by Grace, KD
Jill squared her shoulders. ‘That’s a good idea. That’s exactly what I need, to celebrate. Let’s go.’
* * *
At the Water Poet, Finn was halfway through his second pint by the time he’d got the whole sordid story off his chest. Meinrad ordered another lime and soda and leaned against the bar. ‘That didn’t go too well.’
‘I don’t need a lecture, Meinrad,’ Finn said. ‘I know that didn’t go too well. Is Chelsea on her way?’
‘She’s not happy about it,’ Meinrad said. ‘Whatever’s going on between the two of you, you and Jill, I mean, if it doesn’t have anything to do with Eleanor then it doesn’t have anything to do with Sole Alliance. You know that.’
Finn stared down into his pint. ‘Yeah, I know, mate, but I’ve got to have some time to think. I didn’t expect this. And last night when you … when you made love to her …’ He ran a hand through his hair and blew out a sharp breath. ‘I mean it was just sex, wasn’t it? And she was all right with it. And it was good for her. I could tell that it was. You made sure that it was.’ That she had been fine with fucking another man right there in front of him, even with his permission, still burned like fire in the pit of Finn’s stomach. And that he had not been fine with it burned even worse.
Meinrad made no reply.
‘Eleanor’s right,’ Finn said.
‘About what?’
‘I don’t want anyone else touching her. I don’t want anyone else touching Jill.’
‘Oh, that,’ Meinrad replied. ‘I think you were the only one who hadn’t figured that out, mate.’
‘When she told me she was at work, when she told me about the promotion, all I could think about was what Eleanor had done to get her that promotion. I didn’t even text her back, I was so angry. I thought …’
‘You thought Eleanor knew who she had to fuck to get the position and made it happen.’
It sounded really stupid when Meinrad said it, but that was pretty much it.
‘Jill doesn’t really seem the type for that,’ Meinrad said. Then he sipped his lime and soda. ‘Still, I suppose she might have a go at Chelsea if you leave them alone together and she’s angry enough, which she probably is.’ He shook his head. ‘She has quite a temper. What a revenge fuck that would be. Might stop by myself – if nothing else, just to watch.’
Finn flipped him off.
‘You’re a fool, Finn. If the woman were interested in anyone else, she wouldn’t look like she does every time she sees you.’
‘Look like she does?’ Finn said. ‘Like how?’
Meinrad downed the rest of his drink and stared into his glass. ‘Like you’re the only person in the room, or at least the only person she can see.’
A bout of raucous singing erupted at the bar and the two scooted a little further away. Finn downed the rest of his pint and realised that Meinrad was giving him the evil eye.
‘What?’
‘Finn –’ Meinrad leaned closer to be heard over the singing ‘– Jill’s not Lisa. She’s not anything like Lisa. Surely you can see that? What happened with Lisa won’t happen with Jill.’
‘We don’t know that, do we? We don’t know what will happen when Eleanor leaves Jill, or even if Eleanor stays. Maybe what happened with Lisa always happens. Maybe it’s the result of being possessed by a several-thousand-year-old lust demon. Maybe …’
‘Maybe lots of things, Finn. But there’s no going back now, is there? And you won’t let what happened to Lisa happen to Jill, none of us will, now that we know. I promise you.’
Finn wiped his hands on his jeans and pulled a deep breath. ‘It’s just that Eleanor can be so …’
‘Eleanor’s fine, mate. Eleanor’s in good hands with Jill. Jill’s not a pushover, and Eleanor’s not stupid enough to make the same mistake.’
‘Isn’t she? She was stupid enough to risk it all again, wasn’t she? Stupid enough to throw caution to the wind, even after everything that happened with Lisa.’
‘People get impulsive when they’re lonely,’ Meinrad said.
‘Eleanor’s not a person, and besides she has us.’
Meinrad raised an eyebrow. ‘With that kind of attitude towards her, I’d say it’s no wonder she went looking.’ Before Finn could respond, Meinrad raised a hand. ‘Listen, mate, it’s complicated, I know that. We all know that or we wouldn’t be fit to do what we do. But as far as I can tell, Eleanor’s fine. Jill’s fine. Jill’s exquisite, in fact. The only one who’s not fine is you.’
