“Melanie.” She hiccupped while she cried, hardly able to talk. “It's R-R-Ryan. He just wrecked his truck.” My whole body went numb.
“What are you talking about? Tess? He was at school, I just got off the phone with him not too long ago.” My voice came out weak and frantic, not wanting to believe what I was hearing.
She cried harder. “He left school. Something about going to check on you.” I grabbed my mouth, bile rising in my throat. I fell to my knees as the tears streaked my face.
Molly's voice rung in my ear over and over.
I came to give you a warning.
Chapter Thirteen
It was a nightmare. A horrible, horrible nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. I drove myself to Denver's hospital, not sure how I managed to when my mind was focused on Ryan. I found Tess in the waiting room. She was a mess, eyeliner smeared underneath her eyes and she started crying again when I arrived. It caused my own tears to start back as we ran to hug one another, needing that comfort from each other. She briefly told me what was going on. Apparently, they took Ryan to surgery the moment he arrived in the ambulance.
I called Mom during the time we were waiting and told her what happened. This happened to be her workplace, she rushed over right after I called. I placed my head on my knees and watched Tess pace the floor as we waited to hear from the doctor. Mom offered to grab us a bite to eat in the cafeteria but the thought of food made my nervous stomach queasy.
It wasn't until two hours, maybe longer, before Linda, Ryan's mom, rushed in carrying her overpriced handbag and was typing furiously on her cell phone. When she finally looked up to see her daughter, she plastered a worried expression on her face. I never felt so annoyed with their parents until this moment. Even when they weren't around, I thought they still cared for them, but why did it never seem that way to me. Was it because my own parents were so different. Ryan and Tess always had the best clothes, latest phones, and nicest cars. Their parents made sure of that, but lack of warmth and love from their parents were always visible to me.
I watched as Linda kissed Tess's cheek and wrapped her into a hug. Tess’s expression was unreadable as her mom hugged her. “Where's Dad?” she asked Linda as she broke away from the hug.
She sighed, leading them to some chairs to sit down. “He's in Kansas working. He's not going to be able to make it today.” Tess glared at her mother.
“His only son is in surgery from a wreck!” Tess accused.
“It's not that simple.”
Tess didn't reply and the waiting room grew intensely quiet. Linda finally noticed us sitting on the other side of the room. “Oh, I didn't see you guys.” She smiled, trying to hide her startled look. I simply nodded, unable to muster anything nice to say.
“Yes, we care a lot about Ryan.” I didn't miss the icy tone in Mom's voice as she glared at Linda. Mom's protective instincts were showing, she thought of my friends as one of her own. She spent many nights feeding us all.
The room descended into quietness again until another family joined us waiting for someone to get out of surgery. Mom left to pick Alex up from school, bringing him back to the hospital with her. Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, a doctor walked out looking exhausted. “Ryan Jones's family?” His accent was thick, but understandable and we all rushed toward him.
“I'm his mother. How is my son?” Linda plastered a worried look on her face.
The doctor sighed, clicking the pen in his hand before putting it in his coat pocket. “He's stable for now.” My head spun. What did that mean?
“What happened? What's wrong with him?” Tess asked, sounding just as helpless as we all felt.
“He suffered some head trauma. On top of that, he broke several ribs puncturing his lung. We found some internal bleeding that we managed to stop. Both legs are broken. That is why the surgery took so long. We have him sedated. I will tell you now just so that you don't worry when you see it. We are going to keep him on a ventilator for tonight as a precaution.” I heard what he was saying, but my mind and heart did not know how to process it. I staggered backward and Alex was there to grab my hand. I felt numb.
Tess started crying and my mom hugged her. Linda covered her mouth with her hand, fear and sincerity reflecting through her eyes. It was real fear this time. “We've put him in ICU. Intensive care unit. You guys can visit him during the visiting hours.” He nodded before walking away.
The walk to get to ICU felt like it took a lifetime. We had to press a button outside of the door that paged the nurses. Thankfully, it was visiting hours but only two could see him at a time. I frowned as I watched Tess and Linda go through the doors to see him. I paced the door waiting for one of them to come out.
