by Susan Stoker
“You okay?”
“Don’t know,” Alexis mumbled into the towel, not ready to look up at the man who had no idea how much she loved him. She did not want him to be there. To see her this way. She was completely mortified.
“Don’t try to move yet. Just stay here. I’ll be back.”
Alexis nodded, not caring where Blake was going, just that he was going. She surely wasn’t going anywhere.
She tried to breathe deeply, but that made her stomach roll again. After a minute or so, she turned, stretched her legs out, and rested her head on the cold tile floor of her bathroom. She should’ve been grossed out but couldn’t get herself to care at that moment.
How long she was lying there, she had no idea, but she hoped it was enough for Blake to have seen himself out. But she wasn’t so lucky. She heard him step into the bathroom again and settle himself on the floor in front of her bathtub.
“You don’t have to stay,” Alexis felt compelled to say.
“I know,” was his calm answer.
Fuck.
“I don’t want you here,” she tried again.
“I know that too.”
“Then why are you still here?” she moaned, still keeping her eyes closed.
“Because you need me.”
Alexis sighed and pushed herself up until she was sitting. The room spun, and it took her a moment to breathe through her mouth, pushing the need to puke again down. When she felt she could talk without wanting to barf, she said, “I don’t need you. People wake up with hangovers every day of the year. I’ll be fine . . . eventually.”
She glanced over at Blake. He was sitting with his back against her tub, one leg stretched out straight and the other bent. One arm was propped up on the bent knee, and he was looking at her with an intense stare that she’d seen from him before but still wasn’t sure what it meant.
“I’m not leaving, Lex.”
“Can you please at least leave the bathroom then?” she begged.
“Nope.”
“Dammit, Blake. I don’t need—” Alexis swallowed hard and closed her eyes against the tide of nausea rising up her throat. “Fuck,” she muttered before clambering up to her knees and leaning over the toilet bowl. Her stomach clenched and the dry heaves started up again.
This time she was well aware of Blake behind her. He pulled her hair away from her face once more and held it with one hand at her neck. His other hand rested on her belly and supported her, as every muscle in her body tightened as she tried to throw up.
Alexis had never been so embarrassed as she was right that moment. Not even when she’d been in the tenth grade, and she’d dropped her tray in the middle of the lunchroom, and every single person had turned to stare at her. Not even when she figured out she’d only been asked to the prom by a boy she’d had a crush on to pay for the limo and dinner for three other couples. Not even when she’d thought a guy in college liked her, and she’d leaned in to kiss him, and he’d pulled back, horrified.
Nope. This was the most embarrassing moment in her entire life. And if she could sink into a hole in the ground, she would’ve welcomed it.
“I’ve got you, Lex,” Blake murmured into her ear as she knelt in front of her toilet, panting in exertion. “It’ll stop in a minute.”
An hour later, Alexis lay on her side in her bed, finally feeling as if she might actually live. She’d been able to move back into the bedroom after three more bouts of dry heaving and had only had to run back into the bathroom once since then. It had been twenty minutes since the last urge to puke had come over her, and she hoped like hell she was done.
But now that the nausea had passed, other aches and pains were making themselves known in her body. Her head was pounding, her stomach muscles hurt, which wasn’t surprising, and she was freezing.
As soon as the thought entered her head, Blake was there, pulling her comforter up and over her shoulders, engulfing her in the warmth it provided.
“I know it doesn’t feel like it, but now that you’ve gotten some of the alcohol out of your system, you’ll start to feel better.”
“How in the world do people do that all the time? I feel awful.”
His lips quirked up in a smile as he looked down at her. “I think their bodies get used to it so they don’t react as . . . strongly . . . as you do.”
Alexis could feel herself blushing. “Well, it’s horrible.”
“Agreed. Think you’ll be all right for a bit while I go and make you something?”
“I can’t eat anything, Blake. No way,” Alexis told him, groaning.
“Nothing big. Plain toast. A glass of water maybe,” he told her soothingly. “It’ll help.”
“And I might end up throwing that up again as well,” she retorted.
“True. But I don’t think so.”
Alexis looked up at Blake for a long moment. He was wearing the same clothes she remembered him having on that morning—jeans, black T-shirt—but he was in his socks now, his black military-style boots obviously having been discarded somewhere.
“What time is it?” Alexis asked, not taking her eyes away from Blake.
He looked down at his watch on his wrist and then back to her. “Around six.”
“At night?”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t you have someplace you need to be?”
At her question, Blake leaned down, propping himself up with one hand on her bedside table and the other on the mattress in front of her. All she could see was his face, and when she inhaled, all she could smell was him. She had no idea what kind of soap he used, but she knew she’d never be able to smell it ever again without thinking of this moment.
“I’m exactly where I need to be, Lex. Close your eyes, relax. I’ll be back in a bit with something for you to try to eat.”
Then he leaned in closer—Alexis couldn’t help but look down at the muscles in his arm as he did—and kissed her on the forehead. It was such a sweet move; she bit her lip to keep the tears from falling from her eyes.
Blake stood, brushed a lock of hair from her cheek to behind her ear, then strode out of her bedroom.
