“Please, Sutton,” I moan into his mouth. I can feel myself tightening around his fingers. He pulls away from me and rocks back on his heels, never stopping the delicious torture of his fingers.
“Please, what? Tell me what you want.”
His fingers move faster, causing my body to buck against him. His smile grows wider and he twists them, prompting me to shatter into millions of tiny pieces. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation, his beloved stars exploding behind my lids.
Ready to beg, I open my mouth to do so, but he shoves his lips against mine. “I want you,” he says when he pulls away. “I need to feel you, to have you before I leave.”
“Anything you want,” I whisper against his cheek. “I’m yours. I’ll always be yours.”
I watch, partly fascinated and partly embarrassed as he gets rid of his clothes and rolls on a condom. Sutton and I have fooled around but we’ve never gotten this far. The few times we’ve been this close, we’ve stopped at the last minute.
Nothing could stop us tonight.
He hovers over me, supporting his weight with his forearms by my head. The look in his eyes is enough to make me melt into the floor. “This is going to hurt for a minute. I’m sorry. Try to relax.”
He gives me one more kiss, and I feel him pushing against me, seeking entrance. My first instinct is to tense up, but his slow, sensual kisses are helping me relax. He thrusts all the way inside, and I buck against him, crying out. The burning sensation is painful, but it’s nothing I can’t deal with. Sutton stills immediately, concern marring his face, but after a few short beats I want him to move. I want to make him feel good.
“Please,” I exhale, trying to move. His weight makes it impossible.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” I reassure him. “I want to feel you.”
He eases off of me and starts to move. The pain is slowly replaced with pleasure. The pinching I felt at first dulls and all but disappears. When Sutton is satisfied that I’m not hurting, his thrusts become deeper and more deliberate. He rocks back and forth and I can feel the coil of pleasure start to build again in the center of my belly. I move with him, circling my hips and soon we are both moaning, unable to hold back the impending pleasure. He wraps one of my legs around his waist and reaches down to where we are connected to toy with me, all while whispering declarations of love in my ear, which pushes us both over the edge. We both come apart, my orgasm not as strong as the first one from moments before, but just as satisfying. Sutton growls into the darkness, my name leaving his lips with a guttural moan. He collapses on top of me, and the weight of him is comforting.
“Jesus, Scarlett, that was perfect.”
A tear rolls out of the corner of each of my eyes. “I think so, too.”
“Please don’t cry. Did I hurt you?” Worry takes over his beautiful face and his eyes grow wet at the thought of causing me harm.
I shake my head back and forth and try to smile, which causes a few more tears to flow. It’s wobbly and not very convincing. “No. I’m just dreading the morning.”
With gentle hands and a timid smile he wipes the wetness from my cheeks. “Let’s not think about the morning. I don’t want to ruin what just happened.” His gaze travels over my face once more, causing my belly to spasm. “I love you, Scarlett Cook. I think I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”
I smile. “How much do you love me?”
“A lot.”
“More than what?”
He gives me a gentle kiss. “More than a little.”
“Can we stay here tonight?”
“Anything you want.”
I want to tell him not to leave me, but I know that’s impossible. So instead, I curl into him and try to enjoy my last few hours with Sutton Winters.
***
When I wake up several hours later, draped in Sutton’s t-shirt with the morning sun shining through the small opening of the treehouse, I don’t have to go to his house to verify that he left without saying goodbye. I had a feeling this was how it was going to happen. My body is stiff and sore, a beautiful reminder of what happened between the two of us last night. When I stand up to stretch I notice a package next to my folded clothes. There’s a folded piece of paper bearing my name taped to it, with his unmistakable handwriting scrawled across it. I smile and lunge for it, desperate to read his words.
Squirt,
I couldn’t stand the thought of waking you this morning. You looked so peaceful and I’m selfish. I didn’t want the image of you I carry with me to California to be one of sadness. I know I’ll see you again soon, but I need to remember you smiling, happy, and in love, just like you were before you fell asleep in my arms.
Last night was the best night of my life. I loved you before you gave yourself to me, and I love you even more now because you’ve trusted me with your body. I have every part of you now… your mind, your heart, your body. I can’t thank you enough. I will do everything I can to take care of each part of you.
I left you something… please don’t tear through them all at once. They are meant to be opened one at a time, whenever you need me most. I hope they’ll be enough to get you through the next few months. You’ll have these letters and you’ll have our stars. They’ll have to do until we’re back in each other’s arms.
Please be careful around your mother and take care of yourself. Stay away from her if you can. Don’t let her fill you with her venom. You’re so much stronger than her words, Scarlett. Let my brother watch after you. He made you a promise too, all those years ago, and I expect him to keep it. Let Easton protect you and keep you safe. I know you’ll never ask him for help, but he’s here for you… my whole family is.
I love you, Squirt, down to my very soul. These next few months will be hard, but we’ll get through them. We’ll stand outside every night we’re apart and look at the stars together. Find Virgo buried in the stars, Scarlett, and start there. I always find her first now.