Mom gently grabbed my shoulder as if to comfort me. Alex looked small standing against the hallway wall. His head was lowered, nervous. I wanted to be there for him, but I didn't even know how to handle it myself.
My guilty conscious was eating me alive.
The door opened and Linda stepped out dabbing her eyes with a tissue. Her makeup was ruined from the tears she spilled. Her lip did a small tremble as she met my eyes. If she was this way, it only showed just how bad the situation was. When she tried to speak, it came out as a cry. “You go see him. I can't see him like that.” With those words, she hurried down the hall.
Mom squeezed my shoulder. “He will be okay.” I barely nodded, praying she was right. I went in. Some of the ICU rooms beds were exposed and I saw patients as I walked by. Other rooms were private, I recognized the person sobbing as I grew closer to Ryan's room. This unit was especially quiet; everyone spoke in hushed conversations and all I could hear was the steady beeping of machines. I found his room. I saw him on the bed as I walked in and I crumbled to the floor. I cried and grabbed the foot of the hospital bed for support. Tess lay over his chest, but not actually putting any weight on him. He was unrecognizable, his body and face looked as it were swollen from all the bruises. Some type of metal rods stuck out of his legs that went into his bones. He wore a hospital gown, but he hadn't been cleaned up since the wreck. Blood covered his handsome face and parts of his arms. Tess quickly hid his legs underneath the small sheet as if to hide it from our view. He had a nasty gash above his left eye. But the most frightening thing was the tube that went into his mouth and the way his chest rose and fell with the machine.
Still crying, I stood up and managed to move next to Tess where she stood. The look she gave me caused my heart to clench knowing we felt the same pain. I found his hand and wrapped my fingers into his, giving it a gentle squeeze before leaning over and whispering in his ear. “I'm so sorry.” My tear fell and hit his cheek.
_________
Tess and I stayed at the hospital that night. I missed school again the next day, but Mom never said a word. Alex stayed with Mom's sister—our aunt Brenda—while she had to work. Her little boy was almost the same age as Alex and they go to school together. Mom constantly checked on us throughout the night when she got the chance. We slept in the waiting room, Linda was back early the next morning. I found myself walking the halls alone as I let Tess talk with her mom.
I went to the cafeteria and bought a coffee. I only drunk coffee when I was tired, I hated it, but I needed something. I took a sip. It was horrible. I drank it anyway. The cafeteria was empty besides a couple a few tables away from me and the cooks.
Someone moved next to me and took a seat. I didn't have to lift my head from the table to know who it was. I always knew his presence, it filled up the entire room every time I was close to him. I peeked out from my arm to see him staring at me. His face reflected sadness and concern for me or Ryan, I did not know.
I sniffled, wanting to cry again just because he was here. I lifted my face and pinched my nose hoping that would prevent me from doing so. He scooted his chair closer and pulled me back until I was entrapped in his embrace. I somehow maneuvered myself in his strong hug so that I could wrap my hands around him, pressing my ear against his chest.
I could hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. My worries seemed to evaporate in his presence, inside his arms.
This was all my fault. The horrible part was that no one knew except me. Ryan didn't deserve what happened to him. All he ever did was care for me. I felt so much hatred for myself. I didn't even know if he would be okay. But why was I hugging Killian when the person that's been there for me half my life is laying in the hospital bed. Better yet, the Grim Reaper, someone I barely knew. I jumped up so abruptly, the chair squeaked as it slid across the floor. Killian looked up to me surprised.
I hurried away. I felt him following after me. Don't follow me. Don't. “Melanie.” I ignored the strange pull that always drew me to him. The one that seemed to tug at my heart and mind. I opened the cafeteria door and stepped into the halls. I heard his deep sigh, one of impatience as he snagged my arm from behind and pulled me around to face him.
I tried to keep my expression neutral. “What is it?” I asked.
“Whatever you're thinking. Whatever you're feeling. Don't. He's going to be okay.” I jerked my arm away from him.
“This is my fault.” I gripped my palms. “Because things are happening to me that shouldn't be. Things that shouldn't even be real are after me.”
