Keeping Jamie a total secret had proved impossible—the castle walls echoed with the baby’s cries often enough that the regulars, at least, had figured out enough of what was going on to need properly filling in. But it was getting closer to Christmas now, and there was so much going on in the village, at the schools and at home, that the population of Thornwood Castle was of a different make up than usual anyway. There were fewer classes or seminars on careers and first aid at the moment, and more fun events for mothers to bring their children to after school or on the weekends. Maud was running a few Christmas baking classes that had drawn in a whole new audience too.
In the daytime, Liam kept Jamie with him in his study while she worked around the castle, running seminars or managing the lunch rush. She’d check in often enough to help out with feeding and changing him, but while he was still so small he mostly dozed in the pram Helene had found for him, or kicked on his mat. Once, she’d caught Liam with Jamie in his bouncy chair, practising a presentation as if the baby were an investor he was hoping to impress.
When Liam had calls or meetings, Alice took Jamie with her on her errands around the castle, securely tucked in his sling on her chest. There were always plenty of people around willing to take turns for a cuddle or a bottle when she needed to give something else her full attention and he was fussy. But mostly life in the castle went on contentedly, with only the shadow of the social worker’s deadline looming over them to darken their happiness.
Until the day that Liam went out at first light for a day of meetings in the city, and left Alice alone with a screaming Jamie.
‘I don’t know what’s wrong with him,’ she fretted to Heather.
‘He’s a baby.’ Heather shrugged. ‘Sometimes they just need to cry. They don’t have any other way of communicating with you, so they do this.’
‘But what’s he trying to say?’ Alice tried rocking him again, but Jamie only wailed harder.
‘That,’ Heather said wisely, ‘is the eternal question. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got work to do and that racket is affecting my concentration.’
‘It’s affecting my sanity,’ Alice muttered as Heather walked away. But what choice did she have but to listen to it?
The day dragged on unbearably. Alice tried everything—walks, milk, changes of scenery, singing—but nothing helped. Several of the women who stopped by during the day offered to take him for a while, but he only screamed louder in anyone else’s arms so Alice always ended up taking him back.
‘Is he really sick?’ she asked Dr Helene, who’d popped by to run a quick clinic at the castle. She tried to hold one every month, for any women who couldn’t or wouldn’t visit their local GP. ‘I thought he felt warm...’
Helene finished her examination and started dressing a red-faced, wailing Jamie again. Apparently he liked being poked and prodded by the doctor even less than he’d liked everything else today. Alice could feel the tension knots in her shoulders getting tighter with every second she waited for the doctor’s answer.
‘He’s got a slight temperature, but that’s all. Nothing to worry about,’ Helene assured her. ‘It’s probably a touch of a viral bug—a cold, or what have you. There’s not much you can do about it at this age, though. I’m afraid you’re just going to have to wait it out.’
‘Right.’ Alice took Jamie back and tried to hold in a sigh.
‘When’s Liam due back?’ Helene asked. ‘I’d stay and help, but I’ve got more appointments this afternoon...’
Alice shook her head. ‘Don’t worry. We’ll be fine, won’t we, Jamie? And Liam said he’d be back this evening.’
What he’d actually said, now Alice thought about it, was that he’d be finished with his meetings by late afternoon, so to call him if she needed him to come back and help then. Otherwise he’d probably grab dinner in town with an old colleague and be back later.
She could call him, she supposed. But she knew she wouldn’t.
Calling Liam would be admitting that she couldn’t do this. That she wasn’t cut out for the job of looking after Jamie. It was one thing to let him do his share when he was at Thornwood. But to call him back from the city because she couldn’t cope? Not a chance.
Helene frowned with concern. ‘Okay. Well, let the others here help while he’s away, okay? Make sure you get some rest. And call me if his temperature goes up any more.’
‘I will,’ Alice promised. She might not like admitting she needed help, but if Jamie’s health was at risk she’d be on the phone in an instant.
