayley. “That would be nice.”
She stood and braced herself for the emotional dump. Soon she would be home, she told herself. Soon she could sit alone in the silence, cradled in John’s old chair. Soon she could cry and scream and wait for the exhaustion to claim her. All so she could start it all again in the morning.
* * *
Shannon finished reviewing the report and typed in her initials on the margin. The good news was her hyperfocusing allowed her to sail through her work at a quicker than normal pace. The bad news was every time she surfaced, she had a split second of wondering what was wrong, followed by the dull thud of reality.
It had been two days since she’d seen Adam. He’d sent her a couple of texts, but they hadn’t talked and she didn’t know when they would.
Now she turned in her chair so she could stare out at the view from her office. She could see the businesses and houses of Mischief Bay, with the Pacific Ocean beyond. A killer view that she’d been so damned proud of back when Nolan had hired her. She’d taken pictures and sent them to her friends. Not to her parents, of course. They wouldn’t get the thrill and would instead focus on the fact that she was bragging. In the Rigg family, that wasn’t allowed. You never talked about the good things, you never tried too hard, you never strived. And if you somehow, despite the goal of mediocrity, succeeded, you never mentioned that success to others.
Probably why she didn’t spend all that much time visiting her parents, despite the fact that they were less than seventy miles away. Every time she went home, she counted the seconds until she could leave. She and her parents had nothing in common. Adding to that was the fact that she knew she was a disappointment to them. She’d never followed a traditional path. She’d majored in finance rather than studying something more acceptable—like teaching or nursing. She’d always wanted more and in her family, that was a cardinal sin.
She closed her eyes against the beauty outside her window. She knew that she was still feeling the effects of her last conversation with Adam. The shock of what he’d told her still had the power to make her second-guess the path she’d chosen. It seemed grossly unfair that she’d finally met a terrific man—a man she loved and trusted—and he’d chosen not to have more children.
She knew that for the average married guy with a couple of kids, getting a vasectomy was a no-brainer. It solved the birth control issue in a quick and permanent way. Why wouldn’t he have done that? But from her position, it was a statement that went beyond that. It said he didn’t want any more children.
The logical side of her brain pointed out that Adam had acted responsibly and had assumed he wouldn’t get a divorce, so why not? Her heart questioned why he hadn’t guessed he could fall in love with her someday. Logic returned with the fact that he’d used a condom every time they’d had sex. Obviously that had been about protection from things other than pregnancy.
She was being idiotic, she told herself. And yet in the absence of other information, she was hard-pressed to not feel crappy about the whole thing. But what happened now? Was she expected to give up her dream of having a family? Was she simply to accept the possibility of being a stepmother and go no further?
Difficult questions, she thought. Ones without easy answers. She turned back to her computer, doing her best not to think about the fact that Adam wasn’t overly
eager to speak with her again. He hadn’t set up another date and a couple of texts did not a relationship make.
Her office phone buzzed.
“Yes?”
“There’s a gentleman here to see you,” her assistant said. “He doesn’t have an appointment but he seems pretty confident you’ll see him.”
Her heart melted as her doubts faded. Because Adam was here. Which was just like him. He wasn’t the guy to ignore the problem or leave her in limbo. He would get things taken care of.
“He’s right,” she said. “Give me a second and I’ll be out.”
She hung up the phone, then stood and smoothed the front of her dress. She opened the small closet and checked her makeup in the mirror before walking out into her assistant’s office only to come to a stop.
The man standing there was familiar enough, but he wasn’t Adam.
Quinn smiled when he saw her. “Gorgeous.”
Both a greeting and a compliment, she thought, stunned to see him. She and Quinn seldom saw each other outside of his place. Sometimes he came to hers, but rarely. As for being together in a nonbedroom situation…she couldn’t remember the last time.
“What are you doing here?”
“I had a couple of meetings and remembered your office was nearby. I thought I’d take you to lunch.” He winked at her assistant. “If you can spare her.”
Molly, a happily married woman in her late fifties, practically swooned. “Of course. You don’t have any appointments until later this afternoon.”
“How convenient,” Quinn murmured, moving toward her and kissing her cheek. “So lunch?”
She led him into her office. When they were out of earshot, she picked up her handbag and raised her eyebrows. “Are we actually talking lunch?”
“Sure. We can talk.” He held up a hand. “We’re capable of having a regular conversation.”
“Without sex.”
“Yes.”
“I’m in. Do you know where you want to go?”
“Gary’s Café. They have the best burger on the beach.”
“I know several businesses that would disagree with you on that.”
“Then they’re just plain wrong.”
They agreed to take his car with the understanding he would drop her off after lunch and go on to his next meeting. Today Quinn was driving a dark blue Maserati GranTurismo. A ridiculous car that totally suited him. She had to admit it was nice to sit in, but she would rather have the money to pay down her mortgage. Not that anyone was offering her either choice.
They drove to Gary’s Café and Quinn easily found parking in the lot. When they went inside, several heads turned. Shannon would like to think it was because she looked especially nice that day, but she knew the truth. Quinn might not be a rock star, but he still had that indefinable I’m-famous quality about him. People generally assumed he was “someone” and in his case, they were right.
They were seated in a booth by the front window. It was still early, not yet noon, and there were plenty of empty seats. A few old men sat in a row at the counter, and a couple of mothers with young children were in the back of the restaurant. The chalkboard on the wall detailed the special.
