“Well, that’s fine and dandy, Miss Suffragette.” Alicia snipped back. “But have you thought about what will happen if you’re pregnant? Just what will you do then? Better yet,” she continued, “just what will your father … or Hawke do? Hmm?”
Pregnant? Her mind reeled at Alicia’s words. Blast! She counted silently in her head. It wasn’t that she didn’t know it could happen. She had grown up on a ranch, and while she was in Virginia, the women involved in the suffrage and women’s rights movement had talked openly about sexual matters. She had heard countless stories about women, who like her, had forgotten themselves in a moment of passion and wound up pregnant. Panic rose in her chest.
“I couldn’t be,” she said weakly. “I just couldn’t be.”
“Well, if you are, you know your father will make Hawke marry you, whether you want to or not.” Alicia reached over and took her hand. “Your father loves you, and he’ll want what is best. And to him marriage and the protection it offers is the answer. Anyway if your father finds out you have lain with Hawke, whether you’re pregnant or not, he’ll make him marry you.” She added with an impish smile, “You don’t know, Hawke could think the same thing.” Kara felt her stomach clench as Alicia spoke. “He does strike me as rather proper that way.”
“What have I gotten myself into?” Kara groaned. “Why do I have to think about it and why can’t he just forget about it? I’m not planning on telling Papa, and even though Alec did say Hawke would,” her lips narrowed to a grim line, “I don’t think he will. At least not until we talk.”
• • •
Hawke was far from forgetting. He had been trying to get Kara alone ever since they had returned from town. Damn obstinate woman had insisted her friend stay with her. He knew she was doing it to avoid him. Realizing he wouldn’t be able to confront her until Alicia went home, he agreed to go with Alec and Austin to do some hunting and some thinking.
The ride had been quiet, although Hawke caught Austin glaring at him from time to time. Alec had brought down an elk, while Austin and the men had bagged some white-tailed deer. Hawke’s mind wasn’t on the hunt. The only creature he wanted to trap had beautiful blue eyes and a body made only for him.
They had finished for the day and were gathering to eat after setting up camp. Some of the men were still cleaning the elk and deer they had killed, leaving Alec, Hawke, and Austin alone by the fire.
“You are going to marry her?” Austin’s question held an edge of warning.
“Pardon?” Hawke stared intently at the other man, wondering what the hell had prompted that question. He could hear Alec choking on his supper next to him.
Throwing Alec a warning glance, Hawke looked back at Austin on the other side of the flames.
“I assume you mean Miss Jonston. Is there a reason I should?” He bristled at the man’s accusatory tone while his mind scrambled to determine out how much Austin knew.
Austin stood and leaned toward the spit on the fire, his eyes razor sharp; the fire gave them an unnatural glow.
“Well, I’ve seen the way you look at her and her at you.” He paused, pulling a large knife from his belt, and proceeded to slice meat off the roast sizzling over the fire. “I’d just bet.” He sat back down his elbows propped on his knees as he bit a piece of meat, chewed slowly all the while keeping a steady gaze on Hawke. “If you haven’t bedded her, you plan to. And Stoneham.” His eyes hardened and his voice turned dark and menacing. “I find out you have and you plan on haring it back to England without doing right by her, I’ll hunt you down and gut you just like those elk over there.” He growled, pointing the wicked-looking blade at the carcasses strung up a short distance away.
Sitting back against a log, he pointed the tip of the blade at Hawke, “That I can promise you, hombre.”
“I’m surprised you would impugn Kara’s honor.” Hawke drew himself up, angered at his insinuation. “I had assumed you had romantic designs on Miss Jonston?”
“I realized I had no chance after seeing how she behaved around you. No,” Austin continued, his voice calm, “now, I tend to think of her more like my own sister.” A sharp glance at Alec made it clear Austin would accept no dalliance with his sister, either.
