The Struggle

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  wonderful mother.”

  “Oh my God,” Josie cried, planting her face into my shoulder. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

  “Why?” Was she crying? Letting go of her hands, I curled one arm around her waist and then gently guided her head back up with the other. “Psychi mou, are you crying?”

  “I don’t know,” she said, sniffling. “I just . . . I was so afraid you would be unhappy and I’m scared, because I don’t know if I would be a good mom. I mean, I can’t even remember to brush my teeth every night, and I’m going to be responsible for another person? We are so young—like too young. I mean, we can live for, like, eternity and I don’t even know what this baby is going to be and there’s so much crazy going on right now.”

  Chuckling hoarsely, I smoothed away her tears. “I could never be unhappy and you have no reason to be scared, Josie. We’re . . . we’re in this together. I know there’s a lot of crazy, but you’re not in this alone.”

  Josie blinked rapidly as she stared up at me. “You’re really . . . you’re really okay with this?”

  “We’re . . . we’re having a baby, Josie. How could I not be okay with that?”

  She let out a throaty sound and threw her arms around me. “I love you. I love you,” she said, repeating the three words over and over.

  It hit me again, almost taking my legs right out from under me once more. This meant everything would change and we needed to seriously talk about what that meant, but right now, all I could focus on was this . . . fuck, this beautiful moment I hadn’t thought I’d ever experience.

  “I’m going to be a father,” I said, sort of dumbstruck by the mere realization. I could feel my lips curving into a smile—a smile I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. “I never . . . It’s not something I’ve ever thought about.” I brought my hand to her cheek. “I just never thought it would be in my future. Probably because it wasn’t until recently that I even had a future, but I never . . .” I laughed in shock, only because it was rare when I was actually speechless. “I’m going to be a dad.”

  Josie smiled as she nodded. “You . . . will be an amazing father. No child would ever be more loved, more safe.”

  Her beautiful face blurred as stark emotion punched a hole right through my chest. Who knew hearing those words would have such a intense impact? But they did. And my own eyes felt oddly damp. My knees felt weak again and my body . . . my body reacted strongly and without thought.

  Lifting her up, in one powerful lunge, I had Josie on her back, and all that glorious hair was spread out along the bedspread. I hovered over her, my fist punched into the bed beside her head and my other hand gripping her hip. My heart was a battering ram against my ribs as I stared down at her.

  “I love you,” I said, my voice shaking—my fucking hand trembling as I slid it over, resting just below her navel. “And I love this . . . this child already.” Shocked at the truthfulness in that statement, my breath got lodged in my throat. My gaze lifted to her in a dazed wonder. “Neither of you will ever want for anything. I promise you that.”

  And that was a promise I would kill to keep.

  And die to ensure.

  ~

  Josie

  A sharp pang of raw emotion sliced through me. There was so much fear and confusion warring inside me, but what had started as a tiny speck of happiness had erupted into the purest, brightest joy.

  We were in this together.

  And Seth was okay with this—he was more than okay.

  I knew this, because I saw what he was feeling in those tawny eyes. Seth was as overwhelmed as I was, but he wasn’t freaking out. He was diving head-first into this really unexpected development and he was welcoming it.

  Seth was happy about the fact I was going to have his child.

  I didn’t know what I expected from him, but not this—not the tears I knew I saw crowding his eyes. I looked down and saw his hand on my stomach, the touch so reverent and gentle I was seconds from breaking into sobs.

  But the unbridled emotion whirling through me like a cyclone chased away the doubt and the fear that I guessed was common even for people who weren’t newly unbound demigods impregnated by newly appointed gods.

  Reaching up, I touched his smooth jaw, then dragged my fingers over to his lips.

  He pressed a kiss to them. “We’re going to be okay. We’re going to be more than okay.”

  Oh God, my heart imploded into goo.

  There was so much we needed to discuss and figure out, but I didn’t want words right now. I wanted Seth, only him, with nothing between us.

  Lifting myself up on my elbows, I brushed my lips against his, and he seemed to know exactly what I wanted, what I needed.

  Seth settled between my legs as he pressed me back down into the bed. We kissed like it was the last time we’d ever get the chance. We kissed like we were starving for one another, and we were. Our hands were everywhere. His hands slid up the curve of my waist. My hand slipped under his shirt. And we kept kissing, breaking apart only so I could tug his black shirt off and he could pull mine off. The shirts fell somewhere on the floor. His boots came off next. Then my sneakers.

  I ran my fingers down his defined pecs and over the tightly coiled ridges of his abs. His golden skin felt like silk stretched over steel. My fingers fell to the button on his pants, and he didn’t stop me this time. Oh no, he lifted his hips as I popped the button free and dragged the zipper down. He inched one strap of my bra down my arm and then the other. He hooked a finger between the cups of my bra, and with a quick flick of his wrist my breasts were exposed.