The two sat listening to the sound of glasses clinking, and the usual Monday-evening pub noises, calmer than weekends, but never truly quiet.
At last Finn spoke. ‘You think I should go find her?’
‘She just got a big promotion and you were a twat. You figure it out.’ Meinrad looked down at his watch. ‘I’ve got a date to tie a woman up, or do you need me to come hold your hand?’
* * *
‘You alone?’
Jill was startled to look up into the eyes of Rugby Man, leaning on the bar beside her. She hadn’t noticed him sidling in next to her. She had to catch herself before she said no. She was, after all, never alone any more. ‘Yep, alone. You?’
‘I came here with some friends,’ he said. ‘Just for a few laughs, you know?’ He nodded to her glass. ‘You’re drinking fizz. Special occasion?’
‘Big promotion,’ she said. Inside Eleanor felt way more reticent than she had last time Rugby Bloke was in the picture. But hadn’t she said he was OK? And he did seem nice enough. If he wanted to shag her, well, so what? Isn’t that really what most people were looking for? And the other night, had it only been such a short time ago? Back then she might have possibly considered it. But now, now when she should have taken a bit of pleasure in the idea of making Finn jealous, in the idea of shagging Rugby Bloke’s brains out, she didn’t have the heart for it.
He ordered her another fizz without asking, and himself a Stella. She didn’t protest. ‘Seems strange to be celebrating something like that alone. It was a good promotion, wasn’t it?’
She forced a smile. ‘A really good one, actually, and totally unexpected.’
He nodded sagely. ‘Well, that explains why you’re here alone then. It was so unexpected you haven’t had the chance to share the good news.’
Inside she felt Eleanor bristle.
‘You said he was a nice guy.’
The man offered her a very kissable smile and gave a quick glance around. ‘Who’s a nice guy?’
Jesus! She hadn’t missed the cues on what should be said out loud and what shouldn’t since her first day with Eleanor. A sign of her lousy mood, she reckoned. She smiled back at the man and opted for honesty. ‘I’m talking to my demon. She said you’re a nice guy.’
Eleanor gave her the equivalent of a demon elbow to the ribs and Rugby Guy cocked his head, then chuckled softly. ‘Well, I’d say your demon has good taste, but then I might be a bit prejudiced.’
Eleanor was positively glaring at her.
‘What do you want me to do?’ she asked.
The man looked slightly confused then said, ‘Well, I was about to ask you to dance, but then, wait a minute, are you talking to me or to your demon?’
When Eleanor did nothing but glare at her harder, she said. ‘Well, actually I was asking my demon, but she’s not a lot of help at the moment, though she seems to have done a fine job of fucking up my life recently.’ She straightened her jacket and squared her shoulders. ‘Look, you seem like a really nice bloke, and I see a half a dozen women with their eyes on you right now. Truth is, I’m not fit company at the moment, and trust me, you don’t want to hear it. But if you came here for a few laughs, I’m not the one to have them with.’
He ran a hand along the square line of his jaw and studied her. ‘I might be able to cheer you up.’
‘Possibly, but I’m not sure I want to be cheered up at the moment.’
He surprised her by leaning in and kissing her. It wasn’t a heavy kiss. It
was just a brush across her lips. ‘I can be miserable with you if you’d like that better.’
‘I wouldn’t wish that on anyone,’ she said. ‘And while I appreciate the offer, I still have to decline. And I really do appreciate the offer. It’s just, well, the timing’s wrong.’
* * *
Finn didn’t hear any of Jill’s conversation. All Finn saw through the crowd was Jill in a lip lock with the bloke she’d been dancing with the first time he’d pulled her out of Juno. And he saw red.
He pushed his way through the milling crowd to where the two stood at the bar, and he didn’t waste time on preliminaries. ‘Goddamn it, Eleanor, what are you doing, just trying to get her hurt?’
Rugby Bloke straightened and squared his shoulders, half moving in front of Jill protectively. ‘You’re Eleanor?’ he spoke over his shoulder, keeping a wary eye on Finn.
