by Naomi Niles
Shit was about to get real, certain things were about to be revealed, and I was just going to have to deal with that in the best way I could.
Chapter 30
Rhett
As I sat on the night bus home, ignoring my ringing phone knowing that it was Danica calling me, I hated myself and my life. I was such a coward, and I regretted being that, but I was so scared that my dad was going to use Danica to hurt me, and I couldn’t have accepted that. This was our problem, not hers. She shouldn’t have to be affected by my dad and his threats.
I wished that I wasn’t so terrified, but I was. There had just been something so frightening about him in that bathroom that I couldn’t have stayed even if I wanted to. There was no way I could live under his roof, knowing what he thought of me, and how badly he wanted to hurt me.
I might have been a coward, but I hoped that I was doing it for the right reasons.
I should have left a note, I knew that I should have, but I couldn’t because I assumed that would count as communication. I even wrote one, but I didn’t leave it behind. I balled it up and shoved it in my pocket, just as I was racing out the door.
I pulled it out now, just to have one last look at it, just to remind myself what an idiot I was.
‘Danica,
I’m so sorry that I have to leave. I can’t explain why, but just know that I really don’t want to. This time with you has been the best of my life, and I will never, ever forget you. Just know that you’re absolutely amazing, and that you’ve made me happier than anyone ever has before.
I love you–I wish that things were different so that we could be together, but they aren’t. I’m sorry.
Rhett x’
It was probably a good idea that I hadn't left the note behind, actually. Telling Danica that I loved her for the very first time in a note that basically said goodbye forever was the worst idea I’d ever had. I didn’t want to be even more of a head fuck than I’d been before. Sure, a clean break was harder, but in the end, it would probably make things much less painful for both of us.
Although, I couldn’t actually see any moment where it wouldn’t hurt like hell.
My chest was in agony at the thought of not seeing Danica again, but I hoped that seeing my mom would help me to clear my head. She was wise–despite the fact that she’d been wrong when it came to my dad–and I needed to hear her words of advice. I would tell her everything, and it would be nice to get some of that off my chest.
Danica was going to hate my guts, but unfortunately, that was going to be the sacrifice I would have to make to keep her safe. I hated that my dad controlled everything, but there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about that. He was Brad Fronton, the powerful man who played with everyone like puppets, watching them all do his bidding, and I had unfortunately become one of those playthings for him.
As the bus raced through the countryside, back towards my home, there was only one person that I wanted to speak to. Well, aside from my mom, but I was going to have to speak to her face to face.
I needed her to understand that Dad threatened me, and that I would never be speaking to him again, and that was the reason I’d left. She needed to realize how deadly serious all of this was and I didn’t think a late night phone call was the best way to do that. Plus, the mood I was in, I would probably come across as emotional and irrational anyway.
“Hello?” James replied sleepily, making me feel a little guilty. It was so clear that he was asleep, and that I’d woken him up to rant on about my problems. “Rhett?”
“Sorry, James, did I wake you?” I asked, already hearing the sadness in my tone. “I didn’t mean to. I’m on my way home.”
“I thought today was the wedding?” How could he remember such important details? He always seemed so spacey, but he was more switched on than anyone realized. Or maybe it was just that he actually cared about me and my life. He’d always been there for me, when no one else had and I really appreciated him for that.
“It was,” I replied simply, not sure how detailed I was prepared to go with this just yet. “I left right away afterwards, got on the first bus.”
“Why?” He was clearly more awake now, panicking just a little bit. “What the hell happened?”
The events span through my mind–my dad, the threats, Danica–but I didn’t say anything. It felt too awful to go over, too soon to speak it aloud without getting emotional. “Urgh, you don’t want to know,” I insisted, shaking my head as I spoke.
“I do; please tell me.” I sighed deeply, wondering if I was doing the right thing by remaining silent. “I can help you. You don’t have to deal with everything by yourself.” There he went again, knowing me too well. “Is it the girl?”
Of course, I’d already mentioned a bit of the drama already; maybe I could just go off that, act like she was the reason I was running away.
“Yeah kind of,” I was tired and emotional, and I needed to unload at least some of it. “It all went a bit tits up, to be honest.” That was vague, but at least it explained my mood.
“Oh I’m sorry, man,” he sympathized knowingly. “That sucks.” James had been through his fair share of women troubles, but it was normally girls liking him more than he did them. He liked too many chicks to settle with just one, which had caused him no end of drama in his life, but nothing like this. He’d certainly never had his heart broken.
“Cheer me up,” I finally begged. “Tell me all about your exploits. How was the trip in the end?” I needed a distraction, and James’s stories were always guaranteed to cheer me up.
“Man, I actually think that I found the one.” His words cut far too deep for my liking. How had my player friend managed to settle down before me? And at such a dreadful time in my life? It wasn’t fair at all. “And the best thing is, she lives back home. I met her on the trip, but she actually lives a few streets down from where I do. She’s a surfer chick, too; you’ll like her.” He paused for a second, before continuing, making things even more difficult for me. “You’ll have to come and meet her. We’re all going out for a few drinks tomorrow night.”