  And we were still kissing, our tongues tangling as he shifted sideways, shoving his pants and the tight boxer briefs down. His nimble fingers made quick work of my jeans.

  Seth rose above and then scooted down. He caught my jeans and then my panties, quickly dragging them off. Within seconds, I was completely bare, and it felt like an eternity since there had been nothing between us.

  His hands coasted up inside my legs and then over my hips. My heart thundered and my pulse pounded as a delicious ache filled me. He was still for a moment above me, his head bowed and locks of blond hair fell forward, shielding half his face. I reached for him, clutching his forearm as he lowered his head.

  Seth kissed my stomach, just below my navel.

  My breath caught at the sweet gesture. “Seth . . .”

  He peered up at me with luminous eyes. “This,” he said, voice thick as he smoothed a hand over my stomach. “This is a gift. It is nothing less than a . . . than a miraculous gift.”

  Tears blurred my eyes, and oh gods, I was going to start crying again. All I could do was reach for him, and he came to me. The bare skin of his leg dragged over mine. I whimpered as I felt him hot and hard against my thigh, searing my skin.

  His heated gaze roamed my face and then lower, over the taut tips of my breasts. His stare was like a physical caress, eliciting a sharp swirl of shivers. Then his gaze moved even lower and his lips parted, his lips moving as if he were searching for words and was coming up empty. When those thick lashes lifted and his gaze pierced mine, I saw that awe again.

  “I love you,” I said, curling my hand around the back of his neck. “I love you so much.”

  Seth made this partially animalistic sound that caused my blood to turn to molten lava. Heat spread into the very core of my being. I pulled his mouth down to mine and I kissed him like I was drowning, and I was.

  We couldn’t wait.

  There was no need for long, lazy caresses or drugging, hazy kisses. I was ready. He was ready. I needed him. He wanted me. I shifted my hips as he reached between us with one hand, guiding his rigid length to me. He whispered those beautiful words against my lips as he pushed in, his size, his hardness stretching and burning in the most exquisite way.

  Back arching, I kicked my head back as a keening sound escaped me. Seth caught my chin, forcing my gaze back to his. He held my stare, and I couldn’t look away. His mouth hovered ov
er mine as he slowly, maddeningly pushed in, inch by nerve-wrecking inch.

  “Seth,” I gasped out, lifting my leg and hooking it around his hip. He went deeper and deeper until there was no space between our hips, until we were one.

  He groaned my name in the air between our lips. “I can’t . . . I need you—need this now.”

  “Don’t wait,” I whispered. “Don’t.”

  Seth rumbled out a curse and then his hips started moving. Each thrust, each retreat sent bolts of electricity through every cell. My body quivered as my anticipation swelled. I wrapped my arms around him, digging my heels into his legs. Every place he was hard, I was soft.

  Panting in shallow, uneven breaths, I held onto him as his thrusts quickened, losing all rhythm. He dug his arm into the bed and lifted me up. He moved as hard and fast as I’d ever felt. His lean body covered mine as his hips pounded in and out. His breathing became ragged, and everything . . .

  Everything became frantic.

  Our hands were clenching and clutching. Sweat beaded on my skin. I was rising up and being pressed back into the mattress, taking each thrust and reaching for more, always more. My name dripped from his lips. Soft cries parted mine. Tendrils of pleasure coiled tightly. My nails grazed his skin as I rocked against him. A curling, burning heat seared my skin.

  I couldn’t take it.

  My body exploded.

  Pleasure thundered through me as inaudible sounds filled the room—sounds I don’t think I’d ever made before. Each lunge of his hips went deep and then deeper, over and over, and then he planted himself deep in me, his mouth claiming mine as I felt him jerk and spasm. A storm passed before he stilled, and I held onto him, held onto all that this meant as sweet aftershocks rattled me to the very core.

  Dragging his mouth from mine, he lifted his head. His eyes locked with mine. He said nothing. There wasn’t a need for words. The corner of my lips tipped up. His did the same, and we just looked at each. We just . . . watched each other.

  Then Seth eased onto his side, slipping out of me. My hands slid down his arms as he rested his forehead against my breasts. Our legs were tangled. Our breathing and hearts slowing. Neither of us moved for several long moments.

  “You okay?” He pushed the tangled, damp strands off my forehead.

  “Yeah.” I turned my body into his. “That was . . .”

  “Everything,” he murmured against my cheek.

  Yes. That was everything.

  “Gods, Josie.” He wrapped his arms around me, fitting me to the side of his body. “You’ve . . . you’ve made my life.”

  I smiled broadly. “That sounds impressive.”

  “It is.”