Remember, don’t go through all the letters at once.
All my love (which is more than a little),
Sutton
The tears are rolling down my cheeks faster than I can wipe them away. I read his letter several times before I rip the lid off the box he left for me. There’s a stack of envelopes of all different sizes. Just like he thought, I want to rip them open and consume them all, but I know I can’t do that. I flip through the stack and laugh through my tears, reading the different labels on all of them.
Open when you miss me
Read when your mom’s being an asshole
Save me in case you flunk a math test
This is for when you miss my touch
Read when Em is driving you nuts
In case Easton starts to get on your nerves
Just because
A letter for when my mom is smothering you
There must be fifty envelopes in the box, for any and every circumstance imaginable. Some are thin, but others are thick and obviously contain more than a few slips of paper. There are even a couple at the bottom of the box that are in manila envelopes from the post office because the contents wouldn’t fit in a regular one. He’s thought of it all. I never imagined that I’d smile so much on the morning Sutton left me, but he made it happen. I cradle a stack of letters against my chest and laugh at his thoughtfulness, missing him so much already but knowing that I’ll see him again soon. I’ll read his letters over and over until I have all of his words memorized and can recite them in my sleep.
Chapter Eleven
“You need to eat.”
“I also need to ace this test.”
Easton’s been pestering me for the last hour, trying to get me to go to dinner with him. Doc and Mrs. Vera are at a medical conference, and my friend is acting like a two year old.
“You’ve been studying all day, Squirt. I’m tired of sitting at home. Let’s go to the mall.”
“Okay, now you sound like a whiny little girl. You know your mo
m stocked the kitchen for you before she left.”
“I don’t want any of that food, I want to go get something.”
I look up from my math textbook. “You’re not going to stop, are you?”
He hits me with a smile that is so much like his brother’s it makes my stomach ache. “Nope. All I’m asking for is a few hours. When we get home I’ll help you study.”
“Fine,” I concede and shut my book. He can be relentless, especially since his brother left. I guess he promised Sutton that he would keep an eye on me and make sure I don’t get too depressed in his absence. He’s taken it to the extreme.
On the way to the mall, I decide to reward myself with a letter when we get back. I try to limit myself to one a week, and they are definitely the highlight of the weekend. Kind of pathetic for a junior in high school, but those letters are everything. Sometimes it’s a simple note, sometimes I find a picture of the two of us. Last week’s envelope had a flash drive of songs that we both love. I can’t wait to see what I’ll open up tonight. As Easton drives, I close my eyes and picture the box of letters, trying to remember if there’s an envelope tucked in there for when he’s getting on my nerves. I remember seeing one, and I hope it has a little Easton voodoo doll in it.
Instead of dragging me upstairs to the food court when we get to the mall, Easton takes my hand and leads me into a clothing store.
“Umm, what are you doing?”
“Do you know what tomorrow is?”
I roll my eyes. “Saturday.”
“Come on, Scarlett.”
“What?”
“You’ve got your head buried so deep inside your books that you’re completely oblivious to everything else.”
He’s right. I eat, sleep, and breathe school. The desire to go to college in California with Sutton has lit a fire inside of me and I’m determined to get into UCLA. My grades have never been this good. If I can keep it up, I’ll even earn a scholarship.
“Are you going to tell me or make us play the guessing game? I really don’t know.”
He shakes his head, clearly annoyed. “Homecoming.”
“What’s your point?”
His dimple makes an appearance, and I feel my face pale before the words even leave his mouth. “We’re going.”
“No, we’re not.”
“This is non-negotiable. We are.”
“I’m not going to that dance with you.”
He moves in closer and puts his hands on my shoulders. “Scarlett, I promised my brother that I’d make sure you got the full high school experience. Part of that is going to this dance. So you’re going to pick out a dress and let me be your date tomorrow. If you say no, I’ll confiscate your precious box of letters.” I open and close my mouth several times but nothing comes out. “Yeah, I know all about those,” he tells me. “Now, you can pick one or I can pick one.” He gets a devilish gleam in his eyes. “Trust me, you’ll be better off if you do the picking.”
Now it’s my turn to pout like a little girl. I stomp off toward the racks, pulling dresses off without bothering to look at the sizes or price tags. I have no desire to go to a dance with my boyfriend’s brother, regardless of the fact that he’s also my best friend. I don’t have the best track record with dances.
I try on several gowns until I find one that fits. There’s nothing special about it, but I’m not looking to impress anyone. The short black dress will do just fine, and I can wear the shoes Emily gave me to wear that year my mom ruined my night.
When I walk out of the dressing room I run smack dab into Easton. I thrust the dress at him. “I’m assuming you’re picking up the tab for this?”
“Of course. Do you need anything else? Shoes, jewelry, makeup?”
“No.”
The more annoyed I get the bigger his smile grows. “This is going to be great.”
“Can we go eat now?”
“Sure, Squirt. Just let me pay.”
