“Maybe not. But I heard talk today of what they want from you. Something only you can give them.”
Rufus narrowed his eyes. “They want access. They want access across our land to get to the river. It cuts off a day’s walk. Kezia is right. If we give them what they want, they, in turn, will defend it because ultimately they are defending their own livelihood. It could work.”
Kezia replaced the jug onto the table and took a seat in the shadows once more—her preferred place. But this time she was watched. While the others discussed this change in tactics, Bayard watched her covertly. But it wasn’t until the end of the night, as he was leaving, that he stopped by her chair and she had to stand for courtesy’s sake. He took her hand.
“I feel I know you. I feel I’ve seen you somewhere else?”
She shook her head. “No, sir, I very much doubt it.”
He looked down at the ruby brooch which she still wore. “I have to apologize for looking at you quite so often this evening. But you have a look of some people I know. Where is your family from?”
“The midlands, sire. Close to Leicester.”
Bayard grunted. She couldn’t figure out if he believed her or not. But his smile remained stuck to his face and she couldn’t trust such a smile. She tried to slip her hand from his, but he held it a little longer, and a little more firmly than was polite as he studied the brooch once more. “A fine brooch, my lady.”
He bowed and walked away. Kezia watched him leave and shivered. She couldn’t help herself. While his comments stirred her curiosity, his manner chilled her. Part of her wanted to run after him and enquire further, another part hoped she’d never see him again.
But then she turned to Rufus and all thoughts of the man were banished. He sat with William and his mother, both of them talking urgently while Rufus looked up above their heads and caught her gaze with a heated glance which robbed her of breath, and all thought except one.
She was caught by him—in her head and heart and body—and she could not leave him. She wanted all that he could give her.
She’d go to him this night.
Chapter 12
She lay next to her new sisters, under the bedclothes, topped with a large fur coverlet, and waited. She didn’t move but listened to the sounds of the castle settling for the night: the movement of the servants behind the passages, outside in the yard, and the animals, both wild and tame. Some to sleep, others to hunt. It seemed that the night was not a time for rest for everyone. Herself included.
She pushed off the luxurious covers. The soft coverlets and pillow filled with goose down felt strange to her touch. She felt as if she were a fairy in one of the stories which Ethelinda used to tell her. She felt light, unaware of any aches in her bones, as if she were floating. For a moment, her mind also floated, lulled by the sound of the sea outside the window. She blinked quickly, trying to keep her thoughts sharp. She needed to keep her wits about her. Like the owls outside in the great barn, she couldn’t relax. She’d been forced into a marriage which she hadn’t wanted; she’d been forced to leave her family in the woods for safety’s sake, but her feelings for Rufus weren’t forced. With every hour she’d spent with him, her respect for him had grown. And not just respect. She felt safe with him, for the first time in forever. And she didn’t want to leave. Not now.
Moonlight sliced through the gaps in the shutters, casting silver lines upon the stone floor upon which animal skins lay. Despite the warmth of her body, her breath was hazy in the scattered moonlight. As the sounds diminished, she became more acutely aware of the movements below her in the hall. And the final swift, firm footsteps to the top bedchamber. He was there.
Quietly she slipped from under the covers, opened the door and padded across the oak floorboards, warmed from the fire below, to his room. She hesitated briefly and then opened the door.
Rufus turned toward her, his shirt off, his breeches slack around his hips, lit by the firelight coming up the stone steps. “Kezia,” he said softly. “What are you doing?”
Summoning all her courage, she closed the door behind her, letting out the tight breath which she’d held while she waited to see what kind of reception she’d receive. She tried to prevent herself from shaking, but failed. She knew he’d turn her away at anything less than the truth. She drew in a deep breath.
“I wanted you to hold me. I wanted to feel your arms around me.”
The crease between his brows visibly lessened. It gave her the courage to continue.