  Nestling against his chest, I pressed my cheek to where his heart raced. Seth reached down, tucking my leg between his. He shuddered, and I felt his lips brush across my forehead. Tears filled my eyes, because I was finally . . . I was finally where I was meant to be.

  But it was more than that, so much more.

  Seth gently shifted me onto my back, easing half his body onto mine as if he sought to shield me. His hand moved from my lips, trailing down the center of my body. It came to a stop over my stomach. His fingers splayed, and my heart jumped as I lifted my gaze to his.

  The line of his jaw was soft, his touch even more so. “You know what?”

  “What?”

  One side of his lips quirked up. “You’re going to be my very own MILF.”

  I blinked. For a moment, I didn’t think I heard him correctly.

  “And I’m going to be your DILF.”

  My mouth dropped open. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

  Seth grinned as he gave me a lopsided shrug. “It’s true.”

  I stared at him and then I turned, laughing as I threw my arm around his waist. “You’re so . . .”

  “Amazing? Perfect. Sexy? A beast?”

  Giggling, I shook my head. “You’re insane.”

  “Insanely in love with you.” Gathering me against his front, he folded his arms around me. “Josie?”

  Having no idea what he was about to say, I murmured, “What?”

  Seth coasted his hand down my spine and then back up to the nape of my neck, where his fingers curled in a possessive, protective hold. A heartbeat passed and then he said, “Thank you.”

  Chapter 31

  Seth traced invisible patterns on my skin, a circle over my upper arm and what felt like a cross along the line of my shoulder, and other times it felt like he was playing tic-tac-toe with himself along my back.

  We were lying on our sides, facing one another. Seth had pulled the blanket up to our waists. Well, he hadn’t used a hand to do so. The blanket sort of just moved on its own.

  I really missed being able to do all those cool things, but I was trying not to think about the bands.

  “So Alex knows?” he asked.

  “Yeah. It was weird with her being there, but it was nice of her to be there for me.” I was busy circling my finger around his nipple. “I was really freaking out. Being pregnant isn’t something I . . . I planned on.”

  “Really?” he teased.

  Grinning, I lifted my gaze. His eyes were closed, and those impossibly long lashes fanned his cheeks. “I never even thought about wanting kids. It just wasn’t something I thought about.”

  “I never thought about it either,” he admitted, his finger trailing up my arm. “Never seemed like an option.”

  Up until he reached his god-hood or whatever you wanted to call it, Seth hadn’t had a future, so that made sense. I bit down on my lip as I studied the striking lines of his face.

  Sometimes, as shallow as it sounded to admit, I got a little lost just looking at him. I could remember what I thought the first time I’d met him. His beauty had been so cold, almost unreal and untouchable. Not anymore. There was a warmth there, a softness that couldn’t be denied.

  I flattened my hand over his chest, feeling his heart beat strongly. “I’m . . . I’m scared.”

  His lashes lifted and his hand stilled on my arm. His gaze searched mine. “Josie . . . psychi mou.”

  I loved it when he said that. My soul. That broke me in the very best ways every time. “I know it’s common, right? I mean, I guess most expecting . . . moms are. I just don’t know if I’m doing things right.” I glanced down at my belly, wishing I could talk to my mom or my grandmother. “That I’ll mess up. It’s just scary.”

  “I’ll be here.” Seth cupped my cheek, drawing my gaze to his. “You’re not going to be alone in this.”

  “I know.” A few moments of silence stretched out between us. “I’m surprised that I’m still pregnant after everything that happened. This baby . . .”

  “This baby is a fighter. Can we be surprised?” A half-smile formed. “You’re a fighter.”

  “So are you.” How could he not realize that?

  “Both of us are,” he corrected, smoothing his thumb over my lower lip. “But I was born into a life where fighting was first nature. You were thrust into this. In a way, you’re stronger than most Sentinels.”

  I wasn’t sure about that. I was scared witless by the fact I was pregnant. I had no idea what giving birth was going to be like, and I seriously doubted it would be a fun thing to go through. Raising a child, being responsible for a little being, was terrifying because I knew there was a good chance I’d drop it once or three times. And that’s not even acknowledging everything else going on.

  But I liked that he said that, because his vote of confidence did help. “This kid is going to be . . . Man, what is this kid going to be?” I asked, curious. “A demigod? A god?”

  He kissed the tip of my nose. “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out, and either way it will be all good.”

  Drawing back, I stared at him. “How can you be . . . be so calm?”

  “Calm?” His brows lifted. “I’m just better at hiding my panic.”

  “You’re panicking?”

  He slid his hand around the back of
my neck. “I’m . . . I’m scared, too. Having a kid is seriously some uncharted territory. Everything . . . everything has changed, Josie.”

  My breath caught. I had a feeling I knew what he meant.

  “Today is nothing like yesterday,” he said, his gaze searching