by Jane Keeler
As she walked back to the carriage with her aunt, Winifred was smiling. Unaccustomed to this level of happiness, Eliza felt vaguely uncomfortable. At least it seemed all was going well – as far as she could tell.
They rode to Jonathan’s home, which even from a distance proved to be larger and far grander than Winifred’s. The excitement was oozing from Winfred as she admired their furnishings and the presentation of the serving staff. As Winifred fussed over Eliza’s dress in the carriage, Jonathan was preparing his family to meet her. His mother was excited that he had met someone, and his father did not comment, but he was sure they would like Eliza. She was stunning in her blue dress, far prettier than anyone he had courted before.
At the dinner they all admired her as if she were a prize, and she felt their eyes on her uncomfortably. His family were no better at making conversation than he was, her and Winifred left to fill many of awkward silences, which surface frequently, by themselves. The dinner was exquisite, and Eliza was told that Jonathan had caught the duck they ate himself. She doubted it when she saw the smirks go among the servants. Beneath his family’s veneer of self-confidence and wealth, she saw that they were worried that Jonathan would never find an appropriate suitor. This added a note of desperation to the evening, and she was sure Winfred felt it too. Surely Jonathan, as dry and boring as he was, could find someone appropriate. Perhaps there was something about him that had driven away other young women, who she was sure he had courted in the past.
As they finished their last course, she and Winifred said their goodbyes to his family. The Wyndhams smiled adoringly at Eliza, and she gave them a forced smile in return. She pitied them for having such a boring son, but knew that she may well be their daughter-in-law one day.
Jonathan and Eliza were left alone for a short moment while Winifred went to fetch the carriage for the ride home. Jonathan did not try to make conversation, but immediately moved towards her, grabbing her waist and pulling her to him forcefully. His breath tasted of alcohol as he kissed her, and she did not respond. He seemed unaware of her lack of enthusiasm and continued to move his mouth on hers, even going so far as to grope her through her dress. They separated quickly as Winifred returned, Eliza pushing him away. She immediately wanted the taste of him out of her mouth and far away. As she walked out the door she waved goodbye politely, but inside was vowing never to let Jonathan touch her again.
On the carriage ride home she contemplated what had happened, feeling sad and angry at Jonathan for what he had done. It had not been respectful or chivalrous, as it should have been from someone of his status. No wonder he had lost his previous women.
She fell onto her bed as soon as she arrived in her room. Spending time with Jonathan was draining, even when there were beautiful sights and wonderful food. He was dry and boring, but he was an ideal suitor – rich and well-born, with bright prospects for the future. Winifred had told her that she should begin to consider a marriage to him, and Eliza knew that she was right. A tapping noise began to come from the window seat overlooking the garden. She could see the section of the garden where she had first met Nathaniel from that spot. Discontented and upset, she walked to the window, sure that something must be loose or broken. To her surprise and joy, Nathaniel stood below, throwing rocks to get her attention. The lamp she held illuminated her silhouette as she signalled for him to come up to her room.
He was in the room quickly, but she still felt as though she had waited for him too long. They began slowly, with long, drawn out kisses that they wished could last forever. But they only ever had short moments together, and this they knew all too well. Their last encounter, he had felt her body through their clothing, pressing against him. Her sighs and moans as he touched her breasts through her heavy dress told her that she wanted this too. In the small circle thrown by the bedside lamp he could see just enough of her dress to begin to undress her. Slipping her overdress off and unlacing her corset, she stood in a slip and reached for his trousers. He knew she could feel how hard he was through them, and he pressed into the palm of her hand. She began to move quicker, and it seemed he had sparked her impatience. Taking off her own slip, her breasts swung as though full of some soft weight and her nipples quickly hardened in the air. He could not help but give a low moan just looking at her figure. From her heavy breasts her waist swept in to a flat stomach, and below that her round hips and mound of hair tempted him past the point of no return. She was light as he picked her up and lay her on the bed, and her legs spread easily for him. He grasped her breast, squeezing its fullness as she moaned and raised her hips to him.
“Eliza…” he moaned as she began to rub him, a question in his voice. She moaned in return, and he gave her what they both wanted. As he entered her he felt her body convulse, squeezing him as he pushed in further and further. She was tight and wet and felt right. He grabbed her waist as he began to thrust, and in the dim light their eyes connected, simultaneously moaning in release when they were done. They lay, spent, next to each other until the early morning when he slipped away.
***
Jonathan was waiting to see her when she awoke the next morning. She dressed quickly and moved downstairs, her hair still up from the previous night. Winifred was there to chaperone the pair, which Eliza was thankful for this time. Jonathan was pacing around the room when she entered, his nerves showing simply another element of the desperation from his family which Eliza had detected at dinner. Winifred cleared her throat and he stopped, seeming to calm down. Eliza wondered what he would be like in private. Was it possible he had no personality and did as others told him, always? That was how he appeared to her.
