The Struggle

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  Sucking in a shallow breath full of pain, I curled my arms around my knees to try to hide my nudity. Not that Seth hadn’t seen it all and then some, but I was uncomfortable and overexposed.

  Especially with the way he was staring at me.

  His amber gaze roamed over me, and even though most of all the private parts were hidden, I knew he was seeing the network of bruises and red marks—the bites and torn, frayed skin. I knew this because of the way his striking face was tight and drawn. It was in the way he spoke next.

  “Josie, babe . . .” Seth’s amber eyes glimmered as he crouched in front of me, not coming any closer. “I . . .”

  As he trailed off, I squeezed my eyes shut. What was I doing? Other than sitting on his floor naked as the day I was born? My throat felt raw as I forced my tongue to move. “I woke up and I didn’t remember where I was. I thought I was still back there. I’m . . . I’m sorry.”

  I didn’t hear him move, but my eyes flew open when I felt his hand land gently on my arm. “You do not need to apologize, psychi mou.”

  Psychi mou? Seth had never called me his soul before.

  Sorrow filled his brilliant amber gaze. “Let me get you something to wear, okay? And then we’ll move on from there. If you want to stay right where you are, we can do that. If you want to go back to the bed, then that’s the plan. You let me know what you want to do, and we’ll do it.”

  Glancing down at my bruised knees, I nodded jerkily.

  Seth was still for a moment longer and then he rose, stepping around me. I kept my eyes closed until he returned and soft cloth was draped over my shoulders. The last thing I really needed at this moment was to fully process the fact I was naked on the floor with my arms around my knees.

  A girl could only take so much.

  Forcing my eyes open, I avoided Seth’s gaze as I shoved my arms through the sleeves of an unbelievably soft and fluffy robe. He tugged the belt forward and I reached down, gathering the sides of the robe closed.

  Seth secured the belt. “What do you want to do now?”

  A flush crawled across my cheeks. “The . . . the bed.”

  Before I had a chance to stand, Seth slipped an arm under my knees and easily lifted me up in the air. In a few heartbeats, he had me back on the bed, propped up against a mountain of pillows. Sitting next to me, he quickly rearranged the bottom of the robe so that it covered my legs.

  “Let me get you something to eat,” he said.

  I shook my head. “I’m not hungry.”

  His chin tilted to the side. “You said earlier you weren’t . . . you weren’t sure when the last time you ate was. You need to eat.”

  “I know,” I answered wearily, peering up at him. Seth looked so different to me with his expression full of concern and trepidation. I couldn’t remember if I had ever seen him like that before. “I’m just . . . Not right now.”

  The muscles along his shoulders stiffened. “Josie, you really need to eat something.”

  Nodding absently, I toyed with the edges of my belt. There was so much floating around in my head, but there was something just out of reach, lingering in the recesses—something important that I needed a reminder about.

  “Do you know what woke you up?” Seth asked.

  My fingers tightened around the edge of my belt. “I think I was having a nightmare. I thought I was back . . . back there when I woke up.” The next breath I took scalded my throat. “And I just freaked out.”

  “It’s okay. And it’s totally understandable—” He picked up my hands, sucking in an audible breath. “Josie, your skin is like ice.”

  Skin like ice.

  I withdrew my hands, curling them against my chest. I’d felt skin like that—skin that was cold and didn’t feel weird. A memory wiggled free. I’d crawled across a floor on my knees to check the pulse of Lauren—of the bound demigod. She’d been dead. “Oh my gods,” I whispered, lifting my gaze.

  “What?”

  “Oh my gods,” I repeated as more memories resurfaced at a rapid clip. “I saw the demigods—the missing demigods. One of them—her name was Lauren. She was . . . she died while I was there.” Horror filled me as I remembered the feel of her skin and her starved, abused body. “They did horrible things to her, Seth. Horrible things and she died—” My voice broke off, and I swallowed hard. “She died in a room with a dirt floor.”

  “Josie,” he said, voice gruff.

  “She had to have been starved and beaten. She was covered in dirt and bruises.” I had to keep going, because I had to get the words out of me. It was like lancing a blister. “I thought . . . I thought I was going to become her. You know? I mean, she’d been there for months and months. I can’t even imagine—” I sucked in a sharp breath as a sound came from the back of Seth’s throat. “They left her in the room with us even after she’d died.”

  “Gods.” Pain flickered across Seth’s beautiful face as he took my hands again, folding his around mine.

  “And when they finally came for her, they . . . She was dragged out of the room. Just dragged across the floor like she was nothing more than a piece of trash.” Tears blurred my vision and then my body jolted at the realization. “Mitchell—Mitchell is still there, Seth. We have to get him.” I pulled my hands free once more and started to rise from the bed, but Seth blocked me with one strong arm. I turned wide eyes on him. “Mitchell is still there.”

