I debated for a moment if telling him about Ty was a good idea, but Mac had been nothing but wonderful to me since the moment I met him, so I decided I would tell him about the only other man I had ever been close to.
“Actually, yes. I was thinking about an old boyfriend. My only boyfriend with the exception of a few blind dates I have been set up on.”
“Do you want to tell me about him?”
“Will it be weird if I do?”
“No. What’s his name?”
“Ty.”
“What happened?”
I contemplated the question for a moment. Somehow, part of what happened was still a mystery to me, too. “It’s kind of a long story.”
“We have hours to kill, Nat. It’s okay to tell me. I want to know everything about you.”
He had such a way of making me feel comfortable, so I began to tell him about the relationship that broke my heart. “I met Ty when I was a freshman and he was a senior in high school. I was friends with his sister Stephanie, and I spent a lot of time at her house, partly because I wanted to see Ty. At first, he didn’t know I existed. I was his kid sister’s friend. But the summer after my freshman year I blossomed, and he began to notice me. It was just flirting at first, but by July we were meeting secretly when I spent the night, and Stephanie was sleeping. We had a few stolen kisses, but nothing major happened between us. Ty was about to start college at UCSD and I had no idea if he would want a sophomore in high school as his girlfriend. His first semester, we didn’t see each other much, but on Christmas vacation we got close again. Every moment we could find to be together, we did. I was head over heels for him,” I said, remembering a simpler time in my life.
“We finally had an opportunity to go out on a date. My parents and sister had plans to see Phantom of the Opera in L.A. . I was supposed to go too, but feigned being sick. As soon as they left, Ty came over. We ordered pizza and watched a movie. We were finally alone and couldn’t be caught by anyone.”
“So, making out and heavy petting,” Mac interjected with a grin.
“Yeah. He wanted to do more, but I wasn’t ready to have sex. After that, it was another year before we were able to have another secret date.”
“Why did you two have to keep it a secret?”
“We both agreed since he was so much older than me, my parents probably wouldn’t approve. We wanted to wait until I was eighteen to go public with our relationship.”
“Oh,” Mac said, nodding.
“We were able to keep the secret until my senior year. Then Stephanie figured it out. She had been putting two and two together and she confronted Ty about our relationship one night. Once he explained to her that he loved me, she was excited for us and kept our secret. We told my parents the summer after I graduated high school.”
“How did they take it?”
“We didn’t fully disclose everything, but they took it well. We all started getting together for family gatherings at either Ty’s house or mine. I was about to begin UCSD and Ty was about to start law school. He had applied to a ton of schools and had been accepted to several, but he wanted Harvard. His dad had a friend who made some calls and Ty was admitted last minute.
“Did the long distance thing break you two up?”
“Well, yes and no. I began applying to schools back east, hoping to transfer in my sophomore year. Ty was so busy with law school he didn’t have time for a social life, anyway.”
“So, what changed the plan?”
“My mom got sick and I couldn’t leave her and my family. At first Ty understood and we decided after my mom was well I would go. But, she never got well and my dad died too, so I couldn’t leave Jessica. Ty expected me to bring Jessica along, but I couldn’t uproot her life with everything that happened. He was angry about it. Stephanie somehow got involved and we had a huge fight and haven’t spoken since. Ty stopped all communication. When I finally got a hold of him, he said he was too busy for a girlfriend and it was over.”
“Nat, that sucks.”
“Both of my parents had died, my best friend hated me, and my boyfriend dumped me. It more than sucked. I felt in pain for such a long time.”
“That explains a lot. You’ve been through so much. I understand why it is hard for you to trust people.”
Words got stuck in my throat when I heard Mac say I couldn’t trust people. He was right, and I didn’t know how to change that about myself, nor if I could change it.
“Meeting Kate and Charlie made a difference. One night we were hanging out, Mitch was there too, and I told them the whole story. I think Mitch wanted to get on the next flight and go pummel Ty for hurting me so much. He’s such a big brother,” I said, smiling and shaking my head.
“Yeah, I’ve noticed that about him.”
“Anyway, tonight at dinner, you’ll have to tell me all about the women who have broken your heart,” I said, giving his hand a squeeze.
“Well, I can tell you stories, but I am afraid I have probably broken more hearts than I have had mine broken. For a long time after my parents died, I didn’t let anyone in. I dated, but didn’t commit.”
“So, what’s changed?” I asked. Mac had been pretty open with me so far.
“It hit me that I’m almost thirty, and I want to have someone in my life I can share myself with, be myself around,” he said, glancing over at me. “Honestly, I want what my parents had. They were an amazing couple who stuck it out no matter what happened.”
Mac’s declaration of wanting commitment sent tingles down my spine. I was feeling what Kate had described when she met Neil, and I craved to have someone love me like Neil loved Kate.
Mac dropped me off at my place so I could have some time to myself. He texted me his address, and we were set to have dinner in a couple of hours. While in the shower, I shaved my legs carefully, imagining his hands might roam my body that evening. The excitement of thinking of his touch made me yearn for him even more. It was going to be torture waiting for the time we agreed upon to have dinner. But would I be ready to make love to him again? I knew I was physically, but emotionally? Was I ready?