I occupy myself at the jewelry display while Easton waits in the short line, and then we go eat. I want to stay mad at him for dragging me out the house and forcing me to go to the dance, but I can’t. He makes me laugh with stories about the guys on his soccer team and the girls that chase after all of them.
“If all these girls are vying for your attention, why aren’t you taking one of them to this stupid dance?”
The smile drops from his face. “You come first, Scarlett. You always have.”
Easton’s stare from across the table is unnerving. I look down at my food and pretend like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. The serious turn this conversation just took is making me uncomfortable.
“I’m sure Sutton appreciates you looking after me.”
“Yeah.”
Awkward silence takes over as we finish our food and head home. Easton studies with me for our math test for a few hours. When I can’t take it any longer I retreat to the woods and fish through my box until I find a letter that I want to open. I opt for a Just Because envelope- those are usually the best ones.
As has become my routine when opening my weekly treats, I tuck it between my teeth and climb to the roof. The ascent hasn’t gotten any easier for me, but up here I can almost pretend like Sutton’s with me. I check my phone after I crawl to the center… it’s too early to call. I ease back and gaze toward the sky, searching for Virgo. She’s up there somewhere and I’ve gotten better at finding her. I’ve learned to track her movement as the months change. After a few minutes of searching she comes into my line of sight. I stare at her, pretending I can feel Sutton’s heat at my back, his voice in my ear telling me about Persephone’s time in the underworld.
I take the envelope and carefully open the flap. There’s a single slip of paper inside and something wrapped in tissue paper. The note is short and sweet.
… so you can always carry them with you
As I unwrap the tissue paper I notice something sparkling. When the paper falls open there’s a heavy piece of cardstock with some earrings and a necklace attached. Stars, of course; tiny earrings and a single star on a silver chain, all with tiny pave’ diamonds.
They’re perfect.
He’s perfect.
I put them on and decide that I couldn’t have opened this particular envelope at a better time. I’ll wear my stars tomorrow night. I text him right away and ask him to call me when he gets a chance.
Even though we promised it would happen, we don’t always talk every night. Sutton is bogged down at school with studying, papers, and projects. I’m busting my butt with school too, and I’ve been working to save up some money. Mrs. Vera has gotten me several jobs babysitting for different families in the neighborhood. The money is good and the jobs are easy, but I don’t always have time to talk to Sutton.
I wait on the roof for about an hour, but my phone never rings. Once it starts to drizzle I make my way down before the rains get too heavy. I’ll set an alarm and call him early in the morning.
Jogging up the street to avoid getting soaked, I notice Mom’s car isn’t in the driveway. It hasn’t been in days. Her drinking and drug use seem to have escalated since she got arrested before I went to California. Strange men have been in and out the house, and I know better than to stay home when she’s ‘entertaining’. I spend a lot of time at Em’s house, but I can’t do that during the week without raising red flags. Unfortunately, that means spending nights in the woods alone. I’m grateful for her recent hiatus from home because it means I can sleep here without fear of her or her friends. After locking up, I take a hot shower, crawl into bed, and dream about a messy haired boy surfing in the California waves.
Banging pulls me from a deep sleep. I sit up, disoriented and scared that my mother has returned. I can’t imagine who else would be beating on the door this early in the morning except her, drunk and without a house key. I glance at the clock and see that it’s not early, but almost lunch time. Disappointment sets in. I wanted to call Sutton early this morning and talk to him before his da
y got too busy.
Last time she came home to find the door locked I got quite a reminder to leave it open for her. Words and fists came flying. I was forced to fake a stomach bug for several days and couldn’t leave the house because of the bruises on my face and neck. I brace myself for the onslaught that I’m about to receive and open the door. Instead of my drunk and irate mother though, it’s Emily.
“Happy Homecoming!”
“Aren’t we chipper?”
“Of course I am. I love to get you all dolled up!”
I rub my face and try to come to terms with her good mood. Happiness is practically oozing from her pores. “Why don’t you come in and let me take a shower and get some caffeine in my system?” I’d have to down a whole pot to reach the level of awake that she’s achieved.
She looks around the kitchen. “Where’s your mom?”
“At a friend’s house.” I had to stop using the work excuse. It became a little curious that she was working so much and we had nothing to show for it.
“Why don’t you just come over now? You can get ready at my house.”
I shrug and walk back to my bedroom, Emily hot on my heels. It’s probably for the best that I go over there now and avoid my house for the rest of the day. You never know when Amy Cook may pop up.
After triple checking that I have everything I need, we walk to her house, where I indulge in a bubble bath and she feeds me a delicious meal and several cups of coffee. Once I’m awake I call Sutton, but he doesn’t answer. I really wanted to talk to him before I have to go through with this whole Homecoming rouse, but I guess I’ll have to wait until tonight.
I let Em do her thing… hair, makeup, the whole nine yards. As usual, she makes me look great.
“Do you know what time I need to go meet Easton?”
“I think he’s coming here to pick you up.”
Right when the words leave her mouth the doorbell rings. We go to the door- Em rushing with uncontained excitement, me following behind slower.
Buried in the Stars Page 10
