by Brad Meltzer
“And what about that firm that’s been recruiting you? Are they still interested?”
“Mom, everything is fine. I’m well on my way to the fast track of the legal world. Nothing can stop me. Now, can we just drop the subject?”
“No. What are you not telling me?” Turning to Lisa, Ben’s mother asked, “What is he not telling me? You can tell me.”
“Mom, leave Lisa alone,” Ben demanded.
“Ben, there’s no reason to raise your voice,” Ben’s father said.
“There is when she won’t mind her own business,” Ben said. “I said drop it.”
“I don’t need that tone at the table,” Ben’s mother said. “Either apologize or leave the room.”
“Leave the room?” Ben asked, forcing a laugh. “Or what? You’ll punish me? Spank me? Maybe you can take away my TV privileges. Or maybe I won’t get a birthday party this year.”
“Benjamin, I’d appreciate it if you’d excuse yourself from the table,” his father said in a low voice.
Ben got up from his seat and stormed upstairs. “I’ll be in my room.”
At eight o’clock, the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” Ben’s father said, pushing his chair away from the table. He opened the door and said, “Hey, fellas! C’mon in—we just reached dessert.”
“Do I smell cretins?” Lisa asked, sniffing the air as Ober and Nathan approached the table.
“Hello, boys,” Ben’s mother said.
“Hello, Mrs. Addison,” Ober said, fighting back a smile. “I hope you’re all having a lovely Thanksgiving meal.”
“We were,” Lisa said.
“What brings you two over this evening?” Ben’s mother asked.
“We just wanted to say hello. It’s been so long since we’ve seen you or Mr. Addison,” Ober said. “And, of course, we wanted to say congratulations on your son’s engagement.”
“That’s right,” Nathan said, patting Lisa on the back. “This is a big day for you. The best to you both.”
“Very funny,” Lisa said.
“Oh, c’mon,” Nathan said. “Don’t tell me you didn’t find it funny—the big picture of you, the fake bio—it was genius.”
“And it cost us almost a hundred bucks,” Ober said.
“It was definitely funny,” Lisa admitted. “I just hope you don’t think there aren’t going to be repercussions.”
“Take it like a man,” Ober said, squeezing in next to Lisa so that the two friends shared a seat. “Speaking of which, where is the groom-to-be?”
“He’s up in his room pouting,” Ben’s mother explained.
Ten minutes later, Ober, Nathan, and Lisa walked into Ben’s room. “Well, I guess my punishment’s lifted,” Ben said, sitting on his bed. “I have visitor privileges.”
“Drop it already,” Lisa said, flopping onto Ben’s bed. “They just want to know what’s bothering you.”
“And if I want to tell them, I’ll tell them,” Ben shot back.
“Listen, don’t get upset just because your parents are still treating you like a twelve-year-old,” Lisa said. “That’s what parents are supposed to do. It’s their job. They can obviously tell something’s wrong. Besides, you’re kinda behaving like a twelve-year-old.”
“Do you think Rick was the guy that approached my dad?” Ben asked. He explained the situation to Ober and Nathan.
“I don’t know who it was, but I did think it was too much of a coincidence,” Lisa said.
“Why the hell is he doing this?” Ben asked.
“Why don’t we stop talking about it?” Nathan suggested. “There’s nothing we can do here, and there’s nothing gained by watching you go crazy. When we get back, we’ll sit down and plan a new strategy.”
“But what if—” Ben began.
“Don’t say it,” Nathan interrupted. “Let’s change the subject and move on.”
“I have a new topic,” Ober said, checking out the seven-year-old Albert Einstein calendar that was still attached to the wall. “Let’s talk about why tomorrow is such a special day.”
Ben thought for a moment, then said, “You are so damn pathetic sometimes.”
“What?” Lisa asked, looking at Nathan.
“Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day Ober lost his virginity,” Nathan explained.
“And I became the first of us to obtain that honor,” Ober added, “which will forever annoy Grumpy here.”