“Excuse me,” Alec interrupted, “but my limited experience with Miss Jonston has shown me she has behaved in a rude, caustic manner to both Hawke and myself. What would make you think Hawke would have any romantic designs on her?” Hawke saw the veiled look almost challenging him to admit differently.
He wished he could beat Alec senseless. He wasn’t about to admit to young Roberts anything had occurred between him and Kara.
“That’s just bluff on her part,” Austin replied, once again leveling unblinking eyes on Hawke. “It’s obvious to just about everyone she has feelings for you. And it certainly ain’t no secret where your mind is when you watch her. Besides,” he smiled coldly. “Those ‘love bites’ you left on her neck back at the hotel spoke pretty clearly. You’re just lucky Case didn’t see them.”
Hawke was caught off guard. It wasn’t that he was planning on keeping his intentions secret, but he certainly didn’t like Austin confronting him and trying to force the issue.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he grumbled, stood and walked a short distance away.
He knew what he should do. It was the only correct thing to do. Go to Case, tell him everything and marry her. The thought of marriage, he realized, didn’t bother him the way he thought it would.
“Humph,” he grunted, imagining being married to Kara. Smiling, he realized it would never be boring, either in or out of the bedroom. Visions of her in his bed, her hair a silken cape around her golden skin heated his blood again. Thoughts of her naked in his arms, giving so freely and passionately of herself left him hardening with need. He could not imagine finding so intense a release with any other woman. She had insinuated herself into his very being, into his heart. He wanted to marry her, not because it was the expected thing to do, but because he wanted her. His first brief taste of her, her passion and heat, were not enough. He felt deep in his gut he would never have enough. It was more than just a sexual attraction. He enjoyed her independent spirit, the way her mind worked and that she wouldn’t back down from an argument just because he was a man. The thought of her with him forever felt right. He knew what he was feeling was more than desire, but was it love?
You are surely caught, laddie.
It amazed him how free he felt and how easy it was to make the leap. Turning back toward the camp he was eager to return to the ranch and claim Kara for his own. Tomorrow could not arrive soon enough.
Chapter 23
Kara walked by the corral on the way to the broodmare pastures. An animal’s squeal of outrage, the pounding of hooves, and the cheers of men caught her attention. They were breaking some of the young horses today and many of the men had stopped working to perch on the top rail and watch the broncobusters work. Stepping up on the lower fence rail and resting her forearms on the top, she looked to see what had the men so excited.
Though she never trained any of her own horses this way, she understood why the men broke the horses. The animals would be used in the remuda provided by the ranch. They needed tough animals that would work long hours. Many of the horses were more than half-wild when they were brought in from the range, nervous and unused to men. In order to train large numbers of them quickly, the cowboys would put the young animal in a round corral with a post in the middle. The horse would be roped and tied closely to the snubbing post so they could be saddled. Kara watched as a rawboned bay lurched and tugged at the restraint, tossing his head, kicking out whenever the cowboys approached. The cowboys allowed him to continue circling the post, wearing himself out, waiting until the exhausted animal came to a halt, sides heaving, white foamy sweat covering his brown coat and his muzzle almost in the dirt.
Kara saw
Jeb Black. A shiver of unease ran through her. She couldn’t shake the aversion she felt when he looked at her. At the moment he was completely focused on the horse in front of him, so she could watch him unobserved. Slowly he approached the animal, all the while watching the wild rolling eyes and the spread leg stance, waiting for the horse to lunge again. He moved closer, a rope halter in one hand, the other lightly gliding over the taut rope, all the while talking softly.
Cautiously, he touched the sweat-covered neck of the horse, watching for any change signaling the horse was going to lunge. Again with slow small movements he slowly stroked the horse’s head with one hand while slipping the halter over its head. The feel of the rope across its nose and behind its ears startled the animal and he began to lunge and buck. Black backed away, but never let go of the rope attached to the halter. Jerking on it caused the horse to stop momentarily. Black wound the lead rope around the snubbing post, approached the horse and slipped the rope from its neck.
