“You led me on!” she screams in my face.
“No, I didn’t. You knew that Charlie was the one that I’m going to marry. I hope that she can forgive me. I hope that you know that I’m always going to be here for you and Emma, who is my whole world.”
“And I’m just someone that you toy with, while the girlfriend is gone.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it! You were my first love. I’m not going to sit here and have you diminish everything that we meant to each other.” I get up and walk out of my room, slamming the door behind me. After a bit, I turn around to walk back into my room to see Katy sitting there crying. I feel like a dick for having sex with her, but she needs the truth.
Charlie
The meetings are so boring, and I fell asleep through a couple of them. It’s a good thing that I don’t snore. We break for lunch, and I see I have missed calls from Rhett, Eric, and Maddie, plus an unknown number. I’m not going to listen to the voicemails until after the meetings, because I can’t afford to be distracted.
Lunch comes and goes, and it was fun to talk to other chefs. It made me keep my thoughts off of Rhett for a while. The rest of the afternoon flies by. Wes, Dana, and I decide to go to dinner.
“How are you doing?” Wes asks me, as he takes a bite of his salad.
“Today kept me busy. He’s called me a lot, but I haven’t answered him or listened to voicemails. I refuse to do it.”
“Good for you.” Dana slurps her drink, which makes me giggle. “I’d probably cut his dick off and feed it to him.” My phone starts to ring, as I shake my head. Wes is sitting next to Dana, and he moves to sit next to me, which makes me laugh even harder.
“I think he likes his dick where it is.” I answer the phone. “Hello?”
“Whose dick are you talking about?” The voice, the one that makes my heart skip a beat, rings through, and it’s pisses me off.
“Fuck. Rhett, why are you calling me from an unknown number?”
“I got a new number. Please talk to me.”
“You know this is bordering on stalking, right? No, I don’t want to talk right now. If you call me anymore, I’ll never talk to you again. I need time. So, respect me enough, even if your dick couldn’t.” I hang up my phone and shut it off. I push my food away and run to the bathroom to throw it up.
I’m standing at the two sinks, looking at myself in the mirror. My face is gray, and my eyes are sunk in. I look like my grandma, when she died.
The door opens, and Dana walks in.
“Are you okay?” she asks, handing me a wet napkin from the dining room.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. Hearing his voice and how mad he was that I was even mentioning the word dick made my stomach turn. He should be apologizing and trying to fix this, instead of being sneaky and using other phones and numbers to talk to me.”
“He’s a child.” Dana sighs, and I lean up against the wall for her opinion rampage. “He lost his parents at a young age and is spoiled rotten. He has no consequences. He brought this woman in our home and didn’t even think about you.” I go to open my mouth, but shut it, when she raises her hand. “Yes, he asked you, but what were you supposed to do? I mean, she was already there. You told him of your fears with her, and you were gone a couple of hours, and his dick was inside her.”
“What am I supposed to do? Rhett is the first guy that I’ve seen a future with. Do I just throw that away? You know my past. I don’t trust easily, and Rhett had my walls completely down.”
“No, but don’t make it easy for him either. He needs to know how hurt you are by all of this.”
“How? Because I talk a good game but all I want to do is call him up and tell him that I love him.” I sob in my hands, as I slide down the blue tile to the floor. “How could he do this to me?” I yell the last words, as I hit my head on the wall a couple times, before Dana comes down to the floor with me and cradles me. She lets my head fall into her lap, as she plays with my hair.
“I don’t know, but I do know that you’re strong. You can get through this, and we’ll be by your side through it all. You’re going to keep your phone off, so he can’t call you. I’ll have Maddie run interference with Eric, and if there are any issues, she can always call me. Take this time and this training to run through the emotions in private, do your job with your head held high, and when we go back home, we’ll see how you’re feeling.”
“I can’t avoid him forever,” I sniffle.
“I know, but you know what? You don’t have to see him every day, so you can really focus on you.” I nod, as I sit up and kiss her on the cheek.
