by C. L. Stone
Brandon leaned over, hovering over me. “Kayli,” he said, touching my arm gently. “Just get under the blanket.”
I did, thinking he was going to continue to watch the movie and let me sleep. Instead he hit the power on the television, casting the room into mostly darkness. He crossed the room, opening the door and checked the rest of the apartment. I saw lights being turned off. It reminded me of my old routine of checking the house and making sure everything was locked up before going to bed.
He returned, closing the door. The room stilled, and the sliver of light from the window gave me something to focus on. There was movement toward the closet. I think he changed from his jeans and T-shirt into pajama pants. Brandon slipped into the bed beside me, rocking it as he flipped over once, and then stilled.
For a while, I couldn’t sleep. I stared at Brandon’s frame, at the way his shoulder sloped and how the blanket draped across his body. The cotton sheets were soft on my skin, a different feel from the crisp starched-to-death hotel sheets. The bed was more comfortable and didn’t smell like bleach. I supposed the night before I’d been too tired to think about things like that.
Now that I was a little more comfortable with the guys, my head was filled with a mix of feelings, and trying to figure out how I ended up here. I wondered where Raven and Axel were. I wondered if Marc was with them. I wondered why they left. I might have even missed them.
I didn’t want to admit it, but they were growing on me. I had friends in high school, but when I’d had to leave abruptly after my mother died, I lost contact with a lot of them. Not to say that I was that close with a lot of people. Even when I was younger, I wasn’t shy, but found it hard to trust. Too many early days with bullies and jerks. Too many friends who betrayed me. Even when I was friendly with people, they never really knew me.
These guys were different. I felt it. I was in a bed next to one of them now, and I wasn’t weirded out. It had only been a couple of days, and I was trying to figure out my life by including them in it, no matter what happened with Mr. Coaltar, one way or another. I kept thinking about introducing Wil to the guys. It was hard not to dream about getting an apartment inside the Sergeant Jasper. Corey had brought up the idea. Brandon hadn’t argued with him on it. It was like they wanted me to.
I thought about what Axel told me earlier, about being recruited to the Academy. Did I want that? I didn’t know what it was, some sort of private surveillance group. Something more than that, maybe. It was a tempting offer.
But who was I now? Two days ago, I was the girl who hid in the shadows, trying to go unnoticed and survive until Wil could have a better life. I was still doing that, but who was I going to be when this was over, and Wil was in college? Maybe Axel was right about me not being a regular job girl or college girl, but did that mean I had to join the Academy? I didn’t even know anything about it. Where does a thief belong? What about when she makes a promise not to do steal anymore?
What good was I to anyone?
I tried to brush the thoughts away because I didn’t have the answers and I wasn’t sure I’d ever find them. Eventually, the thoughts mingled into dreams.
♠♠♠♠♠
Sometime in the night, sirens screamed, cutting through the silence and drawing me out of a dark dream. My heart thundered and I sat up quickly, trembling.
I was sure those sirens were for me.
“Kayli?” Brandon’s voice drifted to me, soft and deep.
I wanted to answer him, but images flashed through my mind of the dream I’d been ripped from, of being chased by a blackness that knew my faults and wanted to keep me forever. I tried to swallow back the emotion, telling myself that those sirens were going away.
But my heart refused to believe it. In my panic, I choked instead of telling him I was fine.
Brandon stirred and sat up. My heart leapt into my throat, and I started to fling off the covers to jump from the bed. I needed to run from the room, run from him. I needed to be alone. I’d run to the bathroom and cry to get some relief and feel better. I was weak and disoriented after being in such a deep sleep. Kayli doesn’t cry. I’m not that type of girl. I couldn’t let him see me like this.
Before I could put my feet down on the carpet, an arm encircled my waist. I clutched at it, my mouth opened to tell him to let go.
He turned me toward him. Brandon’s bare, strong chest met mine, and my head instinctively found the crook of his neck. I gripped at his shoulders, because I had nothing else to hold on to.