“I wanted to know I’m real,” she whispered. It seemed a crazy thing to say, but it was how she felt. Ignored by Lady Charlotte and Sir Harry, regarded with suspicion by the castle servants and, apart from Katherine, she only felt herself when she was with him.
He exhaled and came over to her, taking her hands in his. Her heart leaped. “You’re real enough, Kezia.”
“Sometimes, I don’t feel it. I’ve lived so long in the shadows that sometimes I feel like I am a shadow.”
“You’re no shadow. I can’t feel a shadow, I can’t kiss a shadow.” He reached out and touched her hair. “Your hair is bright in the moonlight. No longer dimmed by the dark.”
She swallowed. His touch sent shivers of desire through her. “No longer dimmed by charcoal.”
He grunted a soft laugh. “You no longer have to hide.”
“Except perhaps from your mother. She is not pleased to have me as her daughter-in-law.”
He sighed. “No. It was not what she was expecting.”
“She still wants the marriage annulled.”
“Aye.”
There was a pause during which a thousand things raced through her mind, wondering as to his thoughts. She took another deep breath. She’d never needed so much courage in her life. She had to know. “Do you?”
He hesitated. “It doesn’t matter what I want. There are still no grounds for annulment, so you remain my wife.”
That had to be enough. She lifted her face and he raked his hand through her hair until Rufus cupped the back of her head. Kezia parted her lips, her breathing quickening and her body hot with need.
He lowered his head and brushed his lips gently across hers. He paused for a moment, their lips still touching, and she wondered if he’d pull away, but he didn’t. Instead, he lowered his lips to hers and put his arms around her, holding her tight against him. The kiss was deeper this time, more powerful, wiping away any doubts like hot sunshine blasting away the rain. Then the kiss ended, and he touched her forehead with his own. “Kezia,” he breathed. “I’ve never wanted any woman as much as I want you.”
She drew in a sharp breath as she saw his gaze drop to her breasts, and when his eyes lifted, they were darker with a flare of lust.
“You should return to my sisters, Kezia. It is late.”
She nodded and moved away from him, aware that the fine linen of her chemise was well worn and slightly too large so it fell from her shoulders and outlined her small breasts. But instead of walking to the door, she went over to the bed without looking around, her heart thudding heavily, and got into Rufus’s bed.
“You can’t sleep here, Kezia. I cannot answer for the consequences.”
“You said you wanted me. Well, Rufus, I want you. And I’m yours to take.” She unlaced the chemise at the neck and let it fall from her shoulders and tried to control the shivers which tracked up her back and shoulders, whether from cold or lust she couldn’t have said.
His gaze raked her naked breasts. “You really want this?”
She didn’t take her eyes from his as she stretched out and took his hand and placed it against her breast. She knew the move was awkward, was entirely lacking in the seduction with which the Romani women seemed born, but it was all she could think of. He had to touch her. He had to know her as intimately as she’d dreamed about him.
“You are cold. You shiver.”
“There is only one way I wish to be warmed, husband. And that is by you.” Despite her strong words, she trembled. B
ut not from fear as to what he might do, but fear that he might walk away, that he might not want her in that way.
As she drew in a deep breath, her hard nipple pushed up into his palm. He closed his hand around her breast and moved his other hand onto her other breast. He brushed his palms aside, and swept his thumbs over their hardened nubs. His gray eyes were even darker now, enriched by the flames of the fire, or else fuelled by a heat that was all their own.
“By Christ, Kezia. Are you sure?”
She nodded.
He rose, and for a moment, she had to stifle a cry, not knowing if he was going to walk away. Her whole future hung in the balance. But a light flared in his eyes, and with one swift movement, he stepped out of his breeches and his body—hard and strong—was naked before her. She’d seen naked men before but none like this. Battle-scarred, tough, muscled, and his shaft, hard and ready for her. She swallowed and looked up into his eyes.
“Now, it’s your turn, wife.”
