by CoraLee June
I thought about it for a moment and nodded. Forgetting about yesterday, even if only for today, actually sounded really nice. There was still a lot of hurt we needed to address. I wasn’t over our conversation and definitely needed to process the fact that he called me Violet. But since he was here—with Chase of all people—I didn’t mind putting the conversation on hold. I glanced over to Chase, who was looking really proud of himself. “Did you do this?”
“Yup. I called him last night. We both just really want you to have a happy day. Can you blow out the candles now, please? They’re getting hot.”
I smiled at them, my heart swelling with love for both of them. I closed my eyes to make a wish. I wished that Violet were here to spend the day with us and that wherever she was, she was happy. I blew out the candles. My body filled with a sense of peace, and I knew that Violet wanted me to enjoy my day.
Chase brought the pink cake over to the kitchen table and began slicing it up and handing it out. He grabbed some forks and handed one to me and Kai before diving into his own towering piece.
“Cake? For breakfast?” I asked, letting out a small giggle.
“Yeah, Honeybum. It’s your birthday!” he managed to get out in between forkfuls, his mouth overflowing with vanilla cake. There was icing hanging on Chase’s lip, and Kai gave him a look of disgust.
“So this, huh? Should I be worried?” I asked.
Chase and Kai looked at each other for a brief moment. “What do you mean?” Kai asked.
“I mean. You’re sitting together. And not fighting. No one has a black eye yet. I feel like I’m in an alternate universe. Or it’s the end of times. I’m not really religious, but I’m pretty sure having you two peacefully in the same room is some sort of sign that shit is about to get bad.”
“Ye of little faith,” Chase teased. “We can pretend to like each other for a day.”
I rolled my eyes and looked at Kai, who looked pleased with himself. “Chase admitted his undying love for me last night. Told me I was like the brother he never had,” Kai said, barely containing his smile.
Chase frowned. “I barely even complimented you. Like half a compliment. A ment.”
Kai crossed his arms over his chest proudly. “You said—and I quote—‘Thank you for working with Lex and the police.’”
Chase let out a huff of air, sending cake crumbs flying. “I’m not a total dick. So I said thank you, doesn’t mean we’re suddenly friends.”
I piped in. “Oh, this totally means you’re friends. Now the three of us can hang out.” I clapped my hands. I was actually really excited to see the two of them in the same room and not fighting. They felt like the two sides of myself I needed to reconcile. One of them knew the softer sides of Violet. One of them was coming to terms with the secretive, darker parts of Violet. Both had a lot of love for me.
“You want us to be friends?” Chase asked, a look of genuine confusion on his face.
“Well, duh. I care about you both. Chase, you’re my best friend. And even though Kai was a complete ass yesterday, he’s here to stay. I need you both—in different ways.”
Kai and Chase looked at one another. It was just a split second, but it felt like a decision, somehow. I could see the flicker of a truce building stronger and stronger. Whatever wall was between them had crumbled in that moment. No words were said, but I saw it. A choice was made with a single look, and I couldn’t wait for a future with the two halves of my soul.
“What do you want to do today, Breeze?” Kai asked.
“Mom wants me to stop by the hospital tonight so she can give me a hug and her present, and I thought we’d go see Dad at the surf shop. But I have all day to spend with you two. The first thing I want to do is open that,” I said, eying the little box sitting on the table. “Then I want to go surfing. And then I want you two to take me to a fancy restaurant like Violet would have, so that she can be a part of today too.”
“I think we can handle that,” Kai said as he handed me the present.
I tore the paper off like a kid on Christmas morning, abandoning any kind of ladylike manners. I lifted the lid off the jewelry box and inside on a velvet pillow, was a slender silver necklace with a surfboard charm. It was beautiful. My eyes watered. “Look at the back,” Chase said with a cough. I looked up at him and noticed that his eyes were watery. Flipping over the charm, I gasped at Violet’s name engraved on the board. “She’s with you always, Honeybum. You can enjoy the happy times now. Cause she’s right there enjoying them with you.”
“You both did this?” I asked.
