She swallowed hard and approached him. When she touched his shoulder he flinched and craned his neck. The remnants of tears formed veins in the dirt on his face.
“Hi,” he said. His voice was weak.
“You don’t seem surprised to see me,” she said.
He shook his head. “Kinda expected it.”
“Why didn’t you just ask me to come with you?”
“I couldn’t.” He choked on his words. “This was something I thought I had to do on my own. But I never made it a secret. If anyone wanted to come…” His voice ran off. The depth of his depression frightened her.
“What’s this all about, Josh? What’s going on?”
He didn’t reply. Instead he let go of the shovel, let it fall, and reached behind him. From his back pocket he removed his wallet. He opened it and rummaged through its contents – driver’s license, credit cards, phone numbers, a few dollar bills. He then shoved them back inside, stepped away from her, and cocked his arm. With a swift motion he hurled the wallet into the woods. It arched high, piercing the trees and disturbing the needle-covered branches. A few of the items fell out and fluttered to the ground, only to disappear beneath the newly fallen snow.
“It’s all useless now,” he muttered. “All of it.”
She grabbed him by the crook of his arm and squeezed. She didn’t know what to say.
His eyes dropped to the blanket at his feet. Just then she noticed a thin stream of blood exiting from its open end. Her stomach cramped. Josh spoke.
“I’m a killer, Kye. Did you know that?”
She shook her head.
“Well I am. Call it what you will. Some might say I’m a survivor, or opportunistic, but I know the truth. Murder is murder. And that’s me. A murderer.”
“That’s not true,” she whispered. “You were only protecting yourself.” She pointed at the bundled blanket. “That thing would’ve killed you if you didn’t do something.”
He laughed. It was a disheartening sound. “See what I mean? Justification. It’s all bullshit.”
“I don’t understand why you’re saying this.”
He bowed his head. “It’s not the act, Kye. It’s how easy it is. There wasn’t even any hesitation. At all. What’s that mean?”
She shrugged.
“I killed my family. Did you know that?”
A lump formed in Kyra’s throat. Her thoughts went askew. She took a step back.
“I’ve never told you the story,” he said, his cloudy eyes fixed on nothing in particular. “But I have to now. I have to because I scare myself.” He swallowed hard and continued. “That night…I was late getting home. I stayed with Mr. C and the rest of you at the church, delayed going back home. I should’ve left earlier. If I had…none of this would’ve happened.
“When I got to the house, there was silence. It was horrible, like the quiet swallowed everything. Then I go into the basement, where we were hiding, and there were my parents. They’d been butchered, Kye. Slaughtered. By Sophia.”
Kyra’s heart skipped a beat. She chewed on her tongue to keep from crying.
“Sophia’d been sick. I told you that, right? Well, probably not. But anyway, she was sitting there, on top of my dad, covered in blood, when I found her. She walked up to me and I wasn’t even scared. I thought at the time that something was controlling me, but that wasn’t the case. But the worst part was her reaction to me. She didn’t attack me, didn’t pull back. She just walked up to me and tilted her head. Like I was like her.
“So what do I do? I lead her upstairs into the kitchen and kill her.” He jerked up suddenly and slammed his fist into his open hand. “Bam! Just like that. I shoved a knife in her eye. And it was my action, my decision. I have to own that. I…killed…my…sister.”
Kyra wanted to say something, anything, to ease his pain. Tell him it’s okay, she thought. Tell him she was sick and it was for the best. But she couldn’t do that. Instead she said, “Thank you for finally telling me,” stepped up to him, and threw her arm around his shoulder.
He broke down and dropped to his knees. “You know what the worst thing is?” he blubbered. “She…was my sister! I loved her more than anything. I would’ve done anything for her. I should’ve just brought her along.” He was hysterical now. “I mean, we might’ve found other people! They might’ve had a cure! But I robbed her of that chance!”