He glanced back and forth in the hallway. “I don't think this is the best place for this conversation.”
“I can't do this anymore.”
His forehead wrinkled, not quite sure what I meant. “What do you mean?”
“I didn't ask for this. Why is it happening to me? I just want to be normal. No.” I shook my head. “I wished things where back to the way they were before I met you. When seeing ghosts was my only problem. Not dealing with demons. Or you.”
He flinched at my words, something flickered in his eyes. Was it sadness? Or did I hurt him? My throat twisted, I hadn't meant to say that the way it had come out, but I couldn't go back on what I said. Because a part of me felt that way. “You don't actually mean that,” he whispered. I thought he was going to reach out to me, but he changed his mind.
I couldn't see anything, the tears in my eyes that I refused to blink out blurred my vision. I finally reached up and wiped my eyes. “I can't lose him. He's all I ever really had.” My voice was soft from the crying, but it never wavered. I was telling the truth. I loved Ryan. I didn't know what that love was anymore, but it was special.
His face hardened, I saw him slowly slipping back on his mask, tucking away every emotion he felt inside. I knew how my words sounded. I pretty much told him I couldn't lose Ryan, but I could lose him. He took a step back. I felt feverish, my heart beat frantically, my whole body convulsed begging me to take back what I said. This feeling, my heart must know. What I was feeling was more than hurt.
It was a heartbreak.
A loss.
The loss of something so fragile and precious before I even got to know it.
Chapter Fourteen
“The police said he most likely lost control of his truck when his tire blew out. Not to mention he was in a curve when it happened causing the truck to flip into the ditch.” Tess took a drink of her iced tea before pulling her phone from her back pocket. “Mom sent me pictures of the truck.”
I took the phone from her hand and glanced at the image. There the truck was, flipped on its top next to the small cliff I passed going to school every morning. The roof of the truck was smashed completely in and a tire was missing. I swiped my finger over the screen to look at the next picture. They had the truck towed back to their house in this picture. Now that the truck was laying on its top, I could see the real damage. I gripped the phone, a violent shudder raking over my body. How could a person survive this accident? The top was completely smashed in almost; I could see where they bent what was left of the door to get Ryan out. The truck was destroyed. I handed the phone back to Tess unable to look any longer. “I want to speak to him. I wished they would let him wake up just so I know that he's going to be okay,” Tess whimpered. She leaned into me and I her, using each other for support.
I felt the same as Tess. I understood why they chose to keep him sedated, but for a minute, just a minute, I'd like to see his big brown eyes and for him to tell me he was okay. Leaning against Tess, I looked upward, trying to contain my tears and realized this was it, that moment I realized my person must be Ryan. Always Ryan. This ache in my chest hurt so bad. Once he was awake, I'd tell him how I felt. How much he meant to me. I wouldn't hold back any more, holding back from him only drove him to be more reckless. I wouldn't hold back because of the danger; it was too late for that now. Killian's handsome face flashed through my mind and I shook my head, swallowing the lump in my throat. I wouldn't tell him about how much I was affected by the Grim Reaper that was sent to keep me safe. Or how the single thought of his name lit up my entire being. No, Ryan was too good for that. Too sweet. He deserved better.
I didn't know what to do now. I took a deep breath, getting a whiff of Tess's strawberry shampoo before stepping away from her. Waiting was hard. I couldn't do it. Besides, I couldn't wait. Who would be Fear's next target? Mike walked in as I was stepping out, Tess gave a small smile when she saw him. She buried her face in his chest when he reached out to her.
Now that Mike was there for Tess; I could relax. I had to do something. No one else needed to get hurt because of me. I was so sick of Fear taking everything from me. That one emotion has controlled my whole life since the day I met him in the classroom. Fear destroyed my life, marked my skin permanently with a sick reminder of him, leaving me haunted by ghosts. Because of that, I lived in fear, afraid to do anything worth doing with my life. My face was burning with so much hate, I gripped my pants to calm myself.