Kai smiled and took the box from my hand, then took the necklace out of the box. I lifted my hair up for him to clasp it around my neck. His presence at my back comforted me during this moving moment. I looked down at the charm and felt a sense of relief. This was the most precious gift anyone had ever given me. “Chase got it engraved for me this morning. The rich fucker made the jewelry shop open at four a.m.”
“Hey, you weren’t complaining that I was a rich fucker earlier,” Chase countered.
Kai circled me and ran a tentative finger along the chain of the necklace, making goose bumps pebble across my skin. He then stopped and spun around to face Chase. “Did you just call my girlfriend Honeybum?”
“Get used to it, lover boy. It’s my new nickname for her.”
I rolled my eyes. “Let’s get going. We have a long day ahead of us.”
We took two cars to the surf shop, Chase’s way of giving Kai and me some privacy before the three of us met my dad. I held Kai’s hand but still felt unsure. I was fine with the temporary pause in our argument, but I needed closure to truly enjoy the day—and that’s what all of this was about, enjoying the day without guilt hanging over my head.
“I’m so sorry, Breeze. I don’t even know why I said that. Violet and I used to fight all the time, you know? And it just slipped out. Like muscle memory.”
I chewed on my tongue while absorbing his words. “I don’t want us to be like that. I want us to have calm conversations. I know that in normal relationships, people fight. It’s natural. But I don’t want you to lump me in with Violet every time we have an issue. I love her, but the two of you had a toxic relationship.”
Kai squeezed my hand. “I know. I know. I’m sorry. I was kicking myself all day. I didn’t know what to say.”
“Is that why you didn’t text me?” I asked.
Kai slumped his shoulders. “I didn’t want to apologize over text. I should have called, but that didn’t feel right either.”
“For the record,” I began, “I’m the type of person that needs resolution. It made me sick. Every hour you didn’t reach out was awful. I couldn’t handle it. Even if it’s just something as simple as hey, I know we’re fighting, but I still like you and shit.”
“From now on, I won’t let an entire day go by without admitting that I’m a dumbass,” Kai promised. I smiled.
“Good. And I’m sorry, too. Chase helped me see that you were right. I can’t keep punishing myself.” Kai gripped his steering wheel until his knuckles were white. “What’s wrong?” I asked, noticing the change in his demeanor.
“Look, I’m glad that you and Chase are friends. I owe him a lot for taking care of you while I’m dealing with Lex. I promise to work through my shit with him. I know he’s important to you.”
“So, what’s the problem?” I asked.
“I was a jealous fucker last night when you didn’t come home.” Home. He’d called the bus our home. That statement made me feel a sense of belonging I wasn’t expecting. “I daydreamed about snapping his fingers off for touching you. I know there has been stuff in the past. I don’t want details because I might beat his ass. You’re mine, Little Whisper. He knows that, right? Because I’m not usually a jealous man. But I’d hate to have to tear him limb from limb for crossing over the very firm line of friendship you’ve established. There is no going back now. I won’t be the other man again.”
Seeing this side of Kai made me preen. I lik
ed that he was protective. There was something sexy about a man that didn’t want to share. “I promise you, nothing will ever happen with Chase.”
“Good. And if we’re fighting, you come home. You always come home, okay? I don’t want to play the game like past relationships. No silent treatment. No withholding.” Kai didn’t have to say Violet’s name for me to know that’s who he was talking about. She would purposefully ignore him for weeks at a time if she felt he’d wronged her. I didn’t want to be like that.
“Deal.” This was a good conversation. Kai and I had been living in a fairy tale, just excited to be together. As we grew, we needed to explore the boundaries and preferences of one another. I wanted a partnership. I wanted us to work.
We pulled up to the surf shop, and Kai unbuckled before sliding over to me. Within seconds, he was yanking me closer for a kiss. He tasted like birthday cake and cigarettes. Our tongues fought as he cupped my breast. I breathed him in and moaned against his lips. Our teeth clashed. It was a kiss that felt like our fight—angry, consuming, and powerful. I got lost in the sensations of his body against mine. I was ready to straddle him when a loud knock on the window made us break apart.