“Ben was about to do it with Lindsay Lucas,” Nathan explained, “but since Ober wanted to be the first to lose it, he slept with Shelly Levine, the Skank Machine.”
“You slept with her just to beat Ben?” Lisa asked.
“It wasn’t just to beat Ben,” Ober said. “I also wanted to get to know her better.”
“He did it just to beat me,” Ben said.
“And it’s bothered him since,” Ober said.
“You guys are sick,” Lisa said. “You had a contest to see who had sex first.”
“The only contest was in Ober’s head,” Ben said.
“But I pulled in the gold medal,” Ober said. “Don’t worry, though. Winning the silver is still nice.”
“And what grade was this?” Lisa asked.
“Eleventh,” the three friends said simultaneously.
“That’s not that bad,” Lisa said. “How about you, Nathan? When did you do the deed?”
“That’s a pretty personal question,” Nathan said. “When’d you lose yours?”
“I did it with Chris Weiss in tenth grade in his parents’ bedroom. They were away for the weekend.”
“All right! An early riser!” Ober said.
“Now, when’d you do it?” Lisa asked Nathan.
“Twelfth grade—” Nathan began.
“It was after twelfth,” Ben corrected.
“It was the summer between twelfth grade and college,” Nathan insisted. “Technically, that’s still twelfth grade. And while it may be summer to us now, it was twelfth grade to me back then. It was me and Eleanore Sussman in a small hotel room down by the Jersey shore—my parents have a summer place there.”
“Very tasteful,” Lisa said. “Where’d you do it?” she asked Ben.
“Being the classiest of this trio, I took my date down to the B.U. boathouse. With sleeping bags set up, we did it with style—under the stars and overlooking the city.”
“And how about you?” Lisa asked Ober.
“Me and the Skank Machine went back to her house after a heavy night of drinking and did it in her very own, tastefully decorated bedroom.”
“While her parents were in the next room,” Ben added.
“They weren’t,” Lisa said.
“They didn’t hear a thing,” Ober said, sitting cross-legged on the floor.
“Speaking of great sex, why don’t you have Ober tell you about the affair he had with his boss?” Nathan suggested.
“Absolutely.” Ben started laughing. “That’s a great—”
“It was not an affair,” Ober interrupted. “It was a terrifying seduction.”
“It was an affair and you were a coward,” Nathan said.
“Just tell the story,” Lisa said.
“This all took place during Ober’s brief stint as a public relations assistant,” Ben explained.
“It was a P.R. boutique that specialized in the computer industry,” Ober added.
“And Ober’s supervisor,” Ben continued in a deep, sexy voice, “let’s just say that she specialized in love.”
“Just get to the point,” Ober begged. “She made a pass at me and I refused it. End of story.”
“No, no, no,” Nathan jumped in. “She made a pass at you, and you passed out.”
“You what?” Lisa asked, laughing.
“She called him into her office and she was wearing nothing but a bra, underwear and black garters,” Ben said. “Ober took one look at her and fell over unconscious.”
“I was feeling sick all day,” Ober explained dryly. “I got up too fast, and by the
time I got to her office, I was lightheaded.”
“More like intimidated,” Nathan said.
“What’d she do when you passed out?” Lisa asked.
“I’m not sure,” Ober said. “All I know is, when I woke up, she was fanning me with a file folder.”
“But she was still undressed,” Ben added. “Needless to say, though, she was turned off at that point. Fainting is the world’s worst aphrodisiac.”
“Can we move on to something else?” Ober asked.
“Oh, baby,” Nathan said to Ben. “I really love your underwea—” Closing his eyes, Nathan fell to the floor.
“Wham, bam, unconscious, ma’am,” Ben said.
“That’s it. I’m out of here,” Ober said. “If I wanted to be made fun of, I could’ve stayed home tonight.”
“Can you drop me at home?” Nathan asked as Ober walked to the door.
Saying nothing, Ober left the room. “I’ll take that length of silence as a yes,” Nathan said, waving to Ben and Lisa. “See you guys later.”
“See you later,” Ben said as Nathan stepped out.
“You’re so pathetic,” Lisa said, poking Ben in the chest.