But for now it looked like she should settle in for a very long afternoon with a very sad baby.
* * *
Liam tiptoed along the stone corridor outside the suite of rooms he shared with Alice and Jamie. He hadn’t meant to be so late home from the city, but dinner had dragged on, and then there’d been problems with the trains... Hopefully, Jamie and Alice would both be asleep by now. Then he could grab a few hours and take over the baby duties from Alice. She must be exhausted, he realised, after a whole day and evening alone with Jamie. He felt more than a little guilty about that—certainly more than he’d expected to. But Alice hadn’t called and asked him to come back early, so everything must have gone okay.
He listened against the door, smiling as he heard Alice’s sweet voice singing soft lullabies. Maybe not both asleep quite yet, then. Perhaps there’d even be time for Alice to fill him in on Jamie’s day—it wasn’t as if he was that late back, after all.
Jamie let out a long wail, and the singing abruptly stopped. Liam frowned; catching up could wait. First they’d better get their boy to sleep.
Pushing open the door, Liam stepped through, smiling at the picture of Alice and Jamie curled up in the comfy armchair they’d moved up to the suite from one of the sitting rooms. ‘Hey,’ he said, over the sound of Jamie’s cries. ‘Everything okay?’
‘Just fine. Can’t you hear?’ Alice snapped, and then she sighed. ‘Sorry. He’s been like this all day. Helene thinks he picked up a cold or something.’
Liam rushed forward, the need to hold Jamie in his arms, to be sure the little boy was okay, suddenly overwhelming. But as he reached for the baby, he noticed something else—the drying tears on Alice’s cheeks, and the raw redness around her eyes.
All day, she’d said. He’d been like this all day. And she’d been alone with him.
And she still hadn’t called him back to help.
The realisation stung, but he knew he couldn’t deal with that right now. His first priority had to be Jamie—and Alice.
‘Go lie down for a bit,’ he suggested. ‘Or take a bath. Whatever. Let me deal with our boy.’
He could see the exhaustion, relief and pride warring in her eyes, but eventually she nodded. Shifting Jamie into one arm, he held out his other hand to help her up, holding on for a moment too long, trying to convey the reassurance he needed her to feel.
Alice still believed she had to do everything alone. And it was going to be up to him to show her otherwise.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ALICE STUMBLED THROUGH the bedroom to the en suite bathroom, feeling thoroughly zombie-like. Jamie was still crying but the sound was fainter now, muffled by the doors and walls between them.
Mechanically, she twisted the taps on, waiting for the usual groans and complaints of the plumbing as the water started to flow.
She’d made it. She’d survived a full day on her own with a sick baby. And, she knew, if Liam hadn’t made it home when he had she would have survived the night too. Oh, she’d have sobbed, and been exhausted beyond limits she never knew she had, but she would have survived, alone.
Because that was what she did.
But Liam had come home. He’d returned and taken over and suddenly it wasn’t all on her shoulders any more.
She wasn’t alone.
And Alice wasn’t entirely sure what to make of that feeling.
She tipped in a good measure of bubbles and climbed in, letting the bathtub fill up as far as it could without overflowing. Bubbles peaked high about the level of the bath, covering every inch of her as she sank into the wonderful warmth of the steamy water.
This was what she needed.
It took her a moment to realise that the crying outside hadn’t just faded—it had stopped. Either Liam had some sort of magic touch or Jamie had simply exhausted himself completely and passed out asleep. Either way, Alice was grateful.
Until the light knock on the bathroom door startled her anyway.
‘Are you decent?’ Liam asked softly.
‘I’m in the bath.’ Alice omitted the ‘you idiot,’ because he was still her boss. Then she looked down at herself and realised that there wasn’t an inch of her skin showing under all the bubbles. That probably did count as decent, actually.
‘I’ll keep my eyes closed, then,’ Liam said, and turned the handle. Alice sank down a little farther, just in case, but as he felt his way in and around the edge of the small room to perch on the edge of the closed toilet seat, she realised his eyes really were closed.
