I smile, slightly puzzled. “I dunno…a while…twelve, thirteen years?”
“And in all that time, have you ever wondered if maybe we’re supposed to be more to each other than just friends? I mean, I know right now you’re going through some nasty stuff, but do you ever think you could feel the same way about me that you did for…him?” His voice is barely audible, but it sends shockwaves through my brain. My stomach flips and sinks.
“Bones,” I sigh, snuggling deeper into his chest. “You don’t know how badly I wish it could be you who was the one for me. So bad. So bad it hurts. I care about you so much…”
“So what is it, then? What’s stopping you? Please tell me, because for the life of me I can’t figure it out.” He brushes my hair behind my ear and nuzzles my neck.
Why can’t things ever be easy, just for once? Why can’t he be who I want him to be? Why can’t he be like Kieron?
I immediately shove the last wish away. I don’t want Kieron. Not anymore. Not after what he did.
My mind knows it. Problem is, my heart doesn’t want to listen.
“Bones…we have a good thing here, and I don’t want to lose you, ever. If we try to be something more and it doesn’t work out…”
“But why wouldn’t it work out? We’ve been great together all these years. We’ve been through so much, and we’re closer than ever. Why do you think that would suddenly go away if we became more serious? If I was yours and you were…mine. All…mine.” He gulps and I feel his hearts skip a few beats.
I tilt my face to his. Our eyes lock.
For a brief flash, I convince myself that the outside world doesn’t exist—that he won’t bed multitudes of other women, night after night, and gaze on them with the same sweet, loving and seductive eyes he’s showing me now. For a moment, I ignore the fact that he’ll only love half of me, and my neglected twin will always despise him.
Maybe this is the best I can hope for. Maybe I don’t get to have someone who can love all of me and have all of me love him back. Maybe that’s the deal. Maybe Bones really is the one I’m supposed to be with, and Kieron had only tricked me into thinking otherwise.
A moment of denial is all it takes.
Bones lowers his face to mine and kisses me with the gentle expertise of a skilled lover. I close my eyes, and, forgetting all the reasons why I shouldn’t, allow myself to succumb to his tender embrace.
Gently, he lays me on the ground, pillowing my head with his hand. He swiftly removes his black sweater, placing it under my head where his hand had been, then hoists himself on top of me. Our kisses come fast and furious. We’re headed for dangerous territory, but I don’t care. I stroke his silky soft skin, and nibble on his arms and neck.
He begins unfastening the hooks to my corset, one by one. As it falls aside, revealing my naked breasts, I feel no shame. Hungrily, he feasts on my arms, kissing and suckling every spot of skin as if it’s the sweetest honey. His every touch sends shivers of fire up and down my spine, and when he loosens his pants and lets them fall, I know we’ve passed the point of no return.
He presses his naked body down on me, and I run my hands over his smooth, sculpted back. He kisses me deeper, brushing his fingers through my hair and delicately stroking my neck. My body is a blazing inferno, and even with my eyes closed, I see perfectly his exquisite face.
Slowly, his trail of kisses travels down my neck, between my breasts, and to my abdomen. He gently glides his hands up under my long dress, tickling the inside of my thighs with his fingertips. My body squirms and writhes with anxious anticipation. Never have I craved anything as badly as I crave him right now. My back arches, desperate to feel his skin on mine. His hands massage my hips as he kisses his way back up my body, each kiss deliberate and torturous. I eagerly await the feel of his mouth on mine again.
Finally, his hot breath reaches my neck, my face, and at last, my lips, as he devours me once more. The full skirt of my dress is still an uncomfortable barrier to what my body most desires, and as I start to lift it up, I hear the hypnotic suggestion in my ear.
“Say my name…”
“Kieron,” my voice is a breathless whisper, “Kieron…”
He stops. My eyes open, and it takes another full second of staring at Bones’ wounded expression before I fully comprehend what I’ve just done.
