by Nalini Singh
Page 45
He tapped her butt playfully and drew in enough breath to say, "You wouldn't have had to be quiet this time if you'd waited. "
Kisses on his chest, up his throat, along his jaw. "Are you sorry?"
"I just had an orgasm that almost killed me, and I have naked Grace for a blanket. Yeah, I'm real sorry. " Husky laughter, more kisses, eyes that shimmered with the wolf's amusement. And he had the thought that his choice to share his deepest vulnerability had shifted something between them, given her what she needed to trust him on this level. It embarrassed him to think how he'd fallen apart, but he could deal with it if this was the result. Still - "It wasn't a pity lay, was it?"
Pushing up so she could look down at his face, Grace glared at him, then slapped his chest. "Yes. Absolutely.
That's me, a woman who goes around sharing skin privileges with anyone who looks sad. Did I tell you about the engineer who broke his favorite tool the other day? I had to strip right there and - "
He shut up her rant by the expedient of a laughing kiss that had feminine claws pricking his chest. "Sorry," he said when those claws dug a fraction deeper in warning. "I'm male. I had to ask. "
A shake of her head but her lips curved. . . then she ducked her head. "I wanted to crawl all over you the first time we met. "
His wolf preened. "I wouldn't have stopped you. " He continued to pet her luscious body, his own very enthusiastic about the fact she was snuggled up so close. "God, it makes me feel good to have you here. " A pause. "Where you belong. "
Her gaze lifted to his again, a little shy, but not afraid in any sense. "I guess. . . I just needed to know you needed me on some level. " It was a painfully honest statement. "You're so strong - my wolf understands a submissive's important role in the pack but couldn't comprehend what I could give you, how I could be your partner. " A hand cupping his cheek. "Now I know it isn't about power, but about heart, about loving. "
His hand shook as he brushed her hair off her face. "I will always need you - you're strong and brave and goddamn perfect, and you fucking own my heart. " And he needed her inside that heart, needed her to accept the mating bond, couldn't understand why she hadn't already.
Especially when tears shimmered in her eyes, as she said, "I love you, Cooper. "
His resistance broke. He tumbled them over, made love to her again, and this time, it was slow, full of whispered promises and caresses, a dance so beautiful it shattered his every remaining defense.
Maybe that was why he fell asleep curled around her afterward.
He'd never know what woke him, but he jerked into a sitting position to see it was just after four thirty a. m. Since Grace continued to sleep, he hadn't screamed, and he didn't have the foul aftertaste of nightmare in his mouth.
Thank God. Thank God.
Swallowing, he went to the door Grace had sleepily asked him to pull ajar as a safety precaution before they slept, and used the hallway light to check the portable air gauge, confirmed everything was fine on that point. Only then did he go into the tiny shower at the end of the corridor to wash and take a few deep breaths.
Diego's and Elizabeth's doors were ajar, too, and he heard snores from one as he walked back, the deep breathing of sleep from the other. He checked on the wild wolves as well, heard their sleepy whuff s as they resettled their bodies.
When he returned to the sleep cubicle, Grace had shifted to face the room rather than the wall, but her eyes remained closed. Moving with as much stealth as possible, he found his jeans, pulled them on, the material stiff but wearable. Though, he thought, he might as well run down in wolf form, since he was planning to leave both his phone and his vehicle behind for Grace.
"Cooper?" A drowsy question. "Is it morning?"
"Shh, go to sleep, darling. " Taking a seat on the bed, he brushed tangled strands of hair off her face, then indulged himself in one last stroke of her curvy body, her skin marked from his caresses.
Primitive as it was, the sight made him feel good. "Storm's past and even the rain's stopped. I better start my run down, help with the post-storm cleanup. "
Instead of nodding and going back to sleep, Grace frowned and struggled up into a sitting position, pulling the sheet to her breasts. "You're leaving me while it's still dark? I thought you'd want to stay. . . a while longer, anyway. " Her hurt tone was an arrow to his heart. "The storm, sweetheart. It'll have made a mess of things. I'll stay tomorrow night. "
Blinking, she stared at him for a long time, and he could almost see the wheels turning in her head. "You're always out in the dark, have far more night shifts than you should, and it's clear you don't get enough sleep. Why?" His wolf paced, looking for a way out and finding only closed doors. "I take the shifts no one else wants. " He shrugged and got up, then realized there was nowhere to go in this tiny space.
