The Struggle

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  “Then maybe you should be with her then,” she said. “Hell. Maybe you’re too late. You have pushed her away three times, according to you.”

  Unease exploded in my gut. The mere idea of Josie not wanting to be with me had never occurred to me. Yeah, that sounded arrogant as shit. I lifted my gaze from Josie and stared at Alex.

  She grinned. “I had to point that out, but Josie loves you. She’ll probably forgive you for leaving, but you can’t keep doing that. You understand that, right? You can’t, because eventually it’s not going to be okay. You can’t keep doing that to someone and not ruin them.”

  Fuck.

  Alex was right, though. I’d told myself once that I would be the kind of man Josie deserved, even when we didn’t have a future to speak of, but the first moment I felt out of control, I bailed on her. I did so to protect her, but I’d ended up doing the opposite.

  The need for her, all that wanting, was endless, and it pounded through me relentlessly. There was no fighting it. I could leave a million times, but I would always come back. The truth of that would’ve swept my legs right out from under me if I wasn’t sitting already.

  And now we could have a future. We could have forever, and I could be the man she so rightly deserved.

  That is, if she would have me.

  Because I had pushed her away on multiple occasions and a person could only take that so many times.

  But I could be awfully convincing when I wanted to be.

  Kissing both sides of her hand, I gently laid her arm back down. I didn’t answer Alex’s question, but I think she got it. I think she understood.

  “Aiden said you killed Perses,” she said after a moment, changing the subject.

  “He held her down while she screamed during the feedings. He was not going to survive that.”

  “Understandable. I think you did the right thing, but I’m guessing there might be some kind of earthly repercussions involved.”

  I shrugged one shoulder. “Were you pissed that we went to get her without you?”

  She snorted. “A little. If something had happened, I would’ve had no idea.”

  “Nothing would’ve happened,” I reassured her. “Not with me there.”

  “Yeah, you don’t sound cocky at all.”

  “It’s not cockiness. It’s the truth and—” I halted when Josie’s fingers moved restlessly at her side. Leaning forward, I held my breath and waited and hoped she’d open her eyes. When she inevitably didn’t, I slumped back in the chair. I sighed. “Where is your shadow?”

  “He’s asleep.”

  “Shouldn’t you be with him?” I paused. “Hint. Hint.”

  “Ha. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

  My gaze found hers, and yeah, once again, it was weird, the two of us sitting here after everything we’d been through. That she would be here for me, with Aiden asleep and not hovering over her after what I had put her through—what I’d done to them.

  Alex smiled.

  And it hit me then, almost doubled me over, that Alex truly forgave me. She really had, and I didn’t know what to do with that forgiveness, how to process any of that. I cleared my throat.

  Luckily there was another quiet knock on the door, so I didn’t have to figure out how to respond.

  Alex popped up from the bench and went to the door, opening it. Karina stepped inside the bedroom as she nodded at Alex. “I’m sorry to interrupt, Kýrios, but it is time.”

  Alex raised her brows at the word “Kýrios.”

  I knew what she meant. “Later.”

  “I’m sorry, Kýrios, but I do not think it would be wise to wait.” The high priestess looked pointedly at Josie.

  “He needs to be here with Josie,” Alex said, folding her arms. Her eyes were narrowed in a way that said she was contemplating body-slamming Karina through a wall.

  Exhaling roughly, I hated to do it, but Karina was right. Waiting wouldn’t end well, and I needed to be fully charged for whatever might come this way.

  “Stay with her,” I said to Alex, rising tiredly. “Please.”

  Alex snapped her mouth shut and nodded as she eyed Karina distrustfully. I was going to have to explain all of that. Eventually. Karina backed out of the room and waited. I followed, closing the door behind me.

  ~

  Josie

  Waking up was like fighting through quicksand laced with sleep aids. I knew I needed to open my eyes. I thought I heard Seth begging me to do so, but that was crazy, because Seth wasn’t here. I was in hell, waiting for Hyperion to bring me back to Cronus. Or was it Perses? Hadn’t I seen Perses? I couldn’t remember.

  The cement floor felt . . . soft and warm.

  I drew in a deep breath. The smell? I didn’t immediately choke on the dank, musty scent. A tremble coursed through my body, and I thought I heard people speaking, voices I recognized.

  Kýrios?

  Master?

  I seriously needed to open my eyes. Calling on every ounce of strength I had, I forced my eyes open. Well, one eye open. The right one kind of only cracked open. It was nearly swollen shut. I wasn’t sure how that happened. The last time Hyperion had brought me out of that warehouse had been a blur. He’d fed on me before I was brought to Cronus, and they . . . it felt like they had taken too much.