He began to speak in a rehearsed, almost rhythmic voice. There was no emotion present, though there should have been with the words he was saying. She wondered who had written this speech for him. “These past few days I feel as though I have been struck by you, Eliza. Your beauty and liveliness have given me life. I feel as though I have changed in the time I have known you. You make me a better man, and I want you to marry me.” When he finished he got down on one knee, holding a ring. Eliza couldn’t help but stare, stunned. Jonathan hadn’t known her for longer than a few days – how could he be doing this? The ring gleamed in the light and she stood there, frozen, for what seemed to be forever. Winifred was looking at her expectantly, as was Jonathan. Her eyes began to fill with tears, but she could not cry in front of them. Lifting her skirt, she breathlessly excused herself before running up to her room.
When she woke up, it was dark outside. Bella must have undressed her, and she was under her covers. Winifred was trying to give her time to think, and she appreciated that. A familiar tapping began at the window, and she took her lamp to see him standing far below, waiting to come up. She was impatient for him to ascend, pacing around her room with a nervous energy.
He arrived and began to kiss her, melting her sadness away with his lips. She lingered, feeling every movement of his and memorising the shape of his mouth. Her heart felt as though it was on fire. He moved his hand to her breasts and she froze. It didn’t feel right not to tell him. He would find out sooner or later.
The idea of not being with him caught in her throat. She sobbed into his chest, her tears wetting his shirt. He looked down at her patiently, wanting to know what was wrong. “He proposed to me. Jonathan proposed.” She couldn’t meet Nathaniel’s eyes as she spoke, ashamed and feeling as though she had betrayed him.
“What does that mean for us?” He asked her, sadness present everywhere in his tone.
“I don’t know.” Shaking her head, she looked everywhere but at him. “I should talk to Winifred.”
“Winifred will tell you to marry him.” He knew why she had come to Winifred’s, what her purpose was in this upper-class social circle. Maybe it was really that obvious, that she was seeking marriage. That would explain the quick proposal from Jonathan, and the looks she got at dinner parties.
“I know, and maybe I should.” Marrying Jonathan was her d
uty – it would advance her family and their position. They would never worry about money again.
“Do you really believe that?” His voice broke and she wondered if he was crying too. There was a hardness to his words that made her wonder if this was something he had expected. It was as if he had prepared himself for the worst.
“Loving you is betraying my family. I don’t know if I can do that. I’m sorry, Nathaniel.” She spoke into her pillow, and when she finally looked up, he was gone.
Outside, the night was stormy. She hoped he would get home safely, angry though he may be. The wind whistled past her window and she wished to hear the tapping on the glass again. Another chance at this night’s encounter, one which did not end with them both heartbroken, was what she dreamed of.
Drifting back to sleep in a worse state than before, she decided she would speak to Winifred in the morning about the whole situation, though she doubted her aunt would help. She needed advice from someone, feeling alone in her world of twisted love and grief.
***
She knew she had to look her best for Winifred. Bella put her hair up and helped her into a cream dress that felt innocent and pure. It framed her figure well and she knew that even if Winifred did not agree with her, she would appreciate the extra effort put into her appearance.
Reluctantly, she made her way down the stairs, unsure of what to expect.
Swallowing her nerves, she tried to remain calm. “Winifred,” she said, her voice a little shakier than usual. “Do you know Nathaniel Durrant? I think he helps in the garden here at times.” She hoped she was not too forward, but she intended to make herself clear.
“He’s a lovely boy. About to join the church, I believe. Why do you ask?” Her eyes narrowed a little as she began to suspect the worst.
“I would like to marry him.” Eliza kept her voice even and her chin up, staring straight into Winifred’s eyes, which became cold and merciless as she understood.
Her face was set into a frown as she began to speak. “Elizabeth, he is high born, but he is hardly good material for a husband! He has limited prospects, if any. If you truly wanted to elevate the status of your family, Jonathan would be your only consideration. I believe that you know that too.” Eliza listened silently, taking the blows that Winifred delivered. She did not know – nor would she have cared – about the connection Eliza felt with Nathaniel, and those beautiful stolen moments she’d shared with him. Still, the guilt was hard to avoid. To choose love over money would mean choosing her own wellbeing over that of her family. Selfish was never a word she wanted to think herself, let alone have to accept herself as. Love shouldn’t have felt selfish to her, but it did because of her sense of duty to her family.
When she was with Jonathan she felt nothing. Their conversations were empty, and the single time he had kissed her there had been no feeling exchanged. The kiss had felt like another ritualistic aspect of Winifred’s upper class life. With Nathaniel it was the opposite. They spoke excitedly, rushing to tell each other everything that they could in their short time together. Words spilled out of their mouths extravagantly, but they were always rich with meaning. In his intelligent eyes she could see that he truly cared about what she was saying, attentive and alert. Their bodies were the same way. He touched her, and she felt as though she were on fire, alive with passion. Nothing was forced, and she touched him almost without realising. She loved him, and she couldn’t give that up.
