Way too soon, we arrive back at my apartment. I’m not ready to let this moment go, even if I have invented the whole thing in my head. When we reach my door, he lets go of my hand, a small smile forming on his lips.
“Thanks for making me go out tonight,” I say, wanting to break the silence.
He shrugs and closes the door behind him as I move into the living room. Throwing myself down on the sofa, I kick off my too-high heels. Stretching out my legs, I sigh.
“Your feet are sore,” he comments, sitting next to me. My eyes widen as he takes them in his lap and begins to rub them.
“I’m a dancer.” I laugh, resting my head on the back of the sofa. I can’t deny how good his hands feel. I wonder what they’d feel like elsewhere….
“I know, you should be taking better care of them. I mean, what is this shit?” he asks, leaning forward to retrieve one of my heels. “You should’ve told me they were hurting and we would’ve caught a cab home.”
“It’s my only pair of high heels,” I protest. “Stupid Bella got them for me because she was sick of seeing me in tennis shoes.”
“This feel okay?” he asks, nodding to my feet. I nod, a giddy smile on my face.
“I’m tempted to ask my father to have you move here just so you can be my personal masseur,” I joke. I close my eyes and sigh again, letting myself enjoy the indulgence. “Can I ask you something?”
He shrugs. “Sure.”
“I never see you with any women—”
I stop and wince. What the hell am I doing, asking him this? He stares at me, his expression amused as he waits for me to continue. “I mean, you’re an attractive guy, so I was just curious as to why you don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Are you asking me if I’m gay?” he says, and chuckles.
“No!” I cry. My hands fly to my face. “I just don’t get why nobody has snatched you up.”
He takes his time answering, and with every second that passes, my anxiety peaks at a new level. Why did I just do that? I’ve probably ruined a perfectly good moment. I want to run into the bedroom and dive under the covers and hide.
“I guess I just haven’t met the right person. For the record, I’m straight.” He grins and I groan. “I was in love with a woman for a very long time but it was pointless. Our relationship couldn’t go anywhere, so I never pursued it.”
“Did she know?” I ask softly. My heart is pounding, and I feel a mix of sadness and regret for him. Deep down inside there’s another emotion, one I’m not used to experiencing. Hearing him talk about this love of his life makes me jealous. My stomach twists into knots as I try to process what I’m feeling.
“I don’t think so. I never got any feelings that she felt the same way. Not that it would’ve mattered. We were too different for anything to have worked.”
For the tiniest moment, I wonder if he’s talking about me. There’s no way. I would’ve known. My mind runs through every female acquaintance I’ve known him to have, but there are too many for me to narrow down. The nature of his involvement in my father’s business means he has contact with many stunningly beautiful women, all of whom could be her—and all of whom have so much more to offer him than I ever could.
“What about you?” he asks suddenly. “I never see you with any boys.”
“Boys?” I laugh. “What am I, twelve?”
“Okay, men then.” He screws up his nose. “Now that just sounds creepy.”
I laugh again. “Have you met my dad? I can’t believe you’re surprised you never see any guys hanging around.”
“So there are guys, then?” he asks, his eyes piercing mine. His gaze is so intense, I have to look away, turning my attention to my fingernails instead.
“Not really,” I admit. “I spend so much time on my dancing—”
“Lucy, you’re twenty-one. You need to make time.”
He shakes his head, pushing my feet off his lap. Repositioning himself next to me, he is now facing me.
“You miss out on way too much. We’re alike in many ways, Luce. We both had to grow up very quickly. Me with losing my parents, and you with your mother.”
“This isn’t about her,” I mumble, pushing a strand of hair away from my face.
“Isn’t it?” he asks. “You push people away because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Even your friends. Even me.”
I look up, my eyes meeting his. He thinks I push him away? I might stop myself from getting too close to him sometimes, but what else can I do?
“I’m sorry you think that,” I say, my voice soft. “It’s not intentional—I guess in a way, you’re right. I’m scared of losing people I love.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
His voice is husky. It takes all my resolve not to reach out and touch him. If there were ever a perfect moment for me to take a damn chance, it was now. I so badly want to feel his lips pressed against mine, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I want him so much but I’m scared. I’m terrified of looking like a fool.
“Fuck this,” he growls.
He lunges forward, his rough hands caressing my face as he pushes his lips against mine. My heart pounds as I wonder if this is really happening. Any moment I expect to wake up and discover this is just a sexy, hot dream—which wouldn’t be the first time.
“I promised myself I wouldn’t do this,” he mutters, his expression strained. “But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be this close to you and not feel your body up against mine. I can’t keep wondering how you taste.”
I kiss him again, this time with more urgency and purpose. Crawling closer to him, I plant myself in his lap, my thighs straddling his warm body as he slouches lower on the sofa. His fingers move around the hem of my dress as it rides up my thighs.
I shiver as he lowers the zipper on my dress, my back arching as his fingers brush over my skin. My heart pounds as I think about what we’re about to do. I tell myself that it’s no big deal, but I know it is. To me, it is. I couldn’t think of a better person to share this experience with than Pietro.