“No…wait, Bones…I didn’t mean…”
“Yes, you did,” he whispers dully. He looks away, and quickly pushes himself off me. His back pressed against the cave wall, he stares blankly at the fire.
I reach out to him, racked with guilt. “Bones…I’m so sorry…I don’t know why I said that…”
How did that just happen? Why did I say Kieron’s name?
He picks up his jeans and throws them on. Then he tosses a few small twigs in the pit and stares vacantly as the sparks fly. “You said the name of the one you most desire. The one you most wanted me to be.”
“But I don’t…he’s not…I don’t understand.”
He turns to face me, and I’m suddenly very aware that I’m still topless. “I don’t understand either,” he says quietly, “I thought for sure if you just let yourself open up to me that I would be the one…”
“Bones…”
“Don’t.” His voice is harder now. “You can fool yourself all you want to, but you can’t fool me. And as much as I want more than anything to be with you…to really be with you…I only want it if you feel the same way.”
I reach for my top, my hands shaking as I try to latch the row of tiny hooks. Why do there have to be so many of them? The awkwardness expands with each passing second as I search my brain for the right words. The problem is, there aren’t any.
“It’s okay,” Bones finally says. “Deep down I had a feeling you were still into him. I’ve never seen anyone affect you the way this guy has. But I had to try. If for no other reason than to make myself face the truth.”
I finally get my top on, and move closer to him. Bones’ magnificent beauty is enhanced even more by the dancing firelight, but the sadness in his eyes is unmistakable and gut-wrenching.
“Bones…” I reach out to him.
He gives me a wry smile and clasps my hand. “Sun’s coming up soon. You don’t want to be stuck out here with me…”
“I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you…”
“You should go.”
“Bones…”
“Lucky, it’s okay. I don’t feel any different about you. You’re still the one thing in this world I care most about, and until the time comes when it is right for us to be together, I’ll wait for you. I’ll always be here, waiting for you. Because I know one day things will change, and you and I will be the ones who are meant for each other. One day it will be my name you say…”
“Bones…”
“Go now. I’ll see you later.” He gives my hand a gentle squeeze. There’s still plenty of time left before sunrise, but it’s obvious he wants to be alone.
I give him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek, saddened by how stiff and cold his body feels to me now. I can’t even bear to look into his distant eyes as I whisper “sorry” one last time before dashing off into the sanctuary of the forest.
Chapter 23. Liora/Lucky
“Hey, Liora…um, can I talk to you for a sec?” Corinne leans against the row of lockers and fidgets nervously with her necklace.
I let out a soft sigh. I’d managed to make it through yet another day of school, only because I had the quiet cemetery to look forward to later. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and dead people who don’t judge me. As much as I genuinely like Corrine, I hope she’s not looking for us to have some more girly-bonding time, as this comes into direct conflict with my desire to retreat from the outside world completely.
But Corrine is the only one who’s never judged or criticized me for my antisocial behavior. If I lose her, I’ll have no one. And I don’t know if I’ll survive feeling even lonelier.
I slam my locker shut a
nd force a smile. “Sure, what’s up?”
“Um, well, I was wondering if I could ask you for a small favor. Well, small for you but it would be huge for me…” She chews the side of her mouth and twists her hair around a plump finger.
“What is it?”
“I was wondering…hoping…that maybe you could help me with some problems I’m having in a couple of classes? You’re so brilliant; maybe you could explain a few things to me…I figured you were able to help Kieron, maybe you could help me?” She seems to be holding her breath waiting for my answer.
Inexplicably my mood brightens, despite hearing his name. Not much, but some, and I chuckle. “Sure…what do you need help with?”
She hangs her head as we make our way to the parking lot. I’ve long since stopped looking for Kieron’s truck, having accepted that he’s gone and never coming back.