Bringing herself to marry Jonathan seemed like the right thing to do, but it was impossible. Her heart would forever be with Nathaniel, and it wouldn’t be right. She imagined herself stuck in that marriage, forever longing to be with someone else. With Nathaniel she would be contented and happy. Though he may not have prospects, his birth was high enough to raise the status of her family slightly. Not as much as a marriage to Jonathan would, she understood that, but it would hold some benefit. It would help enough to raise them out of poverty. She knew what her choice was, but she doubted Winifred would understand. “I want to marry him for love. I can’t marry Jonathan. It may seem the right thing to do, but I feel nothing for him.” Her family would know why, this she was sure of. Her father and mother had married for love, and though they had other hopes for her, she believed they would understand.
Winifred looked away from her, unable to comprehend what she was hearing. It had all been going so well. She had found Eliza a perfect suitor, who had proposed to her within days, and now she was going to reject him. Nathaniel was a sweet boy, but Eliza had obviously not considered carefully enough the implications of what she was saying. To marry into the Wyndhams would achieve everything she had set out to do, and she would never want for anything. Her family would be so disappointed in her if she chose otherwise. “I think you need some time to consider what you’re telling me. This is not a spur of the moment decision, Elizabeth.”
With her conflicted thoughts swirling in her mind, Eliza knew where she needed to go: home. The long carriage ride would be worth it if her parents could help her make this decision. She took no bags, determined to get there and back in a day. Proving Winifred wrong and gaining her parents’ approval would make everything better.
Winifred did not try to stop her, sure that she would be right. She knew Eliza would be swayed if her parents did not give their blessing. Past the same rolling hills and fields they rode, Eliza feeling entirely different to her first carriage ride here. There was a sense of urgency now, and no chance she would fall asleep this time. As soon as they arrived at her home she leapt out of the carriage, not prepared to wait for a footman to open the door.
“Eliza?” she turned and saw Nathaniel standing behind her.
“What are you doing here?” Confusion reigned as she tried to reconcile the idea of him at her parents’ home. He smiled, and she felt herself relax as she so often did when around him.
“I came to ask your parents’ blessing. I thought that if they approved, you might not feel that you had to marry Jonathan.” Gratitude overwhelmed her and she pulled him into an embrace.
“I couldn’t do it. Winifred told me to accept, but I couldn’t. I want to be with you. I’m here for the same reason as you are.” Her eyes filled with tears of happiness and she took his hand. “Let’s go and see my parents.”
As they walked through the door, her mother smiled from the kitchen. “I’ll get your father from the garden.” Eliza and Nathaniel sat down at the worn table in the centre of the room. Eliza felt embarrassed by the simplicity of their house, but he squeezed her hand to reassure her that all was fine.
Her mother and father entered and Nathaniel stood, ready to introduce himself. Eliza’s mother signalled to her to move to the living room, and they left the men alone to negotiate. Nervous at first because of the seriousness of the situation, she soon relaxed into her mother’s company. Before she knew it, she was telling her everything about her time at Winifred’s. The revelation about Nathaniel and his position did not seem to shock her mother as much as it had Winifred. “We sent you away to find a husband of repute. Nathaniel may not be ideal, but if you love him that is more important. I hope your father can see that too.” Her soft voice and kind words calmed Eliza, who had been near crying from the disappointment she anticipated.
Nathan was an intelligent man and Eliza trusted that he could win her father over. She harboured her doubts in a far-off corner of her mind. When she and her mother walked back into the kitchen her father sat stone-faced, and Eliza’s heart began to beat faster. He relaxed and smiled as she came over, and she let out a sigh of relief. Nathan also smiled and embraced her, holding her tight, and it seemed he had succeeded. “We give you our blessing,” said her father. Her mother held his hand.
She looked at her parents with gratitude, and emotion overcame her heart. She and Nathaniel were to be married, and her family were proud of her. Love had won, and she had not broken her family’s hearts. As they walked out into the sun to tell his family the good news, happiness and contentment came o
ver them. While they could spend their lives together, they knew they would be happy.
THE END
*** THE END ***
Book Six
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TO STEAL FROM THE LAIRD
By Jane Keeler
“We’re getting a new laird!” His youngest sister’s voice was full of excitement. She had run up from the bottom paddock to tell him the news that so thrilled her.
“Don’t let yourself be too happy about that, Celia.” The excitement was easy to dismiss, despite her innocent trust in fate, that naïve belief that everything could change. Nothing would change. Though Aidan had only seen 23 winters, this he knew. His family’s life on the croft had fallen into a depressing pattern of work and toil for no reward. They couldn’t expect anything from a new laird but more of the same. As far as he understood, it was possible that their situation could get even worse. The previous laird had been tough but not cruel, and even understanding when times were truly hard. He’d heard of some other towns not far from their own that had been taken over by lairds with unreasonable expectations and violent tempers. This combination had proved fatal for many of the struggling farmers, and he knew that it could easily happen here too. How would they fare if their laird would not let them prove their skills in a reasonable manner? He wondered about their fates, sighing audibly.
Celia rolled her eyes at her brother’s pessimistic brooding, resolving to run back down to the bottom paddock and help her parents in the field. The harvest time was coming up, and everyone had a lot of work to do. The skies were clear, and the rolling hills stood tall on either side of their valley. The loch shone, glassy in this short period of good weather. No winds were here to shake the clear water, but the sense of expectation pervaded the atmosphere.