Quinn didn’t bother with the menu. Shannon scanned hers and decided she was going to live large today, as well. Maybe it was wrong to medicate herself with food, but so what?
Their server—a young woman in her early twenties—walked over. She only had eyes for Quinn and tried a couple of ponytail tosses to get his attention.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly. “I’m April. I’ll be helping you today.”
Quinn gave her his easy, sexy smile. “Great.” He motioned to Shannon. “All right, love of my life, what are you having?”
April visibly deflated. She glanced at Shannon, then back at Quinn, and sighed heavily.
Shannon smiled. “I’ll have the burger special, no cheese. And an iced tea.”
“Same for me,” Quinn said, then stretched out his arm across the booth and took her hand.
Their server glared at Shannon before flouncing off.
“Love of my life?” Shannon asked when they were alone. “Seriously?”
“I wanted to get the point across without hurting her feelings.”
Something she could nearly believe. Quinn had many flaws but being cruel wasn’t one of them.
“I haven’t seen you in a while,” he said. “You’ve been ignoring me.”
There had been a couple of texts she hadn’t answered. “A lot’s going on. A friend of mine lost her husband.”
“Not why you’re avoiding me.”
His voice was low. Quiet, but not suggestive. This was the Quinn she rarely saw. The regular guy who was her friend.
Funny how she wasn’t sure which side of him was real and which was used simply because it worked for him. The smooth, handsome Quinn who charmed as easily as most people breathed was the one she had met. Sexy, slightly aggressive, thirty ways to please a woman Quinn was the man she had sex with. But they were rarely simply people sharing a normal conversation.
She wondered what part of her truth to share with him. He took the decision out of her hands by smiling and saying, “You’re seeing someone.”
“I am.”
“And?”
“I’m in love with him.”
One dark eyebrow rose. “As simple as that?”
“It’s not simple. There are unexpected complications.”
“He’s gay?”
Shannon laughed. “You’d like that.”
“Ouch. Why would you say that?”
“Because then I’d want to continue having sex with you and never press you for more.”
“You don’t press me for more.”
Their server returned with their drinks and stalked away. Shannon busied herself with the wrapping on her straw.
“Good point,” she murmured. “Why is that?”
“You don’t want more,” he said simply.
“Not true. I want what everyone else has. A husband and a family.”
“I don’t have a husband and a family.”
“You know what I mean. I want a traditional happy relationship. I want something I can count on.”
“Which you could never have with me,” he pointed out.
“You don’t want that?” she asked. “Not ever?”
One shoulder rose and fell. His too-long hair added to the appeal of the man, she thought, watching him. The hooded blue eyes both promised and withdrew. An irresistible combination.
They’d met at a party. She didn’t do a lot of Hollywood events, but a friend had asked her to tag along and Shannon had just been through yet another hideous day at the bank where her boss had made it clear because she didn’t have a penis, she couldn’t possibly have enough of a brain to get where she wanted to at the firm. Not that he was above taking credit for her work.
She’d dressed to kill in the skimpiest LBD she owned and then had proceeded to ignore every man who had tried to come on to her. All the while she’d been aware of Quinn, who simply watched.
At the time she’d had no idea who he was. She’d kept track of him, watched the people who moved in and out of his orbit. Those he’d spoken to and those he’d ignored. She’d wondered about him, but told herself she didn’t care enough to speak to him.
After one too many cocktails, she’d gone out on the patio of the excessively large Bel Air mansion. The cool night had helped her catch her
breath. Quinn had joined her then.
“What has your panties in a bunch?”
The unexpected question had gotten through far more than any of the compliments.
“Why do men assume being a woman is the same as being stupid?” she’d asked.
“Because they’re threatened. Work issue?”
“My boss.”
“He knows you’re going to be his boss in less than three years and that scares the hell out of him.”
“Yeah, right. I can’t get anywhere with him in the way.”
“Then force him out or leave.”
Until that second, she’d never thought about leaving the bank. Getting through college and getting a job with upward mobility had violated every rule she’d been raised with. She had been so proud of herself, so smug. But she’d never once thought she should leave the bank and go find something better. Which was ridiculous.
“Understanding dawns,” Quinn murmured.
She glared at him. “Who are you?”
“I’m crushed you don’t already know.” He took her drink from her and set it on a patio table, then took her hand in his and pulled her back inside. “Come on. We’ll find your friend and you’ll explain you’re coming home with me.”
“What? No way. I don’t even know your name.”
“You’re not interested in my name. You’re pissed and a little drunk and you can’t screw the boss the way you want, but you can screw me however you’d like.”
Shannon let herself be pulled along. She hadn’t decided what she was going to do, but going home with the stranger was getting more intriguing by the second. She’d been so good for so long. Didn’t she deserve a single night of being irresponsible?
“There’s your friend,” he said as he pointed. “It’s Quinn, by the way.”
“Shannon.”
“I already know that.”
She’d gone home with him that night. It had been the first of many times she’d visited his house in Malibu. She hadn’t tried to fool herself into thinking they were anything but part-time lovers. Sometimes she contacted him but mostly he got in touch with her. If she was available and in the mood, she went over.
The Girls of Mischief Bay Page 22