“Thank you. I’m glad that you’re the one here with me. Maddie would’ve plotted his death with me by giving me alcohol. Macy would be having me hookup with everyone with a cock to get revenge. I can’t do either of those things. I love him too much.”
“I know he loves you, too. You two will talk, when you’re both mentally ready, because right now, you’re both going to say something that you’ll regret.”
“But he had sex with her.” I cry into my hands.
“I know, baby.” She pulls me closer to her. “Let it out. Let it all out.” I spend the next five minutes crying. I know I’m such a cliché right now. I’m supposed to be this strong independent woman, and here I am, lying on the floor of a restaurant bathroom crying. “Let's go back to the hotel and watch a movie. We still have training to do tomorrow.” I nod, as I get up and wash my face, trying to look somewhat presentable. We walk out of the bathroom to Wes talking to someone at the bar.
We head back to the table and order some more drinks. I also reorder my meal, since I didn’t really eat it.
“We’ll give him some time to get some booty,” Dana whispers, and I laugh. I try to cover it with a cough, but it catches Wes’s attention. He comes over to us, and the lady comes with him.
“This is Amanda. She’s here for the training, too. She wasn’t ready to leave, so I told her that we could give her a ride.”
“Do you want us to leave now? I reordered my meal again, since I didn’t eat it.”
“Take your time. I don’t mind waiting,” Amanda tells us. She looks at Wes, and I roll my eyes. Dana and I eat our meals, while talking about the training and the summer camp. My phone starts to ring again, and it’s Maddie.
“Hey, Mads. What’s up?” My voice is cheery.
“I’m calling to check up on you, but it sounds like you’re happy. Did you get laid?” she asks in a devious tone.
“No, I didn’t. I had a good cry, a good talk, and now, I’m having some great food. I’m good right now.”
“Rhett put what’s her face in the cabin, and Emma in the house with him. He wants to distance himself from her. She’s going to help around here to earn her keep. She wasn’t happy about that, but who fuckin cares.” I laugh.
“Maddie, thank you for the update, but I don’t want to know. I need this time to not think about the situation at home. I have to be thinking clearly for when I get there to deal with this situation.”
“Deal with it? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m not talking about it with you right now. My meal is here, so I need to go.” I hang up on her, before she can yell at me. I close my eyes, as I lean my head back onto the booth. “Why can’t she just keep her damn opinions to herself?” I let out a heavy sigh.
“She loves you and wants to protect you. You can’t blame her for that,” Dana tells me.
“I agree with you, but I need to be able to vent and not have the judgement.”
“You’re always going to get opinions. We all love you and want you to be happy.”
“I know. It’s a tough situation and I don’t know how to handle it. Emma has taken up a place in my heart, and it hurts just thinking about not seeing her anymore.”
“The question you need to ask yourself is, do you love Rhett enough to talk to him?”
“Yes, but can I forgive him? I don’t know.”
“Charlie
, I love you. I believe Rhett was put on this earth for you and only you. I don’t know if he got caught up in the memories of high school or what, but that’s no excuse for him cheating on you. I don’t believe the saying if he cheats once, he’ll cheat again. He loves you. Take your time in talking or forgiving him.”
“Forgiving him? I don’t know if I can do that.” I’m shocked she’d even say that to me. When my ex-fiancé cheated on me, Dana didn’t talk about me forgiving him. It was the opposite actually.
“Forgiving a person isn’t to help the other person. It’s for you and your heart. If you hold onto that anger, resentment, and hatred, then you will spread it to every person in your life without even knowing it.” I sigh. I know that she’s right, but I won’t admit it. She laughs at me because she knows.
“Shut up.” I throw a roll at her. “I’m done. Let’s go pay and pull lover boy away from the blonde to take us home.” We get up and walk over to Wes, who is making out with the blonde. “Oh, honey bear,” I say sweetly, and they stop kissing.
“Honey bear? Is she your girlfriend?” The blonde looks pissed.
“Eww,” Wes and I both say at the same time.
