by Abby James
He rose when he saw me approach. It was only once my cheeks hurt did I realize I was wearing a silly grin. It was like the intervening months had never happened.
“It’s good to see you, Samara. You look fantastic,” Nathan said, as he flicked a glance over me.
“You don’t look so bad yourself.”
We’d never been big at hugging, which suited me just now. I wasn’t prepared to get a hit from Nathan. And did he know what my ability was? McGilus had trusted him enough to assign him as my protector, but did that mean he had gone as far as revealing to Nathan my true ability?
“How are you fitting in?”
“It’s been an eyeopener, but I think I’m slowly learning how to cope. The crossing still sucks, but I guess I will get use to that as well.”
“It usually takes time.”
It was nice to be with him again. He wore the same cologne he’d always worn, the same cologne that reminded me of a home I never knew.
“How’s your workload.”
“We’re not here to talk about me.
“You look tired.”
“I’ve been anxious this last week.”
“Why?”
“This meeting. I’ve not spoken to you properly since you left. I wasn’t sure how this would go, given I kept everything from you. I was relieved to hear your voice, to know you wanted to meet with me, but I’ve been worried all you wanted to do was blame me.”
“I was angry at you for maybe the first month, then I realized you couldn’t say anything. I never would’ve believed you even if you had told me, so you’re off the hook.”
The waitress interrupted us. I ordered the same thing as I had ordered for all the years I’d been coming here, a coffee and jam donut. Nathan kept his eyes on me the whole time. Once she was gone he leaned closer, elbows on the table. “Tell, what are you?”
So McGilus had kept it from him. “An empath.” I hesitated at first. I didn’t want to lie to Nathan, but I took McGilus’s cue. The lie spilled off my tongue easy enough.
Nathan’s brow dipped threatening a frown, which never fully eventuated. “Just like your mother.”
I nodded. “How well did you know my mum and dad?”
“Which dad are you referring to?”
At least that answered one question of mine. Nathan had read the journal or he was aware of what mum had done.
“Both. I want to know where you fit into the story.”
He eased himself back into his seat, casting a glance around Sherbets. “I never attended school at Darkwells. I met your parents later. After they had graduated.”
“What academy did you attend?”
“I was at Hinderbrek in England.”
“You’re English. Why don’t you have an accent?”
“I grew up here, but my parents sent me to Hinderbrek. They had issues with some members of faculty who are no longer on the board. Once I’d graduated I returned home. Rather eagerly, I might add.”
“What did you do when you returned?”
“I took a post with the council for two years as an errand boy. I’d planned on working my way up the ladder and gaining myself a seat.”
“What stopped you?”
“Your father. When I first returned I needed somewhere to stay. He had a room for let. It was cheap, close to all the conveniences.”
“When did you meet mum and Miles?”
“After I’d moved in with McManus. He would drag me out to some of the Darkwells reunions. It was then he introduced me to Gloria. I could see straight away his obsession with your mother. I knew it would never end well. Not after I met Miles.”
“What was he like?”
Nathan arched his head back, stalling his response like he needed time to think through his answer. “Miles was a charismatic and charming man. He was quick to joke and loud with his laugh. I was blind to his true nature at first. It wasn’t until Gloria turned to McManus when things got rough with Miles did I learn of his other side. I’d noticed the low simmer of his anger, which at times flared in his eyes when a conversation took a turn he didn’t like, but I’d never seen the wild bouts of fury, not until he turned up at McManus’s demanding to see Gloria, but she wasn’t there.”
“So he knew they were having an affair?”
“He suspected something. But they were discreet. He never caught them. He and McManus had a long standing hatred for each other. It must’ve killed him to think she had turned to his rival for solace when their marriage turned sour. Miles was his own worst enemy. He never saw his failings, never understood why he pushed Gloria away.”
“Do you think he loved her?”
“Everyone loved your mother. She was that sort of person. But Miles had a strange way of showing love. Same as your father. In a lot of ways they were similar. McManus had his own flaring temper. Especially toward the end when your mother went back to Miles. That is when I truly feared for her safety. She was messing with the hearts of two powerful men. Not that she meant to do such a thing. She was running from a difficult marriage, then running back to that same difficult marriage to protect you.”
“Did my dad know about me?”
“He suspected all along. He drank a lot, disappeared for days on end, then when he turned up he would lock himself in his room. I had no idea what he’d already done.”
“What do you mean?”
“How much of her journal did you read?”
“She grew afraid of him. I know that.”
“Your mother had been the light in his dark life. His parents were disciplinarians. They expected the best from him and unfortunately for McManus he was not a great student. They thought punishment would make him try harder. It had the opposite effect. It made him give up. But your mother was kind to him. It was not until he left the academy and was no longer under the strict guidance of the teachers that he ventured to the skurks.