His palm met with the small of my back and he drew me into him. His other hand dove into my hair, his fingers twining into the strands as he pressed me against his chest. “Kayli,” he soothed. “They aren’t coming for you, sweetie.”
It was the thing I needed to hear and the relief was too overwhelming to bear. It was admitting at how much wrong I’d done. I was scared. No matter what I did, no matter how much I wanted to make up for what I’d done, there was nothing I could do to get away from the nightmare that one day, policemen would find me and I’d be in jail forever.
Because I deserved it.
I swallowed back sobs, but it didn’t stop my tears from reaching his skin. His sympathy broke me. The tears were the ones I’d always hidden from Wil, usually running to the bathroom to wipe away in private. Doing this in front of Brandon was worse, but now that I’d started, I couldn’t stop.
Brandon shifted, not letting go, but moving until he was sitting cross-legged on the bed with me in his lap. The hand in my hair drifted until his palm was on my cheek, wiping away the wetness. “You’re fine,” he whispered. “You’re safe. Kayli; they’re not coming for you. I promise. If you stay here ... if you stay with me, I swear.” He dipped his head, and his lips met my skin. He kissed a spot near the corner of my eye. “I swear, you’ll never have to do it again.”
I sniffed heavily, my fingers gripping and regripping at his chest. I realized I was probably digging into his skin, so I slid my hands around his neck, hanging on to him. “I’m so stupid,” I mumbled, surprised to be talking about it, but I couldn’t stop. “I could have done something else. I tried.”
His arm tightened around my body, pressing me to him until my breasts were squished against his chest. “You did what you had to,” he said. “You did what any older sibling does.”
“I messed up.”
“You’re done messing up.” His palm lifted my cheek until I was facing him. Through the blur of tears, and the dim light from the window, I only caught the outline of his face looming over me. His thumb traced over, rubbing a tear into my skin. “We all make mistakes.” He sighed, and dropped his head, pressing his lips to my cheek below my eye again, kissing away the tears. He whispered against my skin, his lips tracing. “I’m sorry I yelled at you at the party. And I’m sorry I accused you of going after Coaltar for his money. I was wrong about you.”
I started to shake my head. “Brandon...”
“Shh,” he breathed. “Kayli.” He kissed my cheek, trailing across to my ear. I let him, because I couldn’t find the willpower to push him away. Part of me didn’t want to. I hadn’t had a boyfriend to kiss in a couple of years. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed the feeling of being held. Maybe that was why it felt strange to suddenly be in a group of guys like this. It reminded me of what I’d been pushing away for years.
My fingers rubbed at the nape of his neck, and up through the short strands of his hair. He was comforting me, and I wanted to feel this. I wanted his touch and those kisses to eclipse the panic in my heart. I wanted to hide away in his arms.
“Maybe when this is over we’ll get you an apartment in this building. Or stay with us. I don’t care. Maybe Corey and I will get a three bedroom and...” he paused. His hand at my back drifted up, until both his palms cupped my cheeks. “Or maybe if you don’t hate me too much, you can stay with me.”
“Brandon?”
“I can’t stand to think of you crying alone in your bedroom when a police car goes by. You
may as well stay here. You’ll save me the walk.”
My heart stilled. He was talking crazy and I wanted to tell him so. Too close!
I didn’t have the strength. I didn’t really want to. My usual resistance had faded somewhere amid his promises. “You wouldn’t want me,” I said as my only defense. No one did.
He turned slightly, the light from the window catching in his eyes as he zeroed in on my face. He dipped his head, and for a moment I thought he was going to kiss my cheek again.
His lips brushed against mine, sending the lightest of fluttering butterflies to sweep down into my chest. He was testing to see if I was willing.
I sucked in a breath, parting my lips to do so. This caused me to glide my lips back against his. Maybe I was teasing him, testing. Are you sure?
His mouth crushed down on mine like he’d been waiting for forever. His lips parted and he kissed me deeply.
I responded weakly at first, but the more he kissed me, the more of him I needed. My hands opened up behind his head, holding him against my face.