“I’m with his brother. I was just messing with him. Wes is single,” I tell her. “I’m going to pay the bill. Are you ready to go?” He nods.
After I pay, we all walk out, and I keep looking at my phone at the voicemails.
Once we arrive at the hotel, I say goodnight to everyone and head to my room. I shower and turn on Hallmark to watch a sappy movie. I know I shouldn’t do it, but I dial my voicemail. Maddie’s are about what Katy has been doing all day. Eric’s are about questions for the cooking, and I make notes of what he needs answers for, but I need to tell him to text me this information because it’s quicker to get answers. I listen to Rhett’s voicemails. The first one breaks my heart, but I listen to all five of them.
“Charlie,” he cries. “I can’t lose you. I’m so sorry. I fucked up. I don’t why I did it. Please talk to me. I don’t want to lose you. I’ll do anything.”
“Charlie, talk to me. This silence is killing me. I’m sorry for all of it.”
“Tucker told me this is my last voicemail, until you call me. He’s taking my phones, so I need to make this one a good one. Charlie, you’re it for me. I don’t want anyone else. What I did with Katy was unforgivable. I hope one…”
“Damn it. It cut me off. I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me, and we can go back to being us, but a better version of us. You’re my whole world. I’m willing do anything for you, except be out of Emma’s life. I can’t do that. She’s my dau…”
“Fuck. She’s my daughter. I don’t want to choose between you two. If you want couples’ therapy, I’m there. If you want to beat me up, I’ll let you do it. Okay, I better go now. I love you. Please don’t doubt that about us.”
I scroll through my phone, looking at pictures of Rhett and me. I find my favorite one of him. He’s laying down on the grass next to the pond. We were talking about what we wanted for our future. I cling to the picture, as I fall asleep.
Rhett
My fingers tap the table. I need to think of a way to get Charlie to talk to me. “Daddy, are you okay?” Emma waves her hand in front of my face.
“Hey, pipsqueak.” I pick her up, putting her on my lap. “I’m just a little sad. How about you and I go out for pizza?”
“Yum!” she squeals.
“Go get your shoes on. I’ll text your mom to let her know that we’re having a daddy/daughter date.” I pull out my phone to text Katy, but I see Charlie staring back at me, and flashes of what I did with Katy, pops into my mind. It’s not the sex, but the disgust that I have for myself. I destroyed the one person that I love more than anything in this world. Charlie is my present and future, and I played right into her fears the minute she was gone.
“How do I fix this?” I start to cry at the table. I’ve only cried, when my parents died, and when I was kid. This is a heartbreak that I’ve never felt before, not even when Katy left me. I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest, my lungs are being squeezed so tight that I can’t breathe, and my left arm is going numb. I think I’m having a heart attack. I hit the speed dial for Tucker.
“Yo,” he answers.
“Can’t breathe. Kitchen,” I tell him, before Emma starts screaming, as everything goes black.
******
I open my eyes, seeing a bright light above me, and I hear Tucker talking to someone. “He’s okay. They have him on some meds. His heart is fine. No, Charlie. You don’t need to come home. Katy isn’t here. I made sure not to allow her to come.” Charlie wants to be here? She does still love me. “Enjoy the time away, and I’ll keep you up to date. I’m going to go back into the room. I won’t tell him that you called. Bye, doll.”
My throat is so dry that I start looking for some water, as Tucker comes walking in. “Hey, you’re awake.”
“I am,” I whisper, as he hands me a cup of ice chips. “What happened?” I try to sit up, but I’m connected to all of these wires.
“You had a panic attack.”
“Seriously? It felt like a goddamn heart attack. I feel like a fool.”
“Don’t be like that. It’s been a rough couple of days for you. The doctor wants to keep you overnight. I’ll be back tomorrow to get you.” I already know this answer, but I figure that I might as well ask it. “Has Charlie called?” Tucker nods. “That gives me some hope that I didn’t fuck everything up.”
