by Neil LaBute
CLEO … but you’re still talking to me.
TED Yeah, but … I mean … Cleo. Come on!
CLEO Like I said, “now or never.” And “never” is approaching like a … speeding train.
TED Cleo.
CLEO Ted. (Beat.) Up to you, buddy …
TED Then … you should … God!! Then you better go ahead and get on it, I suppose … yeah, I guess so.
CLEO … wait … I don’t understand …
TED The train! That’s coming. You should jump on board and take off … without me.
CLEO … ok. (Beat.) Wow. (Exiting.) Enjoy your night.
TED You too! (To himself.) “You too!” Are you a complete … assbag?! I mean … come on! “You too!” IDIOT!!
TED stands by himself. Looking off into the crowd. Sipping his drink. After a long moment CLEO returns. Standing right next to him.
CLEO Don’t say anything, just listen. This is your choice and I respect it. I do. All I want to say is that I’m … you know … I am surprised. That’s all. You caught me off-guard, and I’m not saying this because I think I’m so amazing or anything—I mean, I am kind of great but that’s beside the point—I’m just … I want you to know that I think you are … I dunno … I think that was cool of you and rare, you turning me down like that, and I just wanted to say that she’s a very lucky girl and … yeah. That’s all. Very very lucky.
TED Thank you. That’s really nice of you to say.
CLEO You’re welcome.
TED Honestly. It is.
CLEO I just thought you should know … (Beat.) Okay, seriously. Last chance! And “what happens in Cleo, stays in Cleo.” (Waits.) Wow! Shit, that’s my best line ever. Ok, I’ll give you ten seconds and then I’m outta here! Promise … So? (Beat.) Okay, I’ll count it out. Fine. One. Two. Three. (Beat.) Four. Five. Six. (To TED.) Seriously? (Beat.) Seven. Eight. (To TED.) Come on! Jesus! (Beat.) Nine … (To TED.) I mean … this is just … (Beat.) Fine. (Beat.) Ten. That’s ten. “The end.” God, you’re tough!! (Beat.) Alright then. I’m going now. I’ll … just … yeah. (Beat.) … and … you’re not even gonna ask me for my number or the … like, my facebook … or nothing. Twitter? (Beat.) Nope. Nothing.
TED I’m … I want to … I mean, sorta … but no. I’m not going to because that would be … you know. I can’t. (Smiles.) I mean, if my girlfriend was out and some guy was all up in her “grill” or whatever … you know? (Beat.) Not that I’m feeling that about you … that you’re up in my grill or, or, my, you know, my … face … I don’t … I really don’t! (Beat.) But … you know what I mean. It wouldn’t be right.
CLEO No, that’s true. It wouldn’t be. At all. OK. (Beat.) BUT … what if … this was a set-up, that I’ve known your girlfriend for years, that she’s my … good …
TED … my fiancée, you mean …
CLEO Right, yeah, your fiancée—listen to me—if I told you that we went to college together … her and me …
TED … no …
CLEO Yes … and just the other day we ran into each other downtown and over lunch she asked me to check up on you, to approach you when you’re at work or on a business dinner, after you’d had a few drinks, and see if you would go to bed with me—just to be sure that she can trust you before marrying you, she had me do that … what would you do if that was the truth? Hmm?
TED Oh.
CLEO Or if this was, like, reincarnation, or I’m the ONE person you were waiting for all of your life …? What would you do if that’s what is actually happening here … instead of us just accidentally bumping into each other by chance on this lonely Thursday evening? Hmmmm? (Beat.) What then? (Beat.) Ted?
TED … I would … you know … I’d have to give that some pretty … serious … thought.
CLEO I know I would. I mean, if it were me. I’d give it some pretty deep and serious thought … and I’d do it this very second. Right-the-fuck now … before this … beautiful, mysterious, wonderful creature standing here in front of you—who just might turn out to be the absolute LOVE of your life—is gone. That’s what I’D do … if I were you.
TED That’s some … good … solid … advice there.
CLEO And to be fair—regardless of the rest of this, you and your fiancée and all that other shit I just threw out right now—you haven’t even seen me do this yet …
TED What?
She puts a finger in his mouth then in her own. Sucks it.
CLEO That.