Kara was impressed with his calmness and his ability to work with the young animal. He seemed very different from the man who had accosted her in the barn. Another man approached the horse with a saddle. He quickly threw it on the back of the panicky animal and pulled the girth tight. The horse arched his back like a cat and began hopping trying to get the scary thing off its back. One of the other men took Black’s place at the horse’s head, holding the halter and gripping one of its ears. Black nimbly leapt into the saddle, took the rope attached to the halter, and nodded his head for the men to let go.
Though she had seen it done all her life, Kara was still amazed at the ability of the riders to stay on as the horse careened around the circular pen, bucking, hopping, twisting, anything to get the unfamiliar weight off its back. Black gripped the saddle with his legs, one arm holding the rope and the other held up in the air as a counterbalance. Despite all the wild moves, from rearing straight up on its hind legs to bucking so high he almost flipped, the horse was unable to unseat its rider. After many hair-raising minutes, the horse quit bucking and began running around the pen. This is what Black was waiting for. The horse was tired enough now to begin learning the commands from its new master.
After commenting to Luis on Black’s excellent horsemanship, Kara turned and continued walking towards the broodmare pasture. Here everything was quiet and calm. The sedate mares grazed in the field while their babies gamboled around on awkward thin legs. Kara loved watching them. These were their prized quarter horses. She remembered Galahad as a spindly colt, and how much she loved training him. These horses were not broken like the ranch horses. She trained them herself. Some were trained for ranch work, like Gally, but many others were trained for racing. Nothing could outrun a quarter horse at the quarter mile. The shorter races were becoming very popular not only in the West, but on the tracks back East. The Ladder J was gaining quite a reputation for producing winners and Kara prided herself on the care she gave each one of her horses.
The mares nickered a soft greeting as she approached the fence. Seeing the mares and foals brought her own dilemma to mind. She was still unsure if she might have become pregnant from her night with Hawke. Warmth washed over her. She could still feel his warm hands gently stroking her skin and the intoxicating taste of his lips on hers. A flush of desire rushed through her body. She realized she desperately wanted to feel those hands and lips again. She rested her hand against her belly, wondering what it would be like to bear his child, to be with him always — to love him.
The feeling slammed through her. Did she love him? And if she did, what would it mean to her plans for her life? Feeling even more mired in indecision and doubt, Kara fought the tears welling up in her eyes. Staring out at the pasture without really seeing anything, she tried to get her wayward emotions under control.
“Kara? Are you all right?”
She whirled around, surprised to see Maria at her side. She had been so deep in thought she hadn’t even heard her approach.
“Yes … no.” She dropped her head into her hands, the tears falling unchecked. “God, I don’t know.” She looked up, feeling Maria’s arms circle her shaking frame.
“Mija.” Maria rubbed her back. “What is it? Has someone hurt you?”
“No … no, it’s nothing like that.” Kara dragged the back of her hand across damp cheeks, sniffled, and gave Maria a weak smile. “I’m just being silly.”
“I don’t think it’s silly.” Maria said. “I think your feelings for Lord Stoneham are causing you this unhappiness.”
“What feelings?” Kara tried to deny, while desperately wanting to unburden herself to her friend. She was so embarrassed by her lack of control. “What makes you think I have any feelings for him?”
“Please.” Maria called her bluff. “Anyone with eyes in their head can see you have feelings for him. Your eyes follow his every move.” She lifted her hand to stop any denials. “And he is even worse. The way he looks at you positively gives me shivers.”
“Why?” Kara was aware of Hawke watching her, but was surprised to hear Maria had also noticed.
“Are you joking?” Maria stared at her incredulously. “He looks at you and the air vibrates. It’s like it’s all he can do to keep his distance from you. He’s as hot-blooded as any of the caballeros I’ve ever met. He wants you, everyone sees it, I think even your father is aware of his desire.”
Kara groaned. If he had any idea the two had made love … she couldn’t even imagine what he would do. Everything seemed to be spinning out of control.