Chase was standing there with a shit-eating grin on his face. I adjusted my shirt, and Kai angrily turned off the truck. When we both got out, Chase spoke up. “Consider us even, Honeybum.”
I blushed. “What do you mean?”
“You got a show, now I got one.”
I could have throttled him, but Kai beat me to it. Kai gripped the collar of Chase’s shirt and stared him down. “Next time, close your eyes. Only person that gets to see Breeze like that is me, got it?”
Chase smirked, like Kai’s display was amusing to him. “Heard you loud and clear.”
Kai let him go, and the three of us went to the front door, but surprisingly the shop was locked. I looked in the window and noticed that all the lights were off. It was already ten o’clock. Dad usually opened the shop at nine. “What the fuck?” I dug around in my purse for the keys and opened the shop.
“Dad?” I called out as Kai turned on the lights and Chase locked the door. “He’s not here. That’s weird.”
Kai and Chase exchanged a look. I’d tried not to focus on my absent father over the last few weeks, but this was something new entirely. The shop was his baby. I’d just figured he’d been here. Something was wrong. “Maybe he’s sick?” Chase offered. “Try calling him.”
I pulled out my cell and noticed that Mom had already sent me twenty happy birthday memes. She was at work, but I smiled at the gesture. There was nothing from Dad. My heart dropped as I pulled up his name in my contact list and hit dial. It rang and rang and rang. When it went to voicemail, I left a brief message. “Dad? I’m at the shop, and you aren’t here. Call me back.”
Kai started looking around, and Chase made his way back to the office. “Maybe he’s asleep?” my friend offered before disappearing. I turned to Kai.
“Have you heard anything about my dad from Lex?” I asked.
Kai ran his hand over a display of hula girl figurines. “Nope. Nothing. Lex is being purposefully obtuse about it all.”
I heard movement in the office and then a loud curse. Kai and I fast walked over to Dad’s office and paused in the doorway when we saw Chase. His back was to us, but I could see the way his muscles flexed. His shoulders were rolled back and stiff. His entire body seemed to tremble.
“Chase?” I asked. “Are you okay?”
My best friend slowly turned around to face us, with something clutched in his palm. “Breeze,” he whispered with tears in his eyes. “Why does your father have Violet’s phone?”
There was no denying that the phone in Chase’s hand was Violet’s. I would recognize that sparkly purple case anywhere. My head was spinning. My dad knew that the police were looking for her phone. If he found it, why didn’t he turn it in? Why was it in his office?
“It’s dead,” Chase said, still staring at the non-responsive phone in his hand.
I scrambled for a charger. I knew I had one here at the shop specifically for Violet; she was always letting her battery run out. I finally found it hidden in one of the drawers and jammed it into the wall. Chase’s hands were shaking too badly to plug the cord into the phone. Kai took over, gently taking the phone from Chase and plugging the skinny cable into the port.
We all stared, holding our collective breath as a battery symbol lit up the phone. We watched a red lightning bolt flash across the screen until the phone had enough power to start up. Finally, a picture of Violet and Kai appeared, replacing the battery symbol. I had seen the photograph numerous times, but seeing it now took on a different connotation. He had his arms wrapped around her slender body, and she was looking up at him with a half smile. They looked cute together, but Kai’s stoic face was what drew me in. I searched for traces of happiness in his gaze and found none. The phone prompted us for her password. Kai typed it in without hesitating and a barrage of notifications flooded the screen. There were texts, Instagram notifications, and missed calls.
A chill went up my spine, causing my entire body to tremble. A bad feeling came over me. Something in the back of my mind was screaming that I didn’t want to see what was on Violet’s phone. But I had to. We all did.
Chase took the phone back from Kai, careful not to disrupt the power cord. We were all so quiet I wondered if the guys could hear my heart about to beat out of my chest. Chase went to Violet’s missed calls first, and there were all of the calls from us, from other friends, her parents, and unknown numbers that I assumed belonged to detectives.
Chase pushed the icon to bring up her text messages next. It was more of the same. My breath caught as I read my own name and part of the last message I ever sent her on the screen. Chase scrolled past our names quickly. “There’s nothing really here.”