TED Ahh. “That.” (Beat.) No … I didn’t yet have that important … bit of … info …
CLEO No, you didn’t. Did you?
TED No.
CLEO Too bad. (Beat.) Or this. (Gets closer.) Bet you didn’t know this, either …
Kisses him until he stops and breaks free of her. Steps away.
TED No. (Beat.) I didn’t. So obviously I’d need to … you know … factor all that in there, too.
CLEO “Obviously.” (CLEO steps to him—TED backs up.) … have fun with your clients.
CLEO touches his mouth and smiles. Exits. TED watches her go then stands alone in silence. Finally he says:
TED That’s … are you kidding me? I mean … are you fucking kidding me?!!! SHIT!!!! What was that?! What the hell was that?! (Suddenly, TED pulls out his phone.) … come on, come on …! (Waits.) Hey, hi there, honey! Hello!! I was just … yeah, I know it’s still loud … I know … what? Ummmm, no, they’re still partying away! No, I still don’t know the name of the song … I wanted to call you because … well, I really miss you … I do. (Beat.) No, I wish I was there, too. No. Believe me, I really do. But listen. (Beat.) Hmmm? What? You’re already on the phone? With who? Oh! Well, say “Hi” to your mom for me … can you call me back? WHY? Because I miss you … and I love you … and I need you … oh. Ok. Sure. ’Bye … ’bye. (Beat.) ’Bye.
He stands there. Alone. Music blaring. Looking around the bar and not knowing what to do. Waves at the other guys again. Signals to them. Bows. Tries to dial again. Bows.
He slowly turns and looks off toward where CLEO has gone. Lowers his phone while he stares off into the distance.
Silence. Darkness.
I’M GOING TO STOP PRETENDING (THAT I DIDN’T BREAK YOUR HEART)
I’M GOING TO STOP PRETENDING (THAT I DIDN’T BREAK YOUR HEART) had its world premiere as part of the AdA “Desire” project at the Venice Biennale in Venice, Italy, in August 2014.
It was directed by Nathalie Fillion.
HER Emilia Verginelli
SHE Elisa Alessandro
Silence. Darkness.
Two women are somewhere. At home, probably. A house or an apartment. A place where they both live. For now.
One sits while the other busies herself with setting a table for dinner. Plates, glasses, silverware. The works.
After a moment:
SHE … so … then …
HER …
SHE … what …?
Silence as one of the women thinks about what to say for a long moment. Finally:
HER I’m sorry.
SHE Uh-huh.
HER I am, though.
SHE Okay.
HER I am sorry. I don’t really know what else to say … other than that, but … “sorry.”
SHE You’re sorry?
HER Yes.
SHE Alright.
HER Very sorry, actually …
SHE Why?
HER Just … you know …
SHE No. Why?
HER Because of … whatever! How things are. How they’re going.
SHE You mean …?
HER Between us. How things are between us now. Or have ended up. Here. Like this …
Silence again as one woman thinks about this. Weighs it out in her head. After a moment:
SHE Doesn’t have to be that way, though.
HER What?
SHE Just … I mean … so you know: it does not have to end like this. The way it’s going right now. (Beat.) Not from my side … not at all. (Beat.) It doesn’t.
HER …
SHE What?
HER Nothing. No. (Beat.) I mean, that’s easy to say, but … you know … it’s not true. (Beat.) It’s not.
SHE Isn’t it?
HER No.
SHE Why?
HER Because … it’s … just … because.
SHE Yeah. “Because.” That’s all you’ve said to me so far about it. “Be-cause.”
HER You know why.
SHE No …
HER … yes …
SHE No, I don’t. I really don’t.
HER Fuck.
SHE What?
HER I just …
SHE No, what’re you …?
HER You know.
SHE Not really, I mean …
HER Oh, come on …
SHE What? I don’t … I think that we’re …
HER I-DON’T-LOVE-YOU-ANY-MORE! (Beat.) There. (Beat.) Is it better if I say it that way? To your face? (Beat.) Is it?
They both stop for a moment. Waiting to see how the other person responds. Finally:
SHE … I guess.
HER Yeah? That was better? (Beat.) Raising my voice and getting … all …?
SHE I guess so. (Beat.) Yes.