He released my cheeks, slipping his hands around my waist. His fingers rubbed against my sides and then massaged my back, holding me to him until my stomach pressed to his.
I tilted my head, opening my mouth more. Letting him in.
His jaw loosened as he deepened the kiss. He dove in, and my lower lips glided in between his teeth. He grazed at it, suckled gently. He slowed, deliberate, giving of himself with every movement of his lips.
His hands tightened at my hips, and he lifted me. His kiss softened and he moved me slowly until I was on my side next to him. He lifted an arm, pillowing my head, tucking his elbow around the back, drawing me in again. He kissed my nose, my cheeks, my eyelids. When his lips found mine again, he tasted like the salt of the last of my tears.
My hands slid to his chest, finding it easier now to press my palms against it. My fingers traced his collarbone, and felt the toned muscles in his strong chest. I’d admired it before, and now touching it made the butterflies in my chest start flipping around.
His other hand held onto my hip, collecting the material of the shirt I wore into his fist. He loosened his grip and then tightened again.
Slowly, as if making sure I was okay with it, his fingers moved up, under the shirt. He kept his fingertips against my skin, tracing until he was at my ribs. He followed my ribcage, rubbing his fingers until he met my spine. His palm settled at my mid-back and drew me closer.
In that moment I understood him. Whatever pain he’d experienced, he used it to fuel the passion he expressed in those eyes. Passion from pain.
I broke the kiss, breathless, stunned, and a confused mess. There were things I wanted to say, questions I wanted to ask him. My mouth couldn’t form words.
What did this mean? What were we doing?
He looked back at me in the darkness. He didn’t have the answered.
His fingers massaged in small circles against my spine. His lips traced along my forehead. He nestled into me.
I fell asleep with the questions on my lips, and my cheek pressed to his chest.
♠♠♠♠♠
I woke up with Brandon’s arms still wrapped around me. My back was pressed into his chest as he spooned me. Sunlight was peeking around the closed blinds. I studied the light, the surfboard against the wall, the bareness of his bedroom.
What in the world was I doing? How different my world had become in a few short days. Part of me was nervous. Would Brandon have second thoughts about what happened last night? I didn’t know what to do with this. Brandon was attractive, and he’d been sweet last night, but I still hardly knew him. He made promises, but were those just to make me feel better? I couldn’t ask to stay with him, even though I was here now.
With Brandon pressed to my back, with a hand up my shirt and his palm against my stomach and his other arm under my head, my senses were overwhelmed. Doubt crept in with the light from the window. If he was going to disappoint me, I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to give him a chance.
I started to get up, to pull away.
The hand at my stomach tightened, pulling me in until I was pressed against his chest.
“Ugh,” I said.
A muffled reply came from behind me, and he dipped his nose into my neck. “Don’t go yet.”
The tug of a heartstring resounded inside my chest. I couldn’t resist.
I turned over, facing him. His arm went around my neck, catching my shoulder, pulling me in closer. He kissed my forehead, his lips lingering as his other palm rested on my exposed side.
I couldn’t take much more of this. If he held on, I’d start to fall, and my heart couldn’t bear it. Not now. I was too much of a mess for anyone to love. “Brandon.”
“Hm?”
“I need to talk to Marc.” If I had to stay with the guys, I needed to figure out for how long, or push them into figuring this out faster. Get this problem with Coaltar out of the way. I couldn’t move on with my life without it.
“Why?”
“If I need to stay here, I need to talk to him.”
He sighed. “I’ll take you to him.”
UGLY ANGER
I wanted to take a shower, but Brandon was up and dressed quickly, with such a determined look on his face that I didn’t dare take any more time than necessary.
My book bags were sitting on the couch. Raven must have come in during the night sometime, or Axel, or someone else. Maybe Corey brought them over.
At that thought, I checked his bedroom, but his light was off and the room was still.
“Where’d he go?” I asked Brandon.
Brandon fished out his keys and found his wallet sitting on the coffee table. “He’s probably at the job site.”