‘Eleanor’s my demon,’ she said. ‘I’m Jill.’ Then she shouldered her bag, pushed past the man and stood nose to nose with Finn. ‘Fuck you, Finn, and fuck you, Eleanor. I’ve had about enough of people and demons controlling my life, so fuck you both. I’m going to do what I want, and it’s none of your damn business.’
As an afterthought, she turned and addressed Rugby Bloke. ‘Thanks again for the drink. And in future I highly recommend a woman who’s not possessed.’ Then she elbowed past Finn toward the door.
Chapter 13
She shoved her way into the street with Finn right behind her, and Eleanor keeping her mouth shut.
‘What were you doing with him?’ Finn asked.
She turned to face him, bumping into a couple of smokers milling around out front. ‘Not that it’s any of your goddamn business what I was doing with him, but he bought me a drink and asked me to dance. Now leave me alone.’ She pushed past him. This time he grabbed her by the elbow and swung her around to face him.
‘That’s all?’
‘Fuck you!’ She jerked away and headed down the street at breakneck pace towards the bus stop, the path in front of her blurring in a mist of tears.
‘Jill! Jill, wait.’ He caught up to her, nearly ploughing over a couple snogging on a street corner. ‘Jill, I’m trying to apologise.’
This time he grabbed her around the waist and practically hauled her off her feet into a quiet alleyway. ‘I was looking for you to apologise and I saw you with him, and I lost it, OK, I just lost it. I thought that Eleanor, that you … that the two of you …’ His voice drifted off, his chest heaved as though it would explode, and she couldn’t help herself. She grabbed him by the hair and pulled him to her in a kiss that was more of a head bashing. Her tongue waged battle with his, her teeth raked and nipped at his responsive lips.
‘If you’re sorry, prove it,’ she said when she came up for air, then she guided his hand up under her skirt, slipping aside the crotch of her panties and fumbling until his fingers were where she needed them.
‘Jesus!’ he whispered, moving closer, his fingers taking over in their manoeuvring toward the warm wet of her.
She grabbed his face and kissed him again, finding her rhythm against his fingers. Then she pulled back enough to speak. ‘Eleanor has nothing to do with what I want, Finn Masters. I have to do with what I want. I make the choices, goddamn it. I’m not so feeble-brained that I don’t know my own mind.’
She heard his fly open and felt the smooth hot skin of his erection against the inside of her thigh. She felt the brick at her back abrade her elbows as he lifted her onto him, pushing into her hard and rough and angry. And she took him that way. Her insides, still tender from Meinrad’s attention the night before, gripped and bit at him as though she would never let him go. Her booted feet dug into his kidneys, her nails clawed at his back through his shirt.
It was over almost before it began. She flooded him and he returned the favour, grunting and straining as though each thrust wounded him, as though each breath he drew was agony, agony that she let bloom inside her until she gave it back to him transformed and they both came like the world would end.
He didn’t settle her back on her feet when they’d finished. He held her there between himself and the wall, whispering her name against the nape of her neck between hot wet kisses. And Eleanor, well, Eleanor seemed somewhere in between. She was not really lodged at Jill’s centre where Jill had grown used to her being, but she hadn’t completely migrated to Finn’s either. She was like ribbon, similar to those in Jill’s boots, somehow holding the two of them together and tying strange, demon-shaped knots not unlike Meinrad’s handiwork.
When Finn put Jill back on her feet, she found tissues in her bag and they both did their best to clean themselves. He held her possessively on the short bus ride to her house, and she held him back. Neither of them spoke. Eleanor still hadn’t moved from her position somewhere in between. Jill would ask Finn about that when she felt like talking again. At the moment, she just felt like being held.
When they finally arrived at her flat, she opened the door to find a dozen red roses on the coffee table, beside a bottle of champagne resting in a bucket of melting ice. Next to that there was a board with cheese and biscuits and ripe fruit. And her eyes misted. ‘You did this?’
He nodded. ‘Congratulations on your promotion, Jill. And I’m sorry I was such an arsehole.’ Then his ocean-deep eyes were suddenly dark and steamy. ‘I hope you’ll let me make that up to you.’ He raked her with a gaze that she could swear she felt against the tips of her nipples, as though he had sought them out with his lips and tongue. ‘I can be very good at apologising properly when given a chance.’