“Look at the other apps. Instagram? Snapchat?” I offered.
Chase closed out the others, then frowned. “What’s this app?” The icon was a chat bubble looking thing. He clicked it, and a passcode request popped up.
“Try four-two-eight-seven,” Kai offered. Chase typed it in, but it was denied. I thought back to Violet, and her locker combination hit me.
“Try one-nine-eight-six-three.”
Chase typed it in and sure enough, the app opened. “It’s a secret messaging app,” he murmured. All of our eyes found my dad’s name at the same time. It wasn’t unusual that my dad’s name would show up in her recent texts, but why was she using a secret app to talk to him? My eyes focused on the thing that grabbed our attention in the first place, something that didn’t belong. A little red heart emoji that appeared after the name Brian Shirley.
“What the fuck?” Chase gritted. He clicked on the messages, and my heart sank.
Violet: Baby, I’m in the woods. Can you come get me please? Cops broke up our party.
Violet: Brian? I need you. Please.
Violet: I know we were fighting about the baby, but I made an appointment. We can go back to normal. I won’t push you anymore. I promise. Please.
Brian: I’m coming to get you. Stay put.
Violet: Thank you. I love you so much.
“What does this mean?” I asked, though I already knew the answer. Dad was there the night Violet died. Dad and Violet were...were...were what? Chase kept scrolling.
Violet: I’m sorry your wife almost caught us. We’ll be more careful next time.
Brian: You know the rules.
Bile rose up my throat. I shook violently while reading the messages. Kai wrapped his arms around me as anger took over my body. My father? Violet was having an affair with my father.
Brian: I can’t wait to see you. Wear that dress I like. No panties.
“Stop!” I screamed before scrambling away from the phone. “I can’t read this. I can’t even…” Sobs wrecked my body. There was so much about this I couldn’t even begin to process. Dad was cheating on Mom. Dad was cheating on Mom with my fucking best fr
iend. I looked over at the bed in Dad’s office and vomit traveled up my throat. I grabbed a nearby trashcan and started purging my birthday breakfast. Regurgitated cake coated my tongue as I heaved over, and over, and over again. Kai held up my hair as Chase continued to stoically look through her phone.
I puked until there was nothing left in my stomach. I wiped at my mouth with the back of my hand and collapsed on the floor. “Oh my God,” I cried out while clutching my stomach. “Oh my God.”
“Chase,” I cried out while staring at him. How could we ever be friends? How could he ever look at me and not see him. How would my family survive this? How would anything ever be okay again?
Chase gave me a sympathetic look before addressing Kai. The calmness in his demeanor was alarming. It was like he had compartmentalized his feelings to find the truth. “Do you recognize this number?” Chase asked while showing Kai the screen. I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to look.
“Looks like a burner number. Could be Lex,” Kai admitted.
“Look,” Chase replied in a low voice.
Unknown: You better not tell anyone what you saw.
“We have to go to the police. We have to tell my mother—oh God. Mom.” A new wave of nausea hit me. How could I possibly tell her? This would kill her.
Chase carefully set the phone down and reached out to hug me. I didn’t understand how he could so easily wrap his arms around me. “Breeze. Breathe,” he instructed. I hadn’t even realized that I was struggling to suck in air. My chest felt tight. The world was spinning.
“How are you so calm?” I choked out. “Hit something. Hit me. My father, Chase, it’s my father!” I screamed.
Chase grabbed my head in his hands, forcing me to look him in the eye. “I’m not going to fucking hit anything. Stay with me. Stay with us.” Kai held me tighter, and I fell apart in their hands. I didn’t understand this. How could Violet do this to me? All the sleepovers. All the trips to the beach to watch my father surf. It felt tainted now. It felt wrong. I couldn’t breathe. I needed to do something. My imagination was no longer just broken what-ifs surrounded by questions I couldn’t answer. I bid the unknown farewell with a wave of goodbye and drowned in the reality of truth. The sea felt dried up. The sun had set. The lighthouse known for guiding hope was nothing but an extinguished lightbulb now. A broken promise to always guide me home. Betrayal was an eight-letter word bathed in a pastel purple hue.