‘Was there something you wanted?’ she asked, confused.
Liam paused for a moment. Then he said, ‘Why didn’t you call me?’
‘We were fine.’ Alice didn’t like to admit how close she’d come to phoning him for help several times through the day. But she’d made it through. She’d proved she didn’t need him or anyone else. And that was important.
Even if, in her current exhausted state, she couldn’t fully remember why.
‘You weren’t fine, Alice.’ Liam shifted, and she looked away, not even wanting to meet his closed eyes. ‘You were in tears. You coped, sure. But that’s not the same thing.’
‘I didn’t need your help,’ she ground out. Couldn’t he see how well she’d done? She’d survived, alone. Surely someone should be cheering her on for that.
‘Maybe you did and maybe you didn’t,’ Liam said. ‘But the point is, you wouldn’t even let yourself ask, no matter how bad it had got. Would you?’
Alice lifted her gaze to his face and realised his eyes were no longer closed. He stared down at her, the understanding clear in his eyes. ‘No,’ she whispered.
‘You don’t have to wait until you can’t cope alone, until things are truly desperate, to ask me for help, Alice.’ Liam’s voice was soft and warm, and the compassion in his gaze was mesmerising. Alice couldn’t look away. ‘We’re in this together, remember? As long as Jamie is here, he’s our responsibility, yours and mine. No matter how hard it gets, or how exhausted we both are. Neither one of us is supposed to do it alone. I’m here, and I want to help. So let me. Okay?’
‘Okay,’ Alice whispered.
Liam smiled. ‘Good. Then I’ll leave you to your bath. And maybe even nip down to the kitchens and put us together a late night snack. Okay?’
‘That sounds good,’ Alice admitted, and he nodded and left, closing the door gently behind him.
He’d meant it. He’d really, really meant it. This wasn’t a ‘Call me if you need me’ with an underlying message of ‘I really hope you don’t, though.’
This was Liam, promising that she could rely on him. That he’d be there, for her and for Jamie, for as long as this strange situation went on.
And the weirdest part of all was she believed him. She trusted him, in a way she’d never imagined she’d be able to trust again.
She trusted Liam Jenkins.
Alice stared at the bubbles around her for a moment, then sank her head down under the water. She’d deal with all the emotions and thoughts that brought up when she’d had some sleep. For now, she was just going to enjoy the lifting of her burden, just for a little while.
* * *
Two days later, Jamie snoozed peacefully in the sling, his cold all better, as Alice helped Maud to run her Christmas pudding workshop in the Old Kitchen.
‘The Christmas puddings we eat today originated in the Victorian period,’ Maud said, handing out bowls while Alice passed around the tub full of wooden spoons. ‘Before then, it was more of plum pudding, and before that more of a meaty porridge! But today we’re going to make a pudding that everyone at your Christmas table will enjoy. Now, to start with, has everybody washed their hands?’
While Maud got everyone sorted with aprons and ingredients, Alice watched from the bench by the fire, rocking back and forth a little to soothe Jamie. When she’d arrived at Thornwood, Maud had been reluctant to let anyone—even Alice—into her kitchen. In fact, she’d resented having any outsiders in Thornwood Castle even more than Rose had. But over the last year and a half she’d watched the work Alice was doing and warmed to the idea. It had been her idea to start the basics cooking courses, ideal for girls going off to university, or starting their own families or setting up home. They’d proved so popular—and Maud’s recipes so delicious—that they not only ran the basics course every month but also offered an intermediate one on occasion.
The Christmas pudding day had been Maud’s idea too. ‘If I’m making one Christmas pudding, we might as well make a dozen,’ she’d said, so Heather had made up fliers, Alice had made enough calls to raise the money to hold it, and the course had been fully booked in no time at all.