HER Why? Why do people need to hear things like that … in person and so … to make something feel real? (Beat.) Seriously?
SHE I don’t know.
HER Neither do I! I’ve never understood that, why it’s so important to … you know … to do that. To shout. Why people want that.
SHE I dunno, but they do. They just do and so it’s … (Beat.) You know they do.
HER Yeah.
SHE Right?
HER Yes. (Beat.) We’re masochists, I guess.
SHE No, it’s just … whatever. Human nature or something. (Beat.) To want contact.
HER Fine.
SHE I’m not making it up. People do need it.
HER OKAY. (Beat.) Anyway, I already said it. (Beat.) Before. (Beat.) Right? (Beat.) Not that you liked hearing it … but …
SHE No, you did. You said it. (Beat.) Said it one time and then again. Now. (Beat.) You screamed it at me and this time I heard you.
HER I mean … did you not believe me the first time or what? (Beat.) Hmmmmm?
SHE No, I did.
HER … I wonder …
SHE I did! I just … I figured maybe you’d say it one more time and hear yourself and then … I dunno. Really think about what you’re doing here—doing to me and, you know, to “us”—and that you’d wake up or whatever. Wake up and see what this means to our relationship and … just … maybe … stop. (Beat.) That’s all. (Beat.) I guess I hoped that you’d … stop. This.
HER “Stop” what?
SHE I-don’t-know! Stop saying that or feeling it or something. Just “stop.” That’s all. (Beat.) Stop being that way.
HER How can I? (Beat.) Seriously, how? (Beat.) I mean, when it’s true. When I actually do feel that way? About you?
SHE …
HER I don’t love you anymore, Kim. I’m sorry. I wish that I did. I’ve tried to … pushed myself to feel something for you … but I don’t. I don’t love you and that’s … I’m sorry, but it’s true.
SHE You really don’t?
HER No.
SHE Not even just a little? (Beat.) A little bit? (Beat.) A teensy little bit?
HER No. Sorry. (Beat.) I used to … back in the day or whatever … in school and stuff … but …
SHE … not any more.
HER No. (Beat.) I don’t.
SHE Okay. No, I get it … (Beat.) Got it.
HER Sorry.
SHE Stop saying that! I know you’re sorry … you’ve said it a hundred times so I’m aware that you’re … whatever … “sorry.” (Beat.) I look over at you at dinner or wherever … some restaurant … and you’ve always got that look on your face now … (She makes a look.) “Sorry.” “I’m sorry.” “I’m so so sorry.”
HER I am, though.
SHE ALRIGHT, OKAY! YOU’RE “SORRY!” I-GET-IT!
Another silence falls over them as they wait for someone to speak again. After a beat:
HER Maybe we should do this later …
SHE No! No way … that’s …
HER … but …
SHE Let’s just … no. Now. We should get this over with now. Right now.
HER Fine.
SHE Here and now.
HER I said “fine.” (Beat.) So? (Beat.) DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT? HMM? (Beat.) DO YOU HAVE TO SET THE TABLE RIGHT NOW? I mean …
SHE Yeah, I do! YES! (Beat.) It helps me, ok? (Beat.) Doing this calms me so that’s why I’m … don’t worry about it. Alright?
Silence as one of them thinks about what to say next as the other continues to arrange table settings. Then:
HER So … are we gonna … ummmmmm … you know?
SHE What?
HER Nothing. I just … do you wanna continue living here, or should you … or I—do we keep doing this, living like this, or do we … what? (Beat.) What’s next?
SHE I dunno. You tell me.
HER Ahhhhhh … well …
SHE You want me to go, right? (Beat.) I mean, in a perfect world … what would happen? I’d leave, right? (Beat.) Right? (Beat.) Tess?
HER I suppose.
SHE Of course I would.
HER Yeah. (Beat.) Yes. (Beat.) I suppose so. If things were … you know …
SHE Because this is your place …
HER Right, but … no … not just that …
SHE But it is. It’s your house. Your home. You’ve always made that pretty clear … so that’s the truth. Right? (Beat.) Right?
HER Right.
SHE Okay, good. Fine. So just say it then …
HER Yes. (Beat.) That’d be best. (Beat.) If you would go. (Beat.) At some point.