“You see he wanted power. He wanted to be as good as everyone else. He wanted to prove to himself and your mother that he could be someone. He trained with the skurks and learned tricks you could never learn at Darkwells. But the skurks had their limits. Never having been formally trained themselves there was only so much they could teach him. So he traveled. This was before his affair with your mother. He convinced me to go with him. We traveled across Europe, staying in places long enough for him to learn what he had to learn before we moved on.
“I’d known about his activities with the skurks, but I turned a blind eye. At first I was ignorant to his activities while we were away, until he began to bring the people he’d met back to our accommodation. It was then I fell into the seductive lure of dark magic myself.”
The waitress returned with our drinks and food, cutting off our conversation. The disruption triggered Nathan’s sigh, as if released from the tension he’d coiled himself into. I remained sitting forward still wrapped in the trance of the story he had woven. This was my father, the loser, the desperado, the obsessor, the mad man. It would’ve been more painful to hear had I known him.
“What happened when you found out?” No way was he finishing the conversation there.
Nathan pressed his lips together. Surely he would not stop now?
“I am ashamed of what I did.”
“What?”
“I joined in with your father’s search. I was lured by the idea of gaining power, finding new ways of expanding my own ability. I sat at the table with some bad supes. We traded spells and knowledge banned at Darkwells.” He looked into his coffee. “I hope you don’t hate me.”
I shook my head. “Everyone makes mistakes. The difference is some people make amends and seek forgiveness. You did all that by protecting me.”
“I knew what your father was capable of. I even suspected he wasn’t sane, but I ignored all the niggles in my head because I had become as addicted to the search as he had been.
“It was only after a few bad instances did I start to think of the implications of what we were doing. That was after we�
�d returned from our travels and McManus began to share with me some of his greater plans. By then he was insane with the desire for yet more power. Then your mother turned up at our apartment in tears and he saw his opportunity to fulfill every wish he desired.”
“How long did their affair last?”
“About six months. It never started as an affair. That came later. But your mother never suspected any of the darkness in McManus’s heart. I think she knew it was there, she was an empath after all, but she needed him to be her support, and so she talked herself into believing it wasn’t there. She felt sorry for him. Had always felt sorry for him, had always wanted to help, and McManus had always manipulated that weakness in her.
“Once she could no longer pretend McManus was not the insane bastard he was it was too late. She was pregnant with you.”
“And she fled back to Miles.”
“You can imagine how McManus reacted.”
“What did he do?”
“McManus always had a healthy respect for Miles’s ability. I believe he had always feared him. So he kept away for the most part. But he never stayed far. For a long time I thought his love for your mother was the reason why he did not force your mother to admit the baby was his.”
“What happened to mum when she went back?”
“How far through her journal did you read?”
“Only as far as her return.”
If he was surprised I had not delved in and devoured every word he did not show it.
“She lived in fear of McManus revealing her secret. She feared Miles ever finding out, but she feared your father more.”
“Did she speak to you about her time with Miles or McManus?”
He nodded. “I was the only one left your mother could trust. I became her confidante. There were so many times I wanted to rescue her, but there was nowhere I could hide her or you that neither of those two would find. She refused any suggestion I made. She didn’t want to bring you up on the run, and she believed Miles would stick by you both. Being an empath I guess she knew.”
“What happened the night they died?”
Nathan ducked his head, looking like he couldn’t go on with the story. “I blame myself, Samara, for your mum’s death.”
He lifted his head. Our eyes met through my shocked silence. My expression willed him to continue.
“McManus excelled at emotional blackmail. He tried to renew contact with her, ringing her, sending her text messages day and night. I feared she would break in the end. He always managed to find a way under your mother’s defenses. So I told your mother everything I knew about McManus and all the things he had been doing. She was understandably horrified. It was enough to make her cut all contact with him. Your mother was a strong woman, but you were five by this time and she feared for your safety. She knew he would never stop until he knew you were truly his, and if he knew, he would take you from her, and she was not strong enough to stop him. It was then she made me promise to look after you if anything happened to her.”
“So she knew she was going to die?”
“For many years she’d feared for her life.”
“Nathan, was the fire that killed them both an accident?”
“Yes. And no. By now McManus stalked your mother’s every day. He became obsessed with winning your mother back and taking with him you. Your mother came to me the day she died saying she could no longer live like they were. She planned to meet with McManus. Beg him to leave her alone. That’s when she gave me her journal and made me promise to keep it for you if anything happened to her. She also left you with me. She said she would return later that night to collect you. I told her not to meet with him. I offered her protection, suggested we go to the council and tell them everything, but she was sure she could convince McManus.
“She never did have that conversation with him. He turned up on their doorstep. Miles and McManus got into a fight. Miles became blinded by rage and lost control of his ability. The fire was too sudden and intense. McManus barely escaped. But he was hideously burned. Nothing he’d learned in his arsenal of spells could cure the burn from a fire elemental.”