“Job site?”
“Where we’re going now.”
I hurried to the bathroom to put on a pair of shorts and a black T-shirt from my bag. I swiped on deodorant and brushed my hair. When I looked in the mirror, I cringed, and dug out some of the makeup samples I had. I dabbed on some concealer to mask the deep shadows under my eyes. I didn’t want to look like a complete mess. I added some mascara quickly. When I looked like I was at least among the living, I ran back out again.
Brandon waited by the door. We got into his SUV.
I dazed out a bit when we got onto the Interstate. My thoughts were muddled with what I was going to talk to Marc about and trying to not think about Brandon.
Brandon granted me the grace of being quiet the whole way. By the time I was paying attention to where we were going, he’d pulled off of I-26 and I had no clue where we were, but the chemical smell in the air and the craters in the road made me think we were in North Charleston.
Brandon pulled onto a narrow street. The homes in this neighborhood were cookie cutter, with broken wire fences, and tiny lawns, where the only differences between them were the angles of the leaning porches and the paint colors in various shades of faded.
There were a couple of trucks parked outside one of the houses at the end of a cul-de-sac. There was a large construction Dumpster on the front lawn, and this home’s fence had been pulled back to allow room for it. Ladders leaned against the exterior to allowed access to the roof.
Kevin was on the front lawn, studying a clipboard, a pencil behind his ear. Brandon pulled up against the curb. Kevin took one look at me and frowned.
I climbed out, but he focused on Brandon. “What’s she doing here?”
“She’s got to stay with us,” Brandon said.
“So you brought her here?”
“Yeah. Why?”
Kevin frowned. “Take her back to the apartment if you want to play. This is a work zone.”
“She’s here to work. Marc mentioned she could work here with us.”
“What? When did he say that?” Kevin asked.
“The other night while you were out. Again.”
Kevin brushed his palm against his forehead. “I knew it. He’s going to start fucking up. Sh
e’s going to figure out everything.”
“She already knows half of it.”
“What?”
“Come on,” Brandon said. “I’ll fill you in.”
I sighed, guessing this was something they needed to keep secret for the Academy, and I wasn’t allowed to know. I wondered how much Kevin really worked for their team, because he wasn’t around all that often. It seemed at every moment he could, he ran home to his girlfriend. Did she really need him that much? They didn’t seem perturbed at her like they did Marc’s ex-girlfriend, and she seemed like a clinger.
Nail guns cracked noisily up on the roof. I made my way to the ladder, not wanting to stay on the ground with Kevin if they were going to come back. I started up.
I found Axel and Raven on the roof on their knees. They both had nail guns and were starting at opposite ends, nailing the roof tile down. Both had on jeans. Raven wore a black tank shirt, soaked through with sweat and Axel was bare chested, the darker complexion along his body glistening in the sunlight. Raven’s shoulders were wider, but their biceps and their bodies were exquisite. Raven was a powerhouse, a tank, and Axel’s muscles seemed more precise, a little leaner.
I crouched on the roof, which had a soft slope. I sat on it, watching the guys work.
I wondered if Brandon was going to ever talk about last night with me. I told myself I wouldn’t start. It was too soon to act like we were a couple of anything like that. He’d said he wanted me to move in. I’d been a mess and terrified, and he comforted me until I could sleep again.
Now that it was morning, I knew better than to hold him to those same promises made in the night. You can’t cry in front of guys, and make them promise things, and then force them to stick to it after. I wasn’t that manipulative, and I didn’t need to be taken care of in that way.
Maybe it was best to pretend it never happened.
I was a thief. I worked alone. Alone was best for me, for someone who didn’t fit in anywhere. It never hurt. It never made promises it didn’t mean. Alone was who I was.
I had no idea what he saw in me. It was too terrifying to think that last night had been merely a moment of weakness and he didn’t have any intention of making whatever was between us a relationship. I wouldn’t want to make things awkward. If he really wanted me, he’d tell me in broad daylight when our emotions weren’t so stirred up.