The group around the large, battered wooden table chattered as they stirred their puddings. Strange to think that just over a week ago she’d sat at that table with Liam and they’d hammered out their deal. Since that first walk with Jamie, when they’d stumbled across the cottage, he’d found two more possible sites. Each time, she’d headed out with trepidation to view them, even though she couldn’t put her finger on what was worrying her. That they’d be no good, that they’d never find a perfect location and Liam would just throw them out? Or that they’d be perfect, they’d get things set up and then it would be time for her to leave? Either way, she wouldn’t be at Thornwood any more. She wouldn’t have Jamie. And she definitely wouldn’t have Liam.
She shook her head and hummed a snatch of ‘O Little Town of Bethlehem’ to Jamie. She couldn’t think about that. Jamie wasn’t hers; sooner or later he’d be going to his real, forever family. Either his mother would be found and he’d be taken home, or social services would find him a family to love and raise him. One with two parents, and maybe siblings to quarrel and play with.
Alice had done her research. She knew that she—a single woman of soon-to-be no fixed abode—didn’t stand a chance at adopting Jamie, even with his mother’s note. And while she could admit that having him in her life had made everything brighter, more worthwhile, how could she dream of taking responsibility for a vulnerable child when she didn’t even know where she’d be, what she’d be doing next month? When she couldn’t offer Jamie the home he deserved?
Liam could, though. He had Thornwood, and money and a future. He could give Jamie anything he wanted—everything that he’d never been given himself. Would he? Because Alice knew for certain that she couldn’t stick around and watch that from the sidelines. See Jamie and Liam make their own family—watch Liam find the perfect mother for Jamie, even, perhaps. See the life that Alice could never have playing out in front of her, taunting her.
No. She’d lost everything once before. This time, she knew, she’d make sure to get out before everything she dreamed of was ripped away from her. It was the only way she’d survive a second time.
The door to the Old Kitchen clattered open, just as Jamie stirred and cried out.
‘Looks like I timed that to perfection,’ Liam commented from the doorway, holding out a bottle ready for him.
Alice forced a smile. ‘You did.’
Liam descended the stairs and crossed the room to hand her the bottle, apparently unaware of the way all the other women i
n the room were whispering about him. Alice knew what they were saying; of course he looked as handsome as always, despite the same lack of sleep that had left her with giant suitcases under her eyes. And yes, it was adorable the way he knew baby Jamie’s schedule so well.
But that wasn’t all they were saying, she knew. They were speculating. Heather had taken great joy in telling her exactly how many conversations she’d overheard in the past week about whether Liam and Alice were a couple now.
‘You told them all the truth, though, right?’ Alice had asked. ‘Explained that we’re just sharing care of Jamie for the time being?’
Heather had just grinned even wider. It looked wrong on her usually sombre face, Alice decided, and told her so. Which only made her laugh.
Alice had given up at that point.
Easing Jamie out of the sling, she handed him to Liam, who settled onto the bench beside her and started feeding him.
‘So,’ he asked, giving her a friendly smile, ‘what exactly are we doing here?’
And wasn’t that just the million-dollar question?
* * *
Alice stared at him without answering, and Liam found himself reviewing his innocent question in his mind.
What are we doing here?
He’d meant in the kitchen, with all the spicy, fruity scent and the women, of course. But in an instant he saw his mistake. Because neither of them had ever clarified exactly what it was they were doing, beyond keeping Jamie healthy and safe. And occasionally having conversations while she was naked and covered in bubbles.
Not that he’d been thinking about what she might look like under those bubbles. Well, not much. Not at the time, anyway.
And since then...better not to think about it, he’d decided.
‘I mean here,’ Liam clarified, waving a hand to indicate the industrious baking going on around him.
‘Oh! Obviously. Um, making Christmas puddings,’ Alice explained, a slight pink blush on her pale cheeks.
‘Right. Of course.’
He looked away, staring anywhere except at her. Because he knew exactly where her mind had gone—because his had done the same thing too.
Newborn Under the Christmas Tree Page 12