The second he left, she dashed to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She hadn’t remembered doing it after she’d puked, and there was nothing she wanted more right this second than to wash away the lingering taste of vomit.
Thankful the taste of her toothpaste didn’t start her up again, Alexis returned to her bedroom and got under the covers, once more getting comfortable. She turned her head into her pillow and took a deep breath, surprised when all she could smell was Blake. She lifted her head and stared down at the pillow. Had he lain beside her while she’d been sleeping? She racked her brain trying to remember what had happened after she left the bar, but it was all a blank. She vaguely remembered feeling safe, but that was about it. Damn. What had happened? Had she said something to Kelly and the others and ruined the undercover operation? Would Blake still be here with her if she had?
She had so many questions, and now that her body was finally easing its powerful rebellion against what she’d put into it, she could think more clearly. Alexis carefully eased up into a sitting position on the mattress, putting the pillows behind her back to support her, and looked around.
She didn’t see the clothes she’d worn to the bar that morning anywhere, although she did see the mic and the pendant with the camera sitting on her dresser across the room. Reaching up to finger her ear, Alexis realized she wasn’t wearing the earrings she’d had on earlier either.
She had on a tank top and her sleep shorts, which made her turn red with embarrassment all over again. Lord, she’d been bent over her toilet, practically naked, with Blake Anderson tucked up against her. He had to have seen, and felt, every inch of her. And while she showed more when she was wearing a bathing suit . . . she hadn’t shown it to Blake.
She wasn’t exactly Kate Moss . . . more like a short Marilyn Monroe. And while she knew some men preferred the look of the curvy actress, sh
e was convinced, if asked, most would pick the svelte and slender Kate ten to one.
Wanting to put something on, to cover herself, Alexis swung her legs over the side of the bed once more, only to quickly pull them back up and under the covers when Blake appeared in her doorway.
“You need to go back to the bathroom?” he asked quickly, the lines in his face deepening with worry as he hurried to her side.
“No, I’m good. I was just going to put something else on,” Alexis admitted, pulling the comforter up to her chest.
“Oh, good. I was afraid you were gonna start dry heaving again,” Blake told her, sounding relieved.
Alexis closed her eyes in embarrassment once more. Just the words “dry heaving” on his lips were mortifying. She was never going to live this down.
As if he could read her mind, Blake said, “I already told you, Lex, don’t be embarrassed. About anything that happens between us.” Blake’s voice was soft and tender and didn’t hold an ounce of mirth or teasing. Which kind of surprised her. He loved to tease her and always called her on her mistakes . . . in a nice way, but called her on them nevertheless.
She opened her eyes and looked at him. He’d taken a seat on the mattress near her hip, and his eyes were glued to her own. He looked at her differently than he ever had before. She didn’t know how, but she’d never seen him look at her like he was right now. As if he . . . cared.
“I don’t remember you telling me not to be embarrassed, and it’s not like you can simply order me not to be. Blake, you saw me throwing up. It’s not exactly the best way to impress someone.”
“You don’t have to impress me, Lex. You already did that this morning during lunch.”
Alexis bit her lip and broke eye contact, looking down at her hands.
“Do you remember anything?” Blake asked tenderly.
She shook her head. “Not really. Was I . . . did they say anything we can use?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. You were amazing. We learned a lot from today.”
The use of the endearment threw her for a moment. He was acting extremely weird, and Alexis had no idea why. What had she said or done to make him act so . . . nice toward her?
“Good. I’m glad. Um . . . like what?”
Instead of answering, Blake reached over and picked up two pills he’d brought in from the other room and a glass of water. “First, take a little sip of water, let it settle, then try another. If it seems like it’ll stay down, then you can take the pills. It’ll help with your headache.”
“Thanks.” Alexis did as he suggested, relieved when it seemed like her body was going to accept the water. She wanted to chug it down but knew that would be stupid. She was able to swallow both pills, and she leaned back against her pillows in relief.
“I’ll tell you what we learned, and I’m sure you can watch the video and listen to the audio as well, but I think that will have to wait. The video is pretty shaky and would probably make you even more nauseous, at the moment. Do you trust me to tell you what went down?”
“Of course,” Alexis said immediately. “Why wouldn’t I?”
The smile on his face made her toes curl under the covers. It said so much. He was obviously pleased at her response, and didn’t bother hiding his reaction. The look in his eyes was tender and full of that something she couldn’t place. “I’ll try never to do anything that will make you lose that trust you have in me, Lex.”
“Okay,” she whispered, sensing he meant a lot more than what she was understanding at the moment.
“Here,” Blake said, holding a piece of plain white toast to her mouth. “Nibble on that while I tell you what happened.”
He spent the next twenty minutes recounting the lunch. How Kelly had seemed standoffish at first, then seemed to warm the more she drank. How Damian had bragged about his brother still being in charge of the gang even though he was behind bars, and how Chuck couldn’t keep his hands off her.
Alexis noticed that Blake’s jaw got tight and his voice clipped when he told her the last part about Chuck.
“He even bruised you,” Blake told her, obviously pissed on her behalf.
“He did? Where?”
