The Struggle

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  “The woman you saw me with outside? She is the high priestess. There are several priests and priestesses here.”

  At the mention of the woman, I tensed. “And they do what? Service you?”

  His eyes flashed. “Not in the manner in which you’re insinuating.”

  “I’m not insinuating anything.”

  One brow rose. “The whole ‘being a god’ thing actually ties into the whole ‘you seeing me outside with Karina and feeding’ thing.”

  The plastic bottle crinkled as my fingers tightened around it. Honestly, I hadn’t fully processed Seth being an actual god, but the shock was wearing off. I knew deep down I wasn’t going to be happy with what he was about to say.

  “I’m not making this up to justify anything, because it sounds like something an addict would say, but I . . . I have to feed,” he explained quietly, his gaze never wavering from mine. “It’s how the gods are gods. For them, when they’re on Olympus or in the Underworld, they are surrounded by aether. It’s how their powers are fueled. And it’s why I’ve always been drawn to it.”

  “That makes sense,” I said after a moment. “That’s why the Titans were feeding—”

  “I’ll never do that to you,” he responded urgently. “I would never force you to go through that.” His gaze dropped to my arm and then to my wrist. The sleeves of the robe had fallen back, and I suddenly wanted to shove both arms under the blanket. “Feeding is not like it used to be for me. None of it is the same. Beforehand, I got . . . I got buzzed off it, but now . . .” He shook his head. “It’s like breathing air. If I don’t do it after a while, I need to. It doesn’t get me wired up or high. It’s just the way it is.”

  I glanced down at the half-empty bottle I held. Taking another drink, I then leaned over and placed the bottle on the nightstand. “It didn’t hurt when you did it before. I didn’t even know that you’d done it. It was nothing like . . . nothing like what Hyperion and Cronus did.”

  “It doesn’t have to be painful, but that doesn’t matter now. I would never take that from you. Never again,” he swore, and my stomach dipped, because he said it in a way that left no doubt in my mind that was what he fully intended. “Josie?”

  A moment after he said my name, I felt the tips of his fingers pressing gently under my chin. He lifted my gaze to his. “I will never let another thing hurt you again. Never.”

  The protective vibe was . . . it was sweet, and seeing the fierceness in his gaze, was also, well, hot, but I couldn’t rely on him to protect me. I couldn’t rely on anyone, and that wasn’t because he hadn’t stopped Hyperion. I was still, no matter what was done to me, a powerful demigod. I didn’t need protection.

  Well . . .

  That wasn’t exactly true. Right at this moment, I couldn’t fight off a bed bug, which reminded me of something. I glanced down. “These bands—they’re blocking my abilities.”

  “What?” Seth took my right hand in his. He frowned. “I tried to take them off, but they won’t budge.”

  “I don’t know if they will come off,” I admitted, and my stomach turned over heavily. “Hyperion said they were made of Cronus and Zeus’s blood. That they were what was used to entomb the Titans.”

  “Hell,” he muttered, sliding a finger over the band. “We’ll figure out how to get them off. Someone has to know.” His gaze flicked up to mine. “This might be why you’re not healing as fast as you should.”

  “I guess.” Being drained of my aether and not being fed any sort of regular meal also probably had something to do with it. Closing my eyes, I pushed those thoughts away before they crowded everything out. I slipped my hand free from his. “How did I get here?”

  His features tightened. “I tried to locate you, but I couldn’t feel you anywhere. Dammit,” he growled, sitting back. “I didn’t even know until I went to Malibu just to make sure you were okay.” Looking away, his gaze fixed on the gauze-shaded door. “Then I went to the University. Saw Marcus and Luke—“

  “Luke and Deacon are okay? Gable?” When he nodded, relief washed over me.

  “Everyone is okay. They are at the University—well, everyone is there except Alex and Aiden. They ended up coming here to tell me you’d been taken.”

  “Oh.” I was surprised.

  “They’d already left for the island when I went to the Covenant. When I learned you’d been taken, I kept looking for you. The whole god-thing allows me to . . . to sense out people. It’s how the gods can pop in and out, but you were blocked from me, just like the demigods had been blocked.”

  Seth could now appear and disappear at will? Why didn’t I get a cool ability like that?

  “It wasn’t until yesterday, when I was trying to sense you out and I felt you. Gods.” A muscle flexed in his cheek. “I found you in these woods. Perses—I don’t know if you know who that is.”

  “I know him,” I murmured, hitching the blanket up further.

  Seth closed his eyes. “I’d helped free Perses, along with Alex and Aiden. I guess once he realized who you were to me, he thought to repay me and freed you.”

  “He did?”

  His gaze drifted to mine. “You don’t remember that?”

  “I remember . . .” I remembered being taken to Cronus again, and he looked younger than he had the last time. He no longer appeared ancient. Skin smoother, black hair sprouting through the silvery white, and muscles replacing frail bones and tissues. I remembered being held down and him feeding—pulling and pulling from me until my vision turned black and there was nothing. There was more—fragments. “I remember Perses coming to me, but I . . . I think I passed out before we left the room.”