"Just being a good lieutenant. "
"That's not how a pack works. " Grace got out of bed, the sheet wrapped around her like a toga, and pushed the door fully shut with a quiet snick. "We have to talk about this. "
He turned with a snarl, going on the defensive. "Jesus, Grace, you're not that needy. I'm sure you can spend a few hours alone without breaking. "
Declaration of Courtship Chapter 14
EVEN A FEW weeks ago, those angry words delivered by a Cooper whose eyes were tinged wolf yellow, would've made Grace stumble back, lower her head and her eyes. That was before he'd played with her, courted her, taught her he'd never ever hurt her. "That's not the point," she argued, refusing to let this go any longer. Maybe she didn't like to push, to demand in the normal scheme of things, but she discovered her wolf was quite willing to do so when it was Cooper's happiness on the line. "I want to know why you avoid sleeping. "
"I've told you," he snarled, quiet but adamant, his eyes slamming into hers, the fury in them a wild thing. "Just leave it. " His dominance shoved at her.
If it had held the force of a command, she would've backed down, their relationship in splinters, her heart an agony of pain. But furious as he was, Cooper wasn't pulling rank. No, he was simply a pissed-off man who wasn't acting at all like the tough, strong, honest Cooper she knew and loved. "No," she said, holding that powerful gaze. "I won't leave it when I know something's hurting you deep inside. "
When he would've opened his mouth to respond, she kept speaking, her words a taut whisper as she fought the urge to yell. "You think I don't know how sleep deprived you are? That I don't feel your wolf's exhaustion? I know you, and I know you're in pain, so you will talk to me. "
He bared his teeth, went toe-to-toe with her. "Act like a damn submissive. " Tears pricked her eyes at those bad-tempered words, but they weren't tears of pain or of hurt. "I am. I'm acting ll i ke your submissive. " The one who knew he'd die before he'd crush her spirit, no matter if such an act would win him the argument.
Growling deep in his chest, he picked her up and pressed her to the back of the door, the sheet falling to the floor as she grabbed reflexively at his shoulders, her legs going around his hips again. She found herself face-to-face with the wolf, his eyes pure feral yellow, his body pressed to the delicate, unprotected core of her, naked against the abrasive denim of his jeans.
Rather than flinching or pulling away, she touched her fingers to his face, stroking. "I see you," she whispered, her own wolf rising to the surface. "I see you, Cooper. "
The affectionate whisper, that pale gold gaze devoid of fear, it destroyed him. Turning his face into her touch while never breaking the beauty of the eye contact, he reached down her body to stroke her, drank her sigh in a kiss.
She didn't refuse him when he undid his jeans, taking him with a gasp of welcome, her lips seeking his in a delicate kiss that was inexpressibly feminine.
Shuddering, he let her take control, walking backward until the backs of his knees hit the bed. He sat down, his woman on his lap, and surrendered to her loving. Until he felt adored in the most tender o
f ways. Until he knew that if she ever left him, he'd break forever.
Later, after the pleasure, and knowing she would fight him again if need be, this woman with a spirit strong as steel, he admitted the horror that stalked him. "I don't want you to see me, hear me, like that, and it infuriates me that I can't escape it. I'm not that scared boy any longer, haven't been for a long time. "
Grace brushed her hand over his scalp, understanding why he'd fought so bitterly against telling her. For a dominant to confess to such a weakness would feel like an unmanning - and he'd already been emotionally raw after last night. Even now, she could see him withdrawing, his wolf refusing to meet her gaze.
But there was something important in what he'd said, something he was too close to see. "You said the nightmares started up around the time you began to court me seriously. "
A nod, jaw clenched.
"It's because I matter, Cooper. " It made her heart hurt to understand how much. "You worry about me in a way you haven't worried about anyone since you were a boy. "
Cooper didn't say anything for a long time. "I'm always going to worry about you. "
"Ditto. " Pressing her fingers to his lips, she said, "But maybe the nightmares won't come when you know beyond any doubt that I'm safe and sound. I can't get much safer than in your arms. "
He didn't look convinced, but he didn't fight her when she asked him to come to her bed again the next night. She knew he didn't sleep properly, determined to hold the darkness at bay, but by the third day, he was so exhausted he crashed. This time, it was Grace who didn't sleep. She knew what it would do to him to wake up screaming - so she'd kiss him at the first sign of trouble, seduce him until he forgot what had originally disturbed his sleep.
It was the only answer she had, and if it failed, she didn't know what they'd do. Cooper was so proud, it would savage him if he couldn't win the fight against the nightmares, because a fight was how his wolf saw it. He needed to beat this challenge, needed to protect the woman who was his own against the shadows in the dark.