“Sounds great,” I said with an emptiness in my tone. “I could do with a good night out.” I could do with a few beers with the guys sure, but I wasn’t fully ready to meet the girl who had tamed James. Not now, not when my heart was so shattered.
“So…you don’t think you’ll be seeing your dad again?” he asked cautiously. “That part didn’t go well, either?”
“I will not be seeing him again.” I felt bad that I got distracted and that I hadn't kept up my mission to find out some evidence against my dad. I really should have done–he hadn't changed at all, and I could have stopped the wedding before Lyla got in too deep. But it was too late for that now; I was on my way home with my head between my legs.
I was an idiot. Seriously, a complete idiot. I felt very ashamed of myself.
“Okay, man, well, at least you tried.” There he was, trying to find the good in a terrible situation. I couldn’t help but smile to myself at his attitude–he just seemed to see the world in such a positive light. “Hey, you want to come surfing before the pub tomorrow?”
I knew this was his way of getting me alone in case I wanted a decent heart-to-heart chat, for which I was extremely grateful. I might just take him up on that offer; I would see how I felt in the morning. “Sounds good. I can’t wait. Not too early, though; I don’t know what time this damn bus will get home!” I glanced out of the front window, but it was too pitch black for me to work out where I was.
“All right, Rhett, see ya,” James chuckled. “I’ll be round your house at about eleven-ish.”
“Bye!”
As he hung up the phone, I settled down into my seat to try and get some shut eye. If I was going to throw myself wholeheartedly into my old life to distract myself from everything that I’d lost, then I needed to be refreshed. I couldn’t allow myself to wallow in misery–even if I had done a shitty thing. I just needed to get up and move on. It
was too late to do anything else now.
‘Rhett, please let me know what’s going on. I’ll help you; I’ll do whatever I can. Don’t shut me out–I thought we were over all the crazy, game playing now? Please x’
Danica’s message burst onto my screen, and I felt myself fall to pieces all over again. This was the most difficult thing that I’d ever been through, and I had no idea how I was going to recover. I wanted to reply, to tell her that everything was going to be okay, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know if my dad was somehow monitoring communications, and there was no point in me leaving if I was going to then put her at risk anyway. I absolutely needed to keep my distance.
Even if it killed me.
I thought back over our time together, just piecing everything in one place as a memoir that I was having to say goodbye to. All those stolen kisses, the time spent alone, the internal torture that it took to get us to a place where we both finally happy, finally ready to accept being together…just to have it torn apart by the one man that seemed determined to ruin my life.
What was it with Dad? Why did he hate me so much? What had I ever done wrong?
Was it because I was an unwanted child? That couldn’t be it because he’d never really been there for me. Maybe it was because I was the only one who wouldn’t be blinded to his flaws. Even my mom seemed willing to forgive him for everything that he’d done to her, and she was normally as smart and switched on as me. Maybe it was because I’d exposed his affair.
“You’ve spent your whole life trying to make things difficult for me, and I won’t have it again.”
That’s all that he could have meant by that, surely? I haven’t been involved in his life enough to make things difficult for him in any other way. Well that was just tough–he shouldn’t have done those things if he didn’t want to get caught out!
He was the bad guy.
Yet I was the one being punished.
He was there, in that lovely house, married to Lyla, even with Danica under his roof. And I was here, cowering away, on the bus, leaving his life forever, and losing the love of my life in the process. He’d won yet again. If he thought I was playing games, even though I wasn’t really, then there was no doubt about it. He’d won, and I had sure as hell lost.
What would happen next? I didn’t even want to find out.
Chapter 31
Danica (Three Months Later)
After the chaos of the wedding and everything that came after, the rest of the summer passed in an uneventful haze. Three months of peace to wallow in the all-consuming misery that Rhett had left behind.
It was only a couple of days after the ceremony that mom and Brad escaped to their luxurious, two-week long honeymoon on one of the most beautiful Greek islands I’d ever seen. The photographs that they showed me upon their return were phenomenal and made me crave for an escape that was never coming my way.
The one good thing about them leaving me for all that time was that it gave me the much needed time to grieve for my heartbreak. I wasn’t just desolate that Rhett had left me alone; I was confused and frustrated because I didn’t understand why. However hard I racked my brains, I couldn’t pick up any sign that he was playing me, or that he was going to abandon me at the first opportunity, which either meant that I was a complete and utter idiot, or that something drastic had happened, but since he was still refusing to talk to me, it didn’t seem like I was ever going to find out what.
While I was alone, I cried, I wept, and I absolutely fell apart. I really gave in to all of the terrible emotions that I was experiencing, which meant that by the time Mom and Brad came home, all sun soaked and blissfully happy, I felt ready to pull myself together, to stand on my own two feet, and to be strong once more. I was more or less back to my normal self. In public, at least. I had more important things to worry about, and however much it hurt, I couldn’t see any point in crying tears over someone who so clearly didn’t want me.