  Seth was staring at me and he looked like he wanted to ask me something, but changed his mind. “Well, he brought you out, and that’s how I found you.”

  Holding the blanket close, I shivered as I recalled him being the one to hold me down. “I guess that was nice of him, but I won’t be thanking him anytime soon.”

  “Thanking him will never be necessary.” Seth’s voice was sharp. “He’s dead.”

  My chin jerked up. “What?”

  “I killed him for what he took part in.”

  I gaped at Seth. There wasn’t an ounce of remorse in his tone or expression, but I . . . I didn’t care that there wasn’t, because I wanted to kill Perses. I wanted to kill all of them for what they’d done to me—to Lauren, and would continue to do to Mitchell.

  “I’m glad,” I said, meaning it. Seth exhaled heavily, and we sat there for a couple of moments. “Okay. Wow. So, you’re a god now that apparently can take out Titans easily. That’s pretty amazing.”

  “It is.” A half-grin appeared. “I mean, I’ve always thought I was god-like, so it’s not that big of a change.”

  “Ha.” I raised a brow. “Wait. If you’re a god, then that means the other gods can’t tell you what to do now, right?” Hope sparked deep in my chest, spreading through me like a wildfire. “If you’re a god, then they can’t kill you and you won’t be spending your afterlife working for Hades.”

  He nodded, his eyes lighting to a tawny gold. “No, they can’t control me any longer and Hades is going to have to find a new toy to play with.”

  “That’s so good. Oh my God, that’s such great news.” It was so amazing I almost started to cry like an overly emotional toddler. “Seth, I’m so happy to hear that.”

  His entire expression softened. “It’s possibly the best part about all of this. Well, next to the ability to will myself from location to location,” he teased, and then those thick lashes lifted once more. “I . . . I have a future, Josie.”

  My mouth dried. A future. Something Seth had never planned on having. Something that I’d hoped to overcome, but never knew how. Now Seth had a tomorrow, a next month, and so on. There was nothing stopping us from—

  I cut those thoughts off, because it was all . . . everything was too much. I thought about my mom and . . . and I just didn’t want to think.

  Seth and I stared
at one another, and the silence stretched out. The air practically hummed by the time he looked away, swallowing.

  “I need to use the bathroom,” I whispered, and then flushed, because Jesus, was there a better mood killer than that?

  Nodding, he rose from the bed and gave me space to gather up the robe under the blanket and make sure I wasn’t flashing him as I scooted out of the bed.

  Wholly aware of his gaze on me, I slowly made my way to the opulent bathroom, closing the door behind me. After using the bathroom, I washed my face, wincing at how the bruised and raw skin stung. By the time I was done, I was exhausted again, and my reflection showed it.

  I looked like I’d been riding on the hot-mess express all night.

  Dismissing my appearance since there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, I tightened the oversized robe around me and left the bathroom.

  Seth stood by the bed, holding a pale pink and blue cloth. “I had Basil bring you a smaller robe, but we will have clothing for you in the morning.”

  Glancing at the door, I shuffled over to him. “He was here?”

  He nodded.

  “That was quiet . . . and fast.” I took the new robe from him.

  Seth smiled narrowly. “Basil is . . . well, he’s pretty useful.” He stepped back and then turned away from me. “Let me know when you’re done.”

  My mouth dropped open.

  He wasn’t going to ogle me and make some sort of sexual comment? That was far more surprising than him being a god.

  There . . . there was a time when Seth wouldn’t have turned away. He would’ve stared, and the intensity of his stare would’ve felt like a caress. He’d said he loved me. He promised to protect me, but he was standing there now with his back to me, spine rigid.

  Unsure of what to make of what was going on between us, I let the larger robe drop. Seth’s head fell back, and I stared at him a moment too long, feeling my skin flush hotly.

  It was probably a good thing that he wasn’t looking, that he was thinking about my modesty. While the mere thought of his bare skin pressed against mine nearly swept my legs out from under me, my head was still all over the place.

  The new robe was thin and silky soft as it slipped over my arms. Cinching the belt around my waist, I was relieved to see that it reached my knees and wouldn’t fall off my shoulders or gap in the front. I cleared my throat. “I’m decent.”

  Seth slowly turned around and his gaze roamed over me. My breath caught at the stark hunger in those stunning eyes.

  Well, he definitely still wanted me.

  And I still wanted him.

  My gaze dropped to the band of his pants.

  I’d always want him.

  “Yeah,” he said, and that was all he said. I wasn’t even sure what he was responding to.

  I moved forward, stepping around him. I climbed into the bed, tugging the blanket over my bare legs. Heart thumping, I lifted my gaze to his. “I’m . . . I’m tired again.” That might’ve sounded lame, but it was true. My body felt like it was weighed down with lead.