Funny how I thought fear was only an emotion. Now I knew it was a very real monster that trapped me with fear. It felt so foolish now, being afraid for so long. I wanted to stand up for myself, but I didn't know how to. Today, I wouldn't fear Fear. If he wanted me, I'd let him have me. I would learn to fight back.
Somehow.
I went to see Ryan in the ICU. He still had the ventilator. They said it was only a precaution, but worry seeped into my chest telling me otherwise. Was he not in the safe yet? What weren't they saying? Or what did his mom know...? I grabbed his hand, trying to find it in me to give him a smile as I moved a strand of matted hair off his forehead. It didn't look like Ryan laying here so broken down and lifeless.
It was at that moment, I made another promise to myself. I would find a way to protect myself so that no one would get hurt because of me. I lowered my face to his and placed a small kiss on his jaw. His skin was cool to the touch, another reminder this wasn't the boy I've known for so long. Here, in this room, on this bed, he was a sleeping boy. Just a boy, fighting for his life. Did he get to think of his life while he was in this state? I closed my eyes, shaking the thoughts from my mind. “I can't let this happen to anyone else.” I reopened my eyes and told him, hoping he could hear me. “I promise I will find a way to fight back. I'm trying not to be afraid anymore. So, please open your eyes, okay?” I whispered. The room was quiet, the steady rhythm of the machine helping Ryan breathe grew louder in my ears as I stared at him until I finally just left the room.
As I walked a couple rooms away, a monitor started beeping out of control. Several nurses and doctors began rushing over to the room next to Ryan's. My whole body tingled as I froze in place, afraid to move as I listened. A male doctor yelled and nurses scrambled, rummaging and plastic being tore open as the machine continued to beat frantically. “We're losing him,” a nurse yelled. I couldn't not look any longer, I whirled around to see the group working hard to keep the man alive on the bed. But I wished I hadn't turned around.
Grim materialized in the room, in front of the bed. Nurses went through him as they hurriedly moved around the bed. The man's heart rate began to plummet, causing everyone to try harder, but I knew it wouldn't be enough. It was already over for the man. Grim being in the room only proved it. The man was layi
ng in his death bed. His heart rate bottomed out completely, the machines stopped, and the room fell silent. One of the nurses dropped her head as the doctor looked at his watched. “Time of death 2:13 P.M.”
“Miss.” I looked to see an older nurse next to me. “I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.” I let her walk me to the ICU entrance as I turned to stare at Grim's back before leaving. He looked at me just as the nurse shut the door in my face.
I sighed, shaky and ashamed because a single thought drifted in my head as the man died.
Thank God it wasn't Ryan.
_________
That evening, sometime after school had ended, the hospital was covered with people that we went to school with. They all wanted to visit, but none of them could. People brought Tess and Linda money and food for their hospital stay as well as prayers and comfort. I slipped away to catch my breath. I didn't do well with these people. I knew that someone would be out soon enough to send them all home as loud as they were being.
My mind drifted to Killian and when I would see him again as the voices grew fainter the further away I got from the others. And of course, in Killian fashion, and if he could tell when I was thinking of him, he appeared around the corner of the hallway. His dark clothing stood out underneath the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital. He placed his hands in each of his pants pockets before looking down at me. I say 'down' because he's just impossibly huge. I need to shorten him somehow, but there was no time to be thinking of all the things I noticed about him. “We need to talk,” I said quickly.
He nodded. “Yeah. We do.” His deep, rich voice caused a shiver to run up my spine the more I was around him. Only this time it was his cold, harshness in each word that caused me to shiver. “But not here.” He reached his hand out to me and it caused me to think back to all the times he had done so before. He was always doing so out of protection and concern, always with the hint of worry and warrior mixed together. Other times, like the night that changed how much I felt about him, when he offered it then, I could see worry. I could see he wanted my acceptance, to know him. Most of all, he wanted my trust. Maybe, even that night, I probably even saw uncertainty flash in his eyes, not sure of himself or me, or what we were doing. It was a shy feeling for both of us. But this time, this was different....
'Til Fear Do Us Part (A Grim Awakening Book 1) Page 14