With a great spasm he fell into her. His head landed in her lap, pushing her rump into the snow. He clutched her leg with both arms, trembling. She kicked the bundled corpse beside them with her free leg. It rolled a few feet before stopping.
Very slowly, Josh’s fit petered out. He lay in her lap and breathed deeply with his eyes closed. Before long he’d gathered enough strength to sit up. His lower jaw quivered.
“I know what you’re going to say,” Kyra said, “but I’ll repeat it anyway. You’re not a killer.”
He nodded.
“It’s just guilt. I get it. But you gotta get over it, hun. It’s paralyzing you…hell, it’s paralyzing us. We’re here now, they aren’t. We need you. Both of us do.”
She winced when she spoke those words, but Josh didn’t seem to understand her meaning. He grinned a sad grin and patted her on the knee. “I know you guys do. You mean a lot to me, too. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through this without you. Sorry for keeping you in the dark for so long.”
“That’s okay, it really is, but that’s not what I –”
“It’s funny,” he said, raising his face to the falling snow. “I lived my whole life thinking – wishing – I was on the fringe of society when I really wasn’t. I was included in it. And now here we are, and we’re the only society left. Yet even now, this despair, this sadness, won’t go away. It’s hard, Kye. This life, this existence. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.” He glanced at the path. “I feel sorry for them. I do. Most of them are gonna grow up knowing nothing but this. It isn’t right. Hell, I used to argue with Colin about the prospect of bringing a child into the world. He’d always said it was a cruel thing to do, what with the state of everything. ‘How could we subject them to that,’ he’d say. And he was right. Imagine if those kids’ parents had been able to see what’s happening now. Do you think they’d still want them to be born? I don’t.”
Sadness flowed through her. “So you’re saying it’s wrong to bring a child into the world?”
“I guess so. It’s a selfish and ignorant thing to do. Especially now. Hell, maybe we weren’t supposed to survive this at all. In that case we should just let nature take its course.”
“What if I told you I was pregnant?”
He chuckled. “I’d probably tell you to get rid of it as fast as possible.”
A tear dripped onto her cold cheeks. She sniffled. “If that’s the way you feel,” she said. She lifted his hand off her knee, dropped it to the ground, and stood up. Jamming her hands into her armpits, she turned and started walking back the way she came. The tears flowed fast and hard.
Stupid, stupid girl, she thought. You should’ve kept it to yourself.
She marched through the snow for a few minutes, sobbing, and then heard the crunch of booted feet behind her, closing in fast. She gripped her torso tighter, trying to squeeze herself into a quiet place.
“Hey, slow up!” Josh yelled.
His hand touched her wrist and she flailed away from him. He jogged in front of her and put his hand out.
“C’mon, stop,” he said.
She planted her feet and glowered at him. “Why?”
“What do you mean you’re pregnant? Are you serious?”
“Uh-huh.”
“But shit, we haven’t had sex since…damn, since the day after we left. That would mean…”
“Four months. Almost five.”
“But…I thought you couldn’t have kids?”
“Things change.”
Josh spread his hands and arched his eyebrows. He looked incredulous. “I didn’t realize…why didn’t yo
u tell me?”
She choked on her words. “Because of this reaction. I knew you couldn’t handle it.”
“You should’ve trusted me.”
“I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because we can’t relate, Josh.” Her strength failed her and her next words came out in a flurry of sniffles and wheezes. “You’re twenty-five…I haven’t seen that age in forever…I don’t wanna be alone…not in this…but you’ve been so distant…and you’re so angry…and you’re gonna hate the baby…”
The corner of his lips curved down and his nose twitched. “Listen, Kye, I was upset. I am upset. I’ve had to bury four of our friends. It’s been tough for me to take. But I never would wish anything bad for you.”
“But you said…”
“I know what I said, but I was just tangenting. Sometimes I say things I don’t mean when I’m upset. But listen, I can handle it. Really. We’ll adjust. I don’t want any more death around here. None.”