She wriggled out of her chemise altogether and lay, naked, upon the bed. She hoped that her slight, boyish figure didn’t put him off. But his erection was stronger than ever as he kneeled on the bed over her.
“I can scarcely think at all with you so close to me, when I can feel the heat of your body against mine.” He dipped his head to hers. “When I can smell your fragrance. Of rosemary and heather. Although there is no heather around here. Maybe it is just you.”
“Just me. That is all I have to offer.”
He kissed her again, and the kiss was immediately intense, his tongue sought hers and slickly moved around it, sending shivers of desire throughout her body. He pushed his fingers through her hair and held her head close, as if afraid she’d move away. But there was no chance of that. Not when she was so aware of the movement of his tongue, of his lips, and the echoes of desire that shot throughout her.
“You feel me, Kezia? You know what I want, what I will do? If this is not what you want, you must leave now. Because there will be no turning back if you decide to stay.”
She felt alive like never before, aware of her sexuality and her power. She narrowed her eyes and noticed a correspondent narrowing of his own in reply. She reached out for his shaft and stroked it, her eyes never leaving his.
“I know what I want, my lord. I want you. I want this.” She hitched her breath as she brought his cock to stroke her sex. “This…” she repeated. “In me.” She spoke plainly, as she’d heard the experienced Romani women do. For those women, sex was as natural as an animal in the fields, for whom sex wasn’t about love, or feeling, or position, but about satisfying a physical need.
He kissed her even harder and lay on her as they kissed, pressing his hips to hers. She opened her legs naturally, allowing him to settle between them, his sex pressed against hers, rubbing against her, arousing her. She kissed his shoulder before he kissed her on the lips, his hands caressing her arms, the sides of her stomach. He released her, and she wondered if he’d thrust inside her now, but instead, he kissed her breasts. She tilted her head and swallowed, looking up at the wooden beamed ceiling, as he sucked each nipple in turn, making her wetter than before.
She wriggled against him and then stroked his cock, wanting him inside her now. But he moved lower, trailing kisses along her stomach before he stopped at her sex, his fingers playing with her a little before kissing her. The intimacy of his lips, of his tongue and mouth over her and the sensations that coursed through her body were shocking. But the initial shock was soon overwhelmed by a spiraling of sensation. She opened her legs and gripped his shoulders. Suddenly, the sensations grew so intense, they became uncontrollable, and she cried out, her body reeling in waves of aftershocks.
He kissed her and rose, his hands holding him above her while his cock nudged against her sex which still echoed with the shivers and pulses of the explosion he’d ignited in her body. Then he moved over her, his body so much larger than her own. His cock pushed at her sex, nudging its head a little inside her. He slid inside a little and then stopped. He tensed. She wriggled to try to make it easier, but he didn’t move forward.
“What’s wrong?” she whispered, suddenly anxious that he didn’t want her after all.
“I don’t want to hurt you. You’re so small, so tight. It’s almost as if…” He nudged inside her a little more, slipping in a little more as she accommodated his size.
“A virgin?” she whispered.
He pushed aside a strand of hair which lay across her face. “Aye,” he said, his face betraying concern.
She tilted her hips, holding his gaze fixedly with her own. He wasn’t going to back out so easily. She wanted him, her body desired him, and she needed him, in every way. “Then I’m a virgin who wants to be one no longer.”
The expression of concern slipped, replaced by pleasure, and she shifted again, needing any reserve to be banished immediately. She wound her legs around his hips, as she’d seen others do and dug in her heels as if urging him faster, as she would a horse. At the same time, she nipped his shoulder and moved against him. She was so wet after the previous orgasm that he slid as far as he could. She took a deep breath, quickening her efforts until he responded with a long withdrawal. She stifled her gasp of fear into his neck, but then he thrust forward with a controlled but forceful movement which sent pain through her body, quickly overwhelmed by another feeling, as his cock lay deep inside of her. She felt possessed.