SHE “In a perfect world.”
HER Uh-huh.
SHE But, I mean, to be fair—this is actually pretty far from perfect. (Beat.) Don’t you think? Our situation here? (Beat.) Tess?
One of them looks at the other and pauses before saying:
HER I suppose so. Yes.
SHE Yeah. (Beat.) “Perfect” would’ve been us together forever. Like we talked about. That’d be “perfect.” To me. That’s what a “perfect world” would be. (Beat.) So …
HER … okay …
SHE “Perfect” is what you promised me before all this …
HER Well, no … that’s … not …
SHE Ummmmm. Kinda. Yeah. (Beat.) How you said it’d be. For us. Before I did this …
HER …
SHE What I’ve done. To myself. For you.
HER I know. (Beat.) We said a lot of stuff. We both did. (Beat.) Along the way …
SHE Yep. We sure did. (Beat.) Along the way.
HER … but …
SHE Especially you. A lot of promises to me. A lot. (Beat.) Before.
HER Okay, okay! (Beat.) Okay. (Beat.) I know.
SHE Promises that don’t seem to mean shit anymore, though … do they? (Beat.) Right?
HER Ummmmmm … that’s not very fair …
SHE How? How is that not fair?
HER … because …
SHE Don’t say that! Not “because.” Alright? Not just “because” again … (Beat.) You have something more to say then say it, say it to me. To my face or whatever but not any more of this bullshit “because.”
A little pause as one of them starts to say something but stops. Rethinks her thought. Then:
HER Fine. Alright. (Beat.) What do you want me to say, then? (Beat.) Hmmmmm? (Beat.) What?
SHE Anything. Something. (Beat.) Some-thing.
Silence while one of them tries to regroup. To think of what to say now. After a bit:
HER So, yes, we made … like … pledges to each other. Promises. Things like that …
SHE Yes.
HER And that’s not … I’m not saying that did not happen … but … a lot of that talk was you being … forcing me to … you know …
SHE What?
HER Just … nothing. (Beat.) Forget it.
SHE No, what? Explain …
HER Things … just … happen! Change. People do and that’s … I dunno. That’s life. It is. Life sometimes gets very … you know … we grow, or, or … shit … yeah. “Grow.” Grow up or out or—how else can you use that word?—in some … other direction … come on, you know that’s true! We do. People move on and they … it happens every day! Every second somewhere in the world and I don’t wanna have to feel so … guilty about this. I really don’t. I’ve grown up and not just that, “up,” but also …
SHE “Away from.”
HER Yes! We’ve grown away from each other … (Beat.) We have. (Beat.) Couples do.
SHE Or closer.
HER Ok, yes. Sometimes … but …
SHE That can happen, too, you know … if they try. (Beat.) They can get closer.
HER Or “apart.”
SHE Or “together.”
HER OKAY, OKAY … SHIT! BAD ANALOGY!! SORRY!!! It doesn’t matter …
SHE No, it’s fine … it’s fine …
HER No, obviously, it’s not … whatever. (She stops.) You’re gonna make me pay for this, aren’t you? Of course you are. I get it. (Beat.) I’m the one who wants something … something else in life and so for that I have to pay. I-pay-you. (Beat.) Right?
SHE What?
HER … just … stop …
SHE No, what do you mean? (Beat.) What?
HER Supposedly I deserve it.
SHE Do you?
HER I guess so. (Beat.) Yes. (Beat.) I fell out of love with you and so now I have to pay some sort of … like … “price” for that so I will. (Beat.) Tell me what it is and we can just be done with it. (Beat.) Go on … tell me. (Beat.) Go ahead, Kim.
Silence before she answers. She thinks about this very carefully and eventually says:
SHE I think you’re right. I think there is a price for what you’ve done … or not done … or whatever you wanna call it. (Beat.) Yes, I do. (Beat.) People get away with too much … just walk away from all the messes we make and that’s wrong. It is.
HER So tell me what it is, then. Tell me what I have to do now to balance this out …
SHE Nothing.
HER “Nothing?”
SHE I mean, just this … what you’re doing … (Beat.) You’ve gotta live with it. From now on. (Beat.) That’s the cost. That is the penalty for your … bad behavior …