  Like they might’ve broken something.

  My vision focused and I slowly realized I was lying on a bed—a huge, comfy bed, and I was staring up at a beige ceiling fashioned. There was a large ceiling fan gliding through the air silently, its blades shaped like petals.

  Throat impossibly dry, I dragged my gaze from the ceiling to the foot of the bed. A girl stood with her back to me, arms crossed, staring at the closed bedroom door.

  My heart started pumping. Could that be . . . ? I tried to get my tongue to work. Was I dreaming? Oh gods, if I was dreaming I wouldn’t survive this once I woke up. I wouldn’t be able to. I tried to speak again.

  “Alex?” I croaked out.

  She whipped around, her eyes widening with relief. “Josie!” She raced to the side of the bed, squeezing in between an empty chair and the bed.

  “Is . . . is this a dream?” I rasped.

  Her beautiful face contorted. “No. This is not a dream. You’re safe.”

  Safe?

  “Oh my gods, you’re really awake.” She practically shook like she was holding herself back from crawling on top of me. “How are you feeling?”

  “I . . .” Mouth dry, I looked around the room in confusion. My hand floated to my throat and I winced.

  Alex drew back from the bed. “Are you thirsty? Let me grab you something.” She whirled and darted out of my line of sight. A second later she returned with a bottle of water, lid unscrewed. “Here, let me help you.”

  My body ached as she helped me sit. I planted my hand on the bed to hold myself up while she shoved a tiny mountain of pillows behind me. I eased back as she brought the bottle to my mouth. The first taste of the cool liquid on my tongue forced a moan out of my mouth, but it wasn’t enough. It felt like a few drops.

  I lifted my arm, cringing as pain shot down my side, but I wrapped my hand around the bottle, forcing it higher. More glorious water passed between my parched lips.

  “Slowly,” Alex eased the bottle out of my death grip. “You should probably drink this slowly.”

  She was right, but I hadn’t had real water in days. My hand shook as I held onto the bottle just above her hand. Her lips pressed together and then she let me have another gulp. We went back and forth for a couple of minutes until there was no water left.

  Alex lowered the bottle. “Oh my gods, we’ve been so worried.”

  I wanted more water, but my stomach felt weird. “You . . . Everyone okay?”

  Her brows flew up. “My gods, we’re fine. All of us. You shouldn’t be worried about us.”

  There were so many questions, but my brain felt like it was full of cobwebs, and when I looked down at myself, I saw I was still wearing the sam
e disgusting clothing. “Where . . . where am I?”

  “Seth’s house.”

  I jerked—my entire body painfully jolted. “Seth—Seth’s here?”

  “Yeah,” She glanced at the closed door. “He actually just stepped out of the room. He’s been sitting here with you. He went and got you—”

  I started moving before she finished talking. Seth—I had to get to him. He was here. Pushing past the pain, I slid off the other side of the bed. The moment my sore feet hit the ground, I groaned. My legs gave and I fell, knees cracking off the floor.

  “Josie!” Alex was by my side, bending down and wrapping an arm around my waist.

  “I’m fine.” I gritted my teeth as she helped me stand. “I need to see him.”

  “He’ll be back shortly.” She tried to guide me toward the bed. “I think you should wait for him.”

  Using everything I had, I pulled away from her and lurched across the floor, feet slipping. I reached the door, out of breath, and only managed to pull it open a few feet. Squeezing out, my wild gaze swung up and down a wide hallway. I caught glimpses of leafy plants and marble statues.

  I heard Alex call my name.

  Guided by some kind of primal instinct, I stumbled down the hall toward the gently rolling white curtains. I knew Alex was following me, but I didn’t stop as I reached the archway that led outside. The scent of the sea grew strong, salt mixing with something sweet. Flowers? I wasn’t sure, but it smelled nothing like the warehouse. The air was fresh here, clean and breathable.

  Legs weak and trembling, I sort of wanted to lie down in the hallway, but Seth was here, and I needed him—needed to see him. I forced my legs to move even as tears of pain stung my eyes.

  Placing my hand on the wall, I shuffled through the archway and out onto the balcony. Time seemed to slow down as I looked left and then right. That was when time stopped.

  Just stopped.

  I found Seth.

  At first, I was struck immobile by the simple fact that I could see him. It felt like an eternity had passed since I laid eyes on him. Beautiful seemed like a silly word to describe him, but it was all I could think of, except he was more beautiful than I remembered.

  His hair was the color of the sun, unruly and growing out, falling across a flawless forehead. Broad, high cheekbones. Strong jaw cut like marble. Skin golden. A face and body that had been perfectly sculpted. He was wearing dark jeans and a fitted gray shirt.