It was a feeling she’d always shied away from but now with him, a feeling which made her feel wanted, and aroused, a combination of pure animal urgings which made her breathless, her hands and lips pressing all over his body, kissing, nipping, holding, caressing, crazy with the fever which gripped her. He responded by thrusting back and forward, more easily now, although still she gripped him tightly inside of her. But he seemed to like it, and he grunted with pleasure at her touch, and at his movements inside of her. She cried out loud as the second rush of pleasure hit her, and at the same time, his movements became short, thrusting, his body rigid as he pumped his seed deep inside of her. And at that moment Kezia knew she’d been right. She couldn’t leave him. She wouldn’t leave him.
Rufus rolled off her and lay on his back, his chest rising and falling as his panting breath slowly returned to normal. She lay on her side and placed her hand on his chest, relishing the feel of his chest hair, springy against her palm, before molding her palm to his muscles. His hand fell over hers and pressed down.
“In the forest, you talked of loving,” said Rufus. “But that was all it was, wasn’t it? You were a virgin.”
“Aye. My people wouldn’t allow me to participate in their lovemaking. They kept me apart, said I was different, and lived by different rules. Our leader said one day I would return to a world where being untouched was seen to be a virtue. I didn’t believe her, but here I am.” The words tumbled from her, relieved that he now knew.
He shook his head, and brought his finger up, tracing the curve of her cheek and then her lips. “Here you are.” His finger trailed lower, finding the tight buds of her nipples. She gasped and rolled against him, her heart pounding with renewed desire.
“And here I am,” she repeated. And, as his hands explored her body and she found herself once more subjected to the most exquisite pleasures, the words that filled her mind remained unsaid—And here I intend to stay.
Kezia awoke with a start, heart pounding. She looked around, wondering where she was and jumped when she saw Rufus beside her, the covers pushed from his broad bare chest, one arm under his head, the other had been—she suddenly realized—under hers.
It was then she felt the soreness inside her and stickiness between her legs. She’d lain with a man last night for the first time ever. And how he’d made her feel was a first, too. Her hand traveled to the place to which he’d paid so much attention, and pressed down, feeling a shiver of desire pass through her, and she knew she’d never be the same again.
She closed her eyes and wondered if they’d made a ba
by. It was said that if a woman were roused enough to enjoy it then a baby would happen. A baby. She hadn’t come to Rufus with that idea, but because she wanted him—pure and simple. But, now, in the cold light of day, she suddenly realized that if she were with child, then her position would be even more secure. Lady Charlotte surely wouldn’t want her gone if she were carrying her grandbabe. And Rufus? She knew him well enough to know that there was no way he’d see her and his baby gone from him. It might just be enough to make him want to be married to her. Not simply remain married because of a lack of reason for annulment.
She rose and pulled on her robe and opened the door. It was in the hours before dawn when the darkness had grayed, revealing the shape of things but not their detail. She took one last look at the man who’d changed her world and slipped quietly away.
Chapter 13
The weeks flew by quickly. By day, Rufus and William spent their time recruiting and training men, by night Rufus spent too much time awake, making love to Kezia, a woman who, it seemed, he was unable to resist.
As they lay at night on the fine linen sheet, the covers thrown off their heated bodies, Rufus learned about Kezia, her mind and her body, as he pleasured and gained pleasure through her, the like of which he’d never known before. It seemed that, while Kezia had been protected in the forests and had remained a virgin, she’d seen and listened to many things and learned more about lovemaking than any virgin should have known. And not only that, she had no concept of what was proper and what was not. She had no boundaries to what she gave and what she took for pleasure.
Afterward he’d take her into his arms, and just hold her. They rarely spoke at this time, but he knew it wasn’t because there was nothing to say. It was the reverse. There was too much to say, but nothing to be gained by saying it. They were both at the central point of a problem, a knot so tight that it couldn’t be resolved without sacrificing things he held dear. Family. Duty. Loyalty. But what about those things when they came to Kezia?
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