“What?”
“That place you took me to yesterday—the boathouse. You were trying to seduce me.”
“Give me a break,” Ben said. “I was doing no such thing.”
Lisa squinted and in a low voice did her best Ben imitation. “Uh, I wrote my essay for Columbia here, and I wrote my essay for Yale here, and I lost—” Switching to a slightly deeper voice, she interrupted, “No, dumb-ass, don’t tell her about the virginity thing—if she finds that out, she’ll never go to bed with us.”
“That’s amazing.” Ben laughed. “You’ve perfectly reproduced my exact thought process.”
“It may not be exact, but it’s close.”
“Do you really believe that?” Ben asked.
“Am I wrong?”
“Do you really believe it?”
“Answer my question,” Lisa said. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
A deep flush spread over Ben’s face. “I’m not saying you’re completely right, but you’re not on another planet.”
“I knew it! You’re so predictable.”
“What are you talking about? I’m not predictable.”
“Are you kidding me?” Lisa asked. “You’re so predictable, I could set my watch to your—”
Before Lisa could finish her sentence, Ben leaned forward and pulled her into a deep, long kiss.
Surprised, Lisa pulled back a bit. “A kiss from Mr. Addison—I’m impressed. I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“Can you shut up?” Ben asked, kissing her again. As Ben wrapped his arms around Lisa, she pushed him backward onto the bed. Straddling him, Lisa furiously unbuttoned Ben’s shirt.
“…and let me tell you one more thing,” Ober said, storming back into the room. “HOLY TONGUE-IN-HER-MOUTH, BATMAN!”
“I don’t believe it,” Nathan said.
“Do you mind?” Lisa said. “Some of us are trying to fool around.”
“Oh, you will NEVER live this down,” Ober warned, pulling the door closed, a wide smile spread across his face.
“What’re you going to tell Lindsay Lucas?” Nathan called out as the door shut.
As his head fell back on the bed, Ben said, “Damn.”
“Forget about it,” Lisa said, leaning in and kissing his neck.
Chapter 11
“SO?” BEN ASKED.
“What?” Lisa asked, lying next to him.
“What’d you think?”
“About what?” Lisa said with a smile.
“About the fact that your clothes are decorating my floor. What else?”
“It was fine,” Lisa said. “It was good.”
Ben sat up in bed and shook his head. “Don’t even think about playing that game with me, sister. You are not making me crazy with vague adjectives.”
“What do you want me to say?” she asked. “It was phenomenal. World’s greatest. You were an artist—I was your canvas.”
“You suck, y’know that?”
“That’s funny,” Lisa said with a thin smirk. “You weren’t complaining a half hour ago.”
“It wasn’t that great.”
“Whatever you say,” Lisa said, staring at the clothes that were thrown across the floor. Pointing to the corner of the room, she asked, “By the way, are those your lucky boxer shorts?”
“Luck had nothing to do with it.”
“Awwww, did I upset you?” Lisa asked, running her fingers under Ben’s chin.
“This was just dumb,” Ben said, pulling away and leaning against the headboard of the bed. “I shouldn’t have given you the satisfaction. Now all you’re going to do is make sex jokes.”
“Of course I’m going to make sex jokes,” Lisa said. “That’s my nature. What’d you think, we were going to start going out? That we’d be the sweethearts of the Court? This was for fun. I’ve been waiting to jump your bones since I met you.”
“You’re just saying that.”
Lisa grabbed the back of his head and pulled him toward her. “I’m serious.”
“But now the mystery’s over.”
“Listen, whenever you want to go again, I’m ready. I had a fantastic time.”
“Oh, we’re not going again. This was it,” Ben said, pulling away. “Now we’re going to feel uncomfortable around each other at work. And every time I see you, I’m going to imagine you naked.”
“Big deal. I’m an adult. I can handle it. Besides, if you even think you can say no if I want to go again, you’re nuts.”
“You haven’t seen the bounds of my willpower. Believe me, this was a one-time engagement.”
“Whatever you say, dear,” Lisa said, turning on her side and pulling the covers to her chin.