“What is wrong? You are attracted to him, verdad?” Maria cocked her head in question. “He wants you. You want him. I would be surprised if Lord Stoneham did not ask your father for permission to marry you.”
Kara felt the blood draining from her face at her words. There was that word again. Marry!
“What is wrong? He is a fine man. Why would you not want to marry him if you love him?”
“That’s just it Maria,” Kara finally managed to reply. “I don’t know. Things have happened so fast, I don’t know if I love this man, and I certainly don’t know how he feels about me.” It was difficult, but Kara managed to tell Maria about the night in town and how she had been too afraid to face him after.
“But you must speak with him. You must know how he feels and what he will do next. Oh, Kara,” Maria grasped Kara’s cold hands. “You must.”
“But if he does want to marry, he’ll take me away from here.” Her heart cracked at the thought of leaving the ranch and everything she knew and loved. “Women go to their husbands homes, not the other way. I can’t,” she cried. “No matter how I might feel for him, I know this is the only home I’ve ever wanted.”
Determination coursed through her, ending her tears and stiffening her spine. “Why? Can you answer me why women must give up all our other dreams just because we marry? It just isn’t fair, Maria, and if I have to choose between living my life the way I want … . ” A pain pierced her heart as she thought of the choices she was having to make and how unfair it seemed.
“Do not make any hasty choices,” Maria cautioned. “You do not know his heart. He may not make you leave your home. Maybe he is the type of man who will let you follow your other dreams.”
“You don’t understand. He is a nobleman with properties and responsibilities far from here. His wife will be expected to live where he decides … not where she might want.” Grim determination clouded her voice. “I know what I have to do — I have no other choice.”
Kara turned and walked slowly away. A deep sigh escaped as the heaviness around her heart increased. She might love Hawke, she thought, but she knew without reservation she loved the ranch, and it was here she belonged.
Head down, oblivious to all around her, she went into the barn to brush and feed Gally.
Chapter 24
The lightening danced wickedly amongst the clouds rolling
ominously over the valley, heavy and black with impending rain. Thunder rolled slow and low across the desert, a light wind carried the scent of rain and dust in the charged air. The setting sun caught between the low dark clouds and the horizon cast a golden haze across the desert floor while lighting the clouds with a hellish red glow.
“Damn glad we decided to head back to the ranch.” Alec looked at the darkening sky. As lightning forked through the clouds, his horse danced nervously beneath him. “I wouldn’t want to be caught out in this when it finally decides to break.”
“Yep, it can be rough out here,” Austin replied, looking at the ground around them, determining where the higher ground lay. “These dry arroyos flood so fast nothing can get out. It’s best not to chance getting caught in one when these big storms blow up. Don’t want to sack my saddle yet.” He grinned lopsidedly. “Too many pretty gals out there.”
Alec laughed companionably with the cowboy. They had formed a friendship during the hunting trip despite Alec’s flirtation with Alicia. Behind them were the other men and the pack animals loaded with the game they had shot. While there had been opportunity to kill more game, the men took no more than could be used at the ranch. Even though he loved hunting, Alec never killed just for a trophy.
He looked over at Hawke, strangely taciturn in his saddle. Thinking about Kara, he supposed with a mixture of resentment and humor. The situation was almost laughable. Alec thought about the morning in the hotel and how absurd it was that he, of all people, would be lecturing Hawke on his moral responsibilities.
Alec had surprised himself. It had always been his policy to not get tangled up with respectable virgins and Hawke had been of a like mind. He knew when they met Kara she was going to be trouble, but he didn’t expect this kind of trouble. He hadn’t foreseen his best friend becoming so enamored he forsook his good sense and slept with the chit.
He could see the tension in Hawke’s shoulders and the intense concentration on his face. Alec had seen that look before, usually when Hawke was working his investments, exploring all angles to get what he wanted at the least cost to himself. Alec brightened. Maybe he was trying to find a way out of this farcical situation. He didn’t want to see his closest companion leg-shackled just because he momentarily lost his head.
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