“Your thigh. You said that he had his hand on your leg most of the lunch. I couldn’t see it in the video. When you got up to leave, you told me he grabbed you hard and squeezed. You said it hurt.”
Alexis shoved the comforter down so she could see her leg for herself. Sure enough, there was a slight purple bruise, which she knew from experience would get darker and uglier as time passed, on her leg above her knee. It was odd to be looking at her leg, seeing that what Blake was saying really had happened to her, even though she couldn’t remember any of it.
Before she could bring the covers back up, Blake’s fingers were touching her leg. He ran them lightly over the mark, as if by his mere touch he could erase and soothe it. Alexis held her breath as goose bumps broke out on her arms at his touch. She couldn’t stop the next question. It burst forth as if water from a dam. “Did something happen between us?”
“Yeah, Lex. Something happened,” Blake told her, resting his warm palm on her leg over the bruise, as if by covering it up, it didn’t exist.
Alexis’s breaths came out faster. “Did we . . .” Her voice trailed off, unsure she really wanted to know. The thought that Blake might’ve made love to her was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because she’d dreamed about having him in her bed and arms almost since the day she’d met him, and a curse because she couldn’t remember a second of it.
Blake moved then. Shifting over her, putting one hand on the mattress on her left side and the other on her right side. She lay back, giving him room, but he leaned into her, erasing the space she’d put between then.
“We didn’t make love, if that’s what you were going to ask. We didn’t even kiss. There’s no way I would’ve taken advantage of you like that. I knew you were drunk, knew you most likely wouldn’t remember anything.”
“Then what happened?” Alexis was pleased that Blake was gentleman enough to not take anything she didn’t freely and soberly give, but couldn’t imagine what in the world he was talking about if he hadn’t kissed or had sex with her.
“You told me that you wanted me. That no other man had ever touched you or seen you naked. We slept together, you holding on to me like you never wanted to let go. So what happened was me deciding to stop dicking around, sweetheart. When you’re feeling one hundred percent, I’m going to continue to pursue you. We’re going on that date I asked you on a week ago, and I’m going to show you how much better a real dick will feel inside you rather than the toys you’ve been using. You’re mine, Lex. That’s what happened.”
Alexis could only stare up at Blake in horror. What the holy fuck had she said to him? She had no idea what to say in response. She’d told him she was a virgin? And that she wanted to have sex with him? And what was that about her vibrators and a real dick? She closed her eyes in mortification. She’d thought his holding back her hair while she puked was bad, but that had been nothing compared to this. She’d have to move. To Tahiti. Immediately. She couldn’t ever look Blake Anderson in the eyes again.
She felt his warm palm curl around the back of her neck and his thumb lightly caress the skin below her ear. She vaguely remembered him doing this exact thing to her in a car, but not when he’d done it.
“Did you know when you blush you turn red from the tips of your ears all the way down to your chest?” Blake asked conversationally. Not giving her a chance to answer, he continued, “And every time I touch you, goose bumps break out on your arms? I gotta say, Lex, it feels fucking awesome to know my touch affects you that way.”
“So you only want to be with me because I’m a virgin?” Alexis whispered, trying to understand.
“Look at me,” Blake ordered in a firm voice.
Alexis shook her head, refusing to open her eyes, not wanting to see the smugness that was sure to be in Blake’s.
“Open your
eyes, Lex. Look at me,” Blake repeated in a whisper.
She couldn’t deny him. She cracked her eyelids open and gazed up at him. He was still crouched over her, closer now. His lips were hovering a few inches over her own, and the look on his face was tender and soft.
“I want to be with you because I admire you, Lex. You’re tough and strong, but tender and vulnerable on the inside. You don’t hesitate to do what’s right simply because it’s what’s right. You don’t think about the consequences your actions might have on you, physically or emotionally. You just do it. I can see how much hurt you hold inside from how you were treated in middle and high school, but you don’t let it hold you back. I love that you want to do your part to make the world a better place.
“I want to be the first and, hopefully, the only man who will ever be inside you. I want to be the man who gives you your first orgasm. I want my body to be the first naked male body you see, and I want to be the man who sees your naked body for the first time. I want to worship your curves and show you how much fun it can be to use your toys as we make love. I want your smile to be the last thing I see before I fall asleep and have it be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. I want to fulfill every one of your arm-porn fantasies and be the man you snuggle up to every night.” He paused for a moment, not looking away from her eyes for a second. “Does that answer your question?”
“I think I talk too much when I’m drunk,” Alexis blurted without thought.
Blake chuckled and leaned down to rub his nose against hers. “Alcohol does seem to loosen your tongue, sweetheart, but apparently only with me. You said and did all the right things with Kelly and her asshole friends. I have no idea how or why you’re still a virgin, but I thank my lucky stars that you are. It makes me nervous because I want your first time to be a memory you’ll treasure, but I’d be lying if I didn’t also say that it makes me horny as hell to know I’ll be the first man to be inside you. I’ll do everything in my power to make it good for you. I swear.”
“I know you will,” Alexis told him, moving her arms for the first time. She brought them up to his biceps and held on tight. She licked her lips and asked, “I told you all those things and you really didn’t even kiss me?”