Early Sunday morning, the Addisons drove Ben and Lisa to the airport. Lisa hugged Ben’s mother as Ben pulled their luggage from the trunk. “Thanks again for having me,” Lisa said.
“It was our pleasure,” Ben’s mother said. “I’m glad we were finally able to meet you.”
“I’ll see you later, Mom,” Ben said as he hugged his mother. Noticing the tears well up in her eyes, he added, “Don’t cry. I’ll see you soon.”
“I’m fine,” his mother said, clenching her jaw. “Have a safe trip back.”
After checking their bags, Ben and Lisa walked toward their boarding gate. “Have you heard from Ober or Nathan yet?” Lisa asked.
“Nothing. Not a phone call or anything. They’re definitely planning something.”
When they arrived at the gate, Nathan, Ober, and Eric were waiting. Hesitantly, Ben approached his roommates. “How was everyone’s weekend?”
“Fine,” Nathan said.
“Great,” Eric said.
“Fine,” Ober said. “And yours?”
“It was fine,” Ben said suspiciously. Looking around the airport, he stared back at Ober and Nathan. Finally, he said, “Okay, let’s have it. Say whatever you want, but respond already. The suspense is killing me.”
“Respond to what?” Ober asked.
“I know not of what you speak,” Nathan said with a straight face.
“Don’t give me that,” Ben said. “C’mon, what’d you plan? Is someone going to pop out and throw rice at us? Is a marching band going to come parading through? What’s happening?”
“Nothing’s happening,” Nathan said.
“Why’s he getting so crazy?” Ober asked Nathan.
“I have no idea,” Nathan said. “Looks like a classic case of paranoia to me.”
After dropping Lisa at her apartment building, the four roommates returned home. The first one to reach the door, Ober pulled the pile of mail from their mailbox, dragged in his luggage, and threw the mail on the kitchen table. After dropping his bag by the closet, Eric walked back to the door. “I’ll see you guys later. I have to go down to the paper.”
The moment the
door closed, Ober grabbed Ben’s shoulders. “So how was she? I bet she’s an animal in bed.”
“You thought she was a lesbian,” Ben said.
“I never said that,” Ober said. “I said she was bisexual.”
“Sure you did,” Ben said.
Nathan sat on the couch. “I can’t believe you guys did it. I mean, what were you thinking?”
“What do you mean by that?” Ben asked.
“I mean, I thought we had an understanding that after Thanksgiving, we’d make sure we could trust Lisa,” Nathan said.
Standing in the middle of the room, Ben still hadn’t taken off his jacket. “Don’t start with that,” he said. “I trust her.”
“Ben, don’t take this the wrong way, but I hope you’re not letting a horny weekend get the best of you.”
“Well, no offense, but I am going to take it the wrong way. I learned a lot about Lisa this weekend, and there’s no way she’s working with Rick against me.”
“How do you know that?” Nathan challenged. “What additional information convinces you of that belief? You think that because you had sex you somehow know her better?”
“It’s not just the sexual part. I know her better as a person.”
“Ben, the only difference between this week and last week is that now you know what she looks like naked.”
“That’s not true,” Ben said. “You weren’t there this weekend, we had—”
“Stop talking about this weekend and listen to what I’m saying,” Nathan said, rising from the couch. “For an intelligent person, you’re being extremely stupid. If my theory’s right, Lisa’s doing exactly what she should be doing. Think about it! She’s playing with both your heads!”
Silence swept the room. Ben walked over to the table and sorted through the pile of mail. Pulling out his own letters, he added, “At least Lisa is concerned with my problems.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Nathan asked.
“It means that she spent the entire weekend talking with me about all this crap with Rick. All you guys did was waste your energy on stupid pranks.”
“Now you’re reaching,” Nathan said. “You know how much time we’ve all invested in this. Both Ober and I have risked our jobs to catch Rick. And if that engagement announcement was anything, it was the best way we could think of to cheer you up. Besides, the only reason Lisa spends so much time talking to you is to see what you know.”