Gasping, my thighs tremble as his fingers explore my body. I’m so ready for him, aching to feel him inside of me. Grunting, he lifts my dress over my head and tosses it on the floor. He unclasps my bra, which soon joins my dress on the floor.
“You’re fucking beautiful, Lucy,” he mutters, his voice low and gravelly. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long, just feel you in my arms.” His eyes connect with mine, like he’s searching my soul. I’ve never felt so exposed in all my life.
“Can I take you to the bedroom?” he asks, lifting me into his arms before I can even answer.
I wrap my legs tightly around him, my arms hanging around his neck as he carries me through the apartment and to the bedroom. Gently, he lays me down on the bed, then himself next to me. I reach for his pants, unzipping them as his lips search mine. He shrugs off his pants, then his shirt, until all that separates us is the thin material of my thong.
“Come here,” he whispers. He rolls over, taking me with him so I’m sitting on top. My legs either side of him, I relish in the feeling of power I have. His erection presses against my panties as I gently rock back and forth. He groans, his hand running along the arch of my back, sending my hormones into overdrive. He fumbles on the nightstand for his wallet, and produces a condom. I relax a little, seeing how prepared he is. Not that I’m not prepared. I’ve been on birth control since I turned sixteen just in case. I wait as he slides it on, gasping as he rips my thong off me.
“Hey!” I giggle, shocked by his assertiveness. “That was one of my favorites.”
“Then I’ll buy you another,” he mumbles, lifting me onto his length.
“Oh,” I gasp as he enters me. I’m so wet that he slides in with ease, my muscles contracting around him. My nails dig into his chest as I ride him, working myself into a rhythm.
Without warning, he rolls both of us over. I lie on the bed with him on top of me, my legs parted and curled around his waist. He thrusts in
side of me again, and I gasp, my eyes staring into his. I could stay like this forever. I’ve never felt so close or connected to someone as I do right now.
I lift my hand to his face and trail the line of stubble down to his jaw. My fingers creeping around his neck, I pull him closer to me, my lips pressing against his. He kisses me back, his mouth on mine, his fingers digging into my scalp. I groan as he fills me, pushing himself deeper and deeper inside of me.
“God, yes,” I whisper. Tension builds inside me as my lips fight to remain on his. Gasping, I arch my back, my head rolling back on the pillow as ecstasy soars through me. His thrusts become faster and more urgent until one final push sends him over the edge.
He collapses on the bed next to me, out of breath. I turn over so I’m facing him, unable to wipe the smile from my face. I can’t describe how I feel. I can’t believe we did that. My expectations for sex weren’t that high and being with Pietro was more than I could have ever imagined. It wasn’t all soft and romantic like it was portrayed in the movies. It was hot, sexy, and gritty.
“You look happy,” he comments, reaching over to comb the hair away from my eyes.
“If I tell you something, do you promise not to freak out?” I press my lips together. I can’t believe I’m considering telling him this.
“I never trust a girl who asks me not to freak out, but I’ll make an exception for you,” he teases. He eyes me curiously. I blush and close my eyes.
“You were my first,” I whisper. I open one eye and look at him. His expression makes me laugh. “I wasn’t going to tell you because it’s really not that big a deal.”
“Not a big deal, Lucy? You were a virgin? Oh God, I’m a creep.”
“Shut up.” I laugh, slapping his shoulder. “I’m not a virgin by choice. It’s not like I wanted to be twenty-one and—” I shake my head.
Could I sound any more like a loser? At least if it was by choice I wouldn’t look so desperate.
“That sounded less slutty in my head.”
“So, do you want to talk about it or something?” he asks uncertainly.
“God no, you dork.” I laugh. I roll over and let him spoon me. “I want you to forget I said anything, okay? Honestly, I’m fine. I enjoyed it. Even if we end up going nowhere, I’m glad it was with you.”
He relaxes and wraps his arms around me, his warmth comforting. I sigh as he kisses my neck and then rests his head against my upper back. I could get used to this. Falling asleep, wrapped in his embrace. I drift off to sleep, my mind still dazed from my orgasm.
Chapter 13
Pietro
What the fuck have I done?
It’s early the next morning and I haven’t slept at all, which isn’t unusual for me. All night I kept thinking about how I’d do anything to protect her, yet I’ve done this.
I roll over and stare at her. Even asleep she’s beautiful. Coming here was a bad idea. I’d let my guard down and done the one thing I promised myself I would never do. No, it was worse than that because I took her fucking virginity. I’m so angry with myself. We can’t be together. It just isn’t possible. I swallow a laugh, imagining myself telling Giovanni I’m in love with his daughter.
Pushing the covers off me, I creep out of the bed, careful not to wake her. I need to think about what my next move is. More important, I need to come up with a way to end this without hurting her. Because it has to end now before I hurt her even more.
I reach the door just as I hear the sound of her voice floating through the room.
“You’re not one of those guys, are you?” she teases. I freeze and turn around. She’s sitting up, the light cotton sheet clutched against her body as she grins at me. “You’re just the kind of guy my father warned me about.”
Even though I know she’s joking, her words hit a nerve. Because it’s true. I’m the worst kind of guy for her. She could do so much better. Someone who had the guts to stand up for what he believes in would be a good start.