  He hesitated and suddenly he didn’t look like a god—a powerful being with no match. He stared up at me through thick lashes, and he looked like a man about to ask for the world. “Can I stay with you?”

  I wasn’t expecting that question.

  Seth inched closer to the bed. “I don’t think I can leave your side, Josie.”

  My heart was going to crawl out of my chest, and in an instant, the past and present collided. I loved Seth. I would always love him.

  Loving him didn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed in his choices—that those choices hadn’t hurt me. Loving him didn’t mean he could keep making those choices and I would keep forgiving him. Loving him meant that I knew from the first moment that I fell for Seth that he was complicated—that loving him wouldn’t be easy. Loving him . . . Well, it meant that I was willing to fight for him.

  And loving him meant he had to be willing to fight for me.

  “If you stay, you stay. You can’t leave me again,” I heard myself say as I held his gaze. “If you can’t promise that and mean it, you can’t stay with me.”

  He moved as quick as a bolt of lightning. One second he was standing next to the bed, and in another, he was only an inch or so away from me, bent at the waist, his hands planted on the bed, beside my hips. “I will never leave you like that again, Josie. You will never have to fear that. I swear to you.”

  My lips parted. So many words rose and died on the tip of my tongue. I stopped thinking—thinking about everything. Scooting over, I lifted the covers for him. Seth didn’t hesitate for a moment. Within a blink of an eye, he was in the bed, his body curled so he was facing me. There were a few inches between us, but my heart was pounding like there was nothing separating us.

  Before . . . before everything happened, there wouldn’t even be a scant inch between us. Seth was a very physical person. A cuddler. But maybe he worried that he’d accidentally hurt me by holding me close. Or maybe he sensed that I . . . that I wasn’t ready for that kind of closeness.

  He was silent as he placed his right hand in the space between us. My gaze fell to where his palm was flipped up, waiting. My heart started thundering against my ribs. Closing my eyes, I reached down and placed my left hand over his.

  Seth curled his fingers around mine and he held on.

  Chapter 20

  Seth

  “You sure you’re up for this?”

  Josie was standing on the tips of her toes, trying to see over my shoulder. Basil was out in the hallway, waiting to be of some sort of service, so he was just standing there.

  Really needed to get him a computer with an internet connection.

  Her blue eyes darted to mine only briefly. “Yes. I feel better.”

  I studied her closely. She only looked marginally better. The bruises had faded a shade or two. The patches of clear skin were still too pale and the heavy shadows under her eyes were present.

  She didn’t look ready.

  Josie bit down on her lower lip as her gaze found mine again. “Seriously. I’m okay. I can leave this room.”

  After she fallen asleep beside me, she’d woken up a few hours later, like she had before, in the throes of a nightmare, struggling and screaming. I’d held her through it, smoothing my hand up and down her spine and whispering in her ear until she quieted and fell back to sleep.

  I didn’t think she remembered.

  I did.

  Hearing those screams was something I’d never forget. They’d embedded themselves deep inside me. Unable to fall back asleep, I’d lain there fantasizing about slowly, painfully dismembering every single Titan with only a rusty butter knife.

  “You can’t keep me in this room,” she said, crossing her arms.

  Despite how dark my thoughts had turned, I was thrilled to see that she was a little more like her old self this morning. “You do realize that I could easily keep you in this room.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “I’d like to see you try.”

  That was hot.

  Hell, everything about her was hot. Josie had slept through the rest of yesterday and all night, waking only for that nightmare. When I’d woken up this morning, which had only been about an hour ago, I’d done so with a raging hard-on. Kind of felt like a creep about it, but I couldn’t help it. After the nightmare, I dozed back off holding her close. She’d gotten turned around and her ass was pressed against my dick, and I was a male, so it happened.

  All right. It wasn’t just because I was a male.

  I’d missed her—missed looking at her, listening to her voice and her laugh, and I’d freaking missed touching her. Gods, had I ever missed touching her. Even right now it took everything in me not to have an arm around her shoulders. I wanted her under me and I wanted me in her. I wanted to lock her in this room for a month and that desire had nothing to do with making sure she was well-rested.

  But I did hold back, because I knew Josie wasn’t ready for any of that. I
still wasn’t one hundred percent sure she was being honest about all that had happened to her during her captivity. Even if she was, she’d been through some shit and then she’d come to me, and the first thing she’d seen was me feeding. The last thing she needed was for me to be all over her like a boy who just discovered he had a functional dick.

  Sighing, I stepped aside and extended my arm toward the door, bowing. “After you, Kyría.”

  Josie shot me a narrowed-eyed look that brought a slight smile to my lips. The black linen pants and tank top Basil had scrounged up were a size too small. Not that I was complaining. The thin pants hugged her ass quite nicely. I was enjoying the view, but in the back of my head, I was stressing about how Josie hadn’t said