  I could see his glyphs.

  Stunning amber runes endlessly churned over every inch of exposed flesh. It was rare to see them.

  He wasn’t alone.

  Oh gods, he was so not alone, not at all, and I thought for a moment that I hadn’t truly woken up. I was having a nightmare, because Seth was embracing another woman.

  Chapter 16

  My heart pounded painfully against my ribs as I stared at the man I loved—the man I was in love with—standing close, too close to another woman. And his hands were on her. One gripped the woman’s small shoulder. The other was just below her breasts. Their eyes were closed, and the woman’s tensed expression looked like she was in the throes of a—

  Oh gods.

  I tried to process what I was seeing. There was a part of me that recognized what was happening, but my thoughts were barely making any sense. One bounced off the other, and I couldn’t grasp onto any of them.

  This, after everything else, was too much.

  Stumbling back, I threw my arm out, stopping myself from sliding down the wall like I was in the midst of a complete breakdown. Maybe I was, because I couldn’t stop the gasp of surprise that sounded like thunder on the otherwise quiet balcony.

  Seth’s entire body jerked. He wheeled around and those beautiful amber eyes went wide when he spotted me.

  Alex appeared beside me, and anger rolled off her in waves, but he wasn’t looking at her. He was staring at me like he’d seen a ghost rise from a grave, like there was a part of him that never expected to see me again, and perhaps that was true, because he had left me.

  And I guessed that did mean he hadn’t expected to see me again.

  Seth took a step toward me, the beautiful woman in the spun gold gown apparently forgotten. “Josie?”

  The sound of his voice, my name spoken so hoarsely, was an explosion to my senses. This was real—all of this was real. My gaze darted between him and the woman. She smiled as she clasped her hands together. I sucked in a sharp breath.

  I was suddenly on the move, unsure of what I was doing or where I was going. All I knew was I needed to be far away from right there. I needed a place to think, to straighten out the twisty thoughts and swamping emotions.

  “Really?” I heard Alex say, disbelief dripping off her tone. “After everything we just talked about? Seriously?”

  “Not right now,” Seth snapped back, and I had no idea what they were talking about. “Josie,” he called again. “Wait.”

  Turning, I stumbled back inside, each step as painful as the last. My breath was coming in pants. Tiny bursts of light dotted my vision. I squeezed my eyes shut as a wave of dizziness assaulted me.

  “Josie.” His voice was closer, and I stopped moving because I was seriously winded and needed a break. Walking was hard, but hearing his voice right then, that slight accent I could never place, was even harder. “Alex,” I heard him say. “Can you give us some space?”

  “I don’t know if I want to give you space right now,” she spat.

  Gods, she’d seen him with that—that woman. Despite everything going through my head and everything that had happened to me, I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. I had no idea what was happening.

  “Alex.” His voice dropped low with a warning. “Go find something to do.”

  “Are you okay with me leaving, Josie?” she asked, and I wanted to disappear into the bushy potted plants. “Because if not, I’ll make Douche Canoe over here disappear.”

  Seth let out an aggravated breath, and I opened my eyes. I could only look at Alex. Her face was flushed with anger, and I had a suspicion she would gladly throw down with him.

  “I’m . . . I’m okay,” I managed to say. “It’s okay.”

  She hesitated, shooting one last glare in Seth’s direction. “You’re a dumbass—such a fucking dumbass.” Turning to me, she gave a faint smile. “I’ll check in on you later.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, almost wishing I hadn’t sent her away, because she was stalking off down the hall, and now Seth and I were alone. It was strange, because before Hyperion came, before I saw him outside, I’d wanted nothing more than to be alone with Seth.

  “I can explain,” Seth said after a moment.

  An unbelieving hoarse laugh shook me. That was possibly the most incredibly cliché thing I’d ever heard.

  “I know how that looked, but whatever you’re thinking, you’re wrong,” he continued, and I heard him step closer. My gaze flew to his chest. “And I will explain everything to you, but right now is not the time.”

  I leaned against the wall, beside a statue of some dude missing half his arm. My head was spinning. I wasn’t sure how Seth could explain away whatever had happened out there. She, whoever she was, was stunning and beautiful, and I was vomit-inducing disgusting at the moment. Covered in dirt and filth and dried blood, and who knew what else.

  “I want to take you back to bed.” He moved closer, reaching for me.

  “No.” I held a weak, shaky arm up.

  Seth stopped, and slowly, I finally lifted my gaze to his. The glyphs were gone. A muscle tapped along his jaw, but otherwise, his expression was void of any and all emotion. My heart squeezed. I’d seen that look before on him. Too many times before. “Josie, please