“I was just going to get a glass of water,” I lie.
She bites her lip, her hair falling down over her face as she tilts her head to the side. “What if I want you back here?”
I know what she’s suggesting and I’m too weak to deny her.
Walk away, Pietro. This will only make the inevitable harder.
Seconds later, I’m kneeling on the edge of the bed, her face in my hands. When it comes to her, I’m a mess. She has no idea the effect she has on me, which makes her innocence even more irresistible.
She pulls me to my feet and I climb on top of her. My fingers slowly move over her naked body. I want to remember every inch of her, every curve of her beautiful figure. The way she whimpers when my fingers brush past her nipples sends my desire for her into overdrive.
Nudging her legs apart, I lower myself onto her, my lips finding the soft skin of her neck. I kiss along her collarbone and down over her breasts until my mouth closes over her nipple. She gasps as I suck, gently biting down as her fingers close around my cock.
“You’re already so hard,” she whispers, and I laugh, because how could I not be?
I move lower, kissing past her belly button and down over her pubic bone. Settling myself between her thighs, I spread her legs even farther apart. She moans as I kiss along the inside of her thigh, edging closer to her entrance.
“That feels amazing,” she whispers. Her hand finds the back of my head, her fingers running through my hair. I kiss her wetness, savoring her taste as she gasps. Looping her thighs over my shoulders, I thrust my tongue inside her as she writhes with pleasure.
“Oh God, I can’t handle it.” She groans, her back arching off the sheets. I go deeper, pushing my way inside her as she invades my senses in every way.
Her legs tremble as her grip on my head tightens and she tries to bring me closer to her. She’s close to climaxing, I can feel it. Her body tenses as my tongue moves in and out, her soft breaths urging me on. She cries out, clutching at the sheets as she grinds my face into her.
“Oh wow, I can’t even speak,” she whispers. Her cheeks glow as I slither up her body until my mouth is on hers. We lay there tangled in each other’s arms, exhausted and content. As tired as I am, she’s so beautiful that just thinking about her gets me hard.
“Am I the woman you were talking about?”
“Pardon?” Her question catches me off guard. I’m about to lie, but then I realize there’s no point in denying it. Not after the last twenty-four hours. She isn’t stupid.
“The woman you are”—she pauses—“you were in love with.”
“Yes,” I say simply. I watch as her eyes grow deeper as she tries to process what I’m saying.
“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” she finally asks.
“Because I didn’t think there was a chance. I didn’t want just a quick fling with you, Luce. I wanted all of you. I was smart enough to realize that wasn’t possible.”
“Because of my father?” she persists. “That’s hardly fair. My father doesn’t determine my life, believe it or not. I am capable of making my own decisions.”
“I know you are,” I soothe, running my fingers through her hair. I take a different approach. “I owe your father my life. When I came to America, he treated me like his own son. He trusts me. I’m the only person he trusts with you. How could I betray that by being with you?”
She grows quiet, her body stiffening in my embrace.
“Has anything changed now?” she asks.
“Everything has changed.”
“Except nothing is different,” she retorts, sitting up. Her dark eyes flash as she glares at me. “Admit it, Pietro. The last few days make no difference, do they? How I feel, it doesn’t matter.”
“It’s not that easy—”
“Of course it is!” she cries, running a hand through her hair. “It’s as easy as you want it to be.” She sighs, getting out of the bed. “I have to get up for training soon and I’m sure you have a plane to catch. I’m going to take a shower.
Maybe you should go sleep in the spare bedroom.”
She rolls over, making it clear that our conversation is over. I’m such an idiot. I have the one thing I’ve always wanted and I screwed it up. I don’t deserve her.
I crawl out of the bed, throw on my pants, and gather the rest of my things in my hands. I walk the short distance down the hallway to the spare bedroom, dumping my clothes on the bed. I walk over to the window and open it—the sudden need for fresh air is overwhelming.
She wants me just as much as I want her, so why am I making this so hard?
The fear of rejection has always been there, and I have used her father as an excuse in the past for not going there. What do I value more, a potential relationship with the woman I have been in love with for eight years or the respect from a man who has been like a father to me?
Stripping off my pants, I climb between the stiff sheets and close my eyes. I’m exhausted, but I don’t expect to sleep. I have too much going on in my head, even more than usual. All I can hear are the sounds of sirens and traffic out on the street. I listen for any hint that she might still be awake, but hear nothing.
What she’s thinking? Have I messed everything up?
Of course I have. It’s what I do best.
—
Sighing, I pick up my phone for the hundredth time. It’s just past five a.m. The morning sun is just beginning to break through the clouds. She will be up soon. What I need is to be gone before she gets up. I get dressed and then quickly make the bed before packing my suitcase.
I ease open the door, careful not to make a sound. The floorboards creak as I make my way to the front door; every sound making my heart skip a beat. Only when I’m outside, do I breathe.
The walk back to my apartment is short. I dump my bag in my bedroom, and then quickly change into my running gear. It’s probably the only time I’ll be able to get in a run without having to worry about her seeing me. If she does, I can explain it away by saying my flight was delayed.
Code of Honor Page 10