He led her into her room and undressed her slowly, lingering to caress her breasts and her buttocks and stroke the tight nest of curls between her thighs. He took his time to kiss the instep and heel of each foot as he removed her lovely boots. Then he wrapped round her the red silk robe that had been lying across the foot of her bed and led her back into the lounge.
She fed him fat juicy grapes from between the heavy folds of her, which he drizzled with champagne. He tongued and nipped at the fruit bathed in effervescent bubbles, and when he’d extricated each grape he slid up her body and shared it with her, fragrant and juicy with the taste of both of them. When they’d eaten and drunk their fill, they lay spread out naked on the floor. His head rested against her belly, his fingers lazily stroked her pout. ‘Why does Eleanor feel like she’s halfway between us, not really in either of us?’ Jill asked.
‘I don’t know,’ he said, planting a kiss on her navel and sliding up next to her, his fingers still working between her legs. ‘Eleanor and I have always been close. She speaks to me, she listens to me, she makes love to me in a way she never really has with Meinrad or Chelsea, though she seems to like them well enough. But I’ve never shared her with anyone.’ He forced an embarrassed chuckle. ‘Most of the time I’m too busy just trying to keep her under control.’
‘Why?’
He rose on his elbow and looked down into her eyes. ‘So she won’t hurt anyone, that’s why, so she won’t … I don’t know. So she won’t …’
‘So she won’t leave you?’
Finn didn’t respond. But it didn’t matter. Suddenly the world was clear in a way it seldom was. Suddenly the mysterious Eleanor was not quite so complicated, and the knowing, the seeing, the understanding sent warm shivers down Jill’s spine to pulsate against her clit.
‘Finn –’ She rose up on her haunches, then knelt next to him. ‘What if you didn’t control her? What if just for tonight, just now while she has what she wants, you and me together, we let her have control. We let her do what she wants with us, what she needs.’
‘Jill, I don’t think that’s a–’
‘Sh!’ She placed two fingers against his lips and then kissed him. ‘It is a good idea. It’s the best idea ever.’ Even as she said it, in her mind’s eye, she could see her self-control binding her as clearly as Meinrad’s knots had bound her: right over left and under and through, left over right and under and through.
All she needed to do was untie those knots. And for the first time she could see just how to do that. She undid them one at a time, right over left and under and through, feeling the expansion of herself with each loosening, left over right and under and through, until at last she stood, unbound, in bright sunlight, face to face with Eleanor. From somewhere a long way off, she heard Finn moan.
‘You love him.’ It wasn’t a question. Jill knew, just as she knew that for every knot she had untied new ones were already being set in place, and the depth of her binding was beyond anything of which Meinrad was capable.
‘You trust me to do this, to love with both of you?’ Eleanor said.
‘You love him,’ Jill repeated. ‘You’d never hurt him. Give him this gift.’
From far away, someone touched her arm, and she was back with Finn, and only a second had passed.
‘Are you sure?’ he asked again.
‘Very sure.’ The words were barely past her lips before the demon expanded inside her and beyond, taking her breath away, taking Finn’s breath away. Her heart pounded in her chest, and the world was suddenly wild and bright and tilting madly at strange new angles, as she straddled Finn, thrusting her hips forward until he could see the whole of her, still heavy from their lovemaking and now glistening with excitement that Eleanor made her feel in every single nerve ending of her body. Then she slid back, raking her open cleft down the length of him until she reached his erection. But then she lifted her bottom and slid still lower until she could take him into her mouth, deep into her throat, pulling, tugging, suckling, running her tongue over the sensitive underside. And it was also Eleanor’s tongue, infused with Eleanor’s power to heighten sensation. Finn arched his back as though it would break, sucking oxygen into empty lungs, crying out with some wild mix of pain and pleasure a hair’s-breadth away from being too much to bear. But he bore it, revelled in it, writhed in it, fingers curled tightly in Jill’s hair, muscles tense, joints stiff.
‘Finn, my Finn, my beautiful Finn –’ Surely it was Eleanor who spoke, and yet it felt like it came from a place in Jill’s heart she’d never dared look into before. ‘Finn, my Finn.’ But there had been no words, no real words. How could there be words when Finn’s penis was deep in her throat?