Chapter 10: Mac
I pulled into my garage, knowing the caterers would be showing up soon. When my parents died, I debated selling and moving into another place, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I needed to keep this part of them, and living in their house was the only way I knew how to do it. Deep in my heart, I believed my mom would love Natalie. That thought had never occurred to me when I was dating Cassie, nor anyone before her. It was good. Life was good. I just wanted to make sure I didn’t blow it.
The caterers showed up with everything on my wish list and set the scene for a romantic evening. We were going to have dinner on the plush area rug in front of the fireplace. It just seemed like the perfect spot for us to relax and be together.
The time was drawing near and I expected Natalie at any moment. The doorbell rang, and as I eagerly approached the door, I was caught off guard with Cassie on the other side of it. What the hell was she doing here?
“Cassie, I wasn’t expecting you,” I said in a slightly gruff tone.
“Well, life is full of unexpected surprises.”
“What are you doing here?” I asked, hoping she would get to the point before Natalie showed up. I needed her gone before then.
“I thought we should talk. I hated how things ended between us. Can I come in?”
“Actually, I have plans for the evening, so we’ll have to talk another time.”
“I see. How about we meet for lunch sometime this week?”
“I’ll have to check with my secretary. I don’t know what I have available,” I said, attempting to dismiss her.
“I already called Alice and she said you have Wednesday open. How about we meet at our place?” she asked with a coy demeanor.
“We don’t have ‘a place’ anymore. We’re broken up,” I said, hoping she would take the hint and bow out gracefully.
She exhaled sharply
. “We were together for two years and you can’t give me a lunch date?”
As she asked her question, Natalie pulled up in her car. Fuck. This can’t be happening.
“Of course. Let’s meet at noon on Wednesday,” I said, while Natalie got out of the car. “I’ll see you, then,” I said, motioning with my hand for her to leave. The last thing I wanted was for her and Natalie to cross paths, but it was about to be too late. Cassie turned, took one look at Natalie and then spun around toward me.
“Your plans, I take it?” she said, bitterness dripping from her lips.
Cassie had a sharp tongue and could unravel this night before it even started. Natalie approached and Cassie looked Nat up and down. “Are you next?” Cassie asked.
Natalie’s brow furrowed, confusion spreading over her face. “Excuse me?” she responded.
“You know, the next woman Mac has set his sights on.”
“Cassie, it’s time for you to go,” I said, intervening before this got out of hand.
Cassie began to walk away. “See you on Wednesday,” she called out, before she got into her car.
Natalie stood there staring at me, the hurt oozing from her eyes. Words escaped me and I didn’t know how I was going to explain Cassie at my home or seeing her on Wednesday. Natalie just raised her eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.
“I…I don’t know what to say. That was my ex-girlfriend, Cassie.”
“She’s just…lovely, isn’t she?” Natalie said sarcastically. “It seems you have some unfinished business and I’m not good with complications,” she said, as she began turning around to walk away from me. What the hell was happening?
This can’t be ending, I thought, running after the woman who had already permeated my heart. “Natalie, wait,” I called, but she kept walking. When we reached her car, I stopped her by putting a hand on either side of her, trapping her against the car. “Please, don’t leave. Let me explain.”
Natalie stared up at me with her gorgeous blue eyes. I could see the pain radiating from them. This precious woman had lost so much, but there was no way in hell she was going to lose me, or push me away. Words became useless and I pressed my lips to hers. It started off slowly, softly. But my desire for her took over, and my kiss turned urgent. I needed her like an addict needed his next drug fix. Natalie kissed me back and her hands glided up and down my back. Her caress stirred me and I wanted her hands to touch every inch of my body. My mind briefly scanned all of the women I had dated in the past and there wasn’t one I had ever wanted as much as I wanted the beautiful siren in my arms. Our kiss continued…lips, tongues, roaming hands. Her passion excited me, and I realized she was walking away because she was hurt, and she would only be hurt if she really cared about me. Making her mine forever, was all I could concentrate on.
Natalie’s hand wrapped around my face. The kiss would be coming to an end and I hoped my demonstration proved my feelings for her.
She exhaled, slightly breathless, her chest rising and falling as she attempted to regain her composure. “I’ll give you one thing, Mac Carter, you sure do know how to kiss a girl.” The smile spread across her face made my heart race even more.
“A woman like you should be kissed like that every day. I want to be the one… the one who kisses you and shuts out the entire world.”
“I’m sorry I reacted to your ex-girlfriend. I have to admit, I am in unchartered waters here.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m sorry you had to meet her. She can be, well, unkind. I learned that first hand. One of the many reasons we are no longer together.”
“So, what’s happening on Wednesday?” Natalie asked.
“I’m meeting her for lunch.”
“I see.”
“I’m going to cancel. She caught me off guard coming over unannounced, and I just wanted her to leave, so I agreed to lunch.”
“You know what? I don’t want to give her another second of our evening. Besides, I’m starved and you promised me dinner,” she said, looking up at me through her dark lashes. I couldn’t believe the incredible woman in front of me. How could she be so strong? How could I get so lucky?