  “You need to keep sitting.” Seth’s voice was too level, too calm.

  I stared at him. Keep sitting? “You don’t understand. We have to go back and get him. Seth, he was in bad shape, and I hadn’t seen him in—I don’t know how much time passed, but he won’t survive much longer.”

  If he was still alive, but I couldn’t bring myself to think that.

  Seth gently turned me so that my back was once again flush with the small mountain of pillows. “I get what you’re saying, but you’re not going back there.”

  I opened my mouth.

  “You are in no shape to go anywhere right now. I’m not saying that to be an ass, but the last thing you need to be doing is roaming around, let alone putting yourself in danger.” Those amber eyes seemed to glow. “You need to be right where you are, resting and getting better.”

  “I’m fine,” I denied, my hands balling into fists.

  His brows flew up. “Have you seen yourself, Josie? There is barely an inch of skin that isn’t bruised. You’re exhausted and can barely stand, and I can’t feel—” He cut himself off.

  “Can’t what?”

  His gaze searched mine. “I can barely feel any aether in you, Josie.”

  My stomach churned. “They . . .”

  “I know why, Josie. I see the bite marks.” Those eyes turned luminous and a jolt of electricity filled the air. “Right now, all you need to be concerned with is getting better. That is all. Please.”

  A couple of moments passed before I could speak. “I can’t just sit here and pretend that Mitchell doesn’t exist.”

  “I’m not asking you to do that.”

  “Than what are you asking me to do?” Reaching up, I knocked a strand of hair back from my face. “They have him, and trust me, he will not survive much longer.”

  Seth didn’t respond.

  “If you won’t let me go, then you can go back to where you found me. You can try to find him and get him—”

  “No.”

  Stunned, I blinked and then drew back. “Please. Please. I can’t just forget about them—about Mitchell. You can’t ask that of me. We have to help him.”

  A muscle flexed along his jaw. “I don’t expect you to forget about him.”

  “Then you can go and look for him,” I argued, ignoring the roiling sensation in my stomach. “You can do that and I can stay here.”

  “Right now, they have no idea where we are, but we’re not warded against Titans or any other god. I’m not leaving you. Not again. You’re my number one priority. You are what I’m focused on.” His gaze met mine. “You’re all th
at matters.”

  Frustration rose like a swelling river within me. It mingled with the very real pain that had settled into every joint and muscle, giving way to the terror that still hummed under my skin. “But you already left me!”

  Seth flinched as his back stiffened.

  I wanted to take back those words, but I couldn’t and I couldn’t stop what came out of my mouth next. “You left me already. You left me, Seth. So I wasn’t all that mattered to you a few weeks ago, so how can I be all that matters to you now?” Needing space, I scooted over. Seth went to block me again, but I shoved his arm away. “Don’t.”

  Something akin to pain flickered across his face as he pulled his arm back. I stumbled off the bed, my skin feeling like it had been stretched too tight. I walked a few feet away and then stopped, standing on trembling legs. I closed my eyes as I tugged the hair back from my face. I wanted to feel bad for saying that to him, but it was true. He left me, and I couldn’t just forget about Mitchell. My life wasn’t more important than his.

  “I deserved that,” Seth said, voice low. I opened my eyes, but didn’t face him. “I did leave you. And I wasn’t there for you when you found out about your mom or when Hyperion came for you. I let you down in the worst possible way. I cannot say I’m sorry enough. I’ll never be able to make up for how I failed you.”

  My throat burned. “You . . . you didn’t know what happened.”

  “That doesn’t matter in the end. You needed me and I wasn’t there.” His voice deepened, turned ragged. “I will never—”

  “Don’t,” I repeated, unsure of what I was asking him to stop. Exhaustion tugged at me, like I hadn’t slept in years. Emotionally spent, I was mentally drained as I slowly faced him. Unsteady on my feet, I swayed slightly. My gaze flickered to his. “What is important right now is Mitchell. They still have him, and if we don’t do anything, he will die, Seth. We can’t let that happen.”

  His jaw hardened. “I will think of something, Josie. I’m not saying I’m not going to do anything, but until you’ve healed, I cannot leave you.”

  “Seth—”

  “No.” The one word brokered no argument. “You were held captive for days, Josie. You were nearly drained of all your aether. Gods know all of what happened to you there.”

  “I’ll be okay,” I said.

  You can get mad at me,” he said, rising from the bed. He stood like he was prepared to do battle. “You can hate me for this, and I wouldn’t blame you, but I will not leave you unprotected again.”

  Chapter 18

  Seth

  Josie had argued with my decision not to leave her until she gave in to the exhaustion that was clearly etched into every movement and drawn into the shadows under her eyes. She’d made it back to the bed, and as soon as her head hit those pillows, she was out.