“Then maybe…maybe a child’ll make things better.”
“Anything’s possible.” He smiled, and she could tell he was trying to be earnest. “I’ll protect you, Kye,” he said. “I promise I always will. You and the baby.”
He chuckled.
“What’s that for?”
He stepped forward and took her hands in his. They swayed together for a moment and then he said, “I just wish we had one of those books. You know, the how-to manual for parents-to-be. I just can’t remember what it’s called. Do you?”
She shook her head.
“Well, maybe we can lift one from a drug store when we leave here. That sound like a plan?”
“Yeah,” she said. Her voice sounded small to her ears, small but relieved.
Josh craned his neck and peered down the path. “What do you say we get back to the house? Old lumpy can wait till tomorrow to be buried. We can tell everyone the good news…that is, if you haven’t told everyone already. Have you?”
“No.”
“That’s the plan, then.”
“It sounds nice,” she replied.
“Good. Then maybe we drink some hot chocolate or something.”
“We don’t have any.”
He laughed. “Well, we’ll just have to make do with what we got. Melted snow it is.”
He took her in his arms and together they strolled through the darkening woods. Snowflakes dropped all around them. He pulled her in close and kissed her just below her ear. The act made her shiver once more, this time in a good way.
It’s gonna be all right, she told herself, yet her doubt still wouldn’t leave. She glanced up at her man, pressed her lips to his neck, and tried to keep the uncertainty under lock and key. Perhaps it would fade, perhaps not.
All she knew was that now Josh was with her. He knew. She wasn’t sure if he’d meant what he said, but she had to take him at his word.
Besides the child within her, it was all she had left.
Chapter 9
The Lost Archipelago
Huge swells rocked the Bendicion. A wave crashed into the bow, throwing the vessel into a half-roll. Water poured over the deck, casting everything not strapped down into the ocean. The retrieval arm, equipped with pulleys to lug up nets full of fish, creaked and then broke, its rivets pulling up portions of the deck. It fell over the side and disappeared.
Eduardo Pereira cowered as cold water pummeled him. He held tight to the rope fastened around his waist. His nerve endings told his body to shiver in the unbearable cold but his mind, alert and strong, held the convulsions in check. He still had a duty to perform and not even the storm to end all storms would break his will.
The ship evened out. Rain cascaded from the sky in sheets. Lightning crashed. With the footing less treacherous, Eduardo braced the rope and lugged his way to the aft. He reached the reserve fuel tanks, clattering against the side of the vessel, and grabbed hold of the strap holding them in place. He cranked the lever to tighten the slack. The strap constricted and the tanks stopped rattling. He gripped the metal bar that ran the length of the ship and counted. A pair of the barrels had come loose and fallen overboard, two more soldiers lost to the battle between the Bendicion and nature. There were six remaining, however, and Eduardo breathed a sigh of relief. At least the losses had been minimal.
The lights on deck flickered and went out. The hum of the motor fell silent. Eduardo glanced around, frantic. Beneath the howling wind he heard screaming. Again holding tight to his rope he hastily made his way across the deck. A flash of lightning illuminated the captain’s tower above him. In the brief light it looked haunting, like a lost centurion.
He unfastened the rope around his waist, stepped through the porthole into the cabin, sealed the door, and walked down the thin stairwell into the bowels of the ship. The boat rocked, slamming him against the wall. He heard the crash of breaking glassware. The screaming continued, emerging from the darkness around him like the shrieks of frightened ghosts.
When he reached the bottom of the stairs he used the wall to guide him on his unsteady journey toward his quarters. He hugged the doorframe and eased into the room.
“Lucia, donde es?” he yelled.
The terrified cries ceased. “Eduardo?” replied his wife in Spanish. “Eduardo, where are you?”
“I am here,” he said. “I am coming.”