The unburdening hollowed Nathan out. He looked pale and tired. “The fire weakened him. Which was a good thing too. It gave the council casters time enough to create a spell around you to keep you from your father’s grasp. But I never revealed the truth to them. No one knew he was your father. I did that to protect your mother’s shame, and to protect you.
“They shielded you because I lied and told them he was insanely in love with your mother and wanted something of hers to keep. McGilus asked me to be the anchor to the spell. But of course the spell wore off once you developed your ability.”
“Was that the only reason you stayed with me all that time?” There was more to this story I needed to prize apart, but my biggest concern was whether Nathan had stayed with me all these years out of guilt and duty.
Nathan leaned forward, stretching his hands across the table, asking for my own. I stared at his hands for a few seconds before I relented and grasped hold of his. As with McGilus and Luca, Nathan’s ability came into me with the force of a battering ram. I had to close my eyes to keep myself steady and not reflect any of what I felt.
“Of course not, Samara. I don’t ever want you to think that. I would’ve stayed with you regardless. I would’ve brought you up as my own if my life had not been such a mess. I didn’t even have a home I could call mine at that point, and what did I know about children?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“I understand. And I appreciate everything you did for me. You have been the only constant in my life.”
I slid my hands from his because I could no longer pretend I felt all right. My emotions were raw. Any minute now I would use some of Nathan’s ability and god knows what would happen, or what I would reveal.
“It was the skurk that kick started my ability.”
“I knew Darkwells would come for you as soon as your ability came through, but you never told me that something had happened to you, so I wasn’t expecting you to go when you did.”
“Sorry. I had no idea what was happening. I thought I was going insane.”
“It’s my fault. Maybe I should’ve made an effort to explain the truth. But I didn’t know how to say it.”
Neither of us had touched our coffees. I’d lost interest in mine by now.
“Samara, you must read the rest of the journal. I want you to understand everything.”
“There is more?”
“Just read the journal. You should hear it all. There are many things I cannot give you. Like how your mother was really feeling. What she experienced with your father while you were young. It’s all there in dribs and drabs. You should read it.”
“I will.”
“You won’t judge her for what she did, I Hope?”
“It’s not nice to learn that your mother cheated on the man you thought was your father. But after reading what I read I can understand.”
“Your mother’s life after marriage was torture. Neither men were easy to be with. She made some wrong choices, but she should never have been punished for loving the wrong man.”
Was I making the wrong choice with Luca? Would I follow in my mum’s footsteps and chain myself to a man that was as broody and dangerous as either Miles or McManus?
“I cared for your mother very much. She was a beautiful person. Warm and compassionate. I think she thought she could be the calm Miles needed. She was fooling herself, fooling herself for love. He didn’t want the calmness she could provide. I think he craved it at the start, but he was too hot tempered to ever be tamed enough. And McManus was too manipulative. He wooed your mother when she was vulnerable. He made her believe he was the sanctuary she desperately craved, only for her to discover too late he was more insane than Miles.”
I turned to look out over the cafe as I blinked the sting from my eyes.
“She loved you so much. She would have done
anything to protect you and that is why she stayed with Miles and lied to him. He was the safer of the two.”
It was getting late by now. I lifted the bag I had been carrying and pushed it across the table to Nathan. “It’s only small.”
He stared at the parcel. Then reached inside his pocket and pulled out a small parcel of his own that he slid across the table. “Just as well I thought of something myself.” With his other hand he pulled out my phone. “When you come back this way make sure you give me a call. We can talk. But I don’t suppose McGilus will be in any hurry to allow you back this way again. I hear the skurk have made an attempt recently to get at you.” He straightened and looked around the cafe with a frown. “Where is your protector?”
Strange he should not query why the skurk were chasing after an empath.
“You’re well informed.”
“When it comes to you, I want to know everything.”
“And you needn’t worry about me while I’m here. No one is getting past the guy McGilus has watching out for me.”
“Don’t underestimate the skurk. Even more so your father.”
“I don’t understand why he hasn’t showed up?”
“He was greatly weakened by the fire, and has been in hiding from the council. It will not be so easy for him now, but you should never underestimate him.”
“When was the last time you saw him?”
“Not since the fire.”
“But you know he is still alive.”
“Yes.”
Nathan’s phone rang, drawing our conversation to a close.
“I’d better go,” I whispered to him as he glanced at the screen of his phone. He ignored the call and rose with me. We wove around the crowded table as we made our way out of Sherbets.
When we reached the paving I did something I’d never done before. I hugged Nathan. He stiffened at first, then slowly brought his arms around and hugged me back. I tried to ignore the injection I received and just focused on how good it felt to be hugged by the man I had loved for the last fifteen years.