  I’d laid down beside her, not intending to fall asleep since I was turning over in my mind everything that she’d said. I got why she wanted to rescue this Mitchell—totally understood it—but that didn’t mean I was going to leave her. Nothing against Alex or Aiden, but they hadn’t been able to stop Hyperion before. They wouldn’t be able to do it again.

  The Titan could show at any moment.

  You already left me.

  Her words cut right through me, because it was the cold, harsh truth. I had left her, and she had suffered. When she woke earlier, she hadn’t even known where she was, and she had thought she’d been in bed with one of those fuckers? Gods. The rage burned through me like lava, and the helplessness that I felt was like a bitter poison in my blood.

  I would not fail her again.

  Hours passed as I sat beside her, and I must’ve dozed off, because when I opened my eyes, faint sunlight was seeping underneath the heavy curtains and slowly trekking across the stone floors.

  Lifting my head, I looked down at Josie. She was still asleep, but some of the color had returned to the unmarred patches of skin. That was good. I had to keep telling myself that, because every time I looked at her, I wanted to blow shit up.

  Like, entire countries.

  Her hair had fallen back over her cheek, so I took care of that, tucking it behind her ear. I sat up and glanced at the door. Carefully, I eased away from Josie and fixed the blanket as it started to slip off her.

  Walking across the bedroom, I cracked open the door, and as I expected, I found Basil waiting outside. He stood between two statues, hands clasped loosely together. Only the gods knew how long he stood out there.

  I needed to get him a cellphone or something to pass the time with.

  “How is she, Kýrios?”

  “Sleeping again.” I leaned against the doorframe. “Can you bring up some food? Nothing too heavy. She hasn’t . . . she hasn’t eaten recently. When she wakes up, I want her to eat.” I’d be damned if she refused food again. “I’d get it myself, but I don’t want to leave her. I am not hungry, so just food for her.”

  “Of course.” He stepped forward, obviously happy to have something to do. “I will bring up some rice and soup. That should work well.”

  “Thank you.”

  Basil smiled brightly, bowed, and then he was off. I stood there for a moment and then closed the door. I turned around. The air punched out of my lungs like it had earlier when she woke from a nightmare.

  Josie was awake.

  Not only that, she was sitting up, clutching the blanket to her chest. Her eyes were wide, and there was a faint flush of pink on her unbruised cheek. Her gaze was on my face and then it dropped to my bare chest and stomach. The pink in her cheeks heightened. This time was nothing like the last time she woke up.

  Relief almost cut my knees out from underneath me, and I actually stumbled forward a step. “You’re awake,” I said, realizing how stupid that sounded because she was, in fact, awake. And she had been awake earlier.

  Her throat worked. “I was dreaming, and I thought . . . I thought that this was a dream.”

  Gods.

  That killed me all over again. “You’re really here, Josie. You’re really safe now.”

  Her eyes shut for a moment and she clutched the blanket tighter. Pain flickered over her face and when she reopened her eyes, there was a glimmer of tears. I moved to her without thinking. Within a heartbeat, I was sitting on the side of the bed, next to her.

  Josie jerked, eyes widening. “That . . . that was fast.”

  Fast was an understatement. I remembered that she had no idea what I was now. We hadn’t gotten the chance to talk about any of that. “How are you feeling?”

  She hesitated for a moment. “I don’t know.” Her gaze flickered to the curtained windows. “How long have I’ve been asleep?”

  “A couple of hours.”

  Her forehead creased. “You . . . you haven’t left, have you?”

  “No.” I took a deep breath. “I know you’re mad at me. You want me to—”

  “I’m not mad at you,” she said so quietly that I thought it was my imagination at first. “I mean, I . . . I want you to try to find Mitchell. I’m not giving up on that. I just . . .” She slowly shook her head. “I’m just not mad.”

  I stared at her in disbelief. “How can you not be mad at me? You should be furious. You should—” She should hate me. I couldn’t bring myself to say that out loud. “I don’t know how you can’t be angry.”

  “Maybe I will be again later.” A tremor coursed through her as she lowered her hand to the blanket.

  My chest hollowed. “Are you in a lot of pain?”

  “Not too much,” she said, lowering her gaze to the bedspread. Her fingers tightened around the edge of the blanket.

  “I see the bite marks. I can tell you were fed on a lot. You’re bruised.” I paused. “All over.” Anger beat at me, and I worked at keeping my voice level. “Did he—did they—do anything to you I can’t see?”

  Her eyes squeezed shut, and I barely had a wisp of restraint left. Outside, there was a flash of intense white light and then thunder boomed. Her eyes flew ope
n. “You mean, was I . . . raped? No,” she said, fingers twisting the blanket. “Hyperion . . . he threatened it, but he didn’t—didn’t get the chance. For the most part, he was disgusted by me.”