He stumbled blindly through the black until his shin struck the bed frame. His hands searched for something solid. Another bolt of lightning flashed, its glow shining through the small, round window on the far wall, for a moment revealing the imprint of his two loves cowering on the bed below him. He sat down and wrapped his arms around his family. Eddie Jr. buried his face into his father’s chest and cried. Lucia clasped her hands around his back, keeping the little one between them like a precious buffer, and panted. He could smell the staleness of her breath, contrasted against the sweetness of her body odor.
“What happened?” Lucia asked.
“We lost power.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. There might be some flooding in the engine compartment. I won’t be able to look at it until morning. We will have to wait out the night as we are.”
“I am scared,” she said.
“I know, my love. So am I.”
He eased his family down on the bed, reached beneath the frame, found the support strap, and draped it over them. Fastening the clasp on the end to its bracket on the wall he buckled them in, just as he had with the fuel tanks. So long as his trusted vessel didn’t capsize they would be fine. He hoped.
He pulled his son into him and stroked his hair. “All will be well,” he whispered. “I am here for you. The Virgin is here for you. God will not let anything bad happen.”
“Are you sure, Papa?” asked Eddie Jr.’s tiny voice. He felt Lucia stiffen at the question.
“I am sure. Close your eyes.”
He hummed a lullaby. Before too long his son’s trembling died away and his breathing became steady. Lucia also drifted into a restless sleep. Eduardo continued to hum a small prayer, cringing each time the ship pitched until he too succumbed to exhaustion and passed out.
* * *
The cawing of sea birds woke him. Eduardo opened his crusted eyes. Sunlight streamed in through the port window, intense and blinding. He cupped his hand over his brow and stared. All he saw on the other side of the small round opening was a haze of blue.
Lucia and Eddie Jr. were still asleep, huddled together. Lucia’s long, unkempt black hair draped over them both. The heavy canvas jacket she wore rode up. Her shirt had come unbuttoned, exposing a breast. Eduardo unfastened the strap holding them down and readjusted the fabric, covering her.
He swung his legs over the side of the bunk and sat up, his body aching. It had been a long while since the day they’d departed the coast of Spain. He’d lost track of time; they could’ve been a month at sea, perhaps more. A journey that should have taken a couple weeks at most seemed to go on and
on. They encountered hellish weather almost every day. He couldn’t trust his charts any longer.
A depressing thought came to him, one he never thought he’d ever think. The more I stay out on the ocean, the more lost I feel.
His sense of direction wasn’t the only thing that departed him, however. Over the course of their voyage he began to suffer a crisis of faith, as well. After escaping the hell that had befallen his homeland he assumed the Virgin, who had spoken to him so clearly in the days leading up to their exodus, would guide him every step of the way. But Her voice fell silent. There were no more visions, no more guidance, no more messages from above instructing him what to do. His dreams became nightmares, terrifying prophecies of doom that threatened to swallow his hope in a black pit of despair.
He dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his temples. It had all fallen apart. There was nothing left to do now but save what little faith he had left and find someplace safe for his family.
The Bendicion swayed calmly. With so many consecutive days of rough weather the motion felt out of place. But the gentle rocking wasn’t all that seemed odd. It took him a moment to realize what it was that made him feel this way.
The birds.
His heart skipped a beat. He jumped off the bunk and sprinted up the stairs onto the main deck. Once outside he noticed in passing the mess his prized vessel had become, but that didn’t deter him. He ran to the side of the ship, grabbed the paling, and stared up. Above him were hundreds of seagulls. They swooped and soared, balancing on air like flying ballerinas. Their caws filled the sky with sound. A smile stretched across Eduardo’s face. It had been so long since he’d seen a living thing other than his wife and child. It was good to see that at least one part of the world hadn’t died.
An odd thought struck him. What were so many birds doing this far out in the open ocean? It wasn’t normal. He shielded his eyes with his palm and gazed over the bow. There was a growing haze in the distance, a long, flat miasma of brown.
Dead Of Winter (The Rift Book II) Page 15