“Yes, I did. Shall we?” I asked, as I released her and offered her my arm.
We walked back toward the house and I hoped the evening would go smoothly. This was our beginning.
Chapter 11: Natalie
“Mac, your home is exquisite.”
“Thank you. This is where I grew up. My mom went out of her way to make this a haven for us. This is my favorite place to be.”
I looked around at the opulence that was Mac’s home. It was clear no expense had been spared when his parents bought it. Surprisingly, it actually gave the Bellagio a run for its money. “It’s clear your mom had a talent in decorating.”
“Both of my parents grew up in working-class families. When my dad’s business took off and began making a lot of money, my mom enjoyed the fruits of their labor. She worked alongside my dad, helping him to make the business successful. Her hobby became decorating.”
I was now standing in Mac’s great room. The huge marble fireplace was surrounded by lit candles. Set up on the bear-skin rug, was a feast with a bottle of wine chilling in a bucket of ice. “I see you’ve been busy since you got home. This is amazing.”
Mac smiled and my heart melted a little. He opened the wine and offered me a glass. All I could think about was how would I be able to resist him. I didn’t want to hold back, but the truth was, I was scared out of my mind of being hurt—again. My poor heart couldn’t take any more devastation.
Mac guided me toward the fireplace and we both laid on our sides, propping ourselves on our elbows, facing each other. He picked up a stuffed mushroom and fed it to me. Being with him was so effortless. Yet, this entire experience had me wondering how I let my guard down so quickly and allowed Mac to penetrate my heart with his charm.
“You seem a million miles away, Nat. What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
“I was just thinking…how easy it is to be with you. And how terrified I am something will go wrong and this won’t work out.”
Mac took my hand and kissed it. “What makes you think this won’t work out?”
“I don’t know, past experience,” I said, attempting to keep my voice steady. I didn’t want to break down in front of him, but being with him made me feel… safe. Safe enough to be real and not put up the brave front…the mask that kept me hidden. The mask the world expected me to wear. The mask I had worn for so long.
Mac moved the tray of food out of the way and laid closer to me. “It’s okay to be scared.” He picked up my hand and placed it on his chest. I could feel his heart pounding. “Come here,” he said, as he began pulling my body close to his. He laid on his back and I placed my head on his chest. Having his arms around me again was just what I craved.
“Nat, we both know life doesn’t come with any guarantees. I’m not perfect and chances are I could hurt your feelings at some point, but I’m crazy about you, and I want to be with you.” Mac lifted my head so I was looking into his eyes. My emotions were running wild and I began blinking back the tears, but I couldn’t stop them as they began rushing down my face.
“Nat, don’t cry. I promise everything is going to be okay.”
Before I could respond to his soothing words, Mac’s lips found mine. His kiss sent shivers down my spine and my body was under his control again. He moved me to lay on my back and hovered over me, his chest pressing against mine. With each stroke of his tongue my panties became wetter. I wanted him more than anything in this world. Making love to him flashed through my mind as he expertly caressed me with his lips. With every passing second I became more enraptured with him. I wanted to do things with him that I never allowed myself to think about.
Mac positioned himself between my legs and feeling his erection against me caused me to moan in his mouth. The desire to have him inside of me continued to become more intense as his tongue
swirled around mine. Was I ready, or would I possibly regret making love tomorrow? One thing I knew, I didn’t want to do anything that would cause regrets. I already had too many from my past that haunted me, like the last time I saw my sister.
I pulled away and Mac let me. He looked deep into my eyes, searching for anything that would reveal my thoughts. Then he smiled, kissed me on the cheek, and removed his body from covering mine.
“Natalie, I have no intentions of pushing you into anything. I want you to be completely sure when we do make love.”
“Thank you,” I said, feeling slightly ashamed. “It’s just…I have so many regrets from my past, I don’t want to do anything that will cause me to regret my actions with you.”
He moved the hair off my shoulder so all of it was behind me. “What do you regret?” he asked tenderly, kindness flowing from his eyes.
As I thought about the best way to answer that question, we resumed eating and I decided to allow myself to open up to this captivating, caring man. “My sister and I had a huge fight when she stormed off to meet her boyfriend. I had met him and could tell he was high at the time. I was trying to talk some sense into her to stop seeing him, but she wouldn’t listen. I’m the reason she is dead. If I had just kept my mouth shut she probably would have figured out on her own that he was a loser.”
“Oh, Natalie, it’s not your fault. You didn’t put her in the car with him. Chances are, your sister had been using drugs as well, if she was dating a drug addict,” Mac said, as he fed me another tasty treat. “Don’t blame yourself.”
“I can’t help it. I was supposed to look after her, keep her protected…alive. I’ve failed my parents who were counting on me to take care of their youngest daughter.”
“Your sister was going to make her own choices no matter what you said or did. You are not responsible for her dating, let alone, getting into a car with a high person. And I guarantee you; your parents know everything you did was with Jessica’s best interest at heart.”
I reached over and put my hand on his face. “How do you always know the right thing to say to me? Somehow, every time we are together, you make me feel better. Cared for.”
Beholden to You Page 5