“Well, it’s kinda embarrassing. I’m not doing all that great in math, but right now I’m failing history and English. I try the best I can, but my writing is terrible…I can’t remember all the stupid rules. And in history, I keep getting confused about who did what when, and why I should care. Math…that I just suck at, period. And don’t even get me started on chem.” She lets out a troubled sigh. “I’m just really scared ‘cause if I mess up too bad and don’t graduate…” She looks away, but not before I catch the glistening in her eyes.
“No prob…I can totally help you.” Finally. My useless brilliance might be good for something other than making the stupid teachers think they’ve actually taught me something.
“Really, you can? I mean, you will? That’s great!” Her voice is overflowing with relief. “I wish I could pay you for your time, but I don’t have any money. Maybe I could wash your car or clean your—”
I laugh so loud it surprises me. “Corinne, stop it. Don’t be silly. I’d love to help you, and you don’t have to pay me or do anything for me. The extra study would benefit me, too,” I lie.
She smiles wide, flashing her crooked teeth. “Wow, thank you so much. That’s so cool of you. Um…when are you free? I know nights don’t really work for you.”
“I’m free in the afternoons. I just need to be home by dark. So any days you want.”
The more I think about helping Corinne, the more I like the idea. I desperately need something…anything… to help occupy my mind and distract me from the endless hours of torment. Something to focus on other than…
“You wanna do it now? The library is open till six.”
“Sure.”
We stroll toward the circular building, and I can’t help but think of the time I came here with Kieron. Will I ever be able to do anything again without thinking of him?
Corrine is an eager student, and listens to me carefully. As the afternoon progresses, I’m more and more amazed at how much I enjoy teaching her things…the feeling of satisfaction I get deep inside when she gives me that look of understanding. After she answers some complex math questions, I don’t know who is more proud, her or me. And the gratitude in her eyes when our session is up...utterly priceless.
“Liora, I don’t know how to thank you. You are such an amazing teacher. You explain everything in a way that actually makes sense. Already, I feel like I understand so much better. Maybe there’s hope for me yet.”
“Wanna do it again tomorrow?” I ask. The afternoon has flown by so quickly, I know I need to get going soon. But other than the days spent with Kieron, this was the best afternoon I’d had in a long time.
She bobs her head up and down eagerly. “Yes…I want to, need to…keep going, for as long as you’re willing to help me. If I don’t do well in my classes…if I don’t graduate…” She drops her head.
Impulsively, I give her a hug. “You’ll do fine…and I promise you’ll graduate.”
“I have to,” she whispers under her breath. “It’s the only way I’ll ever get out of my house and out of this God-forsaken town.”
“You can do it, Corinne. I know you can. And I’ll help as much as you need.”
“Liora, thank you…thank you so much. You really don’t know what this means to me. You are saving my life. You…you’re an angel.”
I smile, her effusive praise making me feel strangely warm. I’ve never been on the receiving end of such gratitude before and it makes me feel good inside. Really good. It’s nice to feel needed, and even better, to feel appreciated. To feel that I have a purpose.
“I’m no angel, but I’m happy to help. We’ll do more tomorrow after class.”
“Okay, great. Thanks again. See ya.” She waves vigorously, heading toward her bus stop.
Automatically, I head into the woods, only remembering a mile or so into my trek that I’d driven to school today. I wish I had remembered sooner. It’s getting dark earlier these days, and I’d stayed at school longer than I probably should have. If I don’t hurry, I won’t have time to eat dinner, and Lucky has definitely been consuming way too much alcohol lately; even more, I suspect, than is necessary for her to function properly. Every morning for the past two weeks I’ve awakened to Tatiana sitting by my side, pink hangover remedy in hand.
I weave through the trees, taking a short cut from my normal path. There’s no distinctive trail to follow, but I know the way. As I tip-toe along some rocks across a small stream, I replay my afternoon with Corinne. I remember a conversation with Kieron and how, when he asked me what I wanted to do with my life, I hated that I had no clue what to tell him. Slowly, an idea begins to form.