It took me a few months to finally come to terms with everything, but I eventually accepted that whatever Rhett and I had was no more. There was no point in dwelling, in worrying over what we might have been, or what I thought we were. We were done now–he had so obviously moved on with his life; it was more than time for me to do the same.
It wasn’t like I hadn't tried, but he hadn't responded to any of my messages or phone calls, nor had he made any effort to get in touch himself, so I needed to display some pride and forget about him.
I was angry about it all, of course I was. The way it turned out was the opposite of what I wanted. I felt used and hurt, but that was all in the past now. I had to focus on the future, because what lay ahead of me needed my full focus.
The one thing I was particularly grateful for was the fact that I’d stuck to my guns and not told Rhett about our baby. If I had confessed the truth and he’d run away anyway, it would have killed me. And I now know for a fact that if he had ended up staying, it wouldn’t have been for me. It would have been out of a sense of duty, which would have eventually torn us apart anyway.
No, this way might have been painful, but it would be better in the long run.
I hadn't told Rhett that I was pregnant, and now I would never have to. He was gone, out of my life forever, and I didn’t need to burden him with my knowledge.
With the way that he’d left, I couldn’t imagine Mom or Brad telling him, either, so it didn’t seem like he would ever find out. Especially if I made up some lie about the father. They didn’t need to know either, which meant I didn’t have to split the whole family apart. It was good to know that my biggest worry was no more.
Now I needed to focus on making the necessary preparations to become a single mom. I was under no illusion that it was going to be easy, but I was determined to do it all the same. The more I focused on my unborn baby, the more I fell in love, and the more sure I was that I could do it alone. I was strong, I was tough, and I could do this.
But first, I had to return to college.
I wasn’t totally sure what I was going to do about my course when the baby was born just yet, but for now, I was desperate to go back. I wanted more than anything to be in a place where I had something else to focus on, and where I wouldn’t be under constant scrutiny from the last people in the world that I wanted to discover the truth about me.
Hiding the sickness would be easier, as would the constant up and down of my emotions. In among my friends, I would be able to play it off as something much easier to accept until I was ready to tell the truth. Sure, my ever growing stomach was an issue, but I hoped that wearing baggy clothes would be able to help me keep it under wraps for a little while longer.
Another thing that I could now focus on with a bit more independence was booking an appointment with the doctor to check up on the baby’s health. I felt awful that I hadn't managed to do it yet, but I was too afraid to even pick up the phone to make the appointment in case I was overheard. I probably should have done it while the house was empty, but I was too melancholy then, focusing only on what I’d just lost.
I knew that I couldn’t keep this to myself forever, and that I was going to have to confess sooner or later, but I kept putting it off and putting it off until it felt impossible. I was walking around with a constant burden on my shoulders, which I hoped I would feel brave enough to unload soon enough.
But for now, I was trying to focus only on the positive as I strolled towards the dorm room that I’d been assigned. I would be at college, with my friends and classes to distract me. The sickness had reduced somewhat, which I could hide, and I would no longer have to eat Mom’s cooking–which was a massive blessing!
It had come along unexpectedly as I fell into the second trimester of pregnancy–a complete aversion to her cooking which I really struggled to hide. Sure, Mom was never the best cook in the world anyway, and she would never claim to be, but it had really started to smell revolting to me.
As a lawyer, she was normally too busy to bother preparing food from scratch, but no
w that she was so blissfully loved up, she was acting like the doting housewife…which was bad news for me.
It had been really difficult to avoid food every single night, and I was glad not to have to go through that anymore. I’d well and truly run out of excuses, and I’d been getting dangerously close to hurting her feelings on more than one occasion.
Sure, college food wasn’t much better, but at least I could just not eat if I didn’t want to. I was independent there, no one would be watching me too closely, which was perfect. Freedom was exactly what I needed, and despite all of my concerns for what was going to happen next, it couldn’t have come at a better time.
I walked into my new dorm room, initially enjoying the sanctuary of somewhere new, when I spotted the name of my roommate. Chloe Karne. My heart sunk into my shoes as I realized that this wasn’t someone I recognized.
I’d always lived with my friend Sally before, so I was a bit upset that I was going to have to meet someone new at such a difficult time of my life. I wasn’t really in the right frame of mind to be making small talk with someone I didn’t know. Sure, it was never guaranteed that you’d end up with the same people as before, but now was a time that I needed it more than ever.
Sighing loudly, I unpacked my stuff much neater than I normally would have done, wanting to be respectful. I was going to have to really reconsider my action plan now that I wouldn’t be with a friend. Maybe it would be best to keep her at a distance, to prevent her from learning too much about me, but then again, I might need someone to confide in soon enough.
“Hello,” a bright voice burst out from behind me, causing me to spin around in surprise, taking me away from my thoughts. I instantly drank in the appearance of the petite, red-haired beauty, who was utterly irresistible. She was dressed in a slightly bohemian look, which made me smile. She might have been the complete opposite to me, but I had the feeling that we would get on well. I wasn’t sure that I could keep her at arm’s length even if I wanted to. “I’m Chloe.”