“Oh no, you fucked everything up. It’s never going to be the same. If she forgives you, it’s going to be fractured. Katy’s a part of your life due to Emma. She told you of her fears, and you stuck your dick into her. Why? Because she defended you to her dad after all these years? You threw the best thing you ever had away for getting your rocks off three hours, after your girl leaves. Charlie loves you. If you want her back, then fight for her, but on her terms, not yours. Stop acting like that a five-year-old. Act like the man Charlie deserves.” Tucker smacks my head. “So, pull that big, bald head from your little asshole, before it’s too late.” He smiles at me, before leaving my room. I sigh, before closing my eyes. Now is as good of a time as ever, so I grab the hospital room phone and call Charlie.
“Hello.”
“Charlie?” I’m surprised that she answered. She’s been dodging all calls.
“Rhett, how are you feeling?” She seems happy to hear from me.
“I’m okay just resting. Tucker just left. I wanted to call you and figured that I get your voicemail. I wasn’t expecting to hear your voice.”
“Do you want me to hang up, so you can talk to my voicemail again?” She laughs, which is music to my ears.
“No, even though I’m fond of your voicemail. I like this much better. I was going to tell you that I won’t call you, until you call me. I was only thinking about myself and not what you need. I can’t lose you.” I start to cry, when I hear her sniffling. “I’m sorry, Charlie. I love you more than my own life. I can make up all the excuses, but they’re not going to fix anything. I want to work things out with you. I don’t deserve for you to forgive me.”
“I need time. If you have feelings for Katy, I need to know. If you want to be with the mother of your daughter, then tell me, so we can end things now.”
“I want you to be the mother of my children. My future is with you.” I hear her yawn. “Get some sleep my love. We’ll talk more later.”
“Rhett, I’ll call you tomorrow, after the training is done. Which number do I call?” I smile, as I tell her that I didn’t change my number. I just bought a bunch of prepaid cell phones, which makes her laugh. She promises me that she’ll call me. I hang up the phone feeling lighter, and then I call Tucker.
“Hey, man. What’s up?”
“You at the house? I want to say good night to Emma.”
“The house looks dark.”
“Never mind. They just walked in. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” I han
g up with him. “Emma!” I look at her with her swollen eyes, and she’s hiding behind Katy. “Emma, I’m okay.” I hold out my arms to her, and she tentatively walks over to me, as I lean down to pick her up.
“What’s with the wires?”
“Don’t touch those,” Katy yells at her, and Emma jumps.
“It’s okay. I’m not connected to a machine anymore. They’re keeping me hooked up for readings during the night. Are you okay?” I push her hair out of her face. She starts crying and lays her head on my chest, as I play with her hair.
“Of course, she’s not okay. She found her father, lying on the floor not moving!” Katy snaps.
“Calm down, Katy. Your attitude isn’t helping any either. Emma, I’ll be home tomorrow. The doctor just wants me to stay overnight. I think he likes me.” She giggles at me.
“Those girls living in that house have been giving me nasty looks all day. Do you think that you could tell them to act their age?” Katy cracks her gum, which grates on my nerves. Since coming back into my life, I did a lot of dreaming about what our life could’ve been like, but now, I want her gone. I want Emma in my life without Katy. What did I ever see in her?
“I’ll talk to them.” Emma’s breathing has evened out, so I know that she fell asleep.
“You better because it took two of us.”
“Katy, I said I’d talk to them. They’re doing a lot worse to me than you. How did you get here?”
“I called Daddy, and he picked us up. We’re going back to his place.”
“No, Emma isn’t. You promised us that we’d get this time together. I have that right as her father.” I try not to get upset with Emma sleeping on me.
“Your life is filled with drama, and I don’t want her involved in it.”
“The drama that you brought into my life. You made sure to bring up the stories about us, when we were younger, doing the inside jokes, touching me when you laughed, and the call on the phone with your dad, when you were defending me. Made up right? You manipulated me into sleeping with you, and when you didn’t get me to break up with Charlie, you run back to your dad. If anything, you and your dad aren’t good for Emma. At least with Charlie and me, we work through our problems. We’ll come out stronger than before.”
Cross My Heart Page 11