Despite Tatiana’s warnings, deep down I’d always assumed that my condition was only temporary, and that one day Lucky and I would wake up as one, reunited and back to our normal life, whatever that may be. And when that happened, I’d have the power to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
But as months have turned into years, I’m beginning to think that maybe this is just how things are going to be. I will be an ordinary human for the rest of my life. Well, almost ordinary.
I need a new game plan. Instead of biding my time waiting to die, I need to find a way to do something with my life that makes me happy. Really happy. Like tutoring. Maybe one day I can even become a teacher. That might work—teachers only work during the day time, and I really like little kids. Since I’ll never be able to have any of my own, maybe teaching will be something I might like…something I can do.
I’m nearing the final bend, close to the cabin. Lost in happy thoughts for my future, I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear a sharp CRACK behind me. I freeze mid-step and spin around, searching...listening.
Nothing. Silence.
Must be an animal, I tell myself, and continue walking.
A few seconds later, I hear the sound again, louder...closer. Those were definitely footsteps. And no one is supposed to be out here. My heart races as I look in every direction.
“Hello?” I call out in a shaky voice. Maybe it’s poachers, looking for game. I don’t want to get shot by accident, and maybe if they know someone else is out here, they’ll leave. But after a few moments of silence I decide I’m just being paranoid. It’s probably just a deer, or maybe a large raccoon.
The sun is approaching its final bow in the hazy sky, and I estimate I have about half an hour left. I need to get home quickly and get some food in me, so I ignore the uneasy feeling in my gut and continue on my way. But after only a few steps the loud, distinctive crunching sounds again...right behind me.
I jump and turn around, adrenaline pumping through my veins. Then I freeze in disbelief, my eyes wide. Slowly, I bring one hand over my mouth, while the other reaches out to touch the person before me.
“Liora, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to scare you.” His voice is as tender and melodic as I remember. He steps closer and wraps his arms around my waist.
“Kieron…is it really you? You’re back?” I ask stupidly, flinging my arms around his neck. “I thought you had gone away forever and I was never going to see you again…that you didn’t want me…” I climb up on my ti
p toes and bury my face in the scruff of his neck. He hasn’t shaved and his skin is coarse against my cheeks, but the musky scent is intoxicating. A mixture of earth and air.
He wraps his arms tighter around me, and I let myself melt in his embrace. I’ve imagined countless times how it would feel to see him again, but even my wildest fantasies hadn’t come close to the euphoria of this moment. I pull back enough to gaze at his gorgeous face.
“I’m sorry, I had to leave for a while…and...” His eyes glisten with hope.
He leans in and kisses me sweetly on my lips. They burn with desire for more.
******
“But where were you? Why were you gone for so long?” I ask after several kisses. As much as I love the feel of his mouth on mine, I need some answers. Fast.
“I had a job to do. A very important job…I’m sorry, it ended up taking a lot longer than I thought it would, and I wasn’t sure…” Stress and fatigue show on his face, and his normally crystal-blue eyes are bloodshot and weary.
“But you’re back now?” I can barely contain my elation.
“Sorta, the job isn’t exactly finished yet.” He sits down and pulls me beside him. “Liora, we need to talk.”
“Yeah, I know, but I don’t have much time left.” I glance at the darkening sky, trying not to be worried by his serious tone. After all, if he had wanted nothing more to do with me, why would he have come back? Would he return just to tell me we’re through?
“Liora…” He squeezes my hand. “Do you have any idea where I went? What I was doing?”
I shake my head. Of course I’d asked Tatiana if she knew anything, but getting information from her was like squeezing blood from a rock. I’d even gone so far as to write Lucky a note asking if she knew where Kieron had gone. She’d scribbled, “That lying, traitorous dirtbag is dead to us. Forget you ever knew him.” But I didn’t think I should mention that part to him just yet.
“No, I just…figured…you know, since I told you I never wanted to see you again…well, that maybe you actually listened. Although I didn’t mean it…” I add hurriedly.
A Demon Made Me Do It